The Divorced Dadvocate: Strategic Defense for Fathers - Members Podcast

The meeting focused on discussing parental alienation, with Charlie McCready explaining the triggers that alienators use during separation and divorce to increase alienation. Jay shared his personal experience of being alienated from four of his six adult children after his divorce, while the group explored strategies for maintaining contact with estranged children and the importance of consistent communication. The discussion concluded with Charlie offering his coaching services and resources for dealing with parental alienation, emphasizing the need for patience, persistence, and emotional transformation in rebuilding relationships with alienated children.

The meeting focused on supporting men navigating divorce and custody issues, with Doran sharing his recently published book "High Conflict Playbook" and offering to gift copies to the group. Andy provided an update on his advocacy work in California, where he is leading efforts to pass three key bills related to parenting rights, including equal shared parenting and time taken/time back provisions. The group discussed various divorce scenarios, with Brian sharing his recent experience of being served divorce papers and seeking guidance on how to approach the process. Mike and Peter shared their experiences with mediation and collaborative divorce, while John and Jude offered advice on protecting parental rights and navigating the legal system. The conversation ended with Jude offering to provide additional resources and support to Brian as he begins his divorce process.

Website Updates and Podcast Planning

Jude and Dallas discussed their ongoing work on website updates, email campaigns, and a podcast landing page, with Jude noting that the designer would be available next week to work on the landing page. They also mentioned their weekly podcast "Dads Dating After Divorce" and the possibility of offering a free year of dating coaching to someone who finds Dallas at his mobile location. The meeting began with technical difficulties as some participants experienced Zoom issues, but Jude provided a grace period for attendees to join.

Status Games in Relationships

Dallas discussed his exploration of status, moving beyond materialism to understand different types of status games, including dominance hierarchies and prestige-based games. He shared an anecdote about a woman who turned down a suggestion for a less expensive venue, prompting him to reflect on the status games people play. Jay shared his experience of finding a partner through an Asian dating app, highlighting cultural differences and the importance of shared values. The conversation touched on the complexities of dating, cultural differences, and the role of status in relationships.

Finding Compatibility in Relationships

Dallas shared his perspective on compatibility in relationships, explaining that people who "geek out" over different things, like watches or cars, may not be compatible. Jude introduced Jay, who shared his positive dating experience after divorce, emphasizing the importance of aligning values and interests with a potential partner. The group discussed the possibility of finding healthy relationships post-divorce, with Jude encouraging attendees to ask Dallas questions about their dating concerns.

Navigating Multiple Dating Relationships

Frank discussed his challenges with dating after a 28-year relationship, particularly his difficulty navigating the desire for exclusivity with women. Dallas advised Frank to recognize his position as desirable and suggested being more direct about his current dating situation to manage expectations without committing to exclusivity. Frank shared that he is concurrently dating and having sex with two women, which Dallas clarified as a form of dating multiple people rather than a threesome. The conversation explored the mental aspects of dating multiple people and the importance of clear communication.

Open Communication in Modern Dating

Frank shared his experience of learning to communicate more openly in dating, particularly about exclusivity, and noted that this approach was well-received despite his initial awkwardness. Dallas and Jude discussed how the landscape of dating has changed, with Jude emphasizing the importance of being upfront about one's values and intentions early in a relationship. Dallas advised Frank to present his sexual energy and relationship preferences confidently, without feeling pressured to commit too quickly, as the timeline should be tailored to Frank's personal growth and readiness.

Modern Dating and Self-Discovery

Dallas shared his approach to dating, emphasizing the importance of leading by example and inviting women into a desired relationship dynamic rather than making demands. He discussed how men can achieve novelty either by exploring different partners or by deepening connections with one primary partner. Sergey expressed his struggle with reconciling his desire for promiscuity with his current relationship goals, while Jude and Dallas encouraged him to explore his true desires and align them with reality. The group discussed the challenges of modern dating culture and the importance of self-reflection and feedback in finding compatible partners. They announced an upcoming live Q&A session with Dallas at the View House on the 19th, where attendees can practice embodiment techniques to improve their confidence and connections with wom

Jude and John, the co-hosts, discussed their experience with high-conflict divorces and the importance of recognizing personality disorders like narcissistic personality disorder. John, who has experience running a narcissistic abuse recovery group, was introduced as the resident expert on the topic. The meeting was set to cover the playbook on how narcissists operate in relationships and the divorce process.

