The Erotic Realm

Why does the human brain sometimes transform pain into sexual pleasure? And what can BDSM teach us about neuroscience, desire and consciousness?

In this episode I'm joined by Hermes Solenzol, a pain neuroscientist, writer and lifelong kinkster, to explore the fascinating relationship between BDSM, pain, pleasure, sadism and the kinky brain.

We explore:

• The neuroscience of BDSM and why pain can become erotic pleasure.
• How the brain processes pain, anticipation, arousal and desire.
• BDSM pain thresholds and how context can change pain perception.
• Subspace, altered states of consciousness and the neuroscience of kink.
• The psychology of consensual sadism and compassionate dominance.
• Becoming a BDSM switch and exploring both sides of power exchange.
• BDSM, spirituality, Buddhism and the subjective experience of pain.
• Free will, monogamy, polyamory and the psychology of human relationships.
• Sexuality and ageing: remaining erotic at 69 and beyond.
• Erotic fantasy, writing and discovering ourselves through imagination.

Further reading: Beyond Pain: A Study on the Variance of Pain Thresholds Within BDSM Interactions in Dominants and Submissives.

Supporters of The Erotic Realm:

• Firm Tech for sexual health tracking here.
• Splash blanket for intimacy-friendly comfort here.
• ProDx Health at home STI testing here.

Innovative Sex Tech:

• Lioness here.
• Kiiroo here.
• Luxus here.
• Lovense here.

Science-backed libido support:

• Flow supplement here.
• Desire supplement here.

Interested in Kinky Speed Dating? ⁠⁠⁠Register Here.⁠⁠⁠

The Erotic Realm now has it’s own merchandise! If you love the show and want to support it check it out ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠here.⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Visit ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠psychologyofdesire.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ to support the podcast, or apply to be a guest. I'd love to chat to you.

Thanks for listening!

Stay perverted,

Emma

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Why does the human brain sometimes transform pain into sexual pleasure? And what can BDSM teach us about neuroscience, desire and consciousness?

In this episode I'm joined by Hermes Solenzol, a pain neuroscientist, writer and lifelong kinkster, to explore the fascinating relationship between BDSM, pain, pleasure, sadism and the kinky brain.

We explore:

• The neuroscience of BDSM and why pain can become erotic pleasure.
• How the brain processes pain, anticipation, arousal and desire.
• BDSM pain thresholds and how context can change pain perception.
• Subspace, altered states of consciousness and the neuroscience of kink.
• The psychology of consensual sadism and compassionate dominance.
• Becoming a BDSM switch and exploring both sides of power exchange.
• BDSM, spirituality, Buddhism and the subjective experience of pain.
• Free will, monogamy, polyamory and the psychology of human relationships.
• Sexuality and ageing: remaining erotic at 69 and beyond.
• Erotic fantasy, writing and discovering ourselves through imagination.

Further reading: Beyond Pain: A Study on the Variance of Pain Thresholds Within BDSM Interactions in Dominants and Submissives.

Supporters of The Erotic Realm:

• Firm Tech for sexual health tracking here.
• Splash blanket for intimacy-friendly comfort here.
• ProDx Health at home STI testing here.

Innovative Sex Tech:

• Lioness here.
• Kiiroo here.
• Luxus here.
• Lovense here.

Science-backed libido support:

• Flow supplement here.
• Desire supplement here.

Interested in Kinky Speed Dating? ⁠⁠⁠Register Here.⁠⁠⁠

The Erotic Realm now has it’s own merchandise! If you love the show and want to support it check it out ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠here.⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Visit ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠psychologyofdesire.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ to support the podcast, or apply to be a guest. I'd love to chat to you.

Thanks for listening!

Stay perverted,

Emma

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

What happens when you rediscover sexual desire in your seventies, after decades without intimacy?

In this episode I chat with Andrea Feinberg, also known as Brookiana, who returns to explore sex after 70, dating in later life, sexual desire, ageing, and the extraordinary experience of erotic reawakening.

When Andrea first joined me in Episode 102, she shared her journey of returning to dating, intimacy and sexual exploration in her seventies. Now she's back with her newly published book, Sex, Sensuality and the Senior Woman, to explore what that journey taught her about desire, desirability, confidence and herself.

We explore:

• Sex after 70 and rediscovering sexual desire in later life.
• Why women are taught that their desirability has an expiry date.
• Returning to dating after decades without intimacy.
• The psychology of being desired and feeling desirable.
• Sexual confidence, sensuality and erotic identity as we age.
• Writing Sex, Sensuality and the Senior Woman and the vulnerability of sharing intimate experiences.

Research Article: "The Shop Is Not Closed": Sex and Sexuality Among Older Adult Daters

Supporters of The Erotic Realm:

• Firm Tech for sexual health tracking here.
• Splash blanket for intimacy-friendly comfort here.
• ProDx Health at home STI testing here.

