The Season 4 Finale is here! Welcome to Episode 9 of Season 4 of the Dating After Divorce Survival Guide. 

Seasons change as do situations. Life is a mixed bag of peaks and valleys. The thing about life is that it isn’t fair and doesn’t care about what you’re going through or whatever relationship issues you may be having when it decides that it isn’t going to be fair. In this episode, life moves in the direction of the real where being grown will truly be tested.

This episode is dedicated to the memory of Jobe Leon Payne, my father. To learn more about his groundbreaking work in the medical and healthcare education and donate to the foundation named in his honor that will continue to advance his legacy of scholarship and servant leadership, please visit: jobepaynefoundation.org

IG: @datingafterdivorcesurvival & @ericlpayne

Good things are in store. Stay in touch and visit the official website datingafterdivorce.guide to sign up for updates. 

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Thank you, for listening! If this is your first time:

• The best place to begin here is all the way that the beginning, Season One, Episode One. That way you won't feel the way I do when I get to a party a little late and everyone there is acting like they're best friends.
• Please subscribe and recommend this podcast to two people (2) who you think will enjoy it. Did I mention subscribing? Subscribe and never miss an episode. 
• If you listen on Spotify, just hit the “Follow” button. 
• Please, follow the Dating After Divorce music playlist to follow all the tunes that influenced my life while I was going through it: https://epayne.me/playlist
• Read my article, Dating In My Forties, over at Medium for free as a Friend of the Dating After Divorce Survival Guide. Read the article here. You can read all my articles on Medium at: medium.com/@ericpayne

When the past sends you a text, you:

1. respond happily and pick up where you left off.
2. ignore it and possibly block them.
3. run like the wind.
4. break your phone, then change your number.
5. Some of the above.
6. None of the above.

In Episode 8 of Season 4, the Past makes a surprise appearance in my life while I navigate a new career opportunity, my singleness, am uncomfortable walk down social media memory lane, and my growing hypocrisy as it relates to one person in particular. Topics covered in this episode: managing expectations in relationships and managing emotions because of and despite past and present traumas.

IG: @datingafterdivorcesurvival & @ericlpayne

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This episode is in loving and brotherly memory of Hasan Jelani Durley [July 6, 1974 - January 31, 2022] Learn more: https://www.gofundme.com/f/hasan-durley-love-offering

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Thank you, for listening! If this is your first time:

• The best place to begin here is all the way that the beginning, Season One, Episode One. That way you won't feel the way I do when I get to a party a little late and everyone there is acting like they're best friends.
• Please subscribe and recommend this podcast to two people (2) who you think will enjoy it. Did I mention subscribing? Subscribe and never miss an episode. 
• If you listen on Spotify, just hit the “Follow” button. 
• Please, follow the Dating After Divorce music playlist to follow all the tunes that influenced my life while I was going through it: https://epayne.me/playlist
• Read my article, Dating In My Forties, over at Medium for free as a Friend of the Dating After Divorce Survival Guide. Read the article here. You can read all my articles on Medium at: medium.com/@ericpayne

Picking up where we left off at Episode 6: After a year of misses capped off by holiday heartache, I have an “aha” moment that leads me to create new boundaries, manage my expectations, and finally gain peace of mind as it relates to my ex-wife and all my relationships. But in almost the same breath, I break an old boundary in a moment of weakness as I move two steps forward but three steps backward into 2019. Be sure you listen to the end. Every fight isn't worth winning. Sometimes you simply have to walk away.

IG: @datingafterdivorcesurvival & @ericlpayne

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Thank you, for listening! If this is your first time:

• The best place to begin here is all the way that the beginning, Season One, Episode One. That way you won't feel the way I do when I get to a party a little late and everyone there is acting like they're best friends.
• Please subscribe and recommend this podcast to two people (2) who you think will enjoy it. Did I mention subscribing? Subscribe and never miss an episode. 
• If you listen on Spotify, just hit the “Follow” button. 
• Please, follow the Dating After Divorce music playlist to follow all the tunes that influenced my life while I was going through it: https://epayne.me/playlist
• Read my article, Dating In My Forties, over at Medium for free as a Friend of the Dating After Divorce Survival Guide. Read the article here. You can read all my articles on Medium at: medium.com/@ericpayne

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Resources from the Episode : 

You are Beautiful, Inside & Out and You are NOT Your Past and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise: https://epayne.me/podmerch

Sign up for episode recaps from me, dating Q&As, access to exclusive merch, and more: http://patreon.com/ericpayne

Get control of YOUR time. It’s your most precious asset: https://epayne.me/self-care

Thanksgiving isn't about pilgrims for me. It's all about gratitude. In this short bonus episode, I reflect on what it means to be divorced and single during the holidays and why that isn't a bad thing.

If you enjoyed the episode:

• Please subscribe and recommend this podcast to two people (2) who you think will enjoy it. Did I mention subscribing? Subscribe and never miss an episode. 
• If you listen on Spotify, just hit the “Follow” button. 
• Please, follow the Dating After Divorce music playlist to follow all the tunes that influenced my life while I was going through it: https://epayne.me/playlist
• Read my article, Dating In My Forties, over at Medium for free as a Friend of the Dating After Divorce Survival Guide. Read the article here.

