Hey, Heathens! Today we have Moses going to Mt. Sinai to get the 10 commandments. God is very protective of this mountain too.

So it's been a long time since the flimsy covenant with god. So now god proposes a new covenant because that makes sense. Then the Israelites agree to this covenant that they set up with god and get consecrated. Then comes the consecration of the people where Moses sprays animal blood on the altar and on the people. To repeat, he sprayed animal blood on the hundreds of science of thousands of people. That's pretty screwed up.

The next day god generates a dense vape cloud on the mountain and asks Moses to join him. And god tells him that no one else can come and see him. How convenient right. Apparently, Aaron is allowed. God then gives Moses and Aaron the 10 commandments to rule their society. He should have put more thought into that top 10 list.

The Israelites became afraid of god because he rules by fear. Like all great dictators... I mean leaders of our time. God, of course, cannot talk to the people directly because they will die if that happens. You remember Dogma. Then they talk about how to build an altar. If you don't build it perfectly, you're going to get fucked.

God ends this with empty promises and blessings. He has the elders summoned to worship him and the Israelites accept the new covenant for whatever reason. Moses spends 40 days alone on the mountain.

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Today on the Daily Bible Podcast, We have Moses using his big thick staff to part the Red Sea to say his people from the imminent threat God concocted to scare them into believing and trust him.

Last time we had the Israelites leaving out of Egypt after god slaughtered a bunch of kids. They also stole stuff on their way out. It was really stealing because god manipulated their free will so they would give the stuff to the Israelites. They then set out on the journey out of Egypt.

At some point during the journey, God again tampered with the free will of Pharaoh and had him change his mind about letting the Israelites go. He then sends basically his whole army after them to bring them back. On his way there God hinders them with a fog so they don't get too close to the Israelites.

Meanwhile, Moses and his people are stopped by the Red Sea. The people start to freak out so Moses starts to part the sea the night before. It takes all night for the WIND to part the sea. So he has a highspeed wind tunnel that is parting the sea and they just walk through it like nothing is happening.

They get to the other side and god drowns Pharaoh's men because they had caught up to them but not in enough time to be able to turn around before the sea swallowed them up.

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Hey, Heathens! Today we are going through Exodus and continuing our journey with Moses. This is the part where they are apparently wondering around for like 40 years, which has the proto-Jewish people pissed off.

Moses leads them to the desert of Shure where they had been 3 days without water. Of course, it was 3 days because of phrophetic numbers and stuff. They had been all this time without water. So they started to complain. That's when Moses takes out his wood and chunks it into the water to make it sweet, well just to not as salty as his people were being.

Then It goes through this whole explanation for the sabbath where god tells them to gather enough food the day before so they don't have to do any work on the next day. God has mana appear in the morning and quail in the evening.

They travel some more and the Israelites bitching meter starts to overflow so they start bitching for more water. Granted they should be bitching but them bitching is their general demeanor. So god instructs Moses to strike the rock and produce water.

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Today on the Daily Bible Podcast, We have Moses using his big thick staff to part the Red Sea to say his people from the imminent threat God concocted to scare them into believing and trust him.

Last time we had the Israelites leaving out of Egypt after god slaughtered a bunch of kids. They also stole stuff on their way out. It was really stealing because god manipulated their free will so they would give the stuff to the Israelites. They then set out on the journey out of Egypt.

At some point during the journey, God again tampered with the free will of Pharaoh and had him change his mind about letting the Israelites go. He then sends basically his whole army after them to bring them back. On his way there God hinders them with a fog so they don't get too close to the Israelites.

Meanwhile, Moses and his people are stopped by the Red Sea. The people start to freak out so Moses starts to part the sea the night before. It takes all night for the WIND to part the sea. So he has a highspeed wind tunnel that is parting the sea and they just walk through it like nothing is happening.

They get to the other side and god drowns Pharaoh's men because they had caught up to them but not in enough time to be able to turn around before the sea swallowed them up.

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Today on the podcast we are talking about the jews leaving out from Egypt, painting their doors with blood, and robbing the Egyptian people before they bounce.

Last time we left off right as god was about to turn into a real gangsta and kill all the first born. We pick back up at that point and Moses has to layout all the laws concerning the passover. Did you know they should hold a staff while eating with their robs tucked in? It'd suck if you fucked up one thing and got sent to Sheol lol

After telling people how not to get nipped by the angel of death, they all slaughter the animals and paint their doors with the blood of their animal sacrifices. Cause that doesn't sound creepy as fuck, nor like a serial killer. So that night, all the kids die and there wasn't a single house in Egypt that didn't have a dead kid in it. God did kill everyone on earth except for that Noah fuck so these kids didn't mean shit to him.

