Those things other people did to you, the way they made you feel, the feeling you were not enough or never measured up? They are not your fault. Does that mean as men we don't take responsibility for our words and actions? Quite the opposite. Realising that these things that happened to us growing up, the wounds we received as children, teenagers, and young men were not our fault or because we were not enough is the foundation for taking ownership of our potential, developing mental and emotional as well as physical fitness and not passing our pain onto our children.

Joe De Sena is the founder and CEO of Spartan and the Death Race, the world’s leading endurance sports and wellness brand with a community of over 10 million strong.

He is the New York Times bestselling author of three books, Spartan Up!, Spartan Fit, and The Spartan Way.

De Sena also hosts the Spartan Up! Podcast, which features weekly interviews with some of the world’s greatest minds in business, sports, and leadership.

His mission—transforming 100 million people through the Spartan lifestyle.

Now he has an excellent and thought-provoking guidebook for becoming more resilient, and raising more resilient kids., called 10 Rules for Resilience: Mental Toughness for Families.

He is here to discuss the theme of the book with me today. Enjoy.

How often do we just sit with our own thoughts? How addicted to "noise" are we? Even the positive kind of noise, like audiobooks, podcasts or a phone call with a friend? And even when that noise stops, our own minds take us through a myriad of problems to solve, strategies to develop or fears to ease. 

When do we really give ourselves the time to really sit with our feeling, address our underlying thoughts about our lives and reflect on why we are who we are, do what we do and have developed our concept of ourselves?

This is what I undertook on a 6 hour drive over the weekend. Constantly consuming material, reaching out for connection and distracting myself with noise, I realise I am an addict. I constantly numb myself, instead of dealing with the reason I am constantly on the search for something new, something to satisfy. Which will never happen, as long as I cannot sit quietly by myself and confront my past and how it has shaped me, and do the work and resolve to not allow it to form my future.

Joshua and Tom get into the swing of things with a thought-provoking and emotionally challenging conversation that revolves around the necessity for digging deeper into our emotional wounds that are at the root of our fears and anger, and how to deal with these effectively by being making hard choices, practising self-awareness and being intentional.

Intimacy - close familiarity or friendship.

How much intimacy do you experience with your work? With your own thoughts, emotions or spirituality?

How close do you feel to the people in your life that matter? How intimate are you with your financial situation and with the moves you need to make to improve it? How intimate are you with your own body? With what it needs to function optimally?

Whatever the aspect of life you find yourself busy with, developing more intimacy within each area can only mean developing more quality, success and contentment. 

Today I welcome Daring to Dad founder and men's coach Ryan Walton back on a must-listen show.

Ryan and I have  "enjoyed" many back and forth discussions on points that on the surface we disagree on. However on closer inspection and after a real conversation I now realise we share so much in common and even the points we appear to disagree on have so much nuance to them, that within those areas we believe the same thing!

And this happens when we as men become more curious and less defensive of our believed positions and perspectives, we are able to cut through the superficial differences and dig down together to find what we need in order to find healing, strength and truth to be our fullest and effective selves.

This is truly a podcast I believe every man should hear. Spread the word!

“Before people can begin something new, they have to end what used to be and unlearn the old way.” — William Bridges

People put a lot of time, energy and money into learning new things. They listen to podcasts, read the latest self-help books, follow the big names in the game and try and implement what they learn. But it is only natural that learning and applying new knowledge and skills will be much harder if we haven't first identified unhelpful behaviour, attitudes and belief first.

“Every mile you go in the wrong direction is really a two-mile error. Unlearning is twice as hard as learning.” –Unknown

Today I am fortunate to have twice Olympian, Kibwé Johnson Johnson on the podcast. Kibwe established himself as one of America's all-time best hammer throwers and has won three USA Outdoor titles and two spots on World Championship team and the United States  Olympic team. His Olympic Final appearance in London was the first by an American in almost 20 years.

Kibwe is also the host of the Fortius podcast and founder of Fortius performance Coaching. He now lives in Canada with his wife, Crystal Smith-Johnson and two daughters. Crystal, now retired, was herself a former Canadian record holder.

Today Kibwe and I discuss fatherhood through the lens of an elite athlete and how just like the rest of us it is about putting away the ego and learning to love unconditionally. Kibwe shares his perspective on how it is this kind of love that is what makes us great fathers and that the lessons we feel we have to teach our kids are less integral to raising confident, successful and happy children who turn into adults who contribute positively to society. We also talk about the pursuit of freedom instead of the constant striving to be better and hos to be more conscious and self-aware as parents and in the other significant relationships in life. It is a real privilege to be able to speak to such high calibre men such as Kibwe and I trust you will get a lot from our conversation.

I have always been prone to being led by emotions and going with the first option presented to me.

But lately, I have started to develop the ability to stop and think about the impact of doing that and rather considering an  "option B" that I have to spend some thought on and will be more effective in dealing with situations and people and will not cause greater problems, regret or resentment.

It has made a big positive difference since I have been using this almost childish tactic, and I trust you will find some benefit out of it as well.

Today I welcome Jeff Putnam back on the show. Jeff is the married father of no less than 9 children! He is the author of "Setting Yourself on Fire", and  Leading Your Wife: A Man's Guide to Becoming The Patriarch.” He is also the CEO of Rugged Legacy Grooming Company and the host of the Rugged Legacy Podcast. Jeff has recently started a mighty network home for all small business owners called creative accelerator community

Jeff is dedicated to the belief that we should be proud to be men and never ignore our responsibility to protect and provide for the ones we love.

Jeff and I have a really enjoyable and open conversation ranging from the weakness that seems to be in fashion in society at present, the way life will always have its challenges and why that's good, putting our kids first even when chasing our dreams and goals to serve others as well as a whole lot more. Give it a listen, it’s got a lot of great moments and points to think on.