The Counselling Room

Relationships: Why Do We Say and Do That?

Have you ever wondered why you behave differently in relationships than you thought you would? Why you might seek reassurance, pull away, struggle to communicate, or find yourself repeating familiar patterns?

In this episode of The Counselling Room, I explore some of the experiences that can shape the way we interact, communicate and connect within our personal relationships.

With a toe dip into attachment theory, childhood experiences and our basic need for safety and connection, we look at why two people can experience the same relationship very differently — and why sometimes even a safe and secure relationship can feel unfamiliar.

As always, there are reflections from the counselling room, a little psychoeducation, some personal reflection and the occasional reminder that none of us comes with a relationship instruction manual.

Perhaps the question isn't simply “Why do they do that?” but occasionally…

“Why do I say and do that?”

links related to podcast - including 'man dough'

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LbUUNYNZsXg

https://www.simplypsychology.org/maslow.html

https://www.simplypsychology.org/bowlby.html

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0115341/

 Disclaimer:
The Counselling Room is created and presented by Lynda Little, a qualified practising counsellor. The content of this podcast is intended for general information and psychoeducation only and should not be considered individual therapeutic advice or a substitute for professional support.

Any examples or reflections from the counselling room are shared in a way that protects client confidentiality. The discussions within this episode are not intended to define you, your partner or your relationship. You are the expert on your own life and have the autonomy to make your own choices.

Lynda Little
Qualified Counsellor
The Counselling Room 

In this episode of The Counselling Room, I explore emotional expression and some of the differences we often associate with men and women.

I look at some of the influences that can shape how we express our emotions, including childhood experiences, relationships, social expectations and the different messages we may receive growing up.

I reflect on how men and women can sometimes communicate and express feelings differently, while recognising that there is no single way that either gender thinks, feels or behaves.

The episode also explores how our own experiences can influence what we feel comfortable expressing, the emotions we find more difficult to show, and how this can affect communication within our relationships.

As always, I bring in counselling reflections alongside everyday examples, personal observations and a little humour as I explore what emotional expression can look like in real life.

Take care everyone

Until next time

Lynda Little (MBACP)

BSc (Hons) Theraputic Counselling

Online & Telephone Counselling Across the UK

Professional Standards

For reassurance, I am a registered member of the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (BACP)

This means I work within a recognised Ethical Framework, supported by regular supervision, ongoing professional development, and high standards of practice.

Ambiguous Loss – Living With Uncertainty

How do we grieve something when we don't really know what we've lost — or whether it's truly gone?

In this episode of The Counselling Room, I explore ambiguous loss — a type of loss that can leave us without clear answers, an ending or the sense of closure we might normally associate with grief.

We look at what it can mean when someone is physically absent but still psychologically present in our thoughts and feelings, perhaps through estrangement, an absent parent or someone who is missing. I also explore the opposite — when somebody is physically present but psychologically absent, including the changes that can happen through dementia.

What happens when we're caught somewhere between hope and acceptance? How do we move forward when part of us is still waiting for an answer? And how can uncertainty affect our relationships, identity and the way we imagine our future?

Along the way, I also manage to question whether losing my mobile phone qualifies as ambiguous loss, AI makes an appearance, and somehow we end up with a little preview of a future visit from AI to The Counselling Room.

Because sometimes loss isn't about somebody simply being here or gone. Sometimes it's about learning how to live with the uncertainty in between.

Take care everyone

Until next time

Lynda Little (MBACP)

BSc (Hons) Theraputic Counselling

Online & Telephone Counselling Across the UK

Professional Standards

For reassurance, I am a registered member of the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (BACP)

This means I work within a recognised Ethical Framework, supported by regular supervision, ongoing professional development, and high standards of practice.

Website

AmbiguousLoss.com – Pauline Boss⁠

The Drama Triangle – Understanding the Roles We Play

In this month's episode of The Counselling Room, I explore Stephen Karpman's Drama Triangle and the three interchangeable roles we can all find ourselves moving between: The Victim, The Rescuer and The Persecutor.

Using everyday examples from the workplace, family life, friendships and romantic relationships, I look at how these patterns can develop, why they often happen without us realising, and how they can influence the way we think, feel and respond to others.

This episode is intended to support self-awareness and understanding rather than label or judge behaviour. By recognising these patterns, we create an opportunity to understand ourselves and others with greater compassion and to make different choices when we find ourselves repeating familiar roles.

As always, this podcast is for psychoeducation and general reflection. It is designed to increase understanding of psychological concepts and is not a substitute for counselling, therapy or individual professional advice.

Further Resources

If today's topic has sparked your interest and you would like to explore it further, you may find these resources helpful.

Books & Audiobooks

• ​Games People Play – an introduction to Transactional Analysis.
• ​The Body Keeps the Score – understanding trauma and its impact.
• ​Attached – exploring attachment styles in relationships.
• ​Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents – understanding relationship patterns and boundaries.

Podcasts

• ​Dr Julie Smith
• ​Esther Perel
• ​Brené Brown

Professional Organisations & Trusted Websites

• ​British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (BACP)
• ​Mind
• ​NHS

Thank you for listening, and I hope this episode gives you a greater understanding of the patterns we can all experience in our relationships with ourselves and others.

Take care everyone

Until next time

Lynda Little (MBACP)

BSc (Hons) Theraputic Counselling

Online & Telephone Counselling Across the UK

Professional Standards

For reassurance, I am a registered member of the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (BACP)

This means I work within a recognised Ethical Framework, supported by regular supervision, ongoing professional development, and high standards of practice.

