The Conscious Matchmaker

We all have the question we dread being asked about ourselves; the part that we tuck deep down inside, hoping it won't be poked or prodded until we feel secure enough in the relationship...or maybe...never. This deeply personal episode encourages us to peel back those layers of fear and dread in order to create more intimacy with ourselves and in our dating life. In this 'From the Field' episode, Sophy and Elizabeth share their client, Rachel's, story about her deep desire to start a family and her fear of bringing this up on a date, especially a first date. 

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Your hosts, Sophy Singer and Elizabeth Foster, share their top 3 conscious ways to overcome dating fatigue and prevent or recover from burnout. We've all experienced the dating dread and boredom that leaves one feeling...uninspired. If you are looking for a way to reclaim freedom and fun in your dating-swipe-life, you don't want to miss this episode...it's for you. And don't forget to hit that subscribe button for more conscious tips and shares.

Our upcoming event, Closer | The Antidote to Dating Boredom

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When you can't seem to find that person that checks all of your boxes....

A From the Field intimate inside look into navigating dating woes and transformations with Sophy Singer, founder of Sophy Love. A peek into one client's transformative journey from a toxic relationship, followed by a rough breakup, to a vibrant and joyous dating life. Tune in to find out how!

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In this episode of The Conscious Matchmaker, Sophy Singer and Elizabeth Foster discuss the fifth practice of Authentic Relating-- Honor Self and Other. They explore the concept of The Platinum Rule, and how to use this tool to transform your dating life, which involves treating others how they want to be treated rather than assuming they want to be treated the same way we do. Emphasizing the importance of slowing down, making deep contact, and being present with the needs and boundaries of both oneself and others, Sophy and Elizabeth also introduce a game called The Curiosity Game, which is a fun and fresh way to foster authentic and truly engaging conversations.

Curiosity Exercise: the curiosity exercise uses a clear context to provide participants with the permission to get genuinely curious about another person in a structured format. It's one of the most portable and popular exercises 1 that you can use with anyone in your life to know a person more deeply and be more deeply known by others. The Curiosity exercise is also a great example of how context can unlock an intimate connection. Access a deep level of connection with both strangers and friends more quickly and easily using the curiosity exercise than by almost any other means. Is how we facilitate the exercise in our workshops but you can adapt this context and structure in many different ways. As long as the central intention of creating a context to allow for the expression of genuine, childlike curiosity to flow is upheld, you can engage with this exercise in whatever way feels alive and exciting.

 
Step one -- the partner offering and holding the context (partner A) ask the other partner (partner B) "Would you like to try the curiosity exercise?" Partner A can add further context that articulates the value in (the why) of the exercise, perhaps to feel more connected or learn more about one another. Partner B can offer suggestions or adjust the context as necessary until B is fully bought in and ready to participate. 
Step two--partner A has five minutes to ask any questions they want to ask with the only rule being that they are genuinely curious to know the answer. B answers as briefly or comprehensively as they would like and can decline to answer any question for any reason.
Step three--partner A has two minutes to ask more questions but this time partner B doesn't answer the questions directly but instead rates the questions on a scale from 1 to 5: 1 is the most boring question they could be asked, while five is the most fascinating question they could be asked. This step provides partner A with guidance and direction in how to refine the line of questioning that fulfills both partner A's genuine curiosity as well as partner B's excitement in answering. When both intentions are satisfied we tend to see the deepest connection and intimacy.
Step four-- Partner A has another five minutes to ask any questions, now incorporating the ratings that partner be provided in the last step.
Step five-- Partner A completes two sentence stems that serve as affirmations of the connection. 

Sentence one: "where I felt you the most was..." this is a reflection of when partner A felt most impacted by whatever partner B shared in the two rounds. 
Sentence two: "what I get about you is..." this is a reflection of partner B's essence--their way of being in the world and the values they care about.

Step six-- As with most authentic relating exercises the two partners complete the sequence with a debrief, in which they talk about how the experience went, identify any sites or learnings, and explore any questions that arose. Debrief itself can often lead to a lot of aliveness and can spark further threads of conversation and exploration.
Switch roles. Partner A becomes the answerer, and Partner B gets to be the questioner.

 
A much simpler version of the exercise that you can do anywhere is just doing step 1 and step 2 without a time limit. This still provides the questioner with the freedom and shared context to ask anything they are genuinely curious about. The context provides a sense of ease and safety for the answerer since they have agreed to receive the questions. Imagine if the questioner goes right into a line of questioning that the answerer may find very personal without first setting context. The answerer is often caught off guard and becomes defensive, suspicious, or confused. Setting good clear context is the key to making this exercise work most effectively
 

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We'd love to hear your thoughts and dating questions!

