I often see, mostly in retrospect, how my lack of effective communication skills not only doesn't resolve conflict or situations, but in fact leads to further negativity, wasted time and energy and strained relationships. Learning how to effectively communicate with our children and doing so in a self-aware and intentional manner is essential for creating the connection with our children that will allow us to be influential in their lives as understanding and turst are developed. Our own state of mind is pivotal in communicating effectively and lovingly with our kids, who are the most important people to us in the world. Slowing down, taking a breath, observing the situation first lays the foundation for then identifying feelings and true needs and hearing their requests in a calm and clear manner.

As fathers we too need to learn to express our own feelings and needs. We need to slow down and make our requests clear and understood in a way that brings our children into deeper relationship with us, where they feel loved and understood and a part of decisions.

Effective communication is an art, and often we tend to practise it in the workplace or with friends, but struggle  in the home where it is most important. We all know what it was like when adults talk at us, make demands and have no time or patience to listen to us. Let's be different with our own children.

How often do we find ourselves saying, "I can't wait until this ends, then I will finally be able to do x, y or z? How common is it to hear people hoping for something to happen or arrive for them to get going?

Hope is a beautiful thing when it drives us onward and helps us to find the strength to push through hard times. But it can also make us place our future happiness and success in things out of our control. We find ourselves waiting for the pandemic to end, that job to come around, that extra bit of cash to come in so we can finally pay off that car or house. We live in hope of things improving and getting better, and circumstances changing.

We think reaching certain goals are going to satisfy us and overcoming hurdles are going to lead to a time of less tress and fewer challenges.

But there is always the mext hill or mountain waiting to be climb. So we need to become stronger and more effective and present climbers, who embrace the struggles and use them to grow.

Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?

Absolutely noone. Instead of feeding your anxiety and worry, take action in those areas that are causing these emotions. Worry, anxiety and fear in fact detract from our effectiveness as husbands, fathers and men in general. They are silent killers that have a negative impact on our physical, mental and emotional health and on the quality of our life.

So yes, reflect, take stock, get real with where you need to improve and change. And then instead of worrying. TAKE ACTION.

What a difference being self-aware and intentional makes! 

Especially as we do our best to guide these little human beings through myriad challenges and onto a fulfilling and happy existence. Parenting is hard, and it is relentless. We can end up running from pillar to post, not taking time to realy set our intentions or being aware of our own emotional states or snap judgements and evaluations of situations and behaviour. 

Becoming more self-aware, allows us to step away from our emotional reactions and needs of the ego, and make decisions that benefit our children, and ourselves in the short and long term.

Being intentional with our own words and behaviour and the impact we want them to have, allows us to avoid so many pitfalls lying in wait to scupper what could be excellent moments to teach and guide our children and model the type of responses and action we want them to adopt.

Every day offers so many moments where a few seconds of intentional thought and deeper self-awareness make all the difference to creating a positive atmosphere in our homes and building relationships of trust and deep connection with the members of our families.

When you think how we have gradually, if that is even the right word, become so dependent on digital devices over the last ten to twenty years and how what would have seemed extreme back then has now become the norm, it is quite frightenening how we have just gone with the technology flow. Things that were luxuries, are now daily staples of our lives, and things that we can't imagine living without. 

But just think of ALL the things we do less of as the result of three to four forms of technology! And when you do you recognise that those other activities in the real world add so much more value to our lives, while often technology and filling our minds with trash on a constant basis has a mostly negative impact and causes more stress, anxiety and unease in the longer term.

Our family is taking a break from TV and other devices until New Years day, as we aim to claim bakc our sovereighnty when it comes to using technology wisely and effectively to improve instead of steal from our lives and our connection to one another and nature.

We want to completely remove these counterfeit distractions in order to have more real experiences and then add this technology back into our lives in an intentional and positive manner.

Today on the podcast Joshua and Tom dig into the ways we react to adversity, and especially when it comes to dealing with our children and their unpredictable attitudes and behaviours. Our reactions, as with all our behaviours and the words we use, have deeper roots. And digging up those roots is where the real work is done and real change happens. It is a matter of life and death. Physically and metaphorically.

Today we look at helping our kids grow by taking away instead of adding on. What are the things causing increased stress in their lives and in the home? What things are you allowing your children to do that are setting them up for future frustration and lack of resilience?

How can we as parents set things up for our children to experience the joys of a childhood spent outdoors, pushing themselves and forming reall bonds with other children and adults?

Here is a list of 10 + 1 (added by my daughter who joins me on the show today) that we need to cut out of our childrens' lives in order for them to become calm, confident and coimpetent people who contribute to any situation whereever they go and live the best they can.

Once a month we will be bringing a more physical condition and health focus, with the complete dad's resident nutrition and exercise expert Bert Coetzer. Today he discusses our relationship with food and how we can make our eating habits fit the physical condition we are working on devloping, to best serve our family and show up with optimal energy each day.

No one wants to be an overweight, unhealthy and lethargic father. What you put into your body has a massive impact in how you show up as a husband and father. What eating habits do you need to change? What should you cut out, moderate or add to your nutrition plan? This podcast is going to help you uncover the answers and solutions specific to you, so that your body functions like a well oiled machine, while still getting to enjoy the things you like to eat and drink...from time to time! 

This is a life long mission, not just a quick fix so you look and feel good now. We want to be the grandad that shows up and whirls and throws around the grandkids. I don't know about you but I aim to be fitter than my sons when they have kids! As said, this week we have nutrition expert Bert running the show. Enjoy and put the knowledge you gain into action!

As with any elite performer, such as Olympic swimmers, runners, and cyclists, we need to be as streamlined as possible to minimise drag, resistance and things slowing us down. That means stripping away the external factors negatively impacting our lives and sapping our time and energy. Becoming more streamlined takes intentionality, reflection, planning, and implementation. Life is too short to keep on doing things that hold us back.

This week Joshua and Tom talk about what the complete dad network is all and the changes and evolutions that led to this point.

They discuss their own journey's to where making becoming the complete dad the priority it should be, and the benefit they have since made that their mission. The complete dad is a place that encourages ALL dads to focus on ALL the aspects that lead to success as a father, husband, and man.