The Evolved Caveman w/ Dr. John Schinnerer

When I went through divorce after a 16 year marriage, I was devastated, depressed and angry. My ex-wife (unnecessarily) initiated litigation that lasted 3.5 years and cost hundreds of thousands of dollars in legal fees.  It took me months, if not years, to fully recover, both emotionally and financially. So how can we do divorce better? How do we recover more quickly? How do we bounce forward with greater energy and purpose? How do we begin to trust the other sex after an ex has treated us poorly (in a variety of ways) for years? Tune in to find out.

About Dr. John’s Guest, Nigel Smart:

Nigel is a serial entrepreneur that has spent a large part of his career building high performance systems in both operating and consulting companies. He holds multiple degrees including his Ph.D. in biochemical sciences from Manchester University. He has established several companies including his current venture which assists industry in establishing systems and leadership for high performance results. His goal is to find elegant solutions that define a different path.

As an International speaker he uses stories around his personal and professional experiences to drive new approaches and strategies to develop new levels of success.

As a second career he has written a best selling book entitled Bouncing Back From Divorce With Vitality & Purpose; A Strategy for Dads, and coaches fathers emerging from divorce to regain their self respect and rebuild their lives to once more be productive members of society and their families.

Millions of men are tired of the way in which MAGA Republicans have defined masculinity in the traditional, restrictive fashion - emphasizing the “hard” side of men and shaming the “soft” side. This includes prioritizing independence over interdependence, thinking over feeling, autonomy over connection, and emotional suppression over vulnerability.  The old view is “power over” others rather than “power with”. The old view is to exert control over women which is demonstrated by MAGA’s views on abortion and birth control. 

The solution is not to prioritize the hard side of masculinity over the soft side. Nor is it to prioritize the soft side over the hard side. The solution is to create a climate which values all sides of masculinity (or even better, humanity!), so that we may bring the best aspects of ourselves to any situation as needed. The solution is to stop shaming men when they feel natural, healthy human emotions (think of how Gus Walz was treated when he displayed love, connection and pride over his father at the DNC). 

What is the Man Box?  It’s the rules you absorbed as a boy about what it means to be a “real man”; rules that have made you emotionally constipated, caused conflict in your romantic relationship, encouraged you to chase material things, and caught up in a hyper-competitive rat race. The rules include such classics as be tough, hide your feelings, dominate women, be self-reliant, don’t be feminine, and don’t be homosexual. 

Research shows that this restrictive, tired view of masculinity has negative effects on us. The more we subscribe to traditional Man Box beliefs, the lower our self-esteem (Cournoyer & Mahalik, 1995), the more difficulties we have in romantic relationships and friendships (Fischer & Good, 1997; Sharpe & Heppner, 1991), the more we act in violence (Franchina, Eisler, & Moore, 2001), and the more depressed and anxious we feel (Cournoyer & Mahalik, 1995; Hayes & Mahalik, 2000).

Join Dr. John Schinnerer and Mark Greene in a fascinating conversation about the Man Box culture, and how it’s playing out in politics right now. The solution is not to flip the script so that we overvalue the soft aspects of men over the harder aspects.  The goal is to honor both the hard and the soft sides of our humanity equally. It’s giving men permission to tap into all aspects of their humanity so that they are comfortable bringing the best parts of themselves to a particular situation.

This is not a problem at an individual level. It is a cultural issue, a culture in which the full spectrum of our humanity has yet to be valued fully. The thing I love about the Man Box idea is that none of this is your fault. You didn’t ask to be socialized like this. You had no control over it. It just happens. So keep in mind that while this is not your fault, it is your responsibility to evolve beyond the Man Box. And that’s what we are seeking to do in this election, discover more ways to evolve our masculinity.

About Dr. John’s Esteemed Guest, Mark Greene:

Mark Greene works to engage men in creating diverse, equitable, and inclusive workplace cultures. Co-Author with Dr. Saliha Bava of The Relational Workplace. Mark works with organizations and individuals to overcome the challenges created by retrogressive workplace cultures through his Man Box Choice Point trainings.

Mark is the author of The Little #MeToo Book for Men, Remaking Manhood, and co-author, along with Dr. Saliha Bava, of the Relational Book for Parenting. Mark's newest book, co-authored with Dr. Bava, is The Relational Workplace. Available now: https://a.co/d/1PcuEsn

 Mark is co-host of Remaking Manhood, the Healthy Masculinity Podcast. All of Remaking Manhood’s healthy masculinity resources are here: https://linktr.ee/RemakingManhood

It’s time to check back in with one of my favorite guys doing men’s work - Alex Terranova. Alex just published a book of the top 100 things he’s learned in doing over 500 podcasts and was kind enough to include me in it!  But the book barely gets a mention as there are so may other things to discuss. How does a “recovering asshole” come to be a reputed men’s coach and Coach of the Year? How do we evolve as men? What are Alex’s men’s retreats like? Is there one best version of masculinity towards which we are all striving?

