THE RIND KING: ACT III, Scene 3

In this scene, the players finally perform Julius Caesar before the Rind King—but their audience proves incapable of remaining in the audience. When the King seizes the toga and casts himself as Caesar, the boundaries between theatre, prophecy, and rebellion collapse. The play is no longer merely the thing: it becomes the trap.

In this Episode:

Caesar Takes the Stage: Bored by Shakespeare’s language and dissatisfied with Flutus’s performance, the Rind King assumes the role himself. He transforms Caesar into his own image: a tariff-loving strongman obsessed with dominance, loyalty, and the greatness of his reign.

The Forgotten Incantation: Zavago offers the King a ceremonial drink containing the Equine Ego Potion—but forgets the Latin phrase needed to activate it. From beyond the grave, Muskrat supplies the missing words: Amor vincit omnia—love conquers all.

The Ass Beneath the Rind: The King sprouts donkey ears and a tail, finally revealing outwardly what the kingdom has long understood. Zavago attempts the “sweetest cut of all,” but instead of stabbing the King, he shatters the enchanted looking glass—and destroys the illusion through which the King has viewed himself.

The Final Duel: After stabbing Zavago with what turns out to be a prop knife, the King faces Marius in genuine combat. With his mirror broken, his hairpiece fallen, and his true orange reflection exposed, the tyrant is defeated by the general who finally chose love over loyalty.

Featured Song: “THE COUP DE GRÂCE” — A darkly theatrical battle number in which Shakespearean tragedy, fairy-tale justice, and political farce converge. The King’s image cracks, his essence drains away, and the monster created by the kingdom finally falls beneath “the unkindest cut of all.”

The scene closes with something the King could never achieve: Marius and Lyra share a true kiss without sparks, spells, mirrors, or illusion.

A serialized production from M. R. Furlong and Hush! CAUTION. Echoland Press.

THE RIND KING: ACT III, Scene 2

In this scene, Wyrd Sisters Unfiltered broadcasts the beginning of the Rind King’s end. As fairy passion breaks the E-Men’s programming across the North, the ghost of the Muskrat Wizard returns with one final “optimization”—and the King signs away his army without bothering to read the fine print.

In this Episode:

A Message from Our Sponsor: The broadcast opens with an advertisement for Gorgon Vitality Pills, promising greater strength, intelligence, courage, and romantic success—before quietly admitting that the product does not work in any way.

The Spark Index Rises: Windy reports that magical energy is surging across the North as the fairies’ lust-dust restores the E-Men’s suppressed emotions. The King’s essence is failing, his soldiers are retreating, and the witches can feel the political tide turning.

Muskrat Wizard 2.0: Now equipped with “humility patches,” the spectral Muskrat offers the King Emergency Order No. 220. After briefly shifting reality to locate a more gullible version of his former master, Muskrat persuades him to surrender control of the E-Men to the Wyrd Sisters in exchange for “everything he deserves.”

Father Knows Worst: Rain returns as the ghost of the King’s father, briefly offering the love and approval his son has always craved—before revealing it as a cruel joke. She warns him that his mirror has deceived him, the Ides of March have arrived, and his tragedy is nearing its final act.

Featured Song: “FAKE NEWS” — The King attempts to sing reality out of existence as Rain, the Trolls, and the entire kingdom predict his downfall. Every warning becomes “fake news,” every defeat becomes a victory, and every sign of approaching death only strengthens his insistence that he will rule forever.

A serialized production from M. R. Furlong and Hush! CAUTION. Echoland Press.

THE RIND KING: ACT III, Scene 1

In this scene, the Northern kingdom stands on the edge of defeat. The last stronghold has fallen, the Rind King’s assassin approaches the castle, and even Queen Elara’s optimism is beginning to fail. Then a strange discovery offers one final defence: the King’s essence may be powerful—but it cannot survive contact with genuine human feeling.

In this Episode:

The Last Stronghold Falls: Poutini brings news that the Northern forces have scattered and the Ass-Man has breached the outer defences. Dr. Wiz declares the kingdom karmically doomed, while Jingo searches the birds’ reports for something more useful than premium prophecy.

The Lust-Dust Discovery: E-Men marching through the site of Marius and Lyra’s earlier romantic encounter begin laughing, skipping, and recovering their personalities. The residue of fairy passion appears to dissolve the King’s essence and restore the soldiers’ capacity to feel.

Proof of Concept: Mother Fairy tests the theory on Jingo with one explosive kiss. He survives—slightly scorched, strangely suave, and “gloriously illuminated”—but the resulting fairy dust is not enough to defend the castle.

The Most Awkward Battle Plan in History: Marius and Lyra are ordered to generate enough passion to disable the approaching assassin. With Mother Fairy grounding the electrical charge, Dr. Wiz offering unwanted pharmaceutical assistance, and the Troll Chorus mocking his performance anxiety, Marius discovers that saving a kingdom under observation is not especially romantic.

