The Erotic Realm

What happens when your BDSM fantasies of dominance, submission and absolute control meet the realities of human relationships?

In this episode I'm joined by Anton Fulmen, author of The Heart of Dominance and BDSM educator behind Consensual Dominance, to explore the psychology of BDSM fantasies, dominance and submission, erotic power exchange and the difference between fantasy and reality.

We explore:

• BDSM fantasy vs reality: Why our sexual fantasies don't always reflect what we want to experience.
• The heart of dominance: What it means to hold power, and the responsibilities that come with consensual control.
• Dominance and submission: How imagined power dynamics differ from real BDSM relationships.
• The vulnerability of Dominants: Why being in control can involve emotional exposure, trust and uncertainty.
• Negotiating erotic desires: What happens when partners have different fantasies, expectations or needs.
• Healthy power exchange: Understanding the boundaries between devotion, dependence and potentially harmful dynamics.

Research article: Sexual Fantasy Research: A Contemporary Review.

This episode is proudly sponsored by Stigma Health.

Interested in Kinky Speed Dating? ⁠⁠⁠Register Here.⁠⁠⁠

The Erotic Realm now has it’s own merchandise! If you love the show and want to support it check it out ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠here.⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Visit ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠psychologyofdesire.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ to support the podcast, or apply to be a guest. I'd love to chat to you.

Thanks for listening!

Stay perverted,

Emma

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

What if exploring BDSM as a queer, nonbinary person could transform your understanding of power, desire and erotic identity?

In this episode I'm joined by Dare Campbell, a queer, nonbinary sexuality educator and sub-leaning switch, to explore the psychology of BDSM power exchange, dominance and submission, queer identity and erotic self-discovery.

We explore:

• The psychology of submission: Why surrendering power can be an expression of agency, trust and desire.
• Ongoing BDSM power exchange: How dominance and submission operate beyond individual scenes and within established relationships.
• Consent and accountability: Navigating changing boundaries, communication and responsibility within power dynamics.
• Queer and nonbinary erotic identity: How gender exploration can transform our understanding of sexuality and kink.
• The relationship between BDSM and sex: Why kink can represent intimacy, identity, connection or spirituality beyond conventional sexual experiences.
• Erotic self-discovery: Giving ourselves permission to explore desires without needing fixed definitions of who we are.

Research article: A Queer Boundary: How Sex and BDSM Interact for People Who Identify as Kinky.

This episode is proudly sponsored by Hedon House - A BDSM and kink dungeon/playspace, accommodation, bath house, private dance floor, resting place, and so much more. Book your stay at hedonhouse.com with code THEREALM for 15% off.

• Follow Hedon House on Instagram. 
• Check out my full conversation with the creator of Hedon House- Gala Vanting on Episode 30: Building Sanctuaries for BDSM & Erotic Exploration.

Interested in Kinky Speed Dating? ⁠⁠⁠Register Here.⁠⁠⁠

The Erotic Realm now has it’s own merchandise! If you love the show and want to support it check it out ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠here.⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Visit ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠psychologyofdesire.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ to support the podcast, or apply to be a guest. I'd love to chat to you.

Thanks for listening!

Stay perverted,

• Emma

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

What happens when discovering a kink doesn't just transform your sexuality, but unlocks creativity, vulnerability and parts of yourself you never knew existed?

In this episode I'm joined by Devilishbrew, a Pleasure Dom, Wax Top and creator of Devils Wax, to explore the psychology of wax play, BDSM, erotic creativity and male vulnerability.

We explore:

• The psychology of wax play: What makes temperature, anticipation and sensation so erotically compelling.
• Pleasure Domination and BDSM: How dominance, trust and sensory exploration intersect.
• Kink as a creative outlet: How wax play evolved into artistic expression through Devils Wax.
• Mindfulness and erotic presence: Why intense sensory experiences can quieten the mind and deepen connection.
• Male vulnerability and masculinity: How exploring kink can challenge expectations around emotional openness.
• Erotic identity and self-discovery: The relationship between childhood experiences, imposter syndrome, creativity and personal growth.

