The Divorce Decision Podcast

If you're unhappy in your marriage and wondering whether to stay or get divorced, you already know something hurts. But have you stopped to consider what kind of marital pain you are in? Can you identify it? 

Understanding why you're hurting can change how you approach your marriage and the decisions ahead.

In this episode of The Divorce Decision Podcast, I'm breaking down three types of pain I frequently see in couples at a crossroads: grief pain, fear pain, and empty-tank pain.

We'll talk about:

·       Grief pain: What happens when your spouse is physically present but emotionally absent? And how do you grieve a relationship that hasn't actually ended?

·       Fear pain: How fears about money, loneliness, your children, or an uncertain future can keep you stuck in indecision.

·       Empty-tank pain: What happens when you've been carrying the weight of your marriage for so long that you don't know if you even care anymore? Why exhaustion can look like indifference, and what that means when you're questioning your marriage.

I'll also share one simple question you can ask yourself when the hurt feels overwhelming. It's a question that can help you understand what you're experiencing before making a life-changing decision.

Because not all marriage pain means the same thing. And not all pain calls for the same response.

Whether you're hoping to repair your marriage, considering divorce, or somewhere in between, learning to identify what's really hurting is an important step toward clarity.

Take my free "Should We Get a Divorce?" quiz, or book a call with me at kahoskins.com.

Should We Get A Divorce Quiz: https://kari-hoskins-coaching-llc.kit.com/9e533cdd68

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Are you resentful toward your husband or wife because of the sacrifices you've made, the decisions you regret, or the life you feel you've given up? Maybe you're questioning your marriage and wondering whether divorce is the answer.

But what if some of the resentment you feel toward your spouse is connected to the ways you've abandoned your own needs along the way?

In this episode of The Divorce Decision Podcast, we're exploring the connection between self-abandonment, resentment in marriage, people-pleasing, and the difficult decision to stay married or get divorced.

Maybe you agreed to financial decisions you weren't comfortable with. Passed up career opportunities. Put your spouse's needs ahead of your own. Or spent years saying yes when you really wanted to say no.

Over time, those choices can create deep resentment, emotional disconnection, and dissatisfaction in your marriage.

But here's an important distinction: Are you truly done with your marriage, or are you done with the way you've been showing up in it?

In this episode, we'll talk about:

• How self-abandonment and people-pleasing contribute to resentment in marriage.
• The difference between healthy compromise and repeatedly sacrificing your needs.
• Why you might blame your spouse for decisions you participated in.
• How setting boundaries and speaking up for yourself can change your marriage dynamics.
• What your spouse's response to your changing behavior reveals about whether your marriage can be repaired.
• Three questions to help you understand your resentment and gain clarity about staying married or getting divorced.

Taking responsibility for your part doesn't mean blaming yourself, excusing your spouse, or committing to staying married.

It means understanding what's really behind your unhappiness so you can make a more informed decision about your future.

If you're stuck wondering, "Should I get a divorce?" or "Can my marriage be saved?" this episode will help you explore whether the problem is your marriage, the patterns you've developed within it, or both.

Ready for more clarity? Take my free Should I Get a Divorce? quiz to discover which of the Six Stages of the Divorce Decision you're in and what that means for your next steps.

Should We Get A Divorce Quiz: https://kari-hoskins-coaching-llc.kit.com/9e533cdd68

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Can you be kind to your spouse when you're not sure you want to stay married? Or does being nice send the wrong message?

When you're questioning your marriage or considering divorce, even the smallest interactions can start to feel complicated.

You want to thank your spouse for something thoughtful, offer a compliment, apologize for being unnecessarily harsh, or simply enjoy a pleasant conversation. But then you stop yourself.

What if they think everything is okay? What if they think I've forgiven them? What if they assume I've decided to stay?

So, instead of risking giving your spouse false hope, you hold back. You become less affectionate, less appreciative, and sometimes even less polite.

But what if trying so hard not to send the wrong message is actually making an already unhappy marriage more miserable than it needs to be?

In this episode of The Divorce Decision Podcast, I'm talking about a struggle I see frequently in couples who are uncertain about their future together: withholding kindness, affection, and positive communication out of fear that their spouse will mistake it for a commitment to the marriage.

We'll explore:

• Why ordinary gestures like compliments, apologies, and hugs can feel so complicated when you're considering divorce.
• How withholding kindness can create additional resentment, tension, and emotional distance.
• Why improving communication doesn't mean you've decided to repair your marriage.
• How to be warm and respectful while remaining honest about your uncertainty.
• Why changing the way you interact can help you determine whether your marriage is capable of improving.
• How healthier communication can benefit you even if you ultimately decide to separate.

I'll also share three questions to help you recognize what you might be withholding, why you're withholding it, and what you could do differently without making promises about your future together.

