In this episode, I dive deep into the concept of Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria (RSD)—a term often discussed in relation to ADHD but not officially recognized in the DSM. I explore what RSD actually is, why so many people relate to the feelings it describes, and how our upbringing and internal dynamics (like the superego) might influence our reactions to perceived rejection.

With practical examples and a psychodynamic lens, I walk listeners through why these feelings can be so overwhelming, how our minds create catastrophic narratives, and the importance of building self-awareness as a first step towards managing these patterns. I also discusses common defence mechanisms like splitting, projection, and projective identification, and encourages listeners to explore their own experiences with a sense of self-compassion.

[00:0:58]

• I note RSD isn’t in the DSM (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders) but is frequently discussed, especially in relation to ADHD. 
• I share examples of how people might experience RSD (ruminating after interactions, overthinking messages, etc.)

[00:03:41]

• Discussion of psychodynamic perspectives: roots of RSD often trace to primary caregivers (possibly parents) who were critical or rejecting. 
• Introduction of Freud’s concept of the superego as the inner critical voice.

[00:05:23]

• Defense mechanisms like splitting come into play; explains why we sometimes label others as "all bad" if we feel rejected.

[00:07:41]

• Advice against making rash decisions when in a highly emotional state; try to ride out difficult feelings instead.

[00:08:22]

• The value of talking to someone supportive—be that a coach, therapist, or trusted friend.

[00:09:12]

• I share a personal anecdote about my friend Steve and how humour or distraction can help break the cycle.

[00:10:40]

• Upcoming events: I announce a September webinar on defense mechanisms and pricing (for coaches), plus my Essential Psychodynamics course. I also share how listeners can get involved.

DM or email me for a chat about psychodynamics, coaching, supervision, or if you’re interested in upcoming events.

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Welcome back to The Dynamics of Everyday Life. This episode I dive deep into the fascinating world of public scandals, social media judgments, and why we get so invested in the private lives of strangers. I explore the recent Coldplay "Jumbotron incident" and break down the psychological defense mechanisms—like projection and displacement—that drive our reactions.

• I explore why people get so invested in public scandals. 
• I introduce the episode’s focus: examining the psychological dynamics at play for the audience, not the individuals involved.

• I explain "projection" as a defense mechanism—putting uncomfortable feelings onto others. 
• I discuss "splitting" of celebrities into 'good' or 'bad', using my own tennis anecdote (Stan Wawrinka vs. Holger Rune) as an example.

• I discuss "displacement"—moving uncomfortable feelings onto safer targets, such as celebrities.

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Thank you for tuning in—and remember, sometimes the urge to judge others says more about us than about them!

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Welcome back to the "Dynamics of Everyday Life"! This week, I dig into those challenging moments when we start to question ourselves, second-guess our decisions, or even wonder if we’re “the problem” in tricky situations. Inspired in part by the famous Taylor Swift lyric, I explore how we can find ourselves carrying feelings or responsibilities that aren’t actually ours—often without realising it.

00:01:39 – Giving Away Your Power

• Explains the concept of giving away your power and introduces projective identification—a defense mechanism at play in these dynamics.

00:02:24 – What is Projective Identification?

• Recap of projective identification: splitting off unwanted feelings (guilt, anger, shame, incompetence) and “pushing” them onto others. 
• Two possible outcomes: either refusing to take it on, or internalizing those projected feelings.

00:03:45 – Impact of Projective Identification

• How it blurs boundaries, fosters doubt, and makes us feel like the bad guy without clear reason.

00:04:37 – How to Spot It

• Key signs: sudden, disproportionate emotions after interactions; second-guessing behavior you’re usually comfortable with; feeling unduly responsible for someone else’s state.
• Emphasis on checking if these feelings follow certain conversations or are truly your own.

00:05:40 – What to Do About It

• Pause and question: Is this feeling really yours?
• Don’t immediately throw projected feelings back at the other person—contain and examine them first.
• If possible, name it for what it is: often, “this could be someone else’s stuff, not mine.”

00:06:42 – Getting Support & Invitations

• When it’s difficult to untangle alone, check in with a supportive friend or confidante who’ll be honest with you.
• Recognizes sometimes it’s “your stuff, their stuff, or a mix of both.”

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Welcome back to the Dynamics of Everyday Life! In this episode, I dive into the curious and sometimes frustrating topic of why we tend to repeat the same patterns in life—whether it’s relationships, emotional reactions, work situations, or even the music stuck in our heads. The episode kicks off with a fun, nostalgic riff on late-80s pop classics and a little ChatGPT memory mishap, before moving onto the more serious (and relatable) reasons why we go round and round on the same merry-go-round in life.

00:03:06 – Patterns in Literature & Life

• Discusses the repetition of patterns in books and generational cycles, spotlighting Wuthering Heights as an example.
• Examines how repetition provides identity and purpose for some characters, like Heathcliff.

00:04:09 – The Psychodynamics of Repetition

• Introduces Freud’s theories: unconscious drives, familiarity of pain, and the “death drive” (Thanatos).
• Explains the brain’s preference for what’s familiar and safe, even if it’s not pleasurable.

00:05:45 – Thanatos vs. Thanos

• Brief Marvel detour: clarifies Freud’s “Thanatos” is not the same as the Marvel villain Thanos.
• Addresses the philosophical aspects of repetition and why true change is difficult.