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If you're new to this podcast:

Thank you for visiting and I hope you'll stay awhile! The best place to begin here is all the way that the beginning, Season One, Episode One. That way you won't feel the way I do when I get to a party a little late and everyone there is acting like they're best friends.

"What if?" is right up there with "Why?" as far as a question that has no real answers and honestly isn't worth asking to begin with unless discussing alternative realities and timelines in comic books. But that has never stopped anyone from asking this of themselves, especially when it comes to love and romance and heartbreak and failure.

What if you could do it all over again or do things differently? Would you escape failure? Would you circumvent pain? Would you still be married? Would you be better at dating? Would you be happier? Do you truly know that if you handled “things” whatever those things are (love, communication, your emotions) things would’ve gone any differently?

How would you know? How could you know?

In Episode Six of Season Four of The Dating After Divorce Survival Guide, the question of “what if” comes up when I get triggered after stumbling upon an artifact from my past. What if I had handled it all differently? Would I have gotten married? Would I be dating after divorce? Would I have more children?

This episode goes deep to address:

• Why not having an opinion can be dangerous
• What happens when a woman can’t rely on a man
• Why doing something is better than doing nothing
• Why the past and all its failures and shortcomings will always be a prison if you allow it to be, and 
• How to spin “What if?” from a question that can imprison you in regret into a personal challenge that puts you in charge of your life.

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If you enjoyed the episode:

• Please subscribe and recommend this podcast to two people (2) who you think will enjoy it. Did I mention subscribing? Subscribe and never miss an episode. 
• If you listen on Spotify, just hit the “Follow” button. 
• Please, follow the Dating After Divorce music playlist to follow all the tunes that influenced my life while I was going through it: https://epayne.me/playlist
• Read my article, Dating In My Forties, over at Medium for free as a Friend of the Dating After Divorce Survival Guide. Read the article here.

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If you're new to this podcast:

Thank you for visiting and I hope you'll stay awhile! The best place to begin here is all the way that the beginning, Season One, Episode One. That way you won't feel the way I do when I get to a party a little late and everyone there is acting like they're best friends.

Resources from the Episode : 

You are Beautiful, Inside & Out and You are NOT Your Past and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise: https://epayne.me/podmerch

Sign up for episode recaps from me, dating Q&As, access to exclusive merch, and more: http://patreon.com/ericpayne

Get control of YOUR time. It’s your most precious asset: https://epayne.me/self-care

"So, I typed a text to a girl I used to see/Sayin' that I chose this cutie pie with whom I wanna be...."

André 3000 made a choice of with whom he wanted to be in his opening verse of Int'l Players Anthem. How many of us are choosing what we want versus going with what is right in front of us, what is within reach, what is easy, or what appears to yield results with the least amount of effort or risk...to our egos? Rejection is REAL and it cuts like a knife. No judgments here for not wanting to deal with it. But during the events of this episode, I learn to face it head-on.

The ability to choose is a powerful asset to have in your dating/love and happiness toolkit. In this episode, I share why it is of the utmost importance that YOU choose at every stage of the dating experience, most importantly, the beginning; what happens when you don't; and a simple mindset shift that will help you leverage your past setbacks, failures, and pain to propel you forward through any challenge that comes your way. After all, what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger.

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If you enjoyed the episode:

• Please subscribe and recommend this podcast to two people (2) who you think will enjoy it. Did I mention subscribing? Subscribe and never miss an episode. 
• If you listen on Spotify, just hit the “Follow” button. 
• Please, follow the Dating After Divorce music playlist to follow all the tunes that influenced my life while I was going through it: https://epayne.me/playlist
• Read my article, Dating In My Forties, over at Medium for free as a Friend of the Dating After Divorce Survival Guide. Read the article here.

-------------------------

If you're new to this podcast:

Thank you for visiting and I hope you'll stay awhile! The best place to begin here is all the way that the beginning, Season One, Episode One. That way you won't feel the way I do when I get to a party a little later and everyone else is already dancing.

Resources from the Episode : 

You are Beautiful, Inside & Out and You are NOT Your Past and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise: https://epayne.me/podmerch

Sign up for episode recaps from me, dating Q&As, access to exclusive merch, and more: http://patreon.com/ericpayne

Get control of YOUR time. It’s your most precious asset: https://epayne.me/self-care

Episode 6 is coming soon!

Things don't always go as planned or envisioned. When this happens what do you do? Do you run away or do you stand and see your way through the mess? I experience this in grand fashion during Episode Four of Season Four. Things start off calmly enough with me trying to meet up in person with The Woman Dressed in Black I met in Episode 2 (Season Four), but things take a turn and accelerate full-speed into the unexpected. After all, isn't that one of the main things that makes life the beautiful tapestry of experiences that it is? In this episode, I come face to face with the unexpected and learn that much more about myself in the process.