Innovative Sex Tech:

• Lioness here.
• Kiiroo here.
• Luxus here.
• Lovense here.

Science-backed libido support:

• Flow supplement here.
• Desire supplement here.

Interested in Kinky Speed Dating? ⁠⁠⁠Register Here.⁠⁠⁠

The Erotic Realm now has it’s own merchandise! If you love the show and want to support it check it out ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠here.⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Visit ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠psychologyofdesire.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ to support the podcast, or apply to be a guest. I'd love to chat to you.

Thanks for listening!

Stay perverted,

Emma

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

What happens when discovering your dominant side completely changes the way you understand your submissive one?

In this episode of I'm joined by Sassy—Bethany Burgoyne—to explore switch psychology, dominance, submission, kink confidence and the freedom to let our erotic identities change.

We explore:

• The psychology of being a BDSM switch.
• Moving from submissive to dominant without losing submission.
• How dominance transformed Sassy's kink confidence.
• Sadism, sensual dominance and using power as an expression of care.
• Body confidence, gender expression and being a non-binary woman in kink.
• Shame, permission and communicating kink to new or vanilla partners.
• Queer kink communities, safeguarding and what they reveal about human desire.
• Why BDSM can be joyful, playful and full of laughter.

Research article: BDSM Role Fluidity: A Mixed-Methods Approach to Investigating Switches Within Dominant/Submissive Binaries.

Supporters of The Erotic Realm:

• Firm Tech for sexual health tracking here.
• Splash blanket for intimacy-friendly comfort here.
• ProDx Health at home STI testing here.

Innovative Sex Tech:

• Lioness here.
• Kiiroo here.
• Luxus here.
• Lovense here.

Science-backed libido support:

• Flow supplement here.
• Desire supplement here.

Interested in Kinky Speed Dating? ⁠⁠⁠Register Here.⁠⁠⁠

The Erotic Realm now has it’s own merchandise! If you love the show and want to support it check it out ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠here.⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Visit ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠psychologyofdesire.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ to support the podcast, or apply to be a guest. I'd love to chat to you.

Thanks for listening!

Stay perverted,

Emma

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

What does a sexual-health doctor want you to know about sex?

In this episode I'm joined by Dr Leigh Barlow to explore the things your doctor really wants you to understand about sex, STIs, PrEP and sexual health.

We explore:

• Who should get STI tests, how often, and what testing involves.
• The biggest STI myths people still believe.
• What PrEP is and how HIV prevention is changing the psychology of safer sex.
• What LGBTQIA+ people still encounter in healthcare — and what genuinely affirming care looks like.
• Why bringing pleasure into sexual-health conversations may actually help us look after ourselves better.

Research article: What is the added value of incorporating pleasure in sexual health interventions? A systematic review and meta-analysis.

This episode is proudly sponsored by Stigma Health.

Interested in Kinky Speed Dating? ⁠⁠⁠Register Here.⁠⁠⁠

The Erotic Realm now has it’s own merchandise! If you love the show and want to support it check it out ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠here.⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Visit ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠psychologyofdesire.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ to support the podcast, or apply to be a guest. I'd love to chat to you.

Thanks for listening!

Stay perverted,

Emma

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Does desire really die in long-term relationships — or are we misunderstanding what happens to it?

In this episode I'm joined by sex therapist and clinical social worker Caroline Hood to explore female desire, sex and intimacy in long-term relationships.

We explore:

• Why sexual desire can change in long-term relationships without disappearing.
• Whether “low desire” can actually be a logical response to stress, caregiving, resentment and exhaustion.
• The biggest myths we've inherited about female desire and spontaneous desire.
• What responsive desire gets right — and where we've become too rigid with the concept.
• How couples can cultivate eroticism, intimacy and desire when life never seems to calm down.

Research article: Maintaining Sexual Desire in Long-Term Relationships: A Systematic Review and Conceptual Model

This episode is proudly sponsored by Magic Motion. Grab 10% off their toys here using code EMMA10.

Interested in Kinky Speed Dating? ⁠⁠⁠Register Here.⁠⁠⁠

The Erotic Realm now has it’s own merchandise! If you love the show and want to support it check it out ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠here.⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Visit ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠psychologyofdesire.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ to support the podcast, or apply to be a guest. I'd love to chat to you.

Thanks for listening!

Stay perverted,

Emma

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

What happens to your identity as a slave when the Master you've belonged to for 21 years dies?

In this episode I'm joined by Kim — MJ's Girl, who shares the story of her 21-year Master/slave relationship with Master Joe, and what happened to love, submission and identity after his death.