00:06:18 – Why Repetition is So Hard to Break

• Explores the complexity and challenge of breaking out of repetitive cycles.
• Offers prompts for listeners to reflect on their own repeating patterns and feelings of safety or unfinished

Thank you for tuning in! Remember, change takes time—be kind to yourself as you explore the patterns in your own life.

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In this week's episode I explore the psychological dynamics underlying the classic song “There’s a Hole in My Bucket,” using it as a metaphor for certain patterns in narcissism and codependent relationships. I delve into how these patterns manifest in everyday life, how they can be exhausting for those involved, and why being aware of these dynamics is essential for personal growth.

02:39 – Introducing Narcissism

04:05 – Narcissism as Defense Mechanism

05:33 – Misconceptions & Spectrum of Narcissism

07:13 – Relationship Evaluation & Personal Reflection

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Welcome back to another episode of The Dynamics of Everyday Life. In this episode, I dive into the question: Why do we keep going out for lunch (or coffee, or dinners) with people we don’t actually want to spend time with?

I share a personal story inspired by my parents’ obligatory lunches with “Pam and Derek”—people who aren’t truly friends but whom social obligation keeps pulling back into their orbit. Does this sound familiar?

01:53 Why Do We Spend Time With People We Don’t Want To?

03:27 The Psychodynamic Angle – Why Is It So Hard to Say No?

05:27 Why Do We Repeat These Patterns? (Repetition Compulsion)

07:33 When Obligation is Not Really Necessary

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In this episode, I reflect on my recent experience attending a marketing conference that left me feeling out of step with the crowd. From travel hassles and parental guilt to high expectations for expert wisdom and less-than-inspiring content, I share my candid thoughts on group dynamics, FOMO, and the pressure to fit in. Are you doing things just because everyone else is? Or are you tuning in to what’s truly right for you?

Along the way, I dive into psychological concepts like Freud’s group theory, the tendency to go along with the crowd, and the personal liberation that comes from realising not every trend or event is meant for us. I encourage listeners to examine where they might be following the group without questioning whether it aligns with their own desires and values.

05:50 — Reflecting on Group Dynamics

07:01 — Group Influence & Freud’s Theory

07:48 — Conference Marketing Tactics & FOMO

08:47 — Post-Event Clarity & Accepting Individual Preference

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In this episode, I share a humorous and deeply personal story about my eye surgery and a surprising case of mistaken identity at my local hospital’s "Alan Cumming Day Unit." Expect reflections on anxiety, the power of imagination, and how we often use humour as a defense mechanism in stressful situations. I unpack the psychodynamic elements at play and invite listeners to consider how comedy might be serving a protective role in their own lives.

00:00:56 I reflect on my past vision issues and the process of dealing with my eye condition, mentioning the initial diagnosis and how things changed when my daughter saw an optometrist.

00:01:38 My daughter’s optometrist encourages me to revisit my own diagnosis with subsequent NHS medical processes, including pretests and reassurance from consultants.

00:02:37 Arriving at the day surgery unit, sharing my curiosity about the Alan Cumming Day Unit and speculating about its connection to the celebrity Alan Cumming.

00:04:17 Humorously recounts my conversation with a nurse who clarifies that the day unit is named after a former mayor, not the actor, and describes how this disappointment distracted me from pre-surgery anxiety.

00:07:21 Reflects on using humor as a defense mechanism, inviting listeners to consider where they may do the same, and describing how this can be unconscious.

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Ever catch yourself blaming external factors when things don’t go as planned? In this episode, I share a real-life story of getting my floor redone—and how it turned into a lesson about responsibility, defense mechanisms, and the classic saying, “a bad workman blames his tools.” We dive into how projecting blame can affect not just us, but our relationships too, and why taking ownership is so empowering. If you’re ready to stop pointing fingers and start leveling up—this episode is for you. Check out the resource sheet linked in the show notes for more ways to build your self-awareness and become a better you!

00:00 Floor Replacement Drama

05:06 Rationalization in Defense Mechanisms

08:30 Self-Reflection and Accountability

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Welcome back to The Dynamics of Everyday Life, where we dive deep into the big and small moments that shape our everyday lives. In this episode, "Dance with me tonight," I take you on a journey from the excitement of live concerts to the quieter anxieties that sometimes hold us back—even when we’re eager to join in the fun.

I share my recent adventure taking her son to see Olly Murs at the O2, I reflect on why so many of us hesitate to let loose and dance, even when we really want to. Using real-life experiences and a bit of Freud, they explore the concept of "moral anxiety" and how our internalized fear of judgment keeps us from fully engaging in experiences we’ve chosen for ourselves.

With practical insights into the psychology of holding ourselves back, and a gentle invitation to notice where you might not be "dancing" in your own life, this episode is all about learning to loosen the grip of self-consciousness and live a little more freely. So whether you’re a concert goer, a dance floor dodger, or just someone curious about what makes us tick, you won’t want to miss this thoughtful, playful conversation.

00:00 Concert Night at the O2

03:57 Dancing Uninhibited: Overcoming Social Restraints

08:45 "Dance Beyond Fear"

10:13 "Connect With Psychodynamic Expert"

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