24 years.
That’s how long Sarah searched for a spouse—praying faithfully, enduring countless dates, trying every Christian dating app, even switching churches to widen her circle. Yet here she stands: still waiting.
“Is something wrong with me?” she wonders.
The Paradox:Sadly, Sarah isn’t alone. Every week, I meet Christian singles trapped in the same cycle. They blame “no good options” or “God’s timing,” but after years of working with Christian singles, I’ve discovered the painful truth: The enemy is us. We’re the reason we’re still single.
Hope:The good news? These patterns can be broken. If you’re ready to take an honest look in the mirror, we can identify the roadblocks— the 10 types who self-sabotage their own path to marriage.
Type 1 : The Fearful Wall-builder
Clara’s last breakup left her so scarred she now rejects every new match.
The Data:
59% of Christian singles delay dating due to previous heartbreak. (Barna Study, 2022)
The Truth:
When fear — disguised as “being careful” — starts calling the shots, you’ll run away from the very opportunities God’s placing in your path.
Action Steps:
* Adopt an evangelist's mindset: Shake off rejection like dust from your sandals (Luke 9:5) and move forward in faith..
Say"yes" to one coffee date this month with a sincere believer—even if they don't meet every preference.
Type 2: The Perpetual Procrastinator
Zakaria won’t date until he loses 30 lbs, gets a promotion, and buys a house.
The Data:
79% of married couples wish they hadn’t postponed marriage for arbitrary milestones. Bridal Survey (2022)
The Truth:
God’s Word warns: Waiting for ‘perfect conditions’ means you ’ll never begin (Ecclesiastes. 11:4). Your future spouse could be the ally who helps you lose those 30 lbs or buy that home.
Action Steps:
* Stop waiting. Start noticing who God has already placed in your life right now.
* List 3 excuses you’ve used to delay dating. Circle the weakest one— and drop it today.
Type 3: The Happily Single
“Marriage sounds great, but I’m not sure if I’m ready to surrender my independence.” Becky, 34 | VP of Finance, Fortune 500 Company
The Data:
While Pew Research shows 56% of singles who do not want to marry cite “enjoy independence” as their main reason, Barna found 62% of ‘happy singles’ admit to loneliness.
The Truth:
Bible warns us against indecision, telling us not to be “like a wave of the sea, driven and tossed by the wind” (James 1:6). Make a decision:-either embrace singleness fully or commit to pursuing marriage wholeheartedly - don’t do both.
Action Steps:
* Pray. Father, expose where I've made independence an idol.
* Does my terms align with God's design (Eph. 5:21-30)
Type 4: The Unrealistic Dreamer
“My dealbreakers: Under 30, never-married, looks like a supermodel, cooks like a gourmet chef. ” - Philip, 49 | Divorced
The Data:
"72% of singles demand traits they lack themselves” - YouGov Survey, 2023.
The Truth:
"With the measure you use, it will be measured to you" (Matthew 7:2)
Ask yourself:“ Would I meet my own checklist?” Your future spouse will be human—flaws, quirks, & all—just like you.
Action Steps:
* Memorize Proverbs 31:30
* List 3 non-physical traits you admire in friends/family. Now prioritize these in dating.
Type 5 The List-Maker
James, 43, has a “must-haves” list that’s longer than the book of Leviticus. And every one of them is non-negotiable!
The Data :
Clients who reduced 'must-haves' from 10+ to 3-5 saw match rates increase by 400% (SALT, 2020)
By 40, the pool of never-married, childless believers shrinks to ~12% (Pew Research, 2023).
The Truth
The only real deal-breaker should be "Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers" (2 Corinthians 6:14). Everything else? Negotiable.
Action Steps:
* Rank your ‘must-haves' from 1 (absolutely essential) to 5 (nice-to-have). Now cut anything below #3.
* Would God approve the criteria?
Type 6: The Surface Scanner
"I just want a man who loves Jesus wholeheartedly & has never been married.” -Anita (...but rejects godly men for height, receding hairline, wardrobe choices...)