We explore:

• What 21 years in a Master/slave relationship taught Kim about love and submission.
• The difference between being a slave and a submissive.
• Why this fiercely independent woman chose to give one particular man her submission.
• The psychology of collaring, ownership and erotic identity.
• What happens to a slave identity after the death of a Master.
• How continuing bonds may help us understand carrying a BDSM relationship forward through grief.

Research article: Internalized versus externalized continuing bonds: Relations to grief, trauma, attachment, openness to experience, and posttraumatic growth.

This episode is proudly sponsored by Stigma Health.

Interested in Kinky Speed Dating? ⁠⁠⁠Register Here.⁠⁠⁠

The Erotic Realm now has it’s own merchandise! If you love the show and want to support it check it out ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠here.⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Visit ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠psychologyofdesire.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ to support the podcast, or apply to be a guest. I'd love to chat to you.

Thanks for listening!

Stay perverted,

Emma

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

What happens when the kink you're having is no longer the kink you actually want?

In this episode I'm joined by RednBlack to explore the psychology of ownership, Total Power Exchange, sadism and erotic identity.

After years within kink, Red experienced a moment that changed the direction of her erotic life: driving home from a fetish event and realising that pickup play was leaving her feeling empty. That realisation forced a different question — what did she actually desire?

We explore:

• The psychology of ownership and Total Power Exchange (TPE).
• Why kinky experiences can still leave us feeling erotically unfulfilled.
• Red's journey through dominance, sadism and deeper power exchange.
• Leather culture, identity and the history and meaning carried through coloured hankies.
• The tension between being an academic and openly kinky.
• Why different people can be drawn to BDSM for very different psychological reasons.

Research article: The Psychology of Kink: A Cross-Sectional Survey Study Investigating the Roles of Sensation Seeking and Coping Style in BDSM-Related Interests.

This episode is proudly sponsored by Stigma Health.

Interested in Kinky Speed Dating? ⁠⁠⁠Register Here.⁠⁠⁠

The Erotic Realm now has it’s own merchandise! If you love the show and want to support it check it out ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠here.⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Visit ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠psychologyofdesire.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ to support the podcast, or apply to be a guest. I'd love to chat to you.

Thanks for listening!

Stay perverted,

Emma

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Can a man learn to be Dominant — or is dominance something you either have or you don't?

In this episode I'm joined by Justin, founder of The Dominance Academy, to explore the psychology of male dominance, masculinity and consensual power exchange.

We explore:

• Whether male dominance can be learned.
• The difference between embodying dominance and performing it.
• Justin's four pillars of a Dominant man: self-containment, earned authority, erotic mastery and relational leadership.
• Why authority must be earned before someone can responsibly hold another person's submission.
• The difference between consensual dominance and men who simply want control over women.
• How BDSM and Dominant/submissive relationships can become pathways for personal transformation.

Research article: To Know Thyself: A Qualitative Exploration of Motivating Factors for BDSM and Kink Participants Who Hold Dominant Identities.

Supporters of The Erotic Realm:

• Firm Tech for sexual health tracking here.
• Splash blanket for intimacy-friendly comfort here.
• ProDx Health at home STI testing here.

Innovative Sex Tech:

• Lioness here.
• Kiiroo here.
• Luxus here.
• Lovense here.

Science-backed libido support:

• Flow supplement here.
• Desire supplement here.

Interested in Kinky Speed Dating? ⁠⁠⁠Register Here.⁠⁠⁠

The Erotic Realm now has it’s own merchandise! If you love the show and want to support it check it out ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠here.⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Visit ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠psychologyofdesire.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ to support the podcast, or apply to be a guest. I'd love to chat to you.

Thanks for listening!

Stay perverted,

Emma

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

What happens when you love each other — but you don't want the same things sexually?

In this episode I'm joined by Amanda Dames, The Kink Consultant, to explore the psychology of mismatched desire, sexual compatibility and kink in relationships.

We explore:

• What mismatched sexual desire looks like inside relationships.
• Why telling our partner what we really want can feel extraordinarily vulnerable.
• Whether an apparent “low desire” partner might simply not be having the kind of sex that activates their desire.
• What BDSM and kink can teach conventional couples about negotiating desire, boundaries and consent.
• The surprisingly complicated question: is sex actually a need?

Research article: Strategies for Mitigating Sexual Desire Discrepancy in Relationships

This episode is proudly sponsored by Stigma Health.

Interested in Kinky Speed Dating? ⁠⁠⁠Register Here.⁠⁠⁠

The Erotic Realm now has it’s own merchandise! If you love the show and want to support it check it out ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠here.⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Visit ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠psychologyofdesire.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ to support the podcast, or apply to be a guest. I'd love to chat to you.

Thanks for listening!

Stay perverted,

Emma

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.