Earl is interviewed by the man from Kansas to be head coach of the football team at BCCC but they aren't in the process of hiring a coach.

Earl receives a pamphlet regarding the '13th Annual Brush & Crush Drive' at the local Scientology Center, which is a seven hour drive from his home in Arkansas, and decides to inquire with a phone call.

Earl on school lunches, "surviving" life, pouches of Antarctica and the winner of the 'Assholes of the Day' Award. These stories and more are the talk of Baum County. These are the Baum County Happenins'.

Earl analyzes some of the worst lines in romantic novels and weighs in on potential litigation against a judge named Judy.

Tony Thompson's ford needs a tow, the Nelson chicken has gone missing again, surf class in Baum County and more in the pilot episode of The County of Baum County.

Earl wants to retire early. His idea: use a power washer to capture a yeti sasquatch and then charge $19.50 for three seconds of viewing (no digital photography). Elsewhere, wouldn't it be great if there was a phone number like 911 that you could call when something awesome happened? Finally, sex in the 80s and having a show thrown at you like W did in Iraq.

Starfire takes control and becomes confused when she finds out Captain Crunch is not made by General Mills Cereal. That confusion continues as she finds out if Ariana Grande is a Republican and that schools in Florida have Principles instead of Mayors. A Starfire is born in this episode because, like, OMG and totally....yeah!

Earl calls AT&T and speaks with one of the nicest SOBs as they work together to figure out where, oh where, the internet is in this bonus segment of Philomedy! Be sure to subscribe today to listen to the best prank calls, improv skits and commentary from some of the weirdest SOBs on the planet.

Justin needs an agent to book him for the Super Bowl Halftime Show while Iran needs food to spill on his shirt prior to using a dry cleaner's services. Guinevere passionately works the phones as she tries to sell pies galore to get the honey badgers, parakeets and smiles down to Haiti in this episode!