Because here's something important to remember:

You don't have to make your present miserable just because your future is uncertain.

Whether you're hoping to save your marriage, leaning toward divorce, or still trying to figure out what you want, learning to communicate with honesty and respect can help you move toward greater clarity.

Still wondering, "Should I stay married or get a divorce?"

Take my free Should I Get a Divorce? quiz to discover where you are in the decision-making process and what might be keeping you stuck.

Should We Get A Divorce Quiz: https://kari-hoskins-coaching-llc.kit.com/9e533cdd68

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If you’re waiting to feel 100% certain before deciding whether to stay in your marriage or leave, you may be waiting for something that never comes.

You want to know the kids will be okay. That you’ll be financially okay. That you won’t regret leaving. Or, if you’re considering staying, you want proof that your spouse will really change and that the marriage can become what you’ve been hoping for.

The problem is that those guarantees don’t exist.

In this episode of The Divorce Decision Podcast, I’m talking about the difference between certainty and clarity—and why confusing the two can keep you stuck at the crossroads for months or even years.

We’ll talk about the “100% trap,” why doubt doesn’t automatically mean you’re making the wrong decision, and what clarity actually sounds like when you’re considering either rebuilding your marriage or moving toward divorce.

I’ll also walk you through what I call the U-turn test: a way to recognize whether a hard moment is giving you genuinely new information—or whether fear, loneliness, guilt, hope, or disappointment is simply making you question a decision you’ve already spent a long time thinking through.

Because whichever direction you choose, there will be difficult days.

A bad fight after deciding to repair doesn’t necessarily mean the marriage can’t change.

Feeling lonely after deciding to leave doesn’t necessarily mean you made a mistake.

And seeing your spouse suddenly make changes after years of asking doesn’t automatically erase everything that brought you to your decision in the first place.

The goal isn’t to reach a place where you never doubt yourself again.

It’s to become clear enough about your direction that every hard day doesn’t send you back to square one.

If you’ve been waiting for certainty before allowing yourself to move forward, this episode will help you think differently about what you actually need to make a decision that can hold.

Should We Get A Divorce Quiz: https://kari-hoskins-coaching-llc.kit.com/9e533cdd68

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When you’re stuck trying to decide what to do about your marriage, your mind can spend a lot of time imagining everything that could go wrong.

What if I stay and nothing ever changes?

What if I leave and end up alone?

What if I make the wrong decision and regret it?

In this episode of The Divorce Decision Podcast, I’m talking about what I call anticipatory pain—the pain and difficult emotions we imagine we might experience after making a decision.

But sometimes, there’s an important realization hiding underneath those fears: the pain you’re trying to avoid may already be the pain you’re experiencing.

I’ll share the story of a client who realized that the lonely future he was so afraid of was remarkably similar to the life he was already living. And I’ll walk you through a simple two-page exercise to help you compare your feared future with what is actually happening in your marriage right now.

This isn’t about convincing you to stay or leave. It’s about seeing your situation more clearly so you can stop making decisions—or avoiding them—based solely on fear.

Should We Get A Divorce Quiz: https://kari-hoskins-coaching-llc.kit.com/9e533cdd68

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Website: https://www.karihoskinscoaching.com

You know your marriage isn’t working.

Maybe there’s been repeated infidelity. Addiction. Years of disrespect. An unequal partnership. Broken trust. Or maybe you’ve carried the financial, emotional, and practical weight of the marriage for so long that you’re completely exhausted.

You can see the problems clearly.

You may even think, I know I should leave.

So why can’t you?

In this episode of The Divorce Decision Podcast, I’m talking about a very specific kind of stuck: when part of you believes leaving makes sense, but you still can’t bring yourself to make the decision.

And that doesn’t necessarily mean you’re confused about your marriage.

Sometimes you’re very clear about what’s wrong—you’re just not clear yet about what you want to do about it.

I talk about the important difference between clarity about the problem and clarity about the decision, and why those two things don’t always arrive at the same time.

I also explore why your head and your heart can seem to be giving you completely different answers.

You can know someone has hurt you and still love them.

You can recognize that the marriage cannot continue as it is and still not feel ready to let go.

If you’ve been judging yourself because you think this decision “should” be easier, I hope this episode helps you understand why it may feel so complicated.

If you’re caught in this back-and-forth, start by taking my Should We Get a Divorce? Quiz to better understand where you are in the decision-making process.

Should We Get A Divorce Quiz: https://kari-hoskins-coaching-llc.kit.com/9e533cdd68

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He's a good dad." "She's never cheated." "Everybody loves them." 

If you're carrying guilt about questioning your marriage because your spouse is a good person, this episode is for you.

So many of my clients feel guilty questioning their marriage because their spouse hasn't done anything "bad enough" to justify it. 

No affair.

