If you’re in leadership, or a boss of some kind, and you wake up one morning realizing you don’t appreciate those you lead, it’s time to make a change. The change won’t come immediately, and it won’t be easy, however, realizing it is a great first step. The second step is to repair the relationship with those you’re managing.

Remember that leading is only effective through influence. When you are leading people, they aren’t following you because of the words you say, they are following you because you’ve influenced them to do so. Lack of influence equals lack of followers.

This also applies to parenting. As parents we are leaders of our family. Over the weekend, I was given some advice as I’m looking to repair the relationship with my kids. When my kids were younger, I implemented a coaching parenting style – I wouldn’t advise that style.  Now that I’m older and have read numerous parenting books, I realized my error and have spent this year finding ways to strengthen our relationship.

The advice that was given to me is when they do something positive say, “thank you.” In addition to saying “thank you” follow it up with how their action made you feel: “Thank you, that made me feel good.” This simple acknowledgement works in the home front and at the office.  By communicating to them you feel good because of their action, you are placing a value on them and their action.

The twentieth book read in July was, “Screw Being Shy,” written by first time author, Mark Metry. Mark is a LinkedIn Influencer and the creator/host of the Humans 2.0 Podcast. What I liked most about the book was his honest description of his life, and what he’s learned. It didn’t feel like there was an “agenda” like other books I’ve read.

Another facet of the book I liked was the diversity in subject matter as it relates to our emotions and behaviors. From serotonin being produced by the gut to algorithms not caring about our happiness.

With all the good information provided by the book, the one thing that jumped out to me the most was his two daily reminders of “You’re Gonna Die One Day.” He writes:

Reminding yourself you are going to die is not only the best invention of life,

but is also the deepest sense of motivation that exists on planet earth.

So once at 9:00 AM and again at 3:00 PM, Mark is reminded through a notification that reads: “You’re gonna die one day.” I’ve always believed living like we are dying is the best way to live, having two notifications to remind us of the fact is genius and on a whole another level.

In the book, Lincoln the Unknown, Dale Carnegie describes a man who out of honor married Mary Todd.  He didn't love her. As Dale describes in the book, Lincoln was unhappy to be married to Mary Todd. 

At forty-nine where has he arrived after all his years of struggle?

In business, he had been a failure

“With me,” Lincoln confessed, “the race of ambition has been a failure, a flat failure.”

Seven years later, Lincoln would be killed. What he accomplished in those seven years would make him arguably the greatest American leader. Could he have accomplished this without having a foundation of honor? A foundation so strong, he married someone he didn't love because he verbally committed to her years earlier. 

Would you trade happiness for honor? 

An activity audit is something I created to help entrepreneurs examine all the activities they are involved in on a daily basis. To conduct an activity audit, get away from familiar surroundings that may distract you from having the right focus. Commit to spending at least six hours isolated from anyone you know or anything digital. If you can spend more time away, that would only enhance the experience. Former Microsoft CEO and noted philanthropist, Bill Gates, takes an annual “Think Week” which is a week or two away from everything.

Once you are away, spend the first couple of hours flushing out the digital imprint on your mind. Keep an open and non-judgemental mind as you prepare to write out a list of all the activities you are involved in. Write out four column headers :  Vocation, Side-Hustle/Hobby, Volunteering, and Community. Under each column, write a list of activities you’re involved in with each category. Once you’ve written out every activity, circle the ones you enjoy doing and draw a line through the ones you don’t. What does the list look like? If you find most of the activities are crossed out, you’ll need to find healthy replacements. If you find all of them are circled, you may need to prioritize some of them to free up more time. Remember to not get discouraged or beat yourself up as you evaluate your list.

What I especially love about conducting an activity audit away from people and digital is the clarity you receive when you’re done. Not only will you have a clear understanding of what to do next, you’ll have an increased level of self-confidence to actually make the change.