The Ecstasy Project

Can meditation sometimes make things worse rather than better? And if practice brings up panic, dissociation, fear or even a loss of our familiar sense of self, is something going wrong — or could it point towards something deeper?In this conversation, Nick and Grant explore the increasingly discussed “dark side of mindfulness”, drawing on decades of personal experience within Buddhist and Tantric traditions.Both share times when intensive meditation left them surprisingly less grounded rather than more. Nick describes arriving at a Buddhist monastery after years of determined meditation practice and being told by his teacher to meditate less and spend time rebuilding dry-stone walls. Grant recalls developing terrifying panic attacks while immersed in intensive spiritual practice, and being sent by his teacher to work in the garden and unload food deliveries. In both cases, physical work and reconnecting with the body became part of the teaching.Together they question a common Western misunderstanding of meditation: that we're supposed to stop thinking, empty the mind or transcend the uncomfortable parts of ourselves. Instead, they explore meditation as a practice of learning to meet the whole of our experience — including fear, anger, desire, anxiety and the parts of ourselves we'd rather avoid.Drawing on the Buddhist story of the Buddha and Mara, Kashmir Shaivism, Tantra and contemporary understandings of trauma and nervous-system regulation, the conversation asks whether some of the problems attributed to mindfulness arise when ancient practices are separated from the embodiment, ethical framework, experienced teachers and spiritual communities that traditionally surrounded them.

They also explore the difficult territory between psychological distress and spiritual awakening. An experience of losing our ordinary sense of self can be frightening and destabilising, whatever interpretation we eventually give it. Rather than automatically labelling such experiences either pathology or enlightenment, Nick and Grant emphasise the importance of grounding, relationship, skilled support and discernment.

Ultimately, this is a conversation about a different understanding of mindfulness: not escaping ourselves, but becoming more fully present to ourselves.Perhaps the “dark side” isn't something meditation needs to eradicate. Perhaps genuine practice asks whether we can develop enough spaciousness, compassion and embodiment to meet both the darkness and the light.#Mindfulness #Meditation #DarkSideOfMindfulness #SpiritualAwakening #Buddhism #Tantra #KashmirShaivism #MentalHealth #TraumaAware #Embodiment #Dissociation #NonDuality #Spirituality #Consciousness #SelfCompassion #Grounding #MeditationPractice

In this deeply personal and thought-provoking conversation, Nick Kientsch and Grant Shepherd explore the hidden inner world that so many of us carry but rarely speak about.

Beginning with Nick's own experience of imposter syndrome, the discussion unfolds into a rich exploration of spiritual awakening, self-worth, enlightenment, and what it means to live authentically in a culture obsessed with success, status and achievement.

In this episode we explore:

- Why imposter syndrome affects even experienced teachers, therapists and spiritual practitioners.

- The difference between healing and spiritual bypassing.

- How shame and negative self-talk can become lifelong companions—and how compassion begins to loosen their grip.

- Grant's extraordinary childhood experience of awakening at the age of nine, and the decades-long journey to understand it.

- Why genuine spiritual experiences are often misunderstood or even pathologised in modern Western culture.

- The role of teachers, lineages and spiritual traditions in helping us integrate profound experiences.

- Why enlightenment may be far more natural—and far more common—than we've been led to believe.

- The tension between worldly success and inner freedom.

- Buddhist reflections on identity, Mara, awakening and the illusion of the separate self.

- Why our worth can never truly be measured by wealth, career or social status.

Memorable moments:

"I think we're all a mess."

"If I ever meet someone who says they've reached the end goal, I'll probably put on my running shoes and run away."

"Everything is just one... but there was just enough of me left to suffer."

"Even if you have everything in the world, if you do not know yourself, know yourself to be the poorest of the poor."

Whether you've struggled with self-doubt, experienced moments of profound spiritual insight, or simply wondered if there is more to life than achievement and appearance, this conversation offers an honest, compassionate and deeply human exploration of the journey home to ourselves.