This episode is proudly sponsored by Stigma Health.

Interested in Kinky Speed Dating? ⁠⁠⁠Register Here.⁠⁠⁠

The Erotic Realm now has it’s own merchandise! If you love the show and want to support it check it out ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠here.⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Visit ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠psychologyofdesire.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ to support the podcast, or apply to be a guest. I'd love to chat to you.

Thanks for listening!

Stay perverted,

Emma

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

What happens when the sexuality you've been taught to suppress becomes the very thing you need to explore to understand yourself?

In this episode I'm joined by Tash Doherty, author, erotic writer and creator of The Intimacy Journal, to explore the psychology of sexual shame, erotic self-discovery and the transformative power of writing about desire.

We explore:

• The psychology of sexual shame: where it comes from and how it shapes our erotic identities.
• Sexual suppression and self-discovery: distinguishing authentic desire from social expectations.
• Erotic writing as self-exploration: how personal storytelling can reveal hidden aspects of our sexuality.
• Erotic poetry and intimacy: the relationship between creativity, emotional expression and desire.
• Sexual communication and satisfaction: what research reveals about expressing our needs and desires.
• Reclaiming sexual confidence: moving from private self-understanding towards expressing what we want with others.

Research article: Dimensions of Couples’ Sexual Communication, Relationship Satisfaction, and Sexual Satisfaction: A Meta-Analysis

This episode is proudly sponsored by Hedon House - A BDSM and kink dungeon/playspace, accommodation, bath house, private dance floor, resting place, and so much more. Book your stay at hedonhouse.com with code THEREALM for 15% off.

• Follow Hedon House on Instagram. 
• Check out my full conversation with the creator of Hedon House- Gala Vanting on Episode 30: Building Sanctuaries for BDSM & Erotic Exploration.

Interested in Kinky Speed Dating? ⁠⁠⁠Register Here.⁠⁠⁠

The Erotic Realm now has it’s own merchandise! If you love the show and want to support it check it out ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠here.⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Visit ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠psychologyofdesire.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ to support the podcast, or apply to be a guest. I'd love to chat to you.

Thanks for listening!

Stay perverted,

Emma

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Can sexual energy be used in magick? And could BDSM, ritual and altered states of consciousness be connected in ways we don't yet fully understand?

In this episode I'm joined by Sanhre to explore the fascinating intersection of sex magick, BDSM, occultism, chaos magick and erotic spirituality.

We explore:

• What occultism, chaos magick and sex magick actually mean.
• The relationship between BDSM, erotic energy and spiritual practices.
• Aleister Crowley and the idea of sexuality as a sacred force.
• Subspace, topspace, deep rope states and altered consciousness.
• The neuroscience of BDSM and its possible parallels with ritual experiences.
• Sigil magick, intention, belief and the ethics of magical practice.

Research article: Consensual BDSM Facilitates Role-Specific Altered States of Consciousness.

This episode is proudly sponsored by Stigma Health.

Interested in Kinky Speed Dating? ⁠⁠⁠Register Here.⁠⁠⁠

The Erotic Realm now has it’s own merchandise! If you love the show and want to support it check it out ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠here.⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Visit ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠psychologyofdesire.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ to support the podcast, or apply to be a guest. I'd love to chat to you.

Thanks for listening!

Stay perverted,

Emma

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

What happens when the very communities built around consent, freedom and sexual exploration develop their own forms of toxicity, manipulation and abuse?

In this episode I'm joined by Ayzad, a pioneering Italian BDSM educator, author and kink coach with more than thirty years of experience, to explore the dark side of BDSM, toxic kink culture, power dynamics and the psychology of consent.

We explore:

• The dark side of BDSM and toxic kink culture.
• How to distinguish consensual BDSM from psychological abuse.
• Power dynamics, manipulation and the limits of consent.
• Why good intentions don't always prevent harmful behaviour.
• What has changed as BDSM has become more mainstream.
• The psychology behind unhealthy kink relationships and community dysfunction.