Navigating High-Conflict Divorce Relationships

John shared his experience with a high-conflict divorce, where his ex-wife was diagnosed with histrionic personality disorder, which falls under Cluster B personality disorders. He discussed the challenges of dealing with someone who exhibits such behaviors, emphasizing the difficulty in understanding their mindset and the impact on his daughter. Jude provided insights into the thought processes of individuals with Cluster B disorders, highlighting the importance of focusing on understanding behaviors rather than trying to comprehend their internal experiences. The discussion aimed to offer guidance on navigating relationships with such individuals, emphasizing the need for patience and acceptance of the limitations in understanding their perspective.

Parallel Parenting Strategies

Sergey discussed his challenges with co-parenting his three children with his ex-wife, whom he described as intelligent but alien in her behavior. Jude and John advised Sergey to focus on parallel parenting rather than cooperative co-parenting, emphasizing the importance of creating a safe and loving environment for his children. They suggested that Sergey accept his ex-wife's different mindset and focus on his own parenting time, as he cannot control her actions. John shared his experience with parallel parenting and highlighted the difficulty of changing an ex-partner's behavior, while also acknowledging that some children may still adopt their ex-partner's manipulative behaviors.

Co-parenting with a Narcissistic Ex

The group discussed the challenges of co-parenting with a narcissistic ex-partner, focusing on the importance of validating children's experiences and maintaining strong boundaries. Jude emphasized the need for Sergey to continue executing his parenting time and to be aware of how his ex-partner might manipulate the children against him. They also discussed the importance of Sergey's involvement in his children's lives, as fathers often provide unique experiences that children may not get elsewhere. Jude recommended Sergey explore resources from Charlie McCready to better handle the situation.

Therapist Selection in Divorce Situations

The group discussed the importance of carefully selecting therapists for children, particularly in high-conflict divorce situations. Jude and John warned about therapists who may side with the custodial parent or be manipulated by the non-custodial parent, emphasizing the need to vet therapists thoroughly. Sergey shared his concerns about his ex-wife's plan to involve a therapist in their daughter's life, leading Jude to offer to have a separate conversation with Sergey about this issue. The discussion highlighted the challenges of finding fair and competent therapists in complex family situations.

Parenting Plans and Therapy Support

The group discussed challenges in parenting plans and therapy, with Jared sharing his experience of a revenge filing and difficulty finding supportive therapists. Jude advised Jared to stay involved in therapy sessions and emphasized the importance of controlling the divorce process rather than leaving it to attorneys. Jude recommended connecting with Ben Schooley, a pro se coach, and provided resources for finding a suitable therapist, including Ken Curry at Solid Man. The conversation ended with Jude encouraging attendees to prioritize self-care to better support their children.

The meeting focused on parental alienation, featuring Charlie, a Parental Alienation coach who shared his expertise and personal experience with the topic. Charlie explained the different stages of alienation and provided guidance on how to handle situations when children start asking questions that create loyalty conflicts. He emphasized the importance of showing unconditional love and support to alienated children, while avoiding defensive reactions that could push them away. The discussion touched on the emotional challenges faced by parents going through alienation and the need for self-healing to create a safe environment for children. Charlie also highlighted the triggers for alienating parents and offered resources for parents seeking support, including his website and Facebook community. The conversation ended with Jude encouraging attendees to schedule time with Charlie for further guidance and mentioning upcoming community events.

The meeting brought together several individuals who shared their experiences with high-conflict divorce and custody battles, discussing the challenges of navigating the family court system and the importance of emotional regulation. Participants explored strategies for co-parenting, personal growth, and self-improvement during difficult times, emphasizing the need for small, incremental changes and maintaining a focus on parenting arrangements. The group also discussed the complexities of family law and the need for reform, with some members actively working on legislative changes to support equal parenting rights and protect the rights of parents and children.

