Fred Van Riper is an executive coach, Fair Play Facilitator (one of only 8 men worldwide), and creator of the Connection Blueprint. He helps leaders interrupt the patterns that cost them their relationships while they're busy being "successful." A former construction executive, Fred spent years providing financially while his marriage quietly cracked underneath him until he was forced to confront the emotional labor he'd been outsourcing to his wife for years. Now he teaches leaders how to show up at home and work without burning out themselves or the people around them. Connect with Fred: Newsletter: https://www.seatatthetablecoaching.com/ LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin/in/frederickvanriper Upcoming: Fred is currently writing F*ck Productivity: How Doing Less (of What Doesn't Matter) Gets You More (of What Does)*, a book challenging hustle culture and redefining what productivity actually means for leaders, parents, and humans exhausted by the daily grind.

When I first came across Kelly Hubbell's viral story—the one where she left the family vacation and the internet lost its collective mind—I nearly stood up and applauded. Here was a woman quietly rebelling against the unpaid, unacknowledged, expected emotional labor of family life. That single decision to pack up and leave wasn't selfish; it was revolutionary. 12 days into a 17 day vacation Kelly and her husband decided that being away for so long from the systems that kept them happy healthy and whole were important enough to return home early. Grateful for the time they spent with their family, they were able to return to a carefully curated quality of life at home. In a culture that romanticizes women's exhaustion, she's doing the radical work of saying, "No, I will not die on the hill of clean beach towels and everyone else's sunscreen."

Part of the reason Kelly was able to take such a definitive and distinctive action was because she and her husband had already built systems that distributed the load—organizational, emotional, and operational. They worked with an on-site house manager to create a rhythm of household life that didn't depend solely on her bandwidth or willingness to "hold it all together." From that lived experience came a sharp insight: most families don't need more "help," they need structure, language, and transparency around the invisible work of running a home. Noticing a gaping hole in the marketplace for holistic, human-centered household management, Kelly founded Sage Haus in 2023. The platform brings dignity and design to domestic logistics, transforming the chaos of family coordination into a system of shared accountability. It's part therapy, part workflow, and wholly a revolution in how we think about emotional labor in the modern home.

In our conversation, Kelly and I talk about how emotional labor operates as the invisible architecture of every home—how it's both the glue and the grind. Sage Haus offers a framework to make that invisible work visible, delegable, and dare I say, shared. Kelly's approach bridges empathy and efficiency: she blends heart and logistics, showing families how to distribute domestic responsibility without guilt or resentment. It's emotional labor with a project plan—a vision for a household where care is collaborative, not compulsory.

Laboring Mothers, Then and Now: A Conversation with Dr. Ellen Ledoux

I get Google alerts for the topic of "emotional labor," and one day, a name popped up that stopped me in my tracks: Dr. Ellen Ledoux. A scholar of 18th-century literature and feminist theory, Dr. Ledoux's work powerfully unpacks how historical narratives continue to shape modern understandings of work, gender, and care.

Her book, Laboring Mothers: Reproducing Women and Work in the Eighteenth Century, explores the cultural origins of the myth that maternal care and paid labor are mutually exclusive. She reveals how Enlightenment-era ideals elevated the domestic role for white, privileged women while rendering poor, enslaved, and working-class mothers invisible—or unworthy. In other words, motherhood was never just a personal role—it was political, racialized, and deeply tied to labor structures.

When I asked Dr. Ledoux why we're still here—still talking about "work-life balance," still treating caregiving as if it were weightless—she pointed to our enduring belief in rugged individualism and our failure to interrogate the systems that demand superhuman effort. As she put it: we expect a woman on the tenure track to birth both a baby and a major scholarly work, as if both forms of labor don't demand everything.

Dr. Ledoux's scholarship is a gift to anyone grappling with the emotional labor of care, work, and identity.

Learn more about Dr. Ledoux and her work: https://ellen.ledoux.us/ Order Laboring Mothers: https://www.upress.virginia.edu/title/5949/

I first discovered Dr. Mira Brancu's work through her November 2024 essay in Psychology Today, where she explored the weight of emotional labor in the workplace and offered strategies to help women and marginalized employees navigate these challenges. Her clients are high-performing women seeking practical tools for building and leading high-performing teams.

Dr. Brancu is a psychologist who writes extensively about navigating the workplace, both as a peer and as a leader. One of her key concepts is the idea of "emotional contagion." Positive contagions can create an uplifting atmosphere, where contagious energy drives motivation and teamwork. However, negative contagions—such as low energy, constant complaining, and pervasive dissatisfaction—can drain the workplace of its potential for productivity and enjoyment.