Episode Hot Takes:

• Emotional Desire versus Physical Desire vs. Chemistry
• What to do when it's you not them
• As always, the gift of the cold hard truth and learning how to be honest with yourself and your feelings, despite the urgings of others
• Pretty is, but pretty so what?
• Learning how to exercise grace rather than "winning"
• Why unfollowing on social media matters (it doesn't)
• Acknowledging pain and talking honestly about it with God

If you enjoyed the episode:

• Please subscribe and recommend this podcast to two people (2) who you think will enjoy it. Did I mention subscribing? Subscribe and never miss an episode. 
• If you listen on Spotify, just hit the “Follow” button. 
• Check out my bonus episode, Dating In My Forties, featured on Medium here: https://datingafterdivorce.guide/episode/dating-in-my-forties
• Please, follow the Dating After Divorce music playlist to follow all the tunes that influenced my life while I was going through it: https://epayne.me/playlist

To My First-Time Listeners: Thank you for listening! If you want to truly know what's going on you need to go back to Season One, Episode One, because that is where the story starts.

In this installment of the Dating After Divorce Survival Guide, my family life and my dating life begin to intersect. My youngest is older and has some pretty strong opinions on how her mother and I should be conducting ourselves as single, dating people. I call the woman who was Dressed In All Black Like the Omen (Episode 2) and I'm faced with a great opportunity, but my ego may be in the way...or perhaps it is my savior in disguise.

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To learn more about the show and more, visit: http://datingafterdivorce.guide 

To follow me on Instagram: http://instragram.com/ericlpayne and http://instagram.com/datingafterdivorceguide

To subscribe to the podcast's music playlist on Spotify visit: https://epayne.me/playlist

If you're new to this podcast, thank you for visiting and I hope you'll stay awhile! The best place to begin here is all the way that the beginning, Season One, Episode One. That way you won't feel the way I do when I get to a party a little later and everyone else is already dancing.

Resources from the Episode : 

You are Beautiful, Inside & Out and You are NOT Your Past and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise: https://epayne.me/podmerch

Get control of YOUR time. It’s your most precious asset: https://epayne.me/self-care

Learn your worth. Speak your worth! https://gumroad.com/l/MinpA

This is a bonus episode, y'all! I wrote an article over at Medium and was encouraged to narrate it as well. Of course, that meant I had to share with all of you. I'll tease the content here but for the full transcript, visit www.medium.com/@ericPayne

TRANSCRIPT:

Dating In My Forties, by Eric Payne

By the time you read this, I will be nearing my fiftieth year on this planet though most mistake me for an old thirty-five or a young thirty-eight. When making conversation with strangers in public places such as gas stations, grocery stores, and parks, I’m struck when people either my age or younger occasionally address me as “young man.” I make no effort to correct them. Instead, I appreciate that life has been kind to my appearance, everything considered. I have two children — a twenty-six-year-old son and a fifteen-year-old daughter who is wise beyond her years, as most teenage girls are. On paper, I have joint custody of the youngest with their mother. But honestly, it’s often hard to think of myself as anything other than a single father. I’m the only adult in my house. When my life as Dad challenges and stretches me, no one is there to guide me with that needed woman’s touch — to let me know I’ve said too little or too much or am applying too much pressure or not enough. Of course, my ex-wife is only a phone call away, but in these moments, there is no teammate present to step in to catch my fumble, run the ball for me when I’m headed straight into interference, or tell me to take a seat so she can do her thing. At least, that is what I believe should happen in the moments when I’m out of ideas and patience...

Read the full article/transcript here with your exclusive Patron of the Dating After Divorce Survival Guide Link!

Thank you for listening! If you like what you hear or read, please share with someone you believe will benefit.

Much Love,

E

You have to be old enough to have seen The Omen AND current enough (if you call the 90s current) to remember Lil’ Kim’s iconic line in “All About the Benjamins” to catch the reference I’m dropping here. Episode 2 of Season 4 of The Dating After Divorce Survival Guide continues with the ongoing my ongoing post-divorce journey. Broken boundaries, making myself small, the past, present, and an unconfirmed future relationship collide at a birthday party where my insecurities are running high from the way I look, what I have to offer as a person, to the clothes I'm wearing. Although the growth is real, there are still many stumbling blocks along the way that this divorced guy has to overcome. 

Visit http://datingafterdivorce.guide to learn more about the show, me, my Patreon support channel and more! 

Follow me on Instagram at http://instragram.com/ericlpayne and http://instagram.com/datingafterdivorceguide

Subscribe to the playlist featuring the music that inspires the podcast here: https://epayne.me/playlist

If you're new to this podcast, thank you for visiting and I hope you'll stay awhile! The best place to begin here is all the way that the beginning, Season One, Episode One. That way you won't feel the way I do when I get to a party a little later and everyone else is already dancing.

Resources from the Episode : 

You are Beautiful, Inside & Out and You are NOT Your Past and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise: https://epayne.me/podmerch

Sign up for episode recaps from me, dating Q&As, access to exclusive merch, and more: http://patreon.com/ericpayne

Get control of YOUR time. It’s your most precious asset: https://epayne.me/self-care

Learn your worth. Speak your worth! https://gumroad.com/l/MinpA