Featured Song: “SUDDENLY” — When the Ass-Man charges into the throne room, the wave of fairy-lust-dust strips away the King’s programming. For the first time, the soldier sees his sword, remembers his past, and realizes that he can feel. The song turns the scene’s bawdy solution into its philosophical heart: tyranny disconnects, but feeling restores the self.

A serialized production from M. R. Furlong and Hush! CAUTION. Echoland Press.

THE RIND KING: ACT II, Scene 4

In this scene, the Rind King’s careless rhetoric becomes a literal instrument of death. As the E-Men advance through the North without fear, conscience, or independent thought, the King replaces military discipline with one simple command: “Stab first, ask questions later.” The consequences arrive almost immediately—and even the Muskrat Wizard cannot optimize his way out of them.

In this Episode:

Protocol Double-Alpha: After learning that E-Men have destroyed a sacred shrine and killed noncombatants, the King dismisses the tragedy as a successful operation. General Marius protests, but restraint is officially replaced by indiscriminate violence.

The Wizard’s Final Update: The Muskrat Wizard rushes into the tent with urgent news—only to be stabbed by a soldier following the King’s new command with perfect literal obedience. As Muskrat is dragged away insisting he is “not dead yet,” the King promotes his killer to the newly formed Ass-Men.

The General Breaks Rank: Marius’s secret relationship with Lyra is exposed, along with the accidental destruction caused by their combustible romance. When Marius attempts to resign, the King fires, condemns, banishes, and unsuccessfully orders him killed—only to discover that no one in the tent is brave enough to confront the heavily armed general.

A Ghost in the Machine: In the realm between life and death, Muskrat meets Mother Fairy, who informs him that his riches, technology, and influence are now worthless. To save his soul, he must haunt the man whose vanity and ambition destroyed him: the Rind King.

Featured Song: “ERROR 404” — Mother Fairy delivers an irreverent funeral anthem for the fallen tech wizard. Filled with crashed servers, fatal hacks, failed reboots, and increasingly distracting romantic advice, the number turns Muskrat’s death into both a comic system failure and a reckoning for a life spent serving power.

A serialized production from M. R. Furlong and Hush! CAUTION. Echoland Press.

THE RIND KING: ACT II, Scene 3

In this scene, Queen Elara’s search for certainty leads her deeper into the glittering marketplace of manufactured wisdom. While Jingo pleads for facts and Fairy King Poutini prepares for war, celebrity oracle Dr. Wiz arrives with cosmic diagnoses, premium prophecies, and a convenient payment plan for enlightenment.

In this Episode:

Leadership in Reverse: Acting on Dr. Wiz’s latest revelation, Elara walks backwards through her own throne room in the belief that she is securing the future. Jingo follows behind, clearing away both the mystical clutter and the dangerous nonsense.

The Oracle for Hire: Dr. Wiz diagnoses blocked chakras, toxic saddlebags, gluten damage, misaligned kundalini, and an endangered inner child—then offers salvation through cleanses, subscriptions, secret membership plans, and “one easy loan.”

A Real Warning Beneath the Grift: Amid the salesmanship, Dr. Wiz receives an ominous vision: the E-Men are fighting among themselves, supplies are burning, the Orks are gathering, and the first Elf infantry has fallen. When the oracle attempts to place the full prophecy behind another premium upgrade, Poutini finally brings the consultation to an end.

Featured Song: “DOCTOR WIZ” — A psychedelic wellness anthem in which fear becomes a business model and enlightenment comes with financing. The Troll Chorus supplies the symptoms while Dr. Wiz supplies the cure—whether anyone actually has the disease or not.

A serialized production from M. R. Furlong and Hush! CAUTION. Echoland Press.

THE RIND KING: ACT II, Scene 2

In this scene, a struggling troupe rehearses Julius Caesar in the Forest of Despair, preparing to perform before the very tyrant their production appears to condemn. As director and leading man Flutus worries that the play may be dangerously “on the nose,” the actors debate whether art is worth dying for—and Zavago reveals that he may be taking his role as Brutus far too seriously.

In this Episode:

Art Is Long, Life Is Short: Flutus rallies his impoverished players to continue their dangerous mission, insisting that words have no meaning unless the performer is willing to risk everything for them.

The Method in the Madness: Clapper would prefer a version with considerably less stabbing, while Titania tries to calm his fears. Zavago, however, embraces Brutus with homicidal enthusiasm, blurring the line between theatrical performance and political assassination.

Caesar in the Mirror: As the rehearsal continues, Flutus’s Caesar begins to sound disturbingly familiar—dismissing warnings as “fake news,” attacking prophets, boasting about crowds, promising walls, and declaring himself the storm. By the final line, the actors are no longer merely rehearsing ancient Rome.

Featured Song: “OLD CAESAR” — Zavago transforms Caesar’s assassination into a gleefully inappropriate musical celebration. Beneath the jaunty rhythm and endless stabbing lies the scene’s darker question: when a ruler threatens the republic, where does performance end and rebellion begin?

A serialized production from M. R. Furlong and Hush! CAUTION. Echoland Press.

