Who's Really Going on That Date? (Hint: It's Not Just You)

In this episode of The Conscious Matchmaker, Sophy Singer and Justin Wilford unpack what happens when all your INNER PARTS show up on a date—whether you invite them or not. Using the Internal Family Systems (IFS) framework, your hosts reveal what’s really going on when you're swiping, flirting, chatting and ghosting. Ever feel like part of you wants to be super into someone… but they say one thing and another part wants to run for the hills? Learn how to spot the protective parts that might be hijacking your dating life, and how quick self-checks—before, during, and after a date—can bring more compassion (and a lot less chaos) into your dating experience. If you’ve ever asked, “Why do I keep picking the same people?” — this episode might just be your new favorite wingman.

Chapters

00:00 Introduction to Conscious Dating

01:55Understanding Internal Family Systems (IFS) and Parts

09:50 The Impact of Protective Parts in Dating

13:39 Self-Checks Before, During, and After Dates

23:57 Navigating Curiosity and Connection on Dates

30:36Post-Date Analysis and Understanding Parts

38:49 The Role of Self-Compassion in Relationships

Links

The Emotion Identification Wheel

The 3 N's Meditation with Justin Wilford

Conscious Call-Ins | Your Dating Hotline

‘The Materialist’ serves up drama, glamour, and a Hollywood take on the matchmaking world— but real-life love stories are a little less scripted. Your hosts and Pro Matchmakers Sophy Singer and Elizabeth Foster pull back the curtain on the film’s glossy version of their profession, exploring what it gets right, what it misses, and why it matters. From letting go of “perfect partner” checklists to embracing an authentic, unpredictable connection, they reveal how dating can shift from a numbers game into a transformational journey toward true and fulfilling love.

*SPOILER ALERT * SPOILER ALERT * SPOILER ALERT *

Takeaways

* Conscious dating extends beyond romantic relationships.

* The movie 'The Materialist' has sparked discussions about matchmaking.

* Matchmaking is becoming more normalized in society.

* Media portrayals can misrepresent the matchmaking process.

* Transactional dating is prevalent due to dating apps.

* Client expectations often include unrealistic checklists.

* Internal worthiness is crucial for finding love.

* Authenticity and vulnerability are key to real connections.

* Self-discovery is an important part of the dating journey.

* True love comes from personal growth and self-acceptance.

Titles

* Exploring Conscious Matchmaking

* The Influence of 'The Materialist' on Dating

Sound Bites

* "I never thought I'd get to this."

* "This can be like a real option."

* "It's not build a bear exactly."

Chapters

00:00Introduction to Conscious Matchmaking

00:56The Impact of 'The Materialist' Movie

03:40Portrayal of Matchmaking in Media

07:39Transactional Nature of Modern Dating

11:32Client Expectations and Checklists

15:27Internal vs. External Worthiness

19:54The Journey of Self-Discovery in Dating

23:40Real Love vs. Market Value

27:51The Importance of Authentic Connections

31:51Final Thoughts on Personal Growth and Relationships

Sophy and Elizabeth are back in this raw and resonant episode, pulling back the curtain on what true success in dating and in love really looks like.

Unpacking what separates their most successful matchmaking clients from the rest, they share powerful stories— including one-and-done love stories, red-flag reversals, and power-couple fantasies gone sideways. Tune in to see how the real magic happens when clients shift from finding the one to becoming the one.

And Sophy opens up for the first time on the podcast about her recent breast cancer diagnosis and what it taught her about love, partnership, and showing up through life’s hardest seasons. From the grueling realities of chemo to the emotional weight of parenting, business, and marriage during a health crisis—this is a story of resilience, self-leadership, and what it really means to have a conscious relationship when life stops being easy.

If you've ever wondered why your dating life feels stuck—or how to build a love that can withstand real life—this one’s for you.

Call-in with your dating queries and woes

Dating Hotline

Let’s talk pre- and post-date texting. Okay, so there aren’t any hard and fast rules—just tools. From the fun and flirty to the overanalysis, texting in the dating space can be as much of an existential crisis as it is a tool for connection. Should you text first? Drop an emoji? Wait three hours or three days? How do we move from a thread to a date? Things can get… prematurely judgy— and suddenly you’re treading a sea of insecurity and miscommunication.

In this episode, three of our expert matchmakers dish out their favorite tools (and a few tricks) for building enjoyable and authentic text rapport. Plus, they're sharing real client stories From the Field. We’re gonna shed some light on the darker waters of dating texts and help you press send with confidence.

