The Dating After Divorce Survival Guide™️

People-pleasing begins very early. It's based on our innate desire for approval as children. It can also be observed in others, such as our parents, and learned through misguided understandings of religious dogma.

Now, imagine treating as a superpower to deal with internalized trauma.it

If left unchecked, it can be embraced as an identity that negatively impacts how we show up and who we show up as in our relationships, platonic, romantic, professional, and otherwise.

Based on the article, Built to Endure, Not to Last

Subscribe to my Substack at: https://ericleonpayne.substack.com

Buy me a cup of coffee here: https://buymeacoffee.com/ericleonpayne

If I could time travel, I wouldn't play the stock market. I'd show up at my high school locker to confront my former self. To comfort him. To warn him.

I honestly would not.

We often torture ourselves in the present for something we didn’t know or have the capacity to do differently in the past.

I know I have, and I wasted a lot of time doing it.

Even if you willingly went into a situation “wrong and strong” you were operating based on the knowledge and tools (or lack thereof) that you had available to you then.

Time, experience, and failures often wisen us up. Then we take what we learn and chastise our former, non-existent selves. Overlooking the obvious: those experiences are what created the learning and wisdom that benefits you now.

Yes, it may have sucked. But you don’t suck, and those things don't exist anymore, except in your mind. Give your previous self a break and thank them for teaching you the lessons you now know.

Listen to the episode to learn grace and forgiveness, for yourself.

Based on the article, Too Much Pomade, Not Enough Waves

Subscribe to my Substack at: https://ericleonpayne.substack.com

Buy me a cup of coffee here: https://buymeacoffee.com/ericleonpayne

After a four-year break, we're back! Welcome to Season 5, "The Seasoning."

Before I got grown and started losing grown-up things, I lost something more precious as a child — my sense of self.

This is a prequel narration of sorts. My beginnings that led to Seasons 1-4 of the Dating After Divorce Survival Guide™️: an only child's very early fight for purpose, meaning, and self-esteem in the face of being seen but not heard, teased by classmates, and taught old-time religion.

Based on the article, God Lives in the Ceiling

For the more stories like these, please visit and subscribe to my Substack, The Bounceback.

After a nearly four-year hiatus, The Dating After Divorce Survival Guide™️ is back, revisiting the old and sharing the new on life and lessons learned from the wilderness of post-divorce, love, dating, parenting, living, grief, and growing.

Season 5, "The Seasoning," debuts Friday, March 6, 2026.

The Season 4 Finale is here! Welcome to Episode 9 of Season 4 of the Dating After Divorce Survival Guide.

Seasons change as do situations. Life is a mixed bag of peaks and valleys. The thing about life is that it isn’t fair and doesn’t care about what you’re going through or whatever relationship issues you may be having when it decides that it isn’t going to be fair. In this episode, life moves in the direction of the real where being grown will truly be tested.

This episode is dedicated to the memory of Jobe Leon Payne, my father. To learn more about his groundbreaking work in the medical and healthcare education and donate to the foundation named in his honor that will continue to advance his legacy of scholarship and servant leadership, please visit: jobepaynefoundation.org

IG: @datingafterdivorcesurvival & @ericlpayne

Good things are in store. Stay in touch and visit the official website datingafterdivorce.guide to sign up for updates.

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Thank you, for listening! If this is your first time:

1. The best place to begin here is all the way that the beginning, Season One, Episode One. That way you won't feel the way I do when I get to a party a little late and everyone there is acting like they're best friends.
2. Please subscribe and recommend this podcast to two people (2) who you think will enjoy it. Did I mention subscribing? Subscribe and never miss an episode.
3. If you listen on Spotify, just hit the “Follow” button.
4. Please, follow the Dating After Divorce music playlist to follow all the tunes that influenced my life while I was going through it: https://epayne.me/playlist
5. Read my article, Dating In My Forties, over at Medium for free as a Friend of the Dating After Divorce Survival Guide. Read the article here. You can read all my articles on Medium at: medium.com/@ericpayne

When the past sends you a text, you:

1. respond happily and pick up where you left off.
2. ignore it and possibly block them.
3. run like the wind.
4. break your phone, then change your number.
5. Some of the above.
6. None of the above.

