This is 2/4 of my Family Support Kit Series I´ve created for you to navigate your family with more ease over the holidays (or any other time tbh).
In this episode, I share with you my favourite formula for setting boundaries and give you a couple of relatable examples on how to use it. I also make a really important point on family members you won´t be able to change that I feel like is often overlooked when it comes to setting boundaries with your family.
As always, I hope you enjoy the episode and deeply hope it supports you in this most wonderful but at times most challenging time of the year.
Sending you love!
RELATABLE EXAMPLES - BOUNDARY SETTING WITH FAMILY MEMBERS WITH NON-VIOLENT COMMUNICATION
OBSERVATIONS, FEELINGS, NEEDS, REQUESTS
1. Conversation Dominated by Parent
Observation: “I notice that the conversation often turns back to you.”
Feeling: “I feel drained and exhausted.”
Need: “I need space to process my own thoughts.”
Request: “Would it be okay if I take a 10-minute break and then return?”
2. Sensitive Topic Comes Up
Observation: “When the topic of my career comes up, the conversation gets tense.”
Feeling: “I feel anxious and stressed.”
Need: “I need calm and safety in our conversation.”
Request: “Can we pause this topic for now and talk about something lighter?”
3. Overwhelming Social Energy
Observation: “I notice we’ve been around a lot of people today without a break.”
Feeling: “I feel drained and overwhelmed.”
Need: “I need quiet time to recharge.”
Request: “Do you mind if I step outside or go to my room for 20 minutes?”
4. Repetitive Criticism or Judgment
Observation: “I notice comments on how I do things.” (how I look, how my dating life is going, etc.)
Feeling:
“I feel tense.”
Need:
“I need to feel my choices are respected.”
Request:
“Could we focus on enjoying our time together?”
5. Persistent Over-Sharing
Observation: “I notice the conversation often focuses on your challenges.”
Feeling: “I feel exhausted and unheard.”
Need: “I need a balance in our conversation.”
Request: “Could we also talk about neutral or fun topics for a while?”
6. Escalating Argument
Observation: “I notice the discussion is getting heated.”
Feeling: “I feel anxious and upset.”
Need: “I need feel calm and safe.”
Request: “I’m going to take a short break and come back to the conversation when I feel calmer.”
7. Feeling Overwhelmed by Requests
Observation: “I notice there are a lot of expectations of me during the holidays.”
Feeling: “I feel stressed and pressured.”
Need: “I need space to manage my energy.”
Request: “Would it be okay if I step away for a moment to rest before helping?”
8. Triggers from Past Conflicts
Observation: “When past conflicts are brought up, the conversation gets tense.”
Feeling: “I feel uncomfortable and stressed.”
Need: “I need calm and stability.”
Request: “I would like to change the subject or take a pause when that happens.”
9. Talking Over You
Observation: “I notice I’m not getting a chance to share my thoughts.”
Feeling: “I feel sad and frustrated.”
Need: “I need to feel heard.”
Request: “Could we take turns speaking so I can share my perspective too?”
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