In this episode, Nick Kientsch and Grant Shepherd explore the relationship between Tantra, spirituality and LGBTQ+ pride, reflecting on what it means to live authentically beyond Pride Month.

Drawing on Buddhist and tantric traditions, they discuss self-acceptance, the power of slowing down, and how embracing our bodies, relationships and life force can become a path to greater awareness and joy.

Together they explore radical inclusivity, the history and meaning of Pride, and how ancient wisdom traditions invite us to celebrate both our individuality and our shared humanity.

#Tantra #PrideMonth #LGBTQ #GaySpirituality #Authenticity #KashmirShaivism #Mindfulness #SelfAcceptance #Spirituality #SharedHumanity

In this episode Nick and Grant discus classical Tantra and Neo-tantra. How do we honour our sexual energy and free it from the shame many of us experince? How does Tantra help us grow into our spiritual potential? How can we as gay men move from the app culture to genuine connection and intimacy rather than commoditising one another.

Tantra helps us to live more fulfilling lives, it connects us to shake - the life force that can transform our life, and in this episode we explore these principles of vitality and living a fulfilling life.

Grant has trained in meditation and tantra for three decades, living in spiritual communities in Australia, the USA, and India, and holds a Master of Studies in Religion specialising in Kashmir Shaivism. He created Conscious Pathways so you can access transformative practices without stepping away from career, family, or ordinary life. For more info click here

Nick lived as a Buddhist monk for 7 years and has over 30 years of mediation and spiritual practice. He now leads the gay men's mindfulness group in London as well as running massage workshop and mindfulness in the workspace sessions. For more info ⁠click here⁠

How do we love ourselves as we are? How we feel about ourselves as gay men, our self-worth and sexuality. How do we deal with shame and celebrate ourselves? How can we explore kink and BDSM in a healthy and self-empowering way? How to be a mess in progress and stop chasing perfectionism.

Sex and spirituality - can they meet?

In this conversation meditation teacher Nick Kientsch and life coach and author of 'The Perfect Gay' Phil Poole discuss how we can find a more joyful way to be authentic and fully expressed. We explore kink, fetish, spirituality and Buddhism in this wide ranging conversation.

For Nick events see: https://bookwhen.com/evolvingminds

Phil's Kink website is: Website on 24/7 slavery and power exchange (https://masterslavelifestyle.com/)

Phil's Queer coaching is: https://courageto.be/

Phil's book: The Perfect Gay: The Perfect Gay Book | Approval free, Pride Filled (https://courageto.be/book)

Phil's instagram: Phil - Coach (@confidenceandkink) • Instagram photos and videos (https://www.instagram.com/confidenceandkink/)

United Kingdom GLASTONBURY Sunday 15th- Tuesday 17th September 2024

I'm often asked how to stop thoughts as we meditate. Here I reflect on ways we can cut through thoughts by using simple methods, such as saying "thinking" as we notice a thought in meditation, or "thoughts are not facts" as we notice the mind weaving together a worry or anxiety.

There is also the more esoteric approach of recognising that we need to 'wake up' to the emptiness of all thoughts. We can remember that the true nature of our mind is Buddha Nature, so rather than trying to get to a place where we are calm and clear, we relax into the state of ease that has never left us.

This is a non-duality approach to meditation and mindfulness were you are invited to find the middle way between rejecting and grasping at thoughts, ideas and identities.

I have talked in the past about how if I were to speak to my friends in the way I speak to myself.....I soon would have no friends, and I think we all know this tendency to be more harsh with ourselves than we would be with others. This week we will be looking at some self care tools and ways to bring a kinder attitude to ourselves, cultivating a gentle tone to our inner voice and being patient with where we struggle instead of being critical. 