THE RIND KING: ACT II, Scene 1 (Revised)

In this scene, the facade of the Rind King’s command tent in the Forest of Despair begins to crack. While the King remains entranced by his own reflection, the Muskrat Wizard frantically tries to manage the "E-Men"—an army of soldiers infused with the King's own narcissism. As the King dismisses logistical disasters as mere "sub-optimal" noise, the true horror of his vanity starts to set in.

In this Episode:

• The Narcissist’s Den: The Rind King is sequestered in his tent, ignoring the campaign maps strewn around him to focus entirely on the "cut of his jib" in his magic looking glass.
• The E-Men’s Rebellion: The Muskrat Wizard discovers that the soldiers are not just "proactive"—they are unhinged, making command decisions without directives and clashing with each other as much as the enemy.
• The King’s Delusion: The King refuses to see the chaos, blinded by his own "essence," convinced that an army of "elite Me’s" is the ultimate strategic masterstroke.

Featured Song: "INFINITE JEST" — The Troll Chorus emerges from the shadows, their voices whispering and chuckling. This track serves as the dark, rhythmic heartbeat of the scene, mocking the "freakish" General, the "fools' gold" of the mirror, and the terrifying reality that the kingdom is "poised on rotten feet" while the forest hums with "cunning heat."

A serialized production from M.R. Furlong and Hush! CAUTION. Echoland Press.

THE RIND KING ACT: ONE, Scene 4 Welcome to the Wyrd Sisters Unfiltered podcast! Broadcasting truth-adjacent narratives from somewhere north of sanity, the magical hosts tune their crystal balls to the Rind King’s camp. Seeing his growing addiction to the cursed vanity mirror, the witches orchestrate a spectral intervention to shatter his fragile ego.

In this Episode:

• Stormy, Windy, and Rain analyze the Southern feed, rejoicing over the King’s skyrocketing vanity metrics and algorithmic addiction to his own reflection.
• Sister Rain channels the ghost of the Rind King’s disappointed father, who brutally roasts his son's past failures—including a botched attempt to sell a prize sow for magic beans.
• The King violently rejects his father’s ghostly criticisms, crying "Fake news!" and seeking comfort in his bronzed, painted visage.
• The Witches plant a devastating seed of doubt about the King's capacity to love, before throwing to a sponsor break for a highly questionable alpha-male dietary supplement.

Featured Songs:

• "This Little Crystal Ball" – The Wyrd Sisters' eerie, upbeat intro theme as they scry into the Southern Kingdom’s doom.
• "Roar More" – A hilarious, hyper-masculine commercial jingle sung by the Roar More Bros Trolls, complete with a rapid-fire FDA disclaimer.

A serialized production from M.R. Furlong and Hush! CAUTION. Echoland Press.

THE RIND KING ACT: ONE, Scene 3 Deep in the ominous Forest of Doubt and Despair, Southern General Marius wrestles with his conscience. Torn between a tyrant’s cruel orders and his forbidden romance with a Northern fairy named Lyra, Marius quickly learns that crossing enemy lines is much easier than crossing the boundaries of magical intimacy.

In this Episode:

• Marius laments his role in the Rind King's war machine, caught in a conflicted "fever dream" of guilt, duty, and desire.
• A romantic rendezvous between Marius and Lyra goes explosively wrong when his mortal lust clashes with her fairy purity, resulting in literal lightning strikes and a lost mustache.
• The Troll Chorus mercilessly taunts the General's one-track mind, urging him to picture tactical maps and catapults instead of fairy curves.
• Lyra attempts a "pure thought" grounding technique involving two Tufted Titmice (Humper and Dinker), before reluctantly summoning her cynical Mother to act as a magical lightning rod.

Featured Songs:

• "Fever Dream" – Marius’s soaring, impassioned ballad about the heavy chains of duty and the pull of love.
• "Sparkle and a Crack / Thinking is the Pits" – The Trolls' raucous, mocking chants warning Marius to keep his mind out of the gutter or risk frying his bits.

A serialized production from M.R. Furlong and Hush! CAUTION. Echoland Press.

THE RIND KING ACT ONE: Scene 2

In the second scene, the focus shifts North where Elara, the Elf Queen, is surrounded by crystals, lucky charms, and a scrying bowl, peering anxiously into a teacup. As she spirals over the dark future, her court fool, Jingo, looks on with utter disdain, trying to ground her panic in reality.

In this Episode:

· Elara sings anxiously of the omens in her tea leaves, terrified that the King's legions and "iron fist" will seize the pass.

· Jingo counters with dry logic, dismissing the threat by noting that the King's hands "are rather small to seize the day".

· The crystal warns Elara of the Muskrat's wicked craft, leading to a glaring malapropism where she fears a "phallus" too large to defend.

· Jingo cringes at the slip-up and corrects her to "phalanx," predicting that the amassed forces will hit a wall and fall when the forest "whispers its doubt to all".

Featured Songs: "THE OMENS" – A comedic duet contrasting Elara's cries of "The horror! The horror!" with Jingo's insistence that "the fates have no say when the facts have been said".

A serialized production from M.R. Furlong and Hush! CAUTION. Echoland Press.