Insecurity got the better of me not too long ago. Some feedback on my first book, or rather the lack of it, led me to self-doubt and feeling like an imposter. I decided it was time to rewrite the book.

Funny thing happened when I started reading it. I went from one extreme to the other. I got my confidence back. It's a great story. I love it. Yeah, it could use some polishing but it's pretty damn good as is.

So what changed? Nothing really. The book is the same. I am making the changes but they aren't published yet. That's the thing. If anything changed, it was me changing my mind about how I felt.

This means I am in control of my feelings and mood. I let outside influences affect my mood but ultimately it's my decision. Why would I give that control to anything or anyone?

Also, comparing myself to others is another bad habit I have which I let influence my mood. I cover it more in this episode.

This is the book I am talking about rewriting: https://amzn.to/2LdXT8G

I have my up days and I have my down days. The day I recorded this was a down day. I felt lower than whale shit. The first thing I decide to do was to go see a movie and eat some popcorn. That helped a bit. Next, was a nap and then, the recording of this podcast.

In this episode, I talk about anxiety and depression. I don't have a solution for you, but I do document me trying to work through it myself. I have been dealing with and working on my mental health for years now. The weird thing is that it's like physical health, I know what to eat, what activities to do, and what kind of environment I should be in for optimal health but I don't always do it.

The big take away from this is reminding myself the things that give us anxiety and depression don't really exist. They are figments of our imagination. Really!

I know the title is deceiving as I haven't actually sold one million books and am now passing on that knowledge to you. In Episode 17 I made the declaration that I was in the process of selling one million books. This is me documenting the process.

Make no mistake, I have no idea how I'm going to sell one million books, but when it happens, we'll have these podcasts and videos telling the story of how I did it.

This episode is a little selfish because not only am I sharing where I am in the book publishing process, but I am making a big announcement. One of them is that The Whore, Marisol Rivera is free on Amazon for Cinco de Mayo. The other? You'll have to tune in.

If you are listening to this on Cinco de Mayo 2018 follow this link to get your free copy of "The Whore, Marisol Rivera."

https://amzn.to/2waeR4r

I have both blogged and vlogged about it before. I even think the article got picked up by The Goodmen Project, now that I think about it. I recently had an experience that reaffirms what I believe about doing what you love. I went salsa dancing.

For the past four Tuesdays, I have gone to salsa class. The is the first time I have taken a partner's hand in four years maybe. What took me so long? With just an hour a week, my quality of life has improved so much.

.

This is the importance of doing what you love. IT MAKES YOUR LIFE BETTER! It does not have to be your job or career life everyone insists. Just do what you love even if it is just an hour a week. Your whole life will improve.

Also, I meant to get into this a little more, but I think that the miserable people of the world are so because they do not do what they love.

I am a firm believer in affirmations. Some people call them prayers, some refer it to as putting it out there in the universe. Whatever! All I know is that if I write something down, say it out loud, or think about it often; it WILL happen. All that being said, I thought it was time that I made a declaration.

I am in the process of selling a million books. ONE MILLION!

I have had such a strong desire to say it out loud—to publish it on the internet for some reason—but what good is it to anyone for me to do that. So what I have decided to do is to document the process. I am going to share what it is I am doing as I reach my goal of one million books sold.

In this episode, I not only make my declaration I feel so strongly about, but I also catch everyone up with where I am in the book writing and publishing process. I could be documenting me falling flat on my face, but I doubt it.

Two things really got me thinking about this topic lately. One, I went and did a reading at a place called Book Bar in Denver. Now, I thought, and have even been told, that I am a good public speaker. I thought I was going to be a natural in front of the mic. I'm a podcaster for Christ's sake! Well, I got nervous and my voice trembled a bit. Overall, I did pretty well but it was not a flawless performance. I would have liked to have done better. That's when I knew I had to do more of them.

The other thing that led me to this podcast topic was "Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee." In listening to Jerry Seinfeld interview all these successful comedians, I learned they all had one thing in common. They were all bad at one point and it took getting on stage over and over again to get better.

In today's episode, I go over the four steps to getting better at anything. Anything you want! If these four steps don't work, I guarantee your money back.

Good question! For the longest time, I thought Mexican was a race and that people who were prejudice against Mexicans were racist. It turns out; I was wrong. That led me to wonder what do I mark when I fill out forms and applications that ask my race?

I was reminded of this when someone posted a question on youtube in response to Episode 5 "Proud to be Mexican-American." In this episode, I answer that question and go over the research I did in order to back up my answer. Yeah, I answered the question BEFORE I did the research. But it had been something I had been pondering on for quite some time.

My research not only reaffirmed what I thought it taught me a lot about Mexico and race. I like how race is a social construct. Oh, I also learned what the word construct means.

What if I told you there was no such thing as race?

Before I discovered I was meant to be a storyteller I wanted to be a health and wellness guru. Someone in the field, someone I looked up to, gave me some really bad advice one day. I followed this advice for several years and was unhappy. Then I noticed so was the person that gave me the advice.

In this episode, I get into the specifics of this example. It has to do with writing and being an author but it applies to life in general.

A recurring theme I seem to be talking about a lot is putting oneself first. Even before this podcast, I talked about it. Doing anything in your life for others is the path to misery. Essentially, because we don't give without the expectation of something in return.

I think a big contributor to the unhappiness of the world is this:

We give something people didn't even ask for and then get pissed because they're not interested, because they didn't buy it, or because they didn't appreciate it.

Put your oxygen mask on first!

Nobody wants your god damn guns. They want children to stop getting murdered.

I never really thought I would be talking about such touchy political subjects but I can't not speak about it. We have people attacking children for voicing their opinion, propaganda all over youtube, a housewife from Arnold, Missouri seeking out fame by brainwashing Americans, and here is the biggest thing, SOME OF US ARE ON THE SAME SIDE!

In this episode, I talk about how divided we are as a country and how we don't need to be. We are acting like junior high kids, and I am being conservative here. It's more like elementary school children. We don't like what people are saying, so we are calling them names. We are throwing fits, stomping our feet and crossing our arms saying "it's not fair." It's time to grow up America. Let's use some common sense. If we calm the fuck down a bit and act like adults, we'll see that many of us are on the same side.

The truth is it's hard!

Someone recently commented on FB that I had "this perfect life." I was like, Dude you have no idea how far from perfect it is. These past two years on the road have been hard.

In this episode, I talk about why vanlife is a lot harder than pictures on Instagram show. The biggest contributor? Isolation. And it's not necessarily because of loneliness. I actually like being alone but the isolation, that's tough. When you are forced to quite your mind, many people don't like what they hear. That's why they do their best to keep their mind occupied with something or anything else. With vanlife, that's not an option. Vanlife forces you to deal with the devil within.

I cover some other things that make it tough too, like money! I forgot to cover dating. I guess we can save that for another episode.