In Episode 8 of Season 4, the Past makes a surprise appearance in my life while I navigate a new career opportunity, my singleness, am uncomfortable walk down social media memory lane, and my growing hypocrisy as it relates to one person in particular. Topics covered in this episode: managing expectations in relationships and managing emotions because of and despite past and present traumas.

IG: @datingafterdivorcesurvival & @ericlpayne

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This episode is in loving and brotherly memory of Hasan Jelani Durley [July 6, 1974 - January 31, 2022] Learn more: https://www.gofundme.com/f/hasan-durley-love-offering

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Thank you, for listening! If this is your first time:

1. The best place to begin here is all the way that the beginning, Season One, Episode One. That way you won't feel the way I do when I get to a party a little late and everyone there is acting like they're best friends.
2. Please subscribe and recommend this podcast to two people (2) who you think will enjoy it. Did I mention subscribing? Subscribe and never miss an episode.
3. If you listen on Spotify, just hit the “Follow” button.
4. Please, follow the Dating After Divorce music playlist to follow all the tunes that influenced my life while I was going through it: https://epayne.me/playlist
5. Read my article, Dating In My Forties, over at Medium for free as a Friend of the Dating After Divorce Survival Guide. Read the article here. You can read all my articles on Medium at: medium.com/@ericpayne

Picking up where we left off at Episode 6: After a year of misses capped off by holiday heartache, I have an “aha” moment that leads me to create new boundaries, manage my expectations, and finally gain peace of mind as it relates to my ex-wife and all my relationships. But in almost the same breath, I break an old boundary in a moment of weakness as I move two steps forward but three steps backward into 2019. Be sure you listen to the end. Every fight isn't worth winning. Sometimes you simply have to walk away.

IG: @datingafterdivorcesurvival & @ericlpayne

------------------------

Thank you, for listening! If this is your first time:

1. The best place to begin here is all the way that the beginning, Season One, Episode One. That way you won't feel the way I do when I get to a party a little late and everyone there is acting like they're best friends.
2. Please subscribe and recommend this podcast to two people (2) who you think will enjoy it. Did I mention subscribing? Subscribe and never miss an episode.
3. If you listen on Spotify, just hit the “Follow” button.
4. Please, follow the Dating After Divorce music playlist to follow all the tunes that influenced my life while I was going through it: https://epayne.me/playlist
5. Read my article, Dating In My Forties, over at Medium for free as a Friend of the Dating After Divorce Survival Guide. Read the article here. You can read all my articles on Medium at: medium.com/@ericpayne

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Resources from the Episode :

You are Beautiful, Inside & Out and You are NOT Your Past and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise: https://epayne.me/podmerch

Sign up for episode recaps from me, dating Q&As, access to exclusive merch, and more: http://patreon.com/ericpayne

Get control of YOUR time. It’s your most precious asset: https://epayne.me/self-care

Thanksgiving isn't about pilgrims for me. It's all about gratitude. In this short bonus episode, I reflect on what it means to be divorced and single during the holidays and why that isn't a bad thing.

If you enjoyed the episode:

• Please subscribe and recommend this podcast to two people (2) who you think will enjoy it. Did I mention subscribing? Subscribe and never miss an episode. 
• If you listen on Spotify, just hit the “Follow” button. 
• Please, follow the Dating After Divorce music playlist to follow all the tunes that influenced my life while I was going through it: https://epayne.me/playlist
• Read my article, Dating In My Forties, over at Medium for free as a Friend of the Dating After Divorce Survival Guide. Read the article here.

-------------------------

If you're new to this podcast:

Thank you for visiting and I hope you'll stay awhile! The best place to begin here is all the way that the beginning, Season One, Episode One. That way you won't feel the way I do when I get to a party a little late and everyone there is acting like they're best friends.