Dr. Brancu describes how an emotionally intelligent peer or leader can step in to address negativity by leveraging emotional labor. This involves digging deeper into the root causes of discontent, naming the problem, and setting a clear intention to resolve it. She also emphasizes advocating for individual contributions and fostering trust through the creation of interpersonal operating principles. Her approach underscores the importance of emotional intelligence in transforming workplace dynamics.

One particularly valuable resource from our conversation is Dr. Brancu's Yes/No Audit, a fun and insightful free download available on her website. This tool helps us examine why we say "yes" to the wrong things, empowering us to prioritize what truly matters and avoid being sidetracked by obligations that don't serve our goals. It's a practical guide for unlearning unhealthy habits that can keep us stagnant as leaders.

Bio: Dr. Mira Brancu is a consulting and coaching psychologist who specializes in women's leadership identity development and building adaptive, high-performing teams. She is also an Associate Professor, author of the Millennials Guide to Workplace Politics and companion workbook, Psychology Today columnist of the series, A New Look at Women's Leadership, and host of The Hard Skills live show and podcast. Her award-winning social impact firm, Towerscope, empowers and elevates women in leadership within disrupted, complex learning and innovation systems.

Website: www.gotowerscope.com

Longer bio on website: https://gotowerscope.com/about-ceo

Leadership Academy: https://gotowerscope.com/towerscope-leadership-academy

Company Social Media Handles:

• https://www.linkedin.com/company/towerscope/
• https://www.linkedin.com/company/towerscope-leadership-academy/
• https://www.facebook.com/towerscope

Professional Social Media Handles:

• https://www.linkedin.com/in/MiraBrancu
• https://www.facebook.com/mira.brancu.31/
• https://www.instagram.com/MiraBrancu
• https://bsky.app/profile/mirabrancu.bsky.social

The Hard Skills show and podcast:

• https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-hard-skills/id1706366751
• https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0xENmagP4Us&list=PLBRIDM9zFt53CbF8-Y_LiHx_12xdIQpT1

Millennials Guide to Workplace Politics book: https://www.amazon.com/MILLENNIALS-GUIDE-WORKPLACE-POLITICS-Influence/dp/1954374917/ Millennials Workbook for Navigating Workplace Politics: https://www.amazon.com/Millennials-Workbook-Navigating-Workplace-Politics/dp/1954374178

Recent Articles: https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/navigating-emotional-labor-invisible-work-we-dont-discuss-brancu-xmfpe/?trackingId=2CI7BYaoTmKDCBHSr4RfRA%3D%3D

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/a-new-look-at-womens-leadership/202411/navigating-invisible-emotional-labor-at-work

I first came across the work of Jourdan Travers through a Forbes article written by Mark Travers, her spouse. The article caught my attention because the title included one of my favorite phrases: "invisible load." When I reached out to Mark, I learned that he and Jourdan collaborate on their writing projects, and as luck would have it, Jourdan graciously agreed to join us on our podcast.

Our conversation was rich and thought-provoking. I especially appreciated the way Jourdan unpacked the concept of emotional labor and explored how it operates within the framework of patriarchy. She articulated how patriarchy underpins long-standing beliefs about gender roles and provided historical context to help illuminate its pervasive influence. What's more, she highlighted how patriarchy manifests differently depending on factors such as race, class, gender, culture, age, and sexual orientation.

As a licensed social worker and therapist, Jourdan emphasized the importance of regular, honest, and introspective conversations as a foundation for challenging and shifting deeply ingrained beliefs. She shared how her work helps patients look beyond surface-level issues to dig deeper, encouraging curiosity and critical examination of their own narratives. Jourdan's goal is to empower women to reflect more deeply on their challenges and view them through a different lens.

One exercise she suggested, which I found both brilliant and practical, is this: If you're upset about something—say, how your spouse handles snack time with the kids—write it down. Detail what the problem is, why it bothers you, and what solution you'd like to see. Then, ask yourself, "Why do I feel this way?" By becoming curious about your emotions and responses, you can gain valuable insights and begin to reframe your perspective.

Bio: Jourdan Travers is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker and Clinical Director at Awake Therapy, a telehealth company that provides online psychotherapy, counseling, and coaching. She also helps curate the popular mental health and wellness website, Therapytips.org, where you can take science-backed assessments such as the Relationship Satisfaction Scale and Marital Satisfaction Test. Ms. Travers received her MSW from The University of Maryland and her B.A. in psychology from California State University Northridge. She has previously worked at Promises Treatment Center and Malibu Vista in Malibu, California, and the Lindner Center of Hope in Cincinnati, Ohio. Ms. Travers takes a holistic approach to mental health treatment, utilizing a variety of methods to help clients move through distressing thoughts, manage overwhelming emotions, improve close relationships, and focus on strengths to achieve long-term results. Click here to book an appointment with Ms. Travers.