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Visit us here: https://sophy.love

 

 

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit sophylove.substack.com

Enrich, enliven and uplevel your dating life with this one tool: Own Your Experience. The fourth practice of Authentic Relating, Own Your Experience, is the tool that sets you free to express your authentic self. "No one is coming to save you," a tough truth that Sophy Singer and Elizabeth Foster explore within the dating space, sharing examples of clients who have used this practice to find deeper intimacy within themselves and true connection in their dating experiences. Vital to the success of one's relationships and dating life authenticity and vulnerability can be challenging to embody... especially on first and second dates... let's dive in!

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Sophy Singer and Elizabeth Foster have an illluminating conversation with Ryel Kestano, the author of, 'Authentic Relating.' .They discuss the challenges of dating in the modern world and how to navigate them utilizing Authentic Relating practices. Not only will they touch on the best way to use dating apps to enrich your dating life, Sophy, Ryel, and Elizabeth also explore the importance and freedom found when bringing your whole self rather than your "first-date-self" into the dating space.  Ryel emphasizes the power of revealing and naming your present moment experience to create meaningful connections and true intimacy, a tool that helps cultivate open and honest conversations, avoiding misunderstandings and assumptions. 

ANNOUNCEMENT: Upcoming online work shop, 'Closer to You | The Art of Conscious Dating'. All of the details for sign-up are in this episode! Tune in! 

 

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In this episode of The Conscious Matchmaker, Sophy Singer and Elizabeth Foster discuss the 3rd Pillar in Authentic Relating: Revealing Your Experience. They announce an upcoming course called Closer to You, the Art of Conscious Dating. They explore the challenges and fears associated with revealing oneself in the dating scene, but the benefits this act of truth brings to connection and intimacy. They share stories and examples of how revealing your experience can lead to deeper connections and better communication. They emphasize the importance of being authentic and vulnerable in dating and relationships. 

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit sophylove.substack.com

In this episode of The Conscious Matchmaker, Sophy Singer and Elizabeth Foster discuss the second practice of Authentic Relating: Assume Nothing. They explore how assumptions can get us into trouble, especially when meeting new people. They also discuss the cause and effect of assumptions in the dating space. The hosts emphasize the importance of slowing down, checking assumptions, and being curious about the present moment. They provide practical tips on how to practice assuming nothing in real-life situations. The episode concludes with a preview of the next episode, which will focus on the third practice: Revealing Your Experience.

• Assumptions can lead to misunderstandings and hinder authentic connections.


• Slowing down and checking assumptions can lead to deeper and more meaningful conversations.


• Being curious and open to change can enhance emotional intelligence and connection.


• Practicing assuming nothing can create a more present and authentic dating experience.

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit sophylove.substack.com

Summary
In this episode of the Conscious Matchmaker, Sophy Singer and Elizabeth Foster discuss the concept of Authentic Relating. They introduce the five practices, focusing on the first practice: welcome everything. Authentic Relating is a framework for deeper connection and a tool for bringing unconscious thoughts and feelings to consciousness. They emphasize the importance of welcoming everything within oneself and in others, and how this practice can lead to more meaningful and authentic relationships and a more fulfilling dating life. 
 
Takeaways

• Authentic relating is a practice that cultivates deep, trusting, empowering, and nourishing connections and relationships.


• The first practice of authentic relating is to welcome everything, including one's own experiences and the experiences of others.


• Welcoming everything allows for a deeper level of connection and understanding in relationships.


• Authentic relating can be applied not only in dating but also in all aspects of life and can lead to personal growth and healing.

Chapters
00:00Introduction
01:18Authentic Relating
04:13Five Practices of Authentic Relating
10:25Chapter 3: Welcome Everything
14:08Chapter 4: Assume Nothing
25:38Closing and Preview of Next Episode

 

 

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This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit sophylove.substack.com

Summary
In the pilot episode of The Conscious Matchmaker, Sophy Singer and Elizabeth Foster introduce themselves and discuss the concept of conscious matchmaking. They emphasize the importance of turning inward and focusing on personal growth and healing in order to create meaningful connections. The vision and mission of Sophy Love are also shared, highlighting the goal of transforming dating into an emotionally nourishing and enlivening experience. The hosts discuss the power of vulnerability and authentic conversation in dating, as well as the three levels of conversation: fact exchange, feelings about facts, and relational level. The episode concludes with their hopes and dreams for the podcast, which include helping listeners improve their dating experiences and relationships.
 
Takeaways

• Conscious matchmaking involves turning inward and focusing on personal growth and healing.


• Dating should be a transformative and emotionally nourishing experience.


• Vulnerability and authentic conversation are key to creating meaningful connections.


• The three levels of conversation - fact exchange, feelings about facts, and relational level - can enhance dating experiences.

Chapters

 
00:00 Introduction to The Conscious Matchmaker
04:07 What is Conscious Matchmaking?
08:00 The Process of Conscious Matchmaking
13:20 Vision and Mission of Sophie Love
18:36 The Importance of Vulnerability in Dating
21:28 The Three Levels of Conversation
23:27 Authentic Dating Advice
25:24 Hopes and Dreams for The Conscious Matchmaker
26:49 Purpose and Goal of The Conscious Matchmaker

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit sophylove.substack.com