"What if?" is right up there with "Why?" as far as a question that has no real answers and honestly isn't worth asking to begin with unless discussing alternative realities and timelines in comic books. But that has never stopped anyone from asking this of themselves, especially when it comes to love and romance and heartbreak and failure.

What if you could do it all over again or do things differently? Would you escape failure? Would you circumvent pain? Would you still be married? Would you be better at dating? Would you be happier? Do you truly know that if you handled “things” whatever those things are (love, communication, your emotions) things would’ve gone any differently?

How would you know? How could you know?

In Episode Six of Season Four of The Dating After Divorce Survival Guide, the question of “what if” comes up when I get triggered after stumbling upon an artifact from my past. What if I had handled it all differently? Would I have gotten married? Would I be dating after divorce? Would I have more children?

This episode goes deep to address:

1. Why not having an opinion can be dangerous
2. What happens when a woman can’t rely on a man
3. Why doing something is better than doing nothing
4. Why the past and all its failures and shortcomings will always be a prison if you allow it to be, and
5. How to spin “What if?” from a question that can imprison you in regret into a personal challenge that puts you in charge of your life.

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If you enjoyed the episode:

1. Please subscribe and recommend this podcast to two people (2) who you think will enjoy it. Did I mention subscribing? Subscribe and never miss an episode.
2. If you listen on Spotify, just hit the “Follow” button.
3. Please, follow the Dating After Divorce music playlist to follow all the tunes that influenced my life while I was going through it: https://epayne.me/playlist
4. Read my article, Dating In My Forties, over at Medium for free as a Friend of the Dating After Divorce Survival Guide. Read the article here.

-------------------------

If you're new to this podcast:

Thank you for visiting and I hope you'll stay awhile! The best place to begin here is all the way that the beginning, Season One, Episode One. That way you won't feel the way I do when I get to a party a little late and everyone there is acting like they're best friends.

Resources from the Episode :

You are Beautiful, Inside & Out and You are NOT Your Past and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise: https://epayne.me/podmerch

Sign up for episode recaps from me, dating Q&As, access to exclusive merch, and more: http://patreon.com/ericpayne

Get control of YOUR time. It’s your most precious asset: https://epayne.me/self-care

"So, I typed a text to a girl I used to see/Sayin' that I chose this cutie pie with whom I wanna be...."

André 3000 made a choice of with whom he wanted to be in his opening verse of Int'l Players Anthem. How many of us are choosing what we want versus going with what is right in front of us, what is within reach, what is easy, or what appears to yield results with the least amount of effort or risk...to our egos? Rejection is REAL and it cuts like a knife. No judgments here for not wanting to deal with it. But during the events of this episode, I learn to face it head-on.

The ability to choose is a powerful asset to have in your dating/love and happiness toolkit. In this episode, I share why it is of the utmost importance that YOU choose at every stage of the dating experience, most importantly, the beginning; what happens when you don't; and a simple mindset shift that will help you leverage your past setbacks, failures, and pain to propel you forward through any challenge that comes your way. After all, what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger.

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If you enjoyed the episode:

1. Please subscribe and recommend this podcast to two people (2) who you think will enjoy it. Did I mention subscribing? Subscribe and never miss an episode.
2. If you listen on Spotify, just hit the “Follow” button.
3. Please, follow the Dating After Divorce music playlist to follow all the tunes that influenced my life while I was going through it: https://epayne.me/playlist
4. Read my article, Dating In My Forties, over at Medium for free as a Friend of the Dating After Divorce Survival Guide. Read the article here.

-------------------------

If you're new to this podcast:

Thank you for visiting and I hope you'll stay awhile! The best place to begin here is all the way that the beginning, Season One, Episode One. That way you won't feel the way I do when I get to a party a little later and everyone else is already dancing.

Resources from the Episode :

You are Beautiful, Inside & Out and You are NOT Your Past and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise: https://epayne.me/podmerch

Sign up for episode recaps from me, dating Q&As, access to exclusive merch, and more: http://patreon.com/ericpayne

Get control of YOUR time. It’s your most precious asset: https://epayne.me/self-care

Episode 6 is coming soon!