Then they get called to Pharaoh and told to get the fuck out. They did but they also took all the silver from the Egyptian people. God basically changed their free will to be more susceptible to the Jews.

Next time, Pharaoh has regrets and chases down Moses.

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Today we have the rest of the Egyptian plagues. First we have dead animals, but obviously, not all the animals except the Bible says all the animals. it's a little confusing.

So the animals, but not all of them, are dead. Next is the Boils. Moses throws dust up in the air and everyone gets boils for some fucking reason. Next God makes it hail like a motherfucker.

After some back and forth where Pharoah agrees and then goes back on it a couple times, God is like "fuck you Pharoah for doing shit I need you to do" so he proceeds to send locust to gobble up all their food. Then he turns out all the light. Except for the Golem town where the Jews live. They get light. It was pitch black too... like the sun had been removed from the sky or something.

Then God basically tells Moses to steal from the Egyptians by asking for their silver and gold. This is because Pharoah will drive them all the way out when God kills his son.

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Today we have Moses causing the Plagues on the Egyptians. We are covering Exodus 5-8 and it's only half of the plagues. Basically, Moses turns his one-eyed trouser snake into a rod and back again. I think...

So we have Moses coming to Pharoah, which God has already hardened his heart btw, and asking him for a 3-day vacation in the desert. Pharoah doesn't like this idea so he tells them to fuck off. God is pissed because Pharoah does what God hardened his heart to do so he decides to turn the waters red with blood. Apparently, the water was so putrid people couldn't drink it... I would think the immense amount of fucking blood would do the trick.

Pharoah is still hardened so God sends another plague... frogs. Frogs swarmed the land. I guess they were signs that the Alt-Right Moses group wasn't going anywhere. The army of Pepe's would have done the trick.

Pharoah is unphased. So God Sends Lice. Pharoah is still not taking the bait. So he gives them flies like they are at a massive outdoor bar-b-que. Then God kills the livestock because fuck those animals. Then he sends boils. Pharoah's heart is still hardened.

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Today on the Daily Bible Podcast, we are tackling Exodus with Moses' birth and hallucination experience. Basically, it's a Jewish version of Sargon of Akkad.

So Moses is caught up in a mass killing of little kids ordered by the pharaoh. Does this sound familiar at all? This is the exact same shit that Jesus went through. Anyways, his mother keeps him till he is 3 months old and then puts him in a basket and floats him down the river. Moses' sister sees that Pharoah's daughter actually finds Moses and Pharoah agree to allow her to raise the child.

Fast Forward some years because during a hero epic you don't tell people about the person's childhood. Moses learns of his Jewish heritage so he goes out and kills an Egyptian, as one does when they find out they are Jewish. He then flees because the Pharoah found out what he did. He goes to Midian where he is gifted a wife because they are property here because he fed some hillbilly's sheep.

Some time passes and Moses has some kids. In a sleep deprived hallucination, God tells Moses to go to Egypt. Moses, being directly in the line of Joseph, whines like a bitch. Reluctantly Moses agrees to go and free his people in Egypt. On the way, though , God tries to either kill him or his son.... for God reasons.

Thinking quickly, Moses' wife does an emergency circumcision on their son and throws the foreskin at the feet of Moses. God was please by this show of insanity or maybe he was scared and didn't wanna fuck with the crazy woman.

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So first up today on the Daily Bible Podcast, we have Jacob dying and naming the 12 tribes of Isreal and Joseph dies as well rounding out genesis.

Jacob is dying and he gathers his sons around him. He basically steals two of Joseph's sons from him and says they will have tribes as well. I mean honestly that makes Jacob a bit of a dick and Joseph a cuck. He pretty much tells the fates of each tribe of Israel. Basically the only one that comes out on top is Judah. 12 is a prophetic number in the Bible. 12 will go on to be a representative of Israel.

Joseph dies too. He asks them to bury him with his father but they bury him in Egypt. Because they are dicks.

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In today's episode, We find out how the Jews were enslaved by the Egyptians. Actually, it's more like severe buyers remorse. They proposed the deal, don't bitch about it because you didn't think about it all the way through.

We start out where we left off and that is Joseph calling for his father to come and live with him because they will die otherwise. So Jacob/Isreal comes and cries like a bitch for his son who he thought was dead because his shit head bros sold him off. I swear that had to of been a constant thing for Joseph to throw at them too. Just whenever they bitch about something he would respond with "Well it's not like being sold into slavery by your brothers." The shade would be strong.

Eventually, Jacob ran out of money to buy food so they traded livestock. Once he was out of that Jacob sold himself and his whole group of people... you know the Jews. Of course, it was either do that or die from starvation.

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