The Crime Of The Century Podcast

The Crime Of The Century Podcast

By Matt LoveTechnology
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The Crime Of The Century Podcast episodes

  • plan 25 From Outer Space by Ernest Youngman
    An earnest young composer named "Ernest Youngman" In a fit of hunger brought on by financial desparation has composed the soundtrack to a Z movie called "Plan 25 From Outer Space." May the soundtrack to "Plan 25 From Outer Space" forever be a testament to the inspirational power of a rumbling stomach!
    5 min
  • Sally by Tennessee Wayne
    Blue Rolls Royce, daddy’s voice.
    Sally cryin’ by choice.
    Yes, I sing about Sally.
    Firelight, book burn bright.
    Yes, I sing about Sally tonight.
    Cry, cry, cry — tears in her hair.
    Messiah on the wall just stare.
    Yes, I sing about Sally.
    Yes, I sing about Sally.
    Backseat, backstreet, midnight plan.
    Sneakin’ out to find her man.
    Yes, I sing about Sally.
    Yes, I sing about Sally.
    Stage light, crowd tight, gospel roar.
    Tommy preachin’, police at the door.
    Yes, I sing about Sally.
    Sixteen stitches, blood and blue.
    Dreams cut deep, but she cut through.
    Yes, I sing about Sally.
    Yes, I sing about Sally.
    Long road, new show, California boy.
    Guitar strings, restless joy.
    Yes, I sing about Sally.
    Yes, I sing about Sally.
    Garden grow, chickens crow,
    love in the dirt, and time moves slow.
    Yes, I sing about Sally.
    Yes, I sing about Sally.
    Scar on her cheek, star in her hand,
    singin’ her song across the land.
    Yes, I sing about Sally.
    Yes, I sing about Sally.
    Messiah talk, whispers fly,
    follow the light, follow the sky.
    Yes, I sing about Sally.
    Yes, I sing about Sally.
    Everybody, everybody, everybody.
    Everybody sing about Sally.
    Blue Rolls, blue sky, blue sea, too.
    Yes, I sing about Sally —
    Sally! Sally! Sally! Sally! Sally!
    I sing about Sally, too!
    6 min
  • 17 Mopey Guys by Tennessee Wayne
    They call me every Friday,
    say “Wayne, come raise some hell!”
    They swear that little tavern’s
    where the local angels fell.
    But I just sip my coffee,
    and grin like I can’t tell —
    I’m goin’ somewhere softer,
    where the Wi-Fi don’t do well.
    [Chorus]
    They play Desolation Row like it’s a holy prayer,
    seventeen sad prophets with conditioner in their hair.
    Each one’s got a heartbreak, and a loop pedal scar —
    oh, they mean it, Lord, they mean it,
    at the open mic bar.
    Now Jonathan slings cappuccino
    with a fair-trade moral ache,
    his foam art says “resistance,”
    but his tip jar’s full of snakes.
    Peter counts the numbers
    while he hums about the poor —
    he’s got ethics on his spreadsheet
    and a conscience in his drawer.
    Then Christopher sings softly
    ’bout a girl that got away,
    and Fredrick does the same thing,
    just twice as long a way.
    Then Theodore plugs in
    like he’s stormin’ heaven’s gate,
    three chords, two tears, and one more beer —
    and I call it “fate adjacent.”
    [Chorus]
    They play Desolation Row like it’s a holy prayer,
    seventeen sad prophets with conditioner in their hair.
    Each one’s got a heartbreak, and a loop pedal scar —
    yeah they mean it, Lord they mean it,
    at the open mic bar.
    Now I ain’t countin’ all seventeen —
    they’ll name themselves in time.
    I last about a half dozen deep
    before I start to climb
    right out that bathroom window,
    into the humid dark sublime.
    There’s quieter truths than feedback,
    and they rhyme just fine.
    [Outro]
    So if you see me by the dumpster,
    pickin’ chords from old cigar tar,
    don’t say I’m missin’ somethin’,
    I’m just singin’ where you are.
    Yeah, I’m still hummin’ Desolation Row,
    but honey, I don’t need the bar.
    7 min
  • Monkey Bars by Tennessee Wayne
    Everybody, everybody, everybody,
    Everybody swing too far.
    Everybody, everybody, everybody,
    Everybody swing to the bar.
    I swing to the left, I swing to the right,
    Hang on tight in the morning light.
    C’mon, c’mon, let’s monkey go,
    High, low, fast, slow
    Monkey bars, monkey bars, monkey bars!
    Swing, clink, swing!
    Monkey bars, monkey bars, monkey bars!
    Swing, clink, swing!
    Little kids on the playground,
    Big kids in the downtown.
    We all fall down — we all climb up —
    Drinking from a silver cup.
    Monkey go, monkey go, monkey bars!
    Home, work, home, bar!
    Monkey go, monkey go, monkey bars!
    Home, work, home, bar!
    Everybody’s hanging on something,
    Everybody’s losing their grip.
    Everybody’s dreaming of swinging
    All the way home from the trip.
    Monkey bars, monkey bars, monkey bars!
    Swing, clink, swing!
    Monkey bars, monkey bars, monkey bars!
    Swing, clink, swing!
    We swing for love, we swing for fun,
    We swing 'til the morning sun.
    C’mon, c’mon, let’s monkey go,
    Life’s one bar to another, you know!
    Monkey bars, monkey bars, monkey bars!
    Swing, clink, swing!
    Monkey bars, monkey bars, monkey bars!
    Swing, clink, swing!