Research article: Sexual Violence and Nonconsensual Experiences Among Alt-Sex Communities’ Members.

This episode is proudly sponsored by Hedon House - A BDSM and kink dungeon/playspace, accommodation, bath house, private dance floor, resting place, and so much more. Book your stay at hedonhouse.com with code THEREALM for 15% off.

• Follow Hedon House on Instagram. 
• Check out my full conversation with the creator of Hedon House- Gala Vanting on Episode 30: Building Sanctuaries for BDSM & Erotic Exploration.

Interested in Kinky Speed Dating? ⁠⁠⁠Register Here.⁠⁠⁠

The Erotic Realm now has it’s own merchandise! If you love the show and want to support it check it out ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠here.⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Visit ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠psychologyofdesire.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ to support the podcast, or apply to be a guest. I'd love to chat to you.

Thanks for listening!

Stay perverted,

Emma

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Why does the human brain sometimes transform pain into sexual pleasure? And what can BDSM teach us about neuroscience, desire and consciousness?

In this episode I'm joined by Hermes Solenzol, a pain neuroscientist, writer and lifelong kinkster, to explore the fascinating relationship between BDSM, pain, pleasure, sadism and the kinky brain.

We explore:

• The neuroscience of BDSM and why pain can become erotic pleasure.
• How the brain processes pain, anticipation, arousal and desire.
• BDSM pain thresholds and how context can change pain perception.
• Subspace, altered states of consciousness and the neuroscience of kink.
• The psychology of consensual sadism and compassionate dominance.
• Becoming a BDSM switch and exploring both sides of power exchange.
• BDSM, spirituality, Buddhism and the subjective experience of pain.
• Free will, monogamy, polyamory and the psychology of human relationships.
• Sexuality and ageing: remaining erotic at 69 and beyond.
• Erotic fantasy, writing and discovering ourselves through imagination.

Further reading: Beyond Pain: A Study on the Variance of Pain Thresholds Within BDSM Interactions in Dominants and Submissives.

Supporters of The Erotic Realm:

• Firm Tech for sexual health tracking here.
• Splash blanket for intimacy-friendly comfort here.
• ProDx Health at home STI testing here.

Innovative Sex Tech:

• Lioness here.
• Kiiroo here.
• Luxus here.
• Lovense here.

Science-backed libido support:

• Flow supplement here.
• Desire supplement here.

Interested in Kinky Speed Dating? ⁠⁠⁠Register Here.⁠⁠⁠

The Erotic Realm now has it’s own merchandise! If you love the show and want to support it check it out ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠here.⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Visit ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠psychologyofdesire.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ to support the podcast, or apply to be a guest. I'd love to chat to you.

Thanks for listening!

Stay perverted,

Emma

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Why does the human brain sometimes transform pain into sexual pleasure? And what can BDSM teach us about neuroscience, desire and consciousness?

In this episode I'm joined by Hermes Solenzol, a pain neuroscientist, writer and lifelong kinkster, to explore the fascinating relationship between BDSM, pain, pleasure, sadism and the kinky brain.

We explore:

• The neuroscience of BDSM and why pain can become erotic pleasure.
• How the brain processes pain, anticipation, arousal and desire.
• BDSM pain thresholds and how context can change pain perception.
• Subspace, altered states of consciousness and the neuroscience of kink.
• The psychology of consensual sadism and compassionate dominance.
• Becoming a BDSM switch and exploring both sides of power exchange.
• BDSM, spirituality, Buddhism and the subjective experience of pain.
• Free will, monogamy, polyamory and the psychology of human relationships.
• Sexuality and ageing: remaining erotic at 69 and beyond.
• Erotic fantasy, writing and discovering ourselves through imagination.

Further reading: Beyond Pain: A Study on the Variance of Pain Thresholds Within BDSM Interactions in Dominants and Submissives.