 No addiction. 

No blowup. J

Just years of emotional disconnection, resentment, or feeling more like roommates than partners. And because their spouse is objectively a good person, they talk themselves out of their own experience.

Here's the truth: being married to a good person is not the same as having a good marriage. Both can be true at once — your spouse can be loyal and responsible and still leave you lonely.

This week I'm breaking down the difference between guilt ("I shouldn't feel this way") and responsibility ("I do feel this way — now what?"), why some people almost wish their spouse would do something terrible just so they'd have permission to act, and the one question that matters more than "is my spouse a good person": what is it actually like to be married to each other?

You don't need a villain. You need honesty.

Should We Get A Divorce Quiz: https://kari-hoskins-coaching-llc.kit.com/9e533cdd68

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When you're at the Crossroads in your marriage, it can feel like you're having the same conversation with yourself over and over again.

Should I stay? Should I leave? Have I tried hard enough? Am I reacting out of anger? Am I staying because I'm scared? What if I regret whatever I choose?

In this episode of The Divorce Decision Podcast, I’m breaking down what coaching actually does when you’re stuck in that place of uncertainty.

This isn’t about someone telling you whether to stay married or get divorced. And it isn’t just talking about your problems for an hour.

It’s about slowing the decision down enough to understand what is influencing it.

We’ll talk about why resentment can make it difficult to see your marriage clearly, and how unresolved hurt can start shaping the way you interpret everything your spouse does. 

Then we’ll look at the fear that often shows up underneath the decision.

What if I’m alone forever?
 What if my kids resent me?
 What if I can’t afford to leave?
 What if I stay and nothing ever changes?
 What if I look back five years from now and wish I had left?

Some of those concerns are real problems that need information, planning, or professional guidance. Others are possibilities your brain is treating like facts. Learning to tell the difference can change the way you approach the entire decision.

I’ll also walk you through some of the questions I use to help people evaluate the marriage itself, including whether there is ownership, respect, meaningful change, and enough willingness on both sides to build something different.

Because at the Crossroads, the goal isn’t to force yourself into a decision as quickly as possible.

The goal is to get clear enough that whatever you decide—rebuilding the marriage or ending it—you understand why you’re choosing it and can stand behind that choice.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

·       Why resentment can interfere with your ability to evaluate your marriage clearly

·       How to separate practical concerns from fear-based predictions

·       Why both staying and leaving can come with fear

·       What coaching actually looks like when you’re trying to make a marriage decision

·       The questions that help you evaluate whether meaningful repair is possible

·       How to move from endlessly thinking about the decision toward greater clarity and confidence

If you’ve been going back and forth about your marriage and wondering why you still can’t seem to land anywhere, this episode will help you understand what may be keeping you stuck—and what it actually looks like to start sorting through it.

Should We Get A Divorce Quiz: https://kari-hoskins-coaching-llc.kit.com/9e533cdd68

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Website: https://www.karihoskinscoaching.com

Do you feel torn between staying, leaving, or waiting? 

Stage Five of the divorce decision process is the Crossroads, and it's one of the most exhausting places to be. 

In this episode, I'm breaking down why this stage feels like fighting a war inside your own head, what keeps people stuck here, and the two questions that can bring real clarity: what do you actually want, and what are you afraid will happen if you choose it? 

If you've been asking yourself "should I stay or should I go" on repeat with no answer, this episode will help you slow down and ask better questions instead.

Should We Get A Divorce Quiz: https://kari-hoskins-coaching-llc.kit.com/9e533cdd68

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Website: https://www.karihoskinscoaching.com

If resentment has become a major part of your marriage, you may assume that letting go of it means forgiving your spouse, excusing what happened, or deciding to stay.

It doesn’t.

In this episode, I’m staying with Stage Four: The Fracture a little longer to talk about what resentment actually is, why it can become so emotionally exhausting, and what it really means to begin working through it.

I’ll explain why resentment is more than simply remembering what happened. It’s often the experience of emotionally reliving the hurt again and again—and allowing past injuries to shape the way you interpret what is happening in your marriage today.

We’ll also clear up some common misconceptions. Letting go of resentment does not mean saying the past was okay, automatically forgiving your spouse, having a dramatic conversation, or giving up your right to leave the marriage.

Most importantly, I’ll talk about why resentment work matters no matter what you ultimately decide. If you stay and rebuild, unresolved resentment can keep old pain alive in every new interaction. If you leave, resentment can follow you long after the marriage ends—and even affect future relationships.

The goal isn’t to see your marriage more positively. It’s to see it more accurately, so your decision comes from clarity rather than accumulated anger and bitterness.

Should We Get A Divorce Quiz: https://kari-hoskins-coaching-llc.kit.com/9e533cdd68

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Website: https://www.karihoskinscoaching.com