    6 min
  • Big Black Cat by Tennessee Wayne
    She arrives.
    She slides.
    She moves like midnight.
    She grooves like light.
    Backstreet sound.
    Click—clack—step.
    Shadow moves—mind your step.
    [CHORUS]
    Big! Black! Cat!
    Big! Black! Cat!
    Slinkin’, thinkin’—
    Where the night is at!
    Big! Black! Cat!
    Whiskers flash, tail whip,
    Moonlight on her back.
    Every move—smooth—
    Like she’s walkin’ on a track.
    [CALL] Who’s that queen in the dark?
    [RESPONSE] Big black cat!
    [CALL] Who’s that spark in the park?
    [RESPONSE] Big black cat!
    Concrete crumble — dumpster jungle —
    She owns the avenue.
    Even little children cry —
    “I saw her staring through!”
    [BRIDGE]
    Eyes like coins.
    Shine like sin.
    You look once—
    She looks in.
    [CHORUS]
    Big! Black! Cat!
    Big! Black! Cat!
    Creepin’, leapin’, midnight beatin’—
    Big! Black! Cat!
    Blue trash can, brown paper bag,
    Radio hums, tail tag wag.
    She knows, she goes—
    She never looks back.
    [OUTRO]
    Big… black…
    Big… black…
    Big black cat — meow!
    6 min
  • Time Zone by Tennessee Wayne
    [Verse 1]
    I’m sittin’ in a time zone, runnin’ outta time,
    heart says long ago, baby, you were mine.
    I’m in the wrong time zone, can’t find your heart,
    every little second keepin’ us apart.
    [Chorus – call & response]
    (Oh yeah!) Wrong time zone!
    (Oh yeah!) So far from home!
    (Oh yeah!) Wrong time zone!
    Can’t reach your love on the telephone.
    {spoken]
    Yes, we're asleep next to this labyrinth feed,
    just a girl that don't touch it
    Enemy is severed, our horny spirit breathes
    Please, let some tears in, help these small hearts grow big
    [Verse 2]
    Time keeps movin’, can’t slow down,
    I’m a man outta rhythm in a one-clock town.
    You push me away, I pull you near,
    baby, our watches don’t agree this year.
    [Chorus]
    (Oh yeah!) Wrong time zone!
    (Oh yeah!) So far from home!
    (Oh yeah!) Wrong time zone!
    Honey, don’t leave me all alone.
    [Bridge – shout & handclaps]
    Tick-tock, tick-tock — heart won’t stop!
    Tick-tock, tick-tock — drop that clock!
    If the right time’s gone, the wrong might do,
    I’ll set my watch just to follow you.
    [Vamp / Outro]
    Time zone! Wrong zone!
    Baby, bring it back home.
    Time zone! Wrong zone!
    I can’t make love by phone!
    6 min
  • Backstreet Lady by Tennessee Wayne
    [Intro – spoken]
    One, two, three, four —
    She’s a backstreet lady, uh-huh!
    [Verse 1]
    Backstreet lady, walkin’ slow,
    hips swing low where the cool cats go.
    Found me once, found me twice,
    want your money, want it nice.
    Can’t pay now, not today,
    baby, that’s the price we pay.
    [Chorus]
    Hey hey! (Hey hey!)
    Backstreet lady, walk my way.
    Hey hey! (Hey hey!)
    Backstreet lady, not today.
    [Verse 2]
    Uptown lady, all perfume,
    high-heeled queen of the hotel room.
    Gold chain shine, champagne flow,
    said she love me, but she don’t know.
    Can’t pay now, not today,
    honey, that’s the price we pay.
    [Chorus]
    Hey hey! (Hey hey!)
    Backstreet lady, walk my way.
    Hey hey! (Hey hey!)
    Backstreet lady, not today.
    [Bridge – call & response]
    If the right one’s gone (where she go?)
    the wrong one’ll do (that’s the show).
    If the right one’s gone (where she go?)
    the wrong one’ll do (yeah, baby, you).
    [Outro – vamp]
    Give me sunshine, give me honey,
    backstreet lady, take my money.
    Backstreet! (Backstreet!) Uptown! (Uptown!)
    Right now, baby, I’m broke down!
    [Final chant]
    Hey hey! (Hey hey!)
    Backstreet lady, walk my way!
    Hey hey! (Hey hey!)
    Backstreet lady — not today!
    5 min
  • Whiskey Drinking Women by Tennessee Wayne
    WHISKEY, WHISKEY, WHISKEY.
    Whiskey drinking women too.
    WHISKEY, WHISKEY, WHISKEY.
    Whiskey drinking women too.
    Friday night, Saturday too,
    drink it straight, that’s what they do.
    Whiskey, whiskey, whiskey,
    whiskey drinking women too.
    Ain’t got time for working, no.
    Ain’t got time for love, oh no.
    Whiskey, whiskey, whiskey.
    Whiskey drinking women too.
    They just sip it, tip it, flip it,
    grin and let it burn on through.
    Whiskey, whiskey, whiskey.
    Whiskey drinking women too.
    Not like the girls with wine and lace,
    these ones laugh right in your face.
    Bang it down, another round,
    bang it down, another round.
    Whiskey, whiskey, whiskey.
    Whiskey drinking women too.
    Football night, hockey night,
    whiskey makes it all just right.
    Whiskey, whiskey, whiskey.
    Whiskey drinking women too.
    Hey you beer-drinking fellas,
    better hear this song I tell ya.
    Don’t get between her and her glass,
    she’ll knock you flat on your ass.
    Whiskey, whiskey, whiskey.
    Whiskey drinking women too.
    Bang it down, another round,
    bang it down, another round.
    Whiskey, whiskey, whiskey.
    Whiskey drinking women too!
    6 min

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Better than a chicken jumping rope backwards!