Chapters

00:00Introduction to the Art of Authentic Texting

02:56The Importance of Pre-Date Communication

06:03Building Momentum After Dates

09:06Texting Etiquette and Balance

11:54Transitioning from Texting to In-Person Meetings

15:03Using Shared Interests to Connect

17:56Food as a Connection Tool

23:06Reviving Stale Text Zones with Voice Notes

25:14Clarity and Communication in Texting

27:05Using Selfies to Enhance Connection

30:10Navigating Too Much Too Soon in Texting

32:29Understanding Texting Styles and Preferences

35:37Influencing Date Plans Through Pre-Date Texting

38:56Emotional Experience in Dating

39:43Curiosity Over Assumptions in Texting

**

Don’t forget, our Conscious Dating Hotline is open. Give us a ring with your dating query or woe and receive a response from our top matchmakers! We love getting into the juicy real, real. Click the link here:

Dating Hotline

Is it really a RED FLAG or is it actually PINK? Elizabeth Foster and Susanna Matthews deep-dive into FLAGS in modern dating and the importance of differentiating between RED and PINK FLAGS, and how to break the pattern of confirmation bias-- when we look for those RED flags before seeing the GREEN. With a mindset shift and a healthy dose of curiosity, we go beyond FLAGS and begin to peel back the layers, revealing the deeper aspects of compatibility. BUT WAIT..let's take an even deeper look...what are YOUR red flags? Being willing to own and acknowledge your own RED, GREEN, and PINK flags is just as important and valuable as spotting them in others. This jam packed episode, full of client stories from professional matchmakers, will give you the dating tools and takeaways you've been searching for.

Takeaways

Shifting focus to green flags enhances connection.

Confirmation bias can hinder dating experiences.

Curiosity is key to understanding potential partners.

Not all flags are equal; distinguish between red and pink.

Healthy boundaries can reveal green flags.

Compatibility is rooted in character, not superficial traits.

Authentic communication fosters deeper connections.

Exploring values is essential in relationships.

Instincts should guide decisions in dating.

Vulnerability can create space for healing in relationships. Take your time with dating and understanding your partner.

Self-awareness is crucial in recognizing what we bring to relationships.

Red flags can be perceived differently based on personal experiences.

Communication skills are essential for healthy relationships.

It's important to recognize and express boundaries in relationships.

Understanding attachment styles can help navigate conflicts.

Green flags in ourselves can indicate a healthy relationship.

Feeling safe and calm around a partner is a positive sign.

Self-reflection on our emotional state is key in relationships.

Time reveals the true nature of relationships.

Titles

From Red to Green: A New Dating Perspective

Curiosity Over Criticism in Modern Dating

Navigating the Dating Landscape: Flags and Values

Building Connections: The Power of Green Flags

Sound Bites

"Shift from red flags to green flags."

"Get out your shovel and dig."

"Trust your instincts in dating."

"How do you feel about this?"

"Lean into your own experience."

"Take your time with it."

"What is he or she looking for?"

"Time will reveal it all."

Chapters

00:00Shifting Focus: From Red Flags to Green Flags

03:06Understanding Flags: Red, Pink, and Green

05:53Curiosity in Dating: Digging Deeper

09:01The Importance of Compatibility and Character

11:57Navigating Conversations: Authenticity in Dating

15:01Exploring Values: The Foundation of Relationships

21:23Understanding Relationship Dynamics

24:07Navigating Personal Red Flags

27:42The Importance of Relationship Skills

32:39Recognizing Green Flags in Ourselves

39:59The Journey of Uncovering Flags

Your host, Elizabeth Foster, and fellow matchmaker, Susannah Stengel, layout the pros, cons and realities of datings apps vs. dating in the wild. In the apps or in the field, dating can be a daunting experience leading to fatigue, frustration, and burnout. Drawing from client stories and personal experiences, Elizabeth and Susannah emphasize the importance of intentionality and boundaries when it comes to both online and in-person dating life. Tune in for tips on how the pros guide their clients through the complexities of inner and outer worlds, bringing us daters into a balanced and highly fulfilling dating experience.

Ever wished you could call a dating hotline with a dating woe or success story?

Introducing…Conscious Call-Ins. Call on the professional matchmakers for sound wisdom in these choppy dating times. Click the link below to find out more…

Conscious Call-Ins

Takeaways

* Each dating app has its own unique culture.

* Dating apps can expand your dating pool significantly.

* In-person meetings can lead to unexpected connections.