Supporters of The Erotic Realm:

• Firm Tech for sexual health tracking here.
• Splash blanket for intimacy-friendly comfort here.
• ProDx Health at home STI testing here.

Innovative Sex Tech:

• Lioness here.
• Kiiroo here.
• Luxus here.
• Lovense here.

Science-backed libido support:

• Flow supplement here.
• Desire supplement here.

Interested in Kinky Speed Dating? ⁠⁠⁠Register Here.⁠⁠⁠

The Erotic Realm now has it’s own merchandise! If you love the show and want to support it check it out ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠here.⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Visit ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠psychologyofdesire.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ to support the podcast, or apply to be a guest. I'd love to chat to you.

Thanks for listening!

Stay perverted,

Emma

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

What happens when you rediscover sexual desire in your seventies, after decades without intimacy?

In this episode I chat with Andrea Feinberg, also known as Brookiana, who returns to explore sex after 70, dating in later life, sexual desire, ageing, and the extraordinary experience of erotic reawakening.

When Andrea first joined me in Episode 102, she shared her journey of returning to dating, intimacy and sexual exploration in her seventies. Now she's back with her newly published book, Sex, Sensuality and the Senior Woman, to explore what that journey taught her about desire, desirability, confidence and herself.

We explore:

• Sex after 70 and rediscovering sexual desire in later life.
• Why women are taught that their desirability has an expiry date.
• Returning to dating after decades without intimacy.
• The psychology of being desired and feeling desirable.
• Sexual confidence, sensuality and erotic identity as we age.
• Writing Sex, Sensuality and the Senior Woman and the vulnerability of sharing intimate experiences.

Research Article: "The Shop Is Not Closed": Sex and Sexuality Among Older Adult Daters

Supporters of The Erotic Realm:

• Firm Tech for sexual health tracking here.
• Splash blanket for intimacy-friendly comfort here.
• ProDx Health at home STI testing here.

Innovative Sex Tech:

• Lioness here.
• Kiiroo here.
• Luxus here.
• Lovense here.

Science-backed libido support:

• Flow supplement here.
• Desire supplement here.

Interested in Kinky Speed Dating? ⁠⁠⁠Register Here.⁠⁠⁠

The Erotic Realm now has it’s own merchandise! If you love the show and want to support it check it out ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠here.⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Visit ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠psychologyofdesire.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ to support the podcast, or apply to be a guest. I'd love to chat to you.

Thanks for listening!

Stay perverted,

Emma

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

What happens when discovering your dominant side completely changes the way you understand your submissive one?

In this episode of I'm joined by Sassy—Bethany Burgoyne—to explore switch psychology, dominance, submission, kink confidence and the freedom to let our erotic identities change.

We explore:

• The psychology of being a BDSM switch.
• Moving from submissive to dominant without losing submission.
• How dominance transformed Sassy's kink confidence.
• Sadism, sensual dominance and using power as an expression of care.
• Body confidence, gender expression and being a non-binary woman in kink.
• Shame, permission and communicating kink to new or vanilla partners.
• Queer kink communities, safeguarding and what they reveal about human desire.
• Why BDSM can be joyful, playful and full of laughter.

Research article: BDSM Role Fluidity: A Mixed-Methods Approach to Investigating Switches Within Dominant/Submissive Binaries.

Supporters of The Erotic Realm:

• Firm Tech for sexual health tracking here.
• Splash blanket for intimacy-friendly comfort here.
• ProDx Health at home STI testing here.

Innovative Sex Tech:

• Lioness here.
• Kiiroo here.
• Luxus here.
• Lovense here.

Science-backed libido support:

• Flow supplement here.
• Desire supplement here.

Interested in Kinky Speed Dating? ⁠⁠⁠Register Here.⁠⁠⁠

The Erotic Realm now has it’s own merchandise! If you love the show and want to support it check it out ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠here.⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Visit ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠psychologyofdesire.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ to support the podcast, or apply to be a guest. I'd love to chat to you.

Thanks for listening!

Stay perverted,

Emma

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.