I describe this inner narrative as 'radio me', this voice in our head that is constantly commenting, criticising and giving opinions. What if instead of believing this voice I see it as a commentary on the present moment......attempting to solidify a sense of self around an experince that in itself is transient, changing and ephemeral. If I shift from believing that there is this solid 'me' that is a problem to be fixed and instead see a flow and process that can be witnessed, held and loved then it is easier to be with these ever changing vicissitudes of life. 
One simple way to challenge this 'radio me' is to recognise the repeating stories it tells. We can then name the stories, or say to ourselves "it's just a story". Notice how often a repeating theme plays out. Notice this tendency to solidify around this familiar narrative. Another way is to give a name to the inner voice and then jockingly talk to it as it comes in with its criticism. One friend called his inner critic Nanette and used to say "not now Nanette" as this voice started its critical monologue. 

Instead of 'taking birth' as this identity, I can cultivate an attitude of welcoming allowing and being curious about the felt sense in my body connected to this constantly changing experince as it arises in the present moment space of awareness. As there is a shift into this position of "being the knowing" there can be a softening, relaxing and freeing from the narrowness of the narrative.  We are no longer a fixed entity that is either getting it right or wrong, and instead are in a state of flow. We become the curious participant observer rather than the critical onlooker. 

Why do we practice meditation and the spiritual path? For me it is to be happy. So this raises the question, what truly makes us happy.

Here I reflect on the Buddha's example of kindness and its importance as the first of the 5 Perfections or pāramitās, which are the foundation of Mahyana Buddhist training. The five are:

Recent research has shown that what the Buddha recommended 2,500 years ago does have a beneficial impact on our body and mind....being an antidote to depression, reduces chronic pain, lowers inflammation, reduces the risk of cancer and is an aid to living a longer and healthier life. As one of the scientists says: "if you want to live longer, be kind".

In this conversation Vajra and Nick discuss Buddhist Tibetan Tantra and how through practising with the breath and internal energy work we can explore the Bliss that is innate within our system and that connects us to our Buddha Nature.

0:00 introduction and discussion of Vajra’s introduction to kundalini and tumo.

6:45 Vajryana Tantra traches that the bliss of Enlightenment is found in our present experience and does not have to be searched for outside.

9:14 Resistance to bliss in meditation and how to find unshakable bliss. The practice is not about achieving a certain state in meditation as this can be lost. We can use meditation to make out mind one pointed so that we can then discover a bliss that is in us all the time rather than created. This is the bliss of being alive, something we are born with and take with us as we leave this life.

13:50 Sickness and connecting with this bliss to aid healing

15:07 Meditating from being present in our body rather than trying to escape it1

8:15 The four joys - progressive levels of absorption into bliss.

23:40 Tantra is a method for integrating and liberating any experience of our life that does not harm ourselves or others – love, desire, anger.

28:50 Anger and desire is energy. Tantra is about feeling the essence in the energy of any emotion, which is always blissful. This blissful energy is Metta and compassion. When anger is purified it becomes clarity. We train in Enlightened perception rather than trying to get to Enlightenment. How would a Buddha see anger….desire….seeing that any disturbing emotion is always a message for love and wisdom. To do this we have to pass through the body to feed the fire of wisdom felt as a fire in the belly. Intuition arises and we know the right action to take.

34:08 The breath itself is pleasure. Advice on how to work with difficult emotions by allow the energy to flow in your body by connecting with your breathing. Start by noting a pleasurable experience and really connecting with your breath.

40:31 Enlightenment alone is Bliss – the Buddha.

44:00 The need to find compassion and bodhichita in our body

47:25 Becoming accustomed to the natural bliss in our body through the preparatory exercises we have it all the time

54:23 Buddha nature - the body is the door way to Eternity

58:33 When the breath becomes blissful and orgasmic it is a powerful tool to focus the mind

61:04 Conclusion and how to contact Vajra for 121 coaching

61:11 10th February 2024 London workshop

To contact Vajra goto: www.bodymandala.org

To book onto the London workshop on 10th February 2024 goto: www.bookwhen.com/evolvingminds#focus=ev-s65l-20240210150000