* Setting boundaries while using dating apps is crucial.

* The speed of dating apps can lead to quick connections.

* It's important to transition off the app as soon as possible.

* People often present idealized versions of themselves online.

* In-person dating requires vulnerability and bravery.

* Intentionality is key in both online and offline dating.

* Engaging in hobbies can lead to meeting new people.

Titles

* Navigating the Modern Dating Landscape

* Dating Apps vs. In-Person: What Works Best?

Sound Bites

* "I am a Tinderella!"

* "The apps can work!"

* "It's algorithmic magic!"

Chapters

00:00Introduction to Dating Apps and In-Person Meetings

11:17Cons of Dating Apps and Navigating Challenges

17:06The Shallow Nature of Online Dating

21:58The Risks of In-Person Dating

28:46The Importance of Self-Belief in Dating

35:02Embracing the Journey of Finding Love

In this episode of The Conscious Matchmaker, your host, Elizabeth Foster, along with guest Paige Barlow, delve into the secret of connecting on a first date. Let's face it, between first date nerves and the hope that this person will check all the boxes (or at least SOME of them), grounding into authentic connection can be difficult. This episode explores just how important presence and true curiosity are while navigating the dynamics of chemistry (or lack-thereof) and conversation. And let's not forget charisma... Marilyn Monroe was notorious for "flipping the switch" from Norma Jean to Starlet. Out hosts explore how authentic charisma can be fostered in your day-to-day and, of course, your dating life. Let's dive in!

Takeaways

Conscious dating involves breaking down subconscious barriers.

Charisma can be learned and is not limited to extroverts.

Presence, power, and warmth are key to charisma.

First dates should be seen as opportunities for potential connections.

Being present allows for genuine curiosity about others.

Grounding techniques can enhance presence during meetings.

Chemistry is an evolving energy shared between individuals.

Connection is nurtured through attentionality and presence.

Self-awareness enhances the ability to connect with others.

Practice is essential for developing presence and curiosity.

Titles

Unlocking the Secrets of Conscious Dating

Mastering First Date Connections

Sound Bites

"You can significantly increase your personal charisma."

"A first date is simply meeting somebody new."

"Being present allows for genuine curiosity."

"Chemistry is just energy, charisma can be created."

Chapters

00:00Introduction to Conscious Dating

01:12The Secret to First Date Connections

06:06The Importance of Presence

11:51Curiosity and Connection

18:09Understanding Chemistry and Charisma

Don't forget to call our Conscious Dating Hotline with any question or dating woe:

The Conscious Hotline

If find yourself desperately searching for Mr. Right (Mrs./NB)... this one is for you. Your hosts, Sophy and Elizabeth, share two client stories from the dating field that highlight the complexities of emotional connections that form from trauma bonding and a crucial shift in mindset that will alchemize that "desperate dating" energy.

Plus a new announcement! Ever wished for that 90s-feel dating hotline, but with feedback and guidance consciously rooted in self-awareness and personal growth ? The Conscious Matchmaker is launching, Conscious Call-Ins, a dating hotline where you can call with any dating doubts or fears and a team of our matchmakers will listen. Your anonymous call may even be featured on our next From the Field episode where you will receive guidance from your hosts. Can't wait to hear from you! Details and links below!

Conscious Call-Ins

How many dates and apps have we been on searching or scrolling for "The One".... or someone....or ANYone? How often have we felt empty, misunderstood, unseen, or even hopeless after a date? In this potent Words from the Wise episode, Sophy sits with Dr. Justin Wilford in a candid conversation about Internal Family Systems, Attachment Styles, and their transformative upcoming workshop, "Becoming the One."  Tune in to learn about how Internal Family Systems uncovers your true essence and brings incredible and lasting connection and clarity into your dating life. This is one you don't want to miss!

Save your Spot for "Becoming the One"

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Use the Code BTO100

for $100 off!

Ever feel like dating is an endless succession of interviews? Sometimes you're the interviewer and sometimes the interviewee. This is what happens when dating becomes transactional rather than transformative. In this From the Field episode, we dive into 3 juicy ways to breathe life back into your dating life, so that it becomes a point of fun and growth for you both! With real life and real relatable stories from our clients, get an inside peek at how Sophy and Elizabeth coach clients through the transactional dating rut. Plus,  an important and exciting announcement about our upcoming workshop series, "Becoming the One."  Tune in to scoop all the details.

Join us on the Conscious Dating Journey:

Find Out How

Our Upcoming Workshop Series:

Becoming the One