What happens when sexual mastery becomes about presence, not performance?

In this episode I’m joined by Kevin Anthony — sexologist, tantra counsellor, and men’s sexual mastery coach — to explore the psychology of masculinity, ejaculation, and erotic presence.

We explore:

• Ejaculation, stamina, and sexual control.
• Masculinity and performance anxiety.
• Tantra as a lived erotic practice.
• Polyamory and emotional intelligence.
• Grief, loss, and erotic continuity.

Research article: Men's gender role conflict: Psychological costs, consequences, and an agenda for change.

Love Erotica? Don't forget to go to callmephoenix.com and use the promo code IOBEYEMMA for $5 off any audio! use as many times as you like.

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Visit ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠psychologyofdesire.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ to apply to be on the podcast. I'd love to chat to you.

Thanks for listening!

Stay perverted,

Emma

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

What happens when the way your brain works becomes part of your erotic identity?

In this episode I’m joined by Kritikl — a neurodivergent Dominant, sadist, rigger, and community space curator — to explore the intersection of autism, power, and desire.

You may recognise his voice from the earlier Kink Intentions episode — and here, we go deeper into how his neurodivergence shapes the way he experiences connection, dominance, and kink.

We explore:

• Neurodivergence and erotic identity.
• Pattern recognition as a form of connection.
• Dominance, sadism, and ethical power.
• Rope, sensory experience, and embodiment.
• Creating safe spaces for neurodivergent kinksters.

Research Article: Autism, Sexuality, and BDSM.

Love Erotica? Don't forget to go to callmephoenix.com and use the promo code IOBEYEMMA for $5 off any audio! use as many times as you like.

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The Erotic Realm now has it’s own merchandise! If you love the show and want to support it check it out ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠here.⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Visit ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠psychologyofdesire.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ to apply to be on the podcast. I'd love to chat to you.

Thanks for listening!

Stay perverted,

Emma

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What happens when a man’s desire to surrender clashes with everything he’s been taught about masculinity?

In this episode I’m joined by Jack — a submissive man, anthropologist, and writer — to explore the psychological tension between masculinity, shame, and submission.

We unpack how cultural expectations shape men’s relationship to control, performance, and sexuality — and what happens when those expectations no longer fit. Drawing on lived experience and sociological insight, this conversation explores how submission can become a site of authenticity rather than weakness.

We explore:

• The conflict between masculinity and submission.
• Shame, ejaculation, and the male erotic nervous system.
• Female-led relationships and long-term D/s dynamics.
• The difference between consent and compatibility.
• How men can redefine power through surrender.

Research Article: Hegemonic Masculinity: Rethinking the Concept.

Love Erotica? Don't forget to go to callmephoenix.com and use the promo code IOBEYEMMA for $5 off any audio! use as many times as you like.

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The Erotic Realm now has it’s own merchandise! If you love the show and want to support it check it out ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠here.⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Visit ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠psychologyofdesire.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ to apply to be on the podcast. I'd love to chat to you.

Thanks for listening!

Stay perverted,

Emma

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

What happens when kink is built around people first and power second?

In this episode I’m joined by Master Cat NYC and Master Joshua NYC — leather educators and co-founders of The Kink Collective — to explore the psychology of ethical power in BDSM.

With decades of experience in kink and leather communities, they share how their understanding of dominance, identity, and responsibility has evolved — and why they centre their work around the principle of people before kink.

We explore:

• Ethical dominance and responsibility in power exchange.
• Leather culture and evolving erotic identity.
• Consent as a form of liberation.
• Triads, poly dynamics, and relational complexity.
• Building kink communities rooted in care and accountability.

Love Erotica? Don't forget to go to callmephoenix.com and use the promo code IOBEYEMMA for $5 off any audio! use as many times as you like.

Interested in Kinky Speed Dating? ⁠⁠⁠Register Here.⁠⁠⁠

The Erotic Realm now has it’s own merchandise! If you love the show and want to support it check it out ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠here.⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Visit ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠psychologyofdesire.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ to apply to be on the podcast. I'd love to chat to you.

Thanks for listening!

Stay perverted,

Emma

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

What if the problem isn’t sexual desire — but the shame surrounding it?

In this episode I’m joined by psychosexual and relationship therapist Silva Neves to explore one of the most misunderstood topics in modern sexuality: compulsive sexual behaviour.

Rather than framing sexual compulsivity as “sex addiction,” Silva’s work examines how sexuality can become intertwined with emotional regulation, identity, shame, and relational needs.

We explore:

• Why many sexologists reject the “sex addiction” narrative.
• How shame sustains compulsive sexual cycles.
• The difference between high desire and genuine compulsivity.
• Trauma, EMDR therapy, and erotic safety.
• What sexual integration actually looks like in therapy.

Love Erotica? Don't forget to go to callmephoenix.com and use the promo code IOBEYEMMA for $5 off any audio! use as many times as you like.

Interested in Kinky Speed Dating? ⁠⁠⁠Register Here.⁠⁠⁠

The Erotic Realm now has it’s own merchandise! If you love the show and want to support it check it out ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠here.⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Visit ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠psychologyofdesire.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ to apply to be on the podcast. I'd love to chat to you.

Thanks for listening!