About My Esteemed Guest and Good Friend:

Alex Terranova is an Executive and Leadership Coach, Performance and Success Alchemist, and Sacred Guide for men. Alex's training and essence are steeped in ontological principles, which focus on the nature of being and reality, ancient rituals that promote personal growth and transformation, integrity that underpins all his actions, and somatic practices that involve the integration of mind and body for holistic healing and expansion. 

With a commitment to love and support and a willingness to tell the hard truth, Alex Terranova fearlessly guides individuals and organizations to transcend mental barriers and unlock their boundless potential. His transformative coaching has led to tangible results, such as businesses growing from 6 to 7 figures, healed relationships, improved parenting, reduced employee turnover, and enhanced happiness, peace, job satisfaction, relationships, and overall life fulfillment.

Alex's coaching is a unique blend of integrity, boldness, trust, and love. His expertise spans a wide spectrum, from Business Coaching for owners and leaders striving to grow sales and scale their companies to Mindset and 

Performance Coaching for athletes seeking high level results to Leadership Coaching for those aiming to elevate every aspect of their lives. His clients share a common desire to grow, improve, succeed, and deepen their relationships. Alex's unique approach, grounded in integrity, boldness, trust, and love, empowers his clients to thrive in all aspects of their lives. 

Alex's journey towards mastery began in 2015 when he was certified by the esteemed Accomplishment Coaching. His relentless pursuit of excellence led him to earn his PCC, Professional Certified Coach Certification from the International Coach Federation, and his MPM, Mental Performance Mastery Certification from Top Mental & Peak Performance Coach Brian Cain. He has trained and worked with Shamans, Indigenous Leaders, and Psychological and Spiritual Leaders from Eastern and Western Traditions. Recognized by Yahoo Finance as 'The Anti-Excuses Coach,' and MSN, who called the Alchemy of Men Retreat "Best Retreats for Men 2024," 

Alex Terranova is a trusted authority in his field. Through one-on-one and Corporate Coaching, as well as leading Retreats, he has transformed the lives of hundreds of people. He has also trained over 100 other coaches, led men's groups, hosted a top 2% podcast, authored best-selling books, and spoken internationally.

Where to reach Alex Terranova: 

AlexTerranovaCoaching.com

For more on Alex’s upcoming Men’s Retreats:

AlchemyOfMenRetreat.com

Love isn’t enough for a thriving relationship. That’s merely the starting point. What do you do when life gets in the way? When things get stressful? How do you keep your relationship positive when you are pushed and pulled on all sides?

Join me, Dr. John, and my partner Joree Rose as we discuss the best tools we know of to maintain that positive, supportive, loving feeling in your relationship. 

These most powerful tools are backed by science and include:

The softened start up

Validating your partner’s feelings

Listen, fix, hug?

Invitation, request, demand framework of communication

Curiosity and compassion

Non-violent communication

Nonjudgmental listening 

And more!

By the end of this podcast, you'll have a more thorough understanding of 8 new tools which you can begin to practice today to improve the emotional connection of your romantic relationship. These proven tools are invaluable. After all, you’re only as happy as you are in your relationship! Join us as we guide you up the path to a healthier, happier partnership.

Find out more about our monthly Master Class on Relationships and about our couples coaching packages at LoveIsntEnough.net. 

"The biggest barrier to success is not that others are unwilling to give but that we are afraid to ask.” - Adam Grant, NY Times bestselling author

I love it when, the most powerful ideas are the simplest. Find out how you can begin to master the one tool that stands between you and your success: the ability to ask for what you need to succeed and be happy. 

The Man Box culture teaches the value of self-reliance. 85% of Americans agree that “I would rather depend on myself than others.” But, as always, you can take things too far. If you don’t ask for advice, you may miss out on valuable opportunities. Failure to seek early treatment for depression and/or anxiety prolongs the length of the issue. And trying to do it all can lead to stress and burnout. 

Discover what keeps you from asking for what you need and how to get better at this invaluable skill.

Dr. Wayne E. Baker 

Wayne Baker is the author of the book All You Have To Do Is Ask, and the Robert P. Thome (“Toe-May”) Professor of Business Administration and Professor of Management & Organizations at the University of Michigan Ross School of Business. He currently serves as Faculty Director of the Center for Positive Organizations. His teaching and research focus on social capital, social networks, generosity, positive organizational scholarship, and values. His management and leadership articles appear in venues such as Harvard Business Review, Chief Executive Magazine, and Sloan Management Review. He puts his knowledge into practice as a frequent guest speaker, management consultant, and as an advisor and board member of Give and Take Inc., developers of the Givitas collaborative technology platform. He has won various awards, including the Senior Faculty Research Award from the Ross School of Business and the Best Article Published in 2014 – 2016 from the American Sociological Association Section on Altruism, Morality, and Social Solidarity.