I've been a big fan of Mardi Winder-Adams work for a long while. She speaks and writes the impact of divorce on high achieving women, and how to work through all the challenges that entails.

We had a wonderful conversation. As a divorce coach there's always some type of challenge, obstacle, or overarching concern about how to move forward through the process of becoming a divorced person. She does see four areas that are among the more common challenges: experiencing that emotional shift from we– to –me, managing the stress of the entire divorce process. Also, there are myriad financial issues that come up as a divorce is getting underway (it is not un-often that one person knows a heck of a lot more about finances than the other person). And finally, if children are in the mix, she helps parents understand that the children will be OK as long as the parents can show a happy and healthy parting of the ways.

It's a reality that girls are raised into women to notice everything, to be the caregivers, and the caretakers, to be in tune with what's happening in the family at all times. When divorce happens, many women seek to control the narrative when it comes to managing their children, and their children's things, i.e. clothing, personal care, and school supplies… and will ruminate about the what ifs –what if my child doesn't have a ruler? What if my child doesn't have a good costume for the class party? Mardi coaches turning this around, to move the thought needle. And think instead about what is happening rather than fearing what's possible, or whether the fear is truly a legitimate concern. She encourages a 10 minute a day self-care activity. And I'll 10 minutes don't have to be done all at once… Take a couple of minutes to notice the green trees outside your window; five minutes in your desk chair to focus on a positive mantra or a pleasurable upcoming event can turn the tide from anxiety to calm. Also – learning how to say no goes a long way on the road to self-care.

Bio: Mardi Winder-Adams is the go-to divorce coach for high-achieving individuals. She is dedicated to supporting people in taking control of their separation and divorce to reduce the emotional and financial costs of the process. Mardi offers over 20 years of experience helping women and men navigate the challenges of high-conflict, complex, and high-asset divorces. Mardi is an ICF and BCC Executive and Leadership Coach, Certified Divorce Transition and High-Conflict Divorce Coach, and Credentialed Distinguished Mediator in Texas.

She founded Positive Communication Systems, LLC, and hosts the podcast "The D Shift, Redefining Divorce and Beyond" and Real Divorce Talks. Mardi is also a best-selling author, speaker, and trainer.

Links:

Website: https://www.divorcecoach4women.com/

Podcast: The D Shift: Redefining Divorce and Beyond

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/mardiwinderadams/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/divorcecoach4women/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/Divorcecoach4women

Facebook personal: https://www.facebook.com/mardi.winderadams

I was introduced to Mary Beth Ferrante through a colleague in the professional organizing industry, and I'm so glad to have had this conversation with her. Mary Beth is the founder of Wrk360, a mom of two, a daughter of aging parents, and an entrepreneur with a deep passion for reimagining the workplace. She's an expert on the intersection of unpaid care work and paid work—the kind of work that shows up in your job description—and she has a lot to say about why this matters.

During our conversation, Mary Beth shared a jaw-dropping statistic: caregiving contributes $1.9 trillion to the GDP, but its value remains largely invisible. Why? Because caregiving work itself is so often invisible. And this lack of recognition ripples out into the workplace, especially for women.

Mary Beth laid out the stark realities: 79% of new moms are less likely to be hired, and 50% are less likely to be promoted. These numbers are depressing, but they highlight the urgent need for change. What I love about Mary Beth's work is that she's not just pointing out the problems—she's actively designing solutions.

One idea we discussed is the concept of a re-onboarding program for employees returning from maternity leave. Think about it: when a woman comes back to work after having a baby, she's stepping into the workplace with a whole new identity. She's not just an employee anymore; she's now a working mom. And while, yes, every mom is a working mom—whether paid or unpaid—the workplace rarely acknowledges this profound transition.

Imagine a workplace where her return is supported with a thoughtfully co-created transition plan. It's a plan that acknowledges how much her life has changed while also ensuring that her team is ready to support her success. This kind of approach not only helps her stay engaged on the job but also increases the likelihood she'll stay with the company.

Mary Beth's vision for the future of work is one where emotional labor, caregiving, and workplace equity aren't afterthoughts but central to how we design policies and cultures. Our conversation was inspiring, eye-opening, and filled with practical takeaways for anyone looking to support caregivers—at work and beyond. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did!

Here is a link to download a quick quiz on the mental load: Rebalance the Mental Load to Reduce Overwhelm - Are YOU Ready?

Mary Beth's LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/mbferrante/

I learned about the good work of Dr. Sarah McKay from her Linked In post on cognitive labor and the household/women's work. Since I tend to focus on the brain's Executive Functions to help us understand what it actually takes to do the work of household management, I couldn't resist an opportunity to connect with Dr. McKay.

