the divorcing without damage podcast

What do you actually say to your kids when you’re getting divorced? The answer depends on their age—and getting it right matters.

In this episode, Leslie breaks down how to talk to children about divorce from the toddler years through adulthood. She explains what young children need to hear, how school-aged kids process divorce, why tweens need honesty without feeling managed, and how to give teenagers more truth without turning them into confidants.

You’ll learn:

• What toddlers and preschoolers actually need to know
• Why young children often blame themselves for the divorce
• How to use concrete information and calendars to create security
• How much “why” to share with school-aged children
• Why tweens need honesty without blame or oversharing
• The critical difference between teenagers being able to understand something and being an appropriate audience for it
• What to do if you've already told your child too much
• Why one imperfect conversation doesn't determine your child's outcome
• The three things every child needs: Be concrete. Be consistent. Be repeatable.

You don't need one perfect speech. You need an ongoing, honest, age-appropriate relationship with each of your children.

Because when it comes to divorce, give your child the truth they are ready to carry—not the truth you need to tell.

In Part Two of this important conversation, Dr. Leslie Roberts sits down again with psychologist and colleague Ben Burgess to get practical about what parents can actually do when divorce and co-parenting begin heading toward high conflict.

What happens when a child starts resisting time with the other parent? How should the rejected parent respond without making things worse? And what responsibility does the preferred parent have when a child says they don't want to go?

Leslie and Ben unpack the complicated dynamics behind parental preference and resistance, including the ways divorce can amplify normal childhood preferences, how parents can unintentionally reinforce conflict, and why responding with anger, withdrawal, or litigation can make an already painful situation worse.

They also talk about the importance of meaningful relationships with both parents when safety is not an issue, why "my child is uncomfortable" isn't always a reason to avoid something, and how parents can use communication, boundaries, and intentional support to keep their families from getting pulled deeper into the court system.

Most importantly, this episode is about getting help before the conflict becomes entrenched. By the time a family reaches custody evaluations, parenting coordination, and repeated court battles, everyone may be deeply invested in the conflict—and the emotional and financial cost can be enormous.

If you're navigating divorce or co-parenting and you can see things starting to go sideways, this conversation offers a different path: stop trying to win and start making decisions that protect your children.

This is Part Two of Leslie and Ben's conversation about high-conflict divorce.

What happens when divorce gets stuck in conflict?

In this episode of Divorcing Without Damage, I sit down with my colleague and friend of more than 20 years, psychologist Ben Burgess, LLP, for a candid conversation about high-conflict divorce, the family court system, and what happens to children when parental conflict becomes the center of family life.

Ben and I have spent much of our careers working with families in the forensic and family court systems, and we've seen firsthand how quickly conflict can escalate—and how difficult it can be for families to move forward once they get stuck there.

We talk about:

• Why ongoing parental conflict can be more damaging to children than the divorce itself
• What actually happens during custody and parenting-time evaluations
• Why a psychological evaluation isn't necessarily the "smoking gun" parents expect it to be
• How the court system can unintentionally become another arena for conflict
• Why children need meaningful relationships with both parents whenever it is safe
• The difference between a flawed parent and a parent who truly poses a risk
• What happens when parents begin to see every mistake by the other parent as evidence that their child needs protection
• And why the ultimate goal should be helping families avoid getting to the point where the court has to make these decisions for them

This is Part 1 of a two-part conversation with Ben. In Part 2, we'll get much more practical and talk about what parents can actually do to change the trajectory, reduce conflict, and create a healthier post-divorce family.

Because the goal isn't to have a perfect divorce.

The goal is to build a family your kids can thrive in after the divorce.

What happens when traditional co-parenting advice—communicate openly, assume positive intent, and work together—just doesn’t work?

In this episode of Divorcing Without Damage, Dr. Leslie Roberts breaks down the difference between a difficult co-parent and a truly high-conflict co-parent, and why knowing the difference matters. She shares practical strategies for protecting your peace and your children when communication becomes a source of conflict, including the BIFF method (Brief, Informative, Friendly, and Firm), gray rocking, setting communication boundaries, and knowing when not to respond at all.

Most importantly, Dr. Leslie offers a powerful reframe: you can't change how your co-parent communicates—you can only change how you engage with it.

If you're exhausted from defending yourself, responding to constant messages, or feeling like you're perpetually on trial, this episode will give you a different way forward—one that prioritizes stability, regulation, and your children's well-being over winning the next exchange.

Your kids don't need you to be perfect. They need you to be steady.

When your ex is 15 minutes late and your body reacts like the world is ending... it's probably not about the 15 minutes.

In this episode, Dr. Leslie Roberts explains what emotional triggers really are, why your nervous system responds so intensely to seemingly small events, and how unresolved experiences from the past can quietly shape your reactions in the present.

You'll learn how to recognize the difference between a legitimate problem and an emotional trigger, identify the unmet needs beneath your strongest reactions, and use Dr. Roberts' simple "Trigger Translator" to respond with greater clarity instead of reacting from old wounds.

Whether you're navigating divorce, co-parenting, or simply trying to better understand yourself, this episode will help you stop fighting today's battles with yesterday's pain.

“Your kids will be fine.”

It’s something we say to reassure ourselves during divorce, but what if hoping they’ll be fine isn’t enough?

In this episode of Divorcing Without Damage, Dr. Leslie Roberts explores what children actually experience when their parents are navigating divorce and high-conflict co-parenting. She explains why the kids who appear to be “doing great” can sometimes be the ones carrying the most emotional weight and introduces the concept of the emotional janitor, the child who quietly learns to manage everyone else’s feelings while putting their own aside.

You’ll learn why your children don’t need a perfect parent, they need a regulated parent, and how modeling struggle, recovery, and repair can actually help children develop resilience.

Dr. Leslie also gives you one simple tool to use before responding to a difficult text, co-parent conflict, or emotionally charged moment:

“What version of me is about to respond?”

Because divorce doesn’t have to damage children. And you have far more control over their experience than you may think.

Your kids don’t need you to be perfect.
They need you to be steady.

Welcome to Divorcing Without Damage! In this first episode, you’ll get to know your host, Dr. Leslie Roberts, licensed psychologist, author, and child-centered divorce coach dedicated to helping families navigate separation with less conflict and greater intention.

In this interview-style conversation, Leslie shares her professional journey, what led her from high-conflict divorce work to prevention and coaching, and why she believes divorce doesn’t have to damage children. You’ll hear the heart behind the podcast, the mission that inspired her book Divorcing Without Damage, and what listeners can expect from future episodes.

If you’re a parent facing divorce, considering separation, or simply wanting to protect your children through a difficult season, this episode is the perfect place to start.

Welcome to Divorcing Without Damage, a podcast created to help parents navigate divorce in a way that protects what matters most, their children’s emotional well-being. In this short preview episode, Leslie shares the heart behind the podcast, what listeners can expect in upcoming conversations, and how child-centered decision-making can change the trajectory of even the most difficult separations. Whether you’re considering divorce, in the middle of it, or co-parenting years later, this space is here to offer clarity, calm, and practical tools to reduce conflict and keep kids out of the middle.