One of the biggest factors in a happy, thriving life is meaning. Knowing your ‘why’, you can get through any ‘how.’ This show was previously aired in 2022, however it’s one of my all-time favorite episodes as the content is simple, actionable & significant. 

Topics covered…

Why is meaning so important for us?

How do you discover your meaning in life?

Are there individual differences in terms of how much we need meaning?

Why is it important to be aware of your core beliefs or ‘givens'?

What are the 3 levels of core beliefs?

How do you identify your core beliefs? 

Which core beliefs serve us best for success? For happiness?

Bio:

Dr. Michael F. Steger is Professor of Psychology and the Director for the Center for Meaning and Purpose at Colorado State University. He is an internationally recognized authority on the benefits of finding meaning in one’s life and in one’s work. Dr. Steger is a sought after speaker and enjoys providing keynotes, workshops, and retreats around the world on topics ranging from meaning and purpose, flourishing at work, positive education, effective leadership, expanding clinical practice by incorporating meaning and purpose assessment and interventions. He is the developer of the most widely-used measures of meaning and purpose in the world, including the Meaning in Life Questionnaire and the Work and Meaning Inventory. He has written three books, including Designing Positive Psychology, Purpose and Meaning in the Workplace, and the Handbook of Positivity and Strengths-Based Approaches at Work. Dr. Steger offers a number of online courses on elevating success in work and life, including his newest course, Meaning in the Moment, taught through the Wholebeing Institute.

Here is the course description of Meaning in the Moment…

Crafting a meaningful life doesn’t have to be a philosophical chore, it can be lived one vivid and enjoyable moment at a time. This on-demand online course is focused on practical exercises that help people use the power of now to create lives rich in meaning. Each session offers two or more exercises that you can learn to use one at a time, in an array of combinations, and even all together in a coherent program on meaning in the moment. Mike shows how people can get unstuck and move forward with a lighter heart toward greater meaning and purpose.

https://wholebeinginstitute.com/meaning-in-the-moment/

What's the best way to strengthen your connection in your romantic relationship and navigate through the complexities of your deepest core emotional wounds?

Join me, Dr. John, and my partner Joree Rose as we dive into the essential understanding of core wounds in relationships, shedding light on how these deep-seated emotional injuries can impact our interactions and connections with our partners. 

One of Joree’s favorite questions in couples therapy is “What is your partner’s deepest core wound?” More than half of people don’t even know their own core wound. 

But how can we expect to master the complexities of romance if we aren’t the expert on ourself and our partner? 

We explore the significance of self-awareness, the power of navigating triggers with compassion. 

We provide a beginning list of some of the deepest wounds we’ve seen in both the anxious and the avoidant attachment styles. 

We discuss the role of curiosity and compassion as fundamental tools for healing and understanding. 

We offer insights into effective communication and the importance of honoring each other's triggers to foster a nurturing, supportive bond.

By the end of this podcast, you'll gain a deeper understanding of yourself and your partner, what your core wounds are, how to work with them gently, thus empowering both of you to create a more resilient and loving connection. Whether you're looking to heal old wounds or build a stronger foundation in your current relationship, these insights are invaluable. Join us as we explore the path to a healthier, happier partnership.

If you like what you've heard at The Evolved Caveman podcast, support us by subscribing, leaving reviews on Apple podcasts. Every review helps to get the message out! Please share the podcast with friends and colleagues.

Follow Dr. John Schinnerer on

| Instagram | Instagram.com/@TheEvolvedCaveman
| Facebook | Facebook.com/Anger.Management.Expert
| Twitter | Twitter.com/@JohnSchin

| LinkedIn | Linkedin.com/in/DrJohnSchinnerer
Or join the email list by visiting: GuideToSelf.com

Please visit our YouTube channel and remember to Like & Subscribe!

https://www.youtube.com/user/jschinnerer

Love Isn’t Enough: Is Intensive Couples Therapy Right For You?

Dr. John Schinnerer & Joree Rose, LMFT

Join Joree and I in an in-depth conversation about our experience in intensive couples therapy (i.e., 2 six-hour days of therapy with Charlie & Linda Bloom!). We also go into our belief that intensives are a much more effective means to create positive, lasting change than the traditional 1 hour, once-a-week sessions.

If you are someone that:

Questions addressed in this one:

After significant relationship issues arise, how long do people typically wait before trying couples counseling?

What are some of the differences between traditional one-hour-a-week couples therapy vs. intensive couples therapy?

How to be clear on what is your individual work and what is your relational work?

How do we get men more comfortable with entering into couples counseling?

How can we make therapy more effective for men?