Hello everyone and Welcome to The Counselling Room.

In this month's Q&A episode, I answer some of the most common questions people ask when considering counselling. From choosing the right counsellor and understanding confidentiality, to knowing what to expect from sessions, this episode aims to provide reassurance, clarity, and confidence as you begin your counselling journey.

Take care everyone

Until next time

Lynda Little (MBACP)

BSc (Hons) Theraputic Counselling

Online & Telephone Counselling Across the UK

Professional Standards

For reassurance, I am a registered member of the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (BACP)

This means I work within a recognised Ethical Framework, supported by regular supervision, ongoing professional development, and high standards of practice.

Hello everyone, and Welcome to The Counselling Room

Grief doesn’t follow a timeline — so why do we expect it to?

In this episode, I explore the reality of grief and loss — and the ways it can change how we think, feel, and move through the world.

Clients often describe grief as overwhelming, unpredictable, and deeply personal. From physical symptoms like exhaustion and nausea, to emotional experiences such as shock, numbness, and waves of feeling that come without warning — grief can impact every part of us.

We also talk about:

Why there are no “right” words when someone is grieving

How well-meaning comments can sometimes feel difficult to hear

The pressure of unspoken timelines and expectations around grief

What it really means to support someone — even when you don’t know what to say

A powerful client reflection compares grief to a wave — intense, consuming, and disorientating at first, before slowly becoming something quieter, more manageable, and connected to memory.

This episode offers a space to reflect, feel understood, and be reminded that:

however you grieve, your experience is valid

If you’ve ever felt unsure how to support someone, or struggled to make sense of your own grief, this conversation may resonate with you.

🎧 Take a moment, press play, and sit with this — you are not alone.

Thankyou for listening, take care everyone, until next time.

Lynda Little (MBACP)

BACP Registered

BSc (Hons) Theraputic Counselling

Online & Telephone Counselling Across the UK

Confidentiality Statement

The content discussed is based on my professional training, experience as a counsellor, and observations of the themes many people encounter throughout life. No confidential information, identifying details, or individual client stories are ever used.

Professional Standards

For reassurance, I am a registered member of the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy

This means I work within a recognised Ethical Framework, supported by regular supervision, ongoing professional development, and high standards of practice.

Hello everyone and Welcome to The Counselling Room.

Whether you're neurodivergent, exploring whether you may be neurodivergent, supporting someone who is, or simply wanting to learn more, this episode is for you.

In the counselling room, many people talk not only about receiving a diagnosis, but also about what happens afterwards. They describe feeling misunderstood, dismissed, or as though their experiences are questioned. For some, the diagnosis brings relief, understanding and self-acceptance. For others, it can also bring frustration when those around them struggle to acknowledge or believe their experience.

Have you ever felt unheard, unseen or invalidated? Have you experienced disbelief from others? Or perhaps you're still trying to make sense of what being neurodivergent means for you.

In this episode, we'll explore neurodiversity, the impact it can have on identity and relationships, and why feeling understood can be just as important as receiving a diagnosis.

This podcast promotes understanding and support for those neurodivergent and to help them to say: ‘just because you can’t see my difference, doesn’t mean it’s not there’.

Thankyou for listening, take care everyone, until next time.

Lynda Little (MBACP)

BSc (Hons) Therapeutic Counselling

Online & Telephone Counselling Across the UK

Confidentiality Statement

The content discussed is based on my professional training, experience as a counsellor, and observations of the themes many people encounter throughout life. No confidential information, identifying details, or individual client stories are ever used.

Professional Standards

For reassurance, I am a registered member of the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (BACP)

This means I work within a recognised Ethical Framework, supported by regular supervision, ongoing professional development, and high standards of practice.

Hello everyone and Welcome to The Counselling Room.

What are your experiences with communication? Are you frustrated having the same conversations and not being fully heard? Maybe you think silence is now the better option, or you are thinking of leaving the situation.

This episode explains why you may struggle to communicate effectively, how you can improve your communication with others, and finally feel validated for your thoughts and feelings, and be seen and heard for who you are.

Thankyou for listening, take care everyone, until next time.

Lynda Little MBACP)

BSc (Hons) Theraputic Counselling

Online & Telephone Counselling Across the UK

Confidentiality Statement

The content discussed is based on my professional training, experience as a counsellor, and observations of the themes many people encounter throughout life. No confidential information, identifying details, or individual client stories are ever used.

Professional Standards

For reassurance, I am a registered member of the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy

This means I work within a recognised Ethical Framework, supported by regular supervision, ongoing professional development, and high standards of practice.

Hello everyone and Welcome to The Counselling Room.

This is my first podcast where I nervously but openly share my own journey from a counselling perspective of being an avoidant, non-believer to being the client — feeling vulnerable, exposed, and uncomfortable…

Why would I tell a stranger how I’m feeling — wow!

This is not a podcast giving reasons why you should go to counselling. It is not for everyone, and sometimes curiosity is enough.

It’s a reflective, honest, amusing, and personal journey of why I said no to counselling, how it can be difficult to accept support, what can hold us back, and what can change when we begin to open up.

To be professionally supported or not? That is the question

It starts with understanding.

I hope my vulnerability, of sharing my personal story, gives you a true unfiltered insight, into the struggle of attending counselling sessions, and saying how we really feel In counselling.

Thankyou for listening.

Take care, everyone, until next time.

Lynda Little (MBACP)

BSc (Hons) Theraputic Counselling

I am a registered member of the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (BACP), which means I follow a recognised Ethical Framework for good practice.This ensures that my work is supported through regular supervision, professional standards, and ongoing training.