Stay perverted,

Emma

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

What happens when someone refuses the rigid rules of gender — and instead creates their own embodiment of identity and desire?

In this episode I’m joined by Dreamer — an altersex transgender woman, primal sadomasochist, leather Master, scientist, and educator — to explore the psychology of gender integration, power exchange, and erotic identity.

Dreamer shares the deeply personal story of her gender transition, including her decision to undergo phallus-preserving vaginoplasty, a non-traditional form of gender-affirming surgery that reflects her unique experience of embodiment.

We explore:

• What it means to identify as altersex.
• Thepsychological experience of gender transition.
• The difference between primal power and constructed authority.
• Leather culture, Mastery, and erotic truth.
• How embodiment shapes desire and power exchange.

Research Article: Adult Development and Quality of Life of Transgender and Gender Nonconforming People.

Love Erotica? Don't forget to go to callmephoenix.com and use the promo code IOBEYEMMA for $5 off any audio! use as many times as you like.

Interested in Kinky Speed Dating? ⁠⁠⁠Register Here.⁠⁠⁠

The Erotic Realm now has it’s own merchandise! If you love the show and want to support it check it out ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠here.⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Visit ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠psychologyofdesire.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ to apply to be on the podcast. I'd love to chat to you.

Thanks for listening!

Stay perverted,

Emma

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

What happens when we start treating sex as a form of personal sovereignty?

In this episode of The Erotic Realm, I’m joined by legendary intimacy expert Susan Bratton — author, educator, and one of the most influential voices in modern sexual communication.

We explore:

• How patriarchal sexual scripts shape modern intimacy.
• The real difference between having sex and making love.
• How couples sustain passion after decades together.
• Why attention may be one of the most overlooked erotic resources.
• How sexual sovereignty transforms relationships.

Research Article: The Female Sexual Response: A Different Model.

Love Erotica? Don't forget to go to callmephoenix.com and use the promo code IOBEYEMMA for $5 off any audio! use as many times as you like.

Interested in Kinky Speed Dating? ⁠⁠⁠Register Here.⁠⁠⁠

The Erotic Realm now has it’s own merchandise! If you love the show and want to support it check it out ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠here.⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Visit ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠psychologyofdesire.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ to apply to be on the podcast. I'd love to chat to you.

Thanks for listening!

Stay perverted,

Emma

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

What happens when a CEO discovers submission?

In this episode I’m joined by Calliope — entrepreneur, writer, and high-functioning submissive — to explore the psychology of control, grief surrender, and curiosity inside modern BDSM.

We explore:

• Submission for high-performing professionals.
• The psychology of control and surrender.
• Curiosity as a gateway into kink.
• Intellectual stimulation inside D/s dynamics.
• Grief, writing, and the role of community in healing.

Research Article: Masochism as Escape from Self.

Love Erotica? Don't forget to go to callmephoenix.com and use the promo code IOBEYEMMA for $5 off any audio! use as many times as you like.

Interested in Kinky Speed Dating? ⁠⁠⁠Register Here.⁠⁠⁠

The Erotic Realm now has it’s own merchandise! If you love the show and want to support it check it out ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠here.⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Visit ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠psychologyofdesire.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ to apply to be on the podcast. I'd love to chat to you.

Thanks for listening!

Stay perverted,

Emma

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

What if dominance wasn’t about intimidation — but presence?

In this episode I’m joined by Dominatrix Rin, professional Dominatrix and dungeon owner, to explore archetypal authority, ritual aesthetics, and the psychology of emotional power in BDSM.

We explore:

• The Dominatrix as archetype and psychosexual authority.
• Berlin vs San Francisco kink culture.
• The dungeon as ritual container and transformational space.
• Emotional labor in professional domination.
• Ownership, care, and embodied attunement.
• Power as presence rather than performance.

Research book: The History and Arts of the Dominatrix.

Love Erotica? Don't forget to go to callmephoenix.com and use the promo code IOBEYEMMA for $5 off any audio! use as many times as you like.

Interested in Kinky Speed Dating? ⁠⁠⁠Register Here.⁠⁠⁠

The Erotic Realm now has it’s own merchandise! If you love the show and want to support it check it out ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠here.⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Visit ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠psychologyofdesire.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ to apply to be on the podcast. I'd love to chat to you.

Thanks for listening!

Stay perverted,

Emma

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Can BDSM be a literary and philosophical pursuit?

In this episode I sit down with Lenny, a 77 year old sadist, writer, and lifelong BDSM mentor whose journey explores the limits of pleasure, pain, and the mind’s role in eroticism.

Lenny shares his experiences with hypnotic states, non-physical orgasms, and BDSM as a vehicle for transformation—both in real life and in literature.

We discuss:

• The psychology of masochism and what pain really means in BDSM.
• Writing about dark desires and the philosophy of De Sade.
• Non-physical orgasms and how hypnosis can trigger deep pleasure.
• The intersection of tantra, breathwork, and erotic power exchange.
• Unusual fetishes he’s encountered including a garlic fetish!

Research Paper: A Case of Female Orgasm Without Genital Stimulation

If you enjoy what you hear please follow and rate the show, and if you want to support M's work please consider supporting her Substack on the Psychology of Desire.

Thanks for listening!

Emma

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.