The Data:
While 89% of Christian singles say ‘faith' is their top priority, 61% of them admit rejecting profiles based solely on photos. (Barna Group, 2022)
The Truth:
Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart" (1 Samuel 16:7)
Action Steps:
* Next match: Read their faith testimony first (delay photo review for 5 minutes).
* The "30-Second Rule” : If rejecting someone, ask:"Is this about godliness... or my pride?"
Type 7: The Snap Judge
Sheba’s "discernment" looks holy—but operates like a faulty algorithm. She rejects perfect matches simply because of a retweet, hearsay and profile aesthetics.
The Data:
Early judgments are wrong 2x more often than right. 63% of happily married couples reported disliking or feeling ‘neutral' about their spouse at first meeting.” - National Marriage Project (2020)
The Truth:
Remember Nathanael, who famously asked, “Can anything good come from Nazareth?” Yet, instead of clinging to his bias, he took Philip’s invitation and his life was forever transformed.
Ask: "Does this person bear the Spirit’s fruit “(Gal. 5:22-23)
Action Steps:
* 3-Conversation Rule : Give potential matches 3 conversations before deciding. Swapping a few messages, having a phone conversation, or even meeting up doesn’t require a huge investment.
Type 8: The Self-Defeating Prophet
“I'm not exactly a catch” — Michael (posting in a Christian singles FB group)
The Data:
“Low self-esteem increases romantic rejection risk by 150%” -Clinical Psychology Review (2019). ”Negative self-talk becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy” - Journal of Social Psychology, (2021).
The Truth:
Scripture warns us: words shape you, 'As a man thinks, so he is' (Proverbs 23:7).
Action Plan:
Replace one self-critical thought daily with God's truth ( E.g., Psalm 139:14, 2 Corinthians 5:20, etc)Have a friend monitor your self-talk for 1 week—every negative comment costs you $5 toward their coffee fund.
Type 9 The Clueless Seeker
If you are looking for a godly spouse - then Tinder is probably not the best place to start. It’s like going to a steakhouse expecting to find a vegan burger.
The Data :
Over 50% of users on mainstream apps filter matches by religion. - eHarmony Data (2021).
Christians who meet on secular apps are 2.3x more likely to compromise sexual boundaries. Barna Group (2023)
The Truth:
"Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers" (2 Corinthians 6:14)
Your future spouse is far more likely to be serving at a church event than swiping through secular dating apps. Where you look matters as much as what you seek.
Action Plan:
* Audit your last 3 dating apps and matchmaking websites. Delete secular apps with faith-based alternatives.
Type 10: The Self-Care Skeptic
Alex, who proudly says, “I’m not here to impress anyone—if they don’t like me as I am, that’s their problem.”
The Data:
“Good hygiene and grooming increased attractiveness ratings by 47% in speed-dating experiments.” - Journal of Social Psychology (2021)
"Poor grooming costs 81% of potential first dates” -eHarmony , (2022).
The Truth:
Presenting your best self isn’t fake—it’s good stewardship of what God has given you. 1 Corinthians 6:19-20)
Action Steps:
* Update your profile photos with intentional grooming (e.g., fresh haircut, neat, well-fitting outfit, no bathroom mirrors )
* 5 minute daily routine : Clean nails, fresh breath, odor control.
Your Journey Starts Right Now
God’s design for many is marriage (not everyone is called to singleness like Apostle Paul!) —and if you’re reading this, that likely includes you.
Here’s the truth:
* What you can’t control : Dating apps’ algorithms, culture or others’ unrealistic choices.
* What You Can: Diagnose your self-sabotage (which of the 10 types are you?).
Your next step?:
Pray: Lord. expose the habit keeping me single. Give me courage to change it
Act: The right person is out there. But first, become the right you. Do one thing your “type" avoids (e.g., say yes to a date, shorten your checklist).
Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths. -Proverbs 3:5-6
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