Quick recap

The meeting focused on discussing patterns of behavior in ex-partners during divorce, particularly cluster B personality disorders, and strategies for managing such situations. Jude Sandvall shared his experience of enduring physical abuse and navigating the challenges of divorce, including limited parenting time with his children and dealing with his ex-wife's tactics. The group provided advice on securing supervised parenting time, documenting interactions, and finding assertive legal representation, emphasizing the importance of consistent effort and preparation for court proceedings.

Summary

Understanding Cluster B Divorce Patterns

Jude Sandvall and John discussed the patterns of behavior often observed in ex-partners during divorce, particularly focusing on cluster B personality disorders. They emphasized that these behaviors are not temporary but are deeply ingrained, and as one party gains independence, the other may escalate their control tactics. Jude Sandvall highlighted the importance of recognizing these patterns early and suggested that small, incremental changes in behavior can lead to progress over time. The session was designed to help participants identify and understand these signs more quickly, as well as to provide strategies for managing such situations.

Enduring Abuse and Family Struggles

Ankush shared his experience of enduring physical abuse from his wife over a period of 10 months, culminating in a police intervention that resulted in her arrest. Despite being the victim, Ankush left his home due to concerns about his wife's ability to survive independently and the brainwashing of his older daughter, who had stopped respecting him. He expressed deep distress over the situation, including the impact on his relationship with his two daughters, and his struggle with depression and uncertainty about whom to confide in. Jude Sandvall asked about the ages of Ankush's children, but the response was not provided in the transcript.

Divorce and Child Custody Challenges

Ankush discussed his ongoing divorce process and the challenges he faces in gaining access to his two daughters, aged 16 and 8. He explained that his ex-wife has been requesting various assets, including a home, despite his current child support payments. Ankush also shared that he withdrew assault charges against his ex-wife after being pressured by her brother, only for her to press charges against him instead. Jude Sandvall advised Ankush to stop being accommodating and to understand that his ex-wife is not acting in their children's best interest. They discussed the lack of parenting time Ankush has had with his daughters, which has been limited due to his ex-wife's claims of assault charges, despite the charges being withdrawn. Ankush's attorney advised him to accept supervised parenting time as an opportunity, but he expressed his disagreement with this arrangement.

Prioritizing Parenting Time and Legal Support

Jude Sandvall advised Ankush to prioritize securing parenting time with his daughters, emphasizing the need to counteract the brainwashing they may be experiencing with their mother. Ankush expressed concerns about his ex-wife's tactics, including her willingness to cooperate with supervised parenting time and her refusal to consent to family therapy. Jude Sandvall highlighted the common tactic in family law courts of creating perceptions of danger to justify supervised parenting time, urging Ankush to challenge this narrative and seek legal support to reverse the situation.

Securing Parenting Time Strategies

Jude Sandvall advised Ankush to focus on securing supervised parenting time with his daughters, documenting any obstacles encountered, and avoiding therapy at this stage due to potential manipulation by the other parent. John emphasized the importance of consistently scheduling and attending supervised visits, even if the children refuse, to es

Quick recap

The meeting focused on parental alienation, featuring an expert discussion between Charlie McCready, a parental alienation coach from the UK, and the group participants. Charlie shared his personal experience with pre-alienation and provided insights on how to recognize and address alienation behaviors. He emphasized the importance of creating "airtight" parenting plans and advised against engaging in loyalty conflicts with children. The group discussed legislative efforts led by Robert Garza to combat parental alienation, with Andy reporting progress in California. Participants shared their own experiences of high-conflict divorces and the challenges of co-parenting with alienating ex-partners. The conversation ended with Charlie encouraging attendees to focus on healing themselves and maintaining a positive presence for their children, even in difficult circumstances.

Summary

Legal Advocacy and Legislative Progress

Charlie discussed the limitations of AI in providing legal advice, emphasizing the need for specific, professional guidance. Jude Sandvall and Andy highlighted the importance of understanding state-specific statutes to effectively communicate with attorneys and navigate legal processes. Andy shared progress on legislative efforts to address parental alienation, noting a co-author for a California bill and encouraging others to support similar initiatives. The group discussed Robert Garza's work in drafting state-specific legislation and the need for community involvement to drive legislative change.