What is the role of curiosity and nonjudgmentalness in effective arguing?

How can effective couples therapy lead to the secure attachment you’ve always wanted?

All this and more, in this episode of The Evolved Caveman podcast!

Please like, rate, review and share if you find this show meaningful to you! I’m trying to counterbalance a couple of bad reviews by my ex-wife! 

One of the biggest sources of human suffering comes from our tendency to avoid uncomfortable emotions. We are not taught how to face these unpleasant, somewhat frequent experiences. Our first (and sometimes only) strategy is to suppress them, ignore them, or become overwhelmed by them. Yet how we meet and greet these difficult emotions with curiosity has everything to do with our well-being, resilience, and ability to connect with ourselves and others. Instinctually, we fight against our uncomfortable emotions. In doing so, we reinforce messages of “not good enough” or “I’m not supposed to feel this way.”

In this  poignant & actionable conversation with Dr. Beth Kurland, the author of You Don't Have to Change to Change Everything, we learn that, instead of forcing ourselves to feel “happy” and burying what is unpleasant, or instead of getting hooked by intense emotions, we can change our perspective. Dr. Beth offers six vantage points to shift to when difficult emotions arise. They include:

·      The Anchor View: Finding Stable Ground 

·      The Child View: Curiosity Is Your Superpower 

·      The Audience View: Learn to Zoom Out

·      The Compassionate Parent View: How to Become Your Own Ally 

·      The Mirror View: Your Strengths and Imperfections Are Welcome Here

·      The Ocean View: We’re All in This Together

Being aware from each of these six vantage points allows us to cultivate inner stability, greater awareness of our internal strengths and inner resources, interconnection with the world around us and, perhaps most importantly, self-compassion. In this way, Dr. Beth provides a uniquely doable approach to healing that emphasizes changing our perspective instead of changing ourselves.

About Dr. John’s Esteemed Guest:

Beth Kurland, Ph.D. is a clinical psychologist with three decades of experience.  She is also a TEDx and public speaker, a mind-body coach, and an author of three award-winning books: Dancing on The Tightrope: Transcending the Habits of Your Mind and Awakening to Your Fullest Life; The Transformative Power of Ten Minutes: An Eight Week Guide to Reducing Stress and Cultivating Well-Being. Beth blogs for Psychology Today and is the creator of the Well-Being Toolkit online program. She lives in the Boston area. For more, visit BethKurland.com.

If you like what you've heard at The Evolved Caveman podcast, support us by subscribing, leaving reviews on Apple podcasts. Every review helps to get the message out! Please share the podcast with friends and colleagues.

Editing/Mixing/Mastering by: Brian Donat of B/Line Studios www.BLineStudios.com

Tune in to find out more in this episode of The Evolved Caveman Podcast with Dr. John Schinnerer. 

Please be sure to like, rate, review and share! Thank you in advance for helping to spread the word! 

Anyone who has ever been a people-pleaser can know how hard it is to be in relationships that don’t have reciprocity. It can feel like we give and give and give, and just because we are connected in the relationship, can think it’s enough, when in reality, we end up feeling depleted and resentful. In this joint episode, with my partner in life and love, Joree Rose, LMFT, we talk about 6 areas that people-pleasers can get stuck in or struggle with, along with some of the context that may lead you to becoming a people-pleaser. The 6 areas that we go in depth into are: difficulty drawing boundaries, feeling an overactive sense of guilt, being conflict avoidant, having a fear of loneliness, building anger & resentment and not knowing what your needs are. If you are someone that feels an imbalance in your relationships, and wants greater insight into why you may be doing what you’re doing, and have the tools to shift into healthier relationship patterns, then this episode is for you. 

Questions addressed in this one:

What does it mean to be a “people-pleaser”?

What are some of the main issues involved in people pleasing?

How does one become a “people-pleaser”?

How does boundary setting figure into people pleasing?

What about the gradual accumulation of anger and resentment?

Where does the heightened sense of guilt come from?

How comfortable are people-pleasers with conflict?

How does a fear of loneliness enter into the picture?

All this and more, in this episode of The Evolved Caveman podcast!

Please like, rate, review and share if you find this show meaningful to you!

If you like what you've heard at The Evolved Caveman podcast, support us by subscribing, leaving reviews on Apple podcasts. Every review helps to get the message out! Please share the podcast with friends and colleagues.

Follow Dr. John Schinnerer on

| Instagram | Instagram.com/@TheEvolvedCaveman
| Facebook | Facebook.com/Anger.Management.Expert
| Twitter | Twitter.com/@JohnSchin

| LinkedIn | Linkedin.com/in/DrJohnSchinnerer
Or join the email list by visiting: GuideToSelf.com

Please visit our YouTube channel and remember to Like & Subscribe!

https://www.youtube.com/user/jschinnerer