"Love yourself first and everything else falls into line. You really have to love yourself to get anything done in this world." - Lucille Ball

Before we fulfil our true potential we need to learn to truly love ourselves. Lack of self-esteem is at the root of so many of our problems and the reason we struggle to genuinely love others. 

We tend to look for esteem from others to make us feel good enough, that we have what it takes. But this will never lead to a genuine sense of self-worth.

We need to take the time and be brutally honest with ourselves to deal with the thoughts and beliefs and wounds that we often tend to ignore for the sake of creating counterfeit confidence and bravado. We need to accept our weaknesses and reframe them as areas for growth. We need to take responsibility for doing the work to develop real self-respect and to love our families in a way that nurtures their progress toward the spiritual growth that then facilitates them having a positive self image and esteem.

Parenting is not easy, but it is up to us make fatherhood as enjoyable and rewarding as possible. 

When we are intentional and present, and open-minded, we recognise opportunities to bond with our children on a deep and meaningful level.

We also give ourselves the opportunity to learn new things and do activities we might have long forgotten or relegated to our childhood.

Not only does doing things together with our children deepen the connection, but also increases the role we are able to have in the later years of childhood and as our children become adults.

We create a sense of belonging in our homes and the family bonds that protect our children from constantly needing and seeking the approval of others and the pitfalls that can be associated with this.

When we decided to have children, we made a commitment to being fathers in every sense of the word, and it is up to us to make being a dad the priority it should be. Let's make it as fun and enjoyable as possible.

You only get one shot.

“I have come home at last! This is my real country! I belong here. This is what I have been looking for all my life, though I never knew it till now.”

- C.S. Lewis.

How often do you find yourself feeling a true sense of deep belonging?

How many times do you find yourself seeking approval or trying to fit in with people or groups of people where you have denied who you really are, or what you really want?

We have a foundational need to belong. To have deep meaningful relationships and experiences. To be in places that fill us with that sense of belonging and home.  It is no wonder we are ill at ease and continually seeking and searching for fulfilment and contentment when we spend so much time physically, as well as in our minds with people and in places where we don't belong.

The more we identify where and with whom we belong, the more we can start spending more time and energy there and less time in places and with people that contribute to a sense of disconnectedness and an endless striving.

When we as fathers have a deep sense of belonging, we can create a home where the atmosphere is warm and loving and grants our kids a start in life fueled by a deep sense of belonging. We can help them follow their passions and true hearts' desires, and they can go through life without the constant need for the approval of others and to fit in with people and do things that do not feed their souls and add to their joy.

“We belonged to each other, but had lived so far apart that we belonged to others now. Squatters, and only squatters, were the true claimants to our lives.”

- Andre Aciman.

“How much more harmful are the consequences of anger…than the circumstances that aroused them in us.” - Marcus Aurelius

 Being outraged at things you see, hear and read might make you feel better for a second, but does it actually solve the problem? Of course not.

It is like drinking poison and thinking the other person is going to get sick.

Let's do ourselves and our families a favour and check our reactions to people, events and circumstances and create a home atmosphere and ethos that supports love, kindness, security and calm through becoming more tranquil and wise fathers.

"When people appear to be something other than good and decent, it is only because they are reacting to stress, pain, or the deprivation of basic human needs such as security, love, and self-esteem." - Abraham Maslow

Before we can endeavour to reach our full potential we need to take care of our basic human needs for security and safety.

And this comes in the form of Physical, Emotional and Financial safety and security. We need to become more aware of how we are taking care of our own needs in their arenas first so that we can ensure our children grow up experiencing a profound sense of security that they belong, are loved deeply, are physically safe and cared for, and that their material needs will be met.

Without this need for safety and security being met, living our best lives is impossible.

How well do you really know yourself? Is what you are pursuing really what you want or in line with the things you value most in life?

In this episode Bert, Joshua and Tom look at these questions and how to get more clear on what really leads us to live a fulfilled and contented life.

What are we teaching our children through our example when it comes to following the herd and trying to fit in and please other people.

We need to carve our own path and stop sacrificing who we truly are by following what others say and do. 

We need to spend time getting to know ourselves intimately and teaching our children to do the same so that we and them find the places and people where we belong and can flourish.

This week we start looking at our needs and how we can use Maslow's Hierarchy of needs to help us to make sure we have our foundational needs met before we embark on self-actualization. We start at the bottom of the pyramid: Our physiological needs, and specifically rest and sleep, and just how important they are to showing up as we want to as fathers and men in general. 

How do you respond when you see or hear reports of other people "doing bad things" or "making mistakes", especially when that person is "high profile" or "fails" on the big stage?

Are you quick to react and take sides? To label their behaviour as good or bad? Do you sit in judgement of these people?

Or do you use events to help you reflect on yourself, your approach to others and most importantly on your own areas for growth and development? 

We can choose how we are impacted by what happens around us and what other people do. We can reflect and learn, or we can react emotionally and judge.

How can we set ourselves up to handle the pressures of life? How do we make sure we are getting the time to recalibrate and rest so that we can show up as we wish with our families.

There are so many moving parts to fatherhood and being able to increase intentionality, self-awareness in respect to each aspect is vital, as is developing the communication skills with our wives and partners to support each other Effectively and lighten the old for each other.

Things are not going to slow down, and our enjoyment and satisfaction in life will not increase if we don't learn to face the pressures of life with a strong plan and specific guidelines.

We don't want to spend our days spinning our wheels, stressed and worn out.

How can we set ourselves up to handle the pressures of life? How do we make sure we are getting the time to recalibrate and rest so that we can show up as we wish with our families.

There are so many moving parts to fatherhood and being able to increase intentionality, self-awareness in respect to each aspect is vital, as is developing the communication skills with our wives and partners to support each other Effectively and lighten the old for each other.

Things are not going to slow down, and our enjoyment and satisfaction in life will not increase if we don't learn to face the pressures of life with a strong plan and specific guidelines.

We don't want to spend our days spinning our wheels, stressed and worn out.