In this episode, I welcome Cindy Luquin (she/they), who is a Certified Bilingual Sexual Health Expert and Founder of Howl at the Womb, here to school people with the language and tools to have healthy conversations about sex(uality), pleasure and gender.
Main Topics Discussed:
*The most common misconceptions around bisexuality
*How bisexuality relates to gender
*The difference between “bisexuality” and “pansexuality”
*How to best support the bisexual people in your life
Tell me about what led to your coming out.
Cindy: I came out publicly at the end of last year. I came out to my husband early 2021. I came out to myself a year prior, which made it much easier to come out to everyone else afterwards. It was emotional for me because I grew up in a religious home and was told that homosexuality is sinful. I was conditioned to suppress my feelings when I felt attracted to girls. I’ve finally come to a place where I feel comfortable in embracing that this is my identity. This is bigger than myself now, because I want to show more young queer people that it’s okay to be who you are without shame. As for some of my relatives who aren’t able to accept it, I can have empathy for them, but I just have to confine myself to what they believe gender identity and sexuality is.
There are a lot of misconceptions about bisexuality. Which have you personally had to deal with?
Cindy: Some think that I’m confused. Women would say, “You’ve never been with a woman, so how do you really know?” There’s also this assumption that bisexual people are sexually promiscuous, that they have no ability to be faithful (aka stay in a monogamous relationship). There’s also the belief that our bisexuality is only a transition stage to being gay or lesbian.
What has changed in your life since you came out?
Cindy: I feel so much happier, like a weight was lifted off of me. And I’m someone who was diagnosed with depression and PTSD as a result of growing up in a DV (domestic violence) household. Research shows that bisexual people tend to deal with more mental health issues. I had to unlearn a lot of the shame I grew up with. How did coming out impact your marriage? Cindy: There’s this idea that it doesn’t matter if I came out or not because I’m already married. But I’m an individual. Marriage requires honesty and vulnerability. Why wouldn’t I share the real version of myself to someone who is supportive of me? I’m blessed that he was accepting and supportive, which is so rare.
What’s your opinion on the word “queer”?
Cindy: It depends. Just because we’ve accepted that word to describe ourselves doesn’t mean every bisexual person does. Assumptions are a lack of consent. Just as many young Mexicans who grew up in the United States love to call themselves chicano but older generations don’t because the word was used as a derogatory slur in their time, the same is true with the word “queer”.
How have your friendships fared, both before and after you came out?
Cindy: I’ve always been a part of the queer community, and before, I had that fear that if I was too close with a lesbian friend, that they would think I liked them. And because of my internalized biphobia, anyone who expressed that toward me felt uncomfortable when they got too friendly. Now that I’ve come out and I’m a fully grown 36-year-old adult, I realized that it’s all totally normal.
Learn more about Cindy:
Visit her website: https://www.howlatthewomb.com/
Follow her on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/howlatthewomb/