Sara McKay is an Oxford University-educated neuroscientist, author, speaker and director of Think Brain's suite of online professional training programs in brain health and applied neuroscience. In our illuminating discussion, Dr. McKay found herself on the cutting edge of research on the gender gap around women's health. Young female scientists become older female scientists and these Gen X researchers are leading research labs, and incorporating "sex" as a biological variable, and Sarah McKay is in the thick of discussing women's brain health.

One of my big take-aways from our conversation was around the nature/nurture narrative. Women operate on two levels: biological/hormonal and gender experience. As pregnancy shapes and sculpts the gender experience, so too does whether or not you live in an egalitarian family, environment, or country. Research shows that when women live in countries where equality is a given [Scandinavia, for example], women's brain health is on par with their male counterparts. In more unequal countries [e.g.,Afghanistan], women's brain health is compromised.

Dr. McKay also talked about her personal journey in marriage and motherhood. With a kind and understand spouse, the language of "how can we make this work?" became a staple in their relationship.

Dr. Sarah McKay is the author of two books: Baby Brain: The surprising neuroscience of how pregnancy and motherhood sculpt our brains and change our minds (for the better) and The Women's Brain Book: The Neuroscience of Health Hormones and Happiness. And you can learn more about her good work here: https://drsarahmckay.com/.

It is not often that I meet someone, living a very full personal and professional life, and who has figured out how to spread around the weight of emotional labor. But after speaking with my guest, Patricia De Fonte, I walked away from that conversation thinking that, wow, here's a role model for delegating, dialoguing, and anticipating what's coming up.

Patricia De Fonte is the brains and heart behind De Fonte Law PC, where "Estate Planning With Heart®" isn't just a tagline—it's the ethos of the practice. Listen in on our conversation and you'll hear how Patricia practices the principles of work and home equality in all of her affairs. My favorite example … many years ago Patricia read an article on the work of the household, prompting a new narrative in her in own home. Rather than asking her sons and husband to "help" her with the chores, she reframed and said that the "house needs help." To function properly, the house needs help to the laundry done, toilets scrubbed, etc. So 'help the house' is now my rally cry to GSD!! {get stuff/sh*t done!}

At her law firm she institutes planned time off from clients, shortened work days, and scheduling boundaries. With an LL.M in Estate Planning, Probate, and Trust Administration and a JD from Golden Gate University, plus a BA in Communication from Santa Clara University, Patricia's academic credentials are just the beginning.

Eight years ago, she set out to create a law firm where happiness is a priority—for her, her team, and most importantly, her clients. And it's working! Patricia has not only contributed a chapter to a Wealth Counsel book, but she's also been named a Super Lawyer multiple times and even snagged the Better Business Bureau Torch Award for Ethics. When Patricia's involved, you know you're in good hands!

[email protected] www.defontelaw.com 415-735-6959

Dr. Loleen Berdahl and Dr. Christie Schultz

Since its inception, the Emotional Labor podcast has delved deep into the mental load of emotional labor as it exists within the home. Our guests have included authors and researchers whose work intersects with the many invisible layers of emotional labor at home.

In this episode, we are thrilled to discuss a fascinating series of articles published on Canada's University Affairs website, authored by Loleen Berdahl and Christie Schultz. Loleen Berdahl is an award-winning university instructor, the executive director of the Johnson Shoyama Graduate School of Public Policy (Universities of Saskatchewan and Regina), and a professor and former head of political studies at the University of Saskatchewan. Christie Schultz is the dean of the Centre for Continuing Education and an associate professor in the Faculty of Education at the University of Regina.

Loleen and Christie examine how the mental load of emotional labor manifests in the academic workplace and higher education institutions. Their research highlights that this weight disproportionately falls on the shoulders of women and diverse faculty members.

In our conversation, we explored various facets of care management and the ethics of care when students present emotional and mental health challenges to faculty. We discussed how DEI committee work and campus decolonization activism often rely on faculty support, and how students tend to see their female professors as 'safe' providers of care and support, driven by societal stereotypes.

Our discussion ranged from applying care ethics in the academy, identifying challenges and solutions, understanding institutional support, and envisioning the future of care in academia. We concluded with a thought-provoking question: What would happen if we centered care in all aspects of life?

The full series of articles is available on the University Affairs website for those interested in delving deeper into this crucial topic.

https://universityaffairs.ca/career-advice/the-skills-agenda/leading-with-care-emotional-labour-and-academic-leadership/

https://universityaffairs.ca/career-advice/the-skills-agenda/the-skills-of-care-navigating-emotional-labour-in-academia/

https://universityaffairs.ca/career-advice/the-skills-agenda/acknowledging-the-emotional-labour-of-academic-work/