Pre-Alienation and Recovery Strategies

Charlie, a parental alienation coach from the UK, shared his personal experience of going through pre-alienation and alienation for 10 and 5 years respectively, and how he eventually recovered the relationship with his children. He emphasized that pre-alienation can occur even during a relationship, with signs such as denigration, criticism, and undermining of parental authority. Charlie advised creating an airtight parenting plan, ideally with court orders, to address breaches by the alienating parent, though he acknowledged the legal system's limitations in such cases.

Parenting Agreements and Alienation Strategies

Charlie and Jude Sandvall discussed the importance of creating airtight agreements for parenting time and drop-offs, emphasizing the need to specify every detail due to the manipulative nature of parents with mental health disorders like narcissistic personality disorder. They highlighted the legal system's limitations in understanding and addressing parental alienation, suggesting that rigid adherence to agreements and quick legal action are necessary when agreements are breached. Jude Sandvall and Charlie also stressed the importance of understanding the psychological impact of alienation on children and advised a subtle approach to counteract alienation, rather than engaging in a "race to the bottom" that could further harm the child.

Understanding Parental Alienation Dynamics

Charlie and Jude Sandvall discussed the complexities of parental alienation, emphasizing that children's resistance to a parent is often a coping mechanism to protect themselves from an unhealthy environment rather than a personal rejection. Charlie highlighted the importance of understanding narcissism in ex-partners and the need to avoid triggering loyalty conflicts in children, who may feel unsafe when put in such situations. He advised alienated parents to heal themselves by identifying and addressing their own insecurities and vulnerabilities, which can inadvertently exacerbate the child's alienation. Charlie stressed the strategic importance of not engaging in conflict and instead focusing on providing love and support to the child while maintaining a healthy, stable environment.

Strategies for Parental Alienation Management

Charlie shared insights on parental alienation, emphasizing the importance of

Swipe culture promises abundance, but most of us feel drained by low-quality conversations and mismatched first dates. We wanted something that actually works—so we dug into the nuts and bolts of meeting women in real life, making confident invitations, and following through without feeling needy or pushy.

Dallas from Black Box Dating joins us to break down why in-person approach outperforms dating apps for building chemistry. We get specific about how to read the room, when not to interrupt, and how confidence, humor, and warmth change the entire interaction. You’ll hear the simple shift that removes pressure—extend an invitation instead of making a request—and why that single move makes women feel safer and more open. We also talk through concrete examples: a playful exchange in a grocery aisle, the right way to propose coffee on Saturday, and how the phone number naturally becomes a small detail after a clear plan.

We cover practical filtering—height, energy, vibe, and responsiveness you can only feel in person—and show you how to save hours of dead-end app dates. If you’re a dad, we talk transparency and why being out with your kids can actually increase trust. Worried about social media optics? Dallas shares how to stand firm in an analog-first identity without sounding defensive. And once you get a yes, we map the follow-through: when to text, what to say, and how to keep messages focused on logistics so the connection grows face-to-face.

If you’re ready to stop waiting for matches and start creating moments, this conversation gives you the mindset, language, and timing to take the swing.

Family court can feel like a maze where logic gets replaced by procedure, and the loudest story wins. We pull back the curtain on how high‑conflict exes leverage control, projection, and “victim” narratives to tilt the field—and how you can respond with calm facts, clean records, and a strategy that actually holds up.

Mark joins us with a real, thorny dispute over non‑urgent orthodontic costs pushed through unilaterally under joint legal custody. Together we map the key moves: documenting timelines and alternatives, highlighting medical necessity versus preference, and filing tight counter-motions with affidavits and exhibits so a judge can rule on evidence instead of drama. We talk about the power of being the most reasonable person in the room, asking the court for process fixes to avoid repeat filings, and why men rarely recover attorney’s fees even when they “win.”

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If you’re tired of feeling gaslit by a system that prizes efficiency over fairness, this is your playbook: evidence over emotion, structure over spontaneity, and resilience over reactivity.