The Fame Fatale

It’s the last podcast before the Oscars! Ever wonder how actresses choose one obscene diamond necklace over another obscene diamond necklace before hitting a red carpet? Here’s a hint: Which jeweler is willing to pay the actress the most?

It’s the dirty, increasingly open secret of Oscar season: The red carpet fashion pay-for-placement game. Top designers shell out six to seven figure sums just so that an A-list actress will wear their earrings or bracelets, or even their gowns. True. In this special Oscar-packed episode, I dish all the details—including which top actress reportedly charges $1 million to wear a single bracelet.

Also this week!

It’s Valentine’s Day week. In honor of the holiday, I bring you a podcast filled with as much bile and cynicism as I can possibly pack into 30 minutes. I begin by answering a reader question about the sad death of Philip Seymour Hoffman, and go downhill from there. Even my staunchly sunny co-host Baby Vegas gets a little wilted toward the second half.

But it’s fun listening! I swear! Especially if you’re a fan of Orphan Black. (If you’re hoping that actors such as Tatiana Maslany make more money for playing multiple roles, well, a listener wrote in asking that very question. And the answer is, again, sad.)

Plus!

Enjoy.

With Justin Bieber’s Crime and Punishment Tour winding down, you’d think that the gossip news tide would also recede. That's what I was expecting, anyway; just a day or two ago I was even flirting with making up a kibble-juicing scandal at the Puppy Bowl just to pad my rather empty-looking podcast. (Wait. Are they juicing the kibble at the Puppy Bowl? Email me your tips!)

But then came an avalanche of sad, tawdry and downright bizarre stories from the world of entertainment, and your questions came pouring in: With old allegations being hurled at Woody Allen afresh (and just as much evidence against his accusers) is there anyone out there who won’t work with him? How did the world find out about Justin Bieber’s Toronto perp walk before he even crossed the Canadian border? 

And oh my God did you know that there’s a perfume inspired by Jim Henson’s Labyrinth?

My cup runneth over. Have a listen to my latest podcast, as I answer all of the above queries from folks just like you (or maybe it is you). Of course I also have a brand-new segment in which Answer Dad reviews Downton Abbey…and I may or may not have lied to him about what happens in the show next week.

Enjoy.

For a week now, you’ve been plying my Facebook and Twitter feed with questions—nay, prayers—begging me to use my sizable influence to eject Justin Bieber from our wholesome land, to protect our amber waves of grain from his rampaging sizzurp-fueled Batmobile of sin. Kick the egg-hurler out of the country! you cry. Send him back to the frozen Canadian hellscape from which he sprung!

Sadly, no matter how many charges Bieber faces, he’s probably not going anywhere. I mean, anywhere other than his double-gated Calabasas community, with its yolk-colored mansions and whatnot. My influence actually isn’t all that big—unless you think a Klout score of 52 is big—and Bieber is more likely looking at probation than deportation.

Don’t believe me? Might want to have a listen to my latest podcast, in which I break down exactly what’s likely to happen to the Bieb in coming weeks. As usual, the episode is jam-packed with real-life experts.

But that’s not all! How about…

It’s all about Oscar nominations on our latest episode! For days, you’ve been writing to me with your questions about this year’s nods—does the Academy hate Leo? Does the Academy have a problem with black actors? (Unless it actually has a problem with Walt Disney instead?) I tracked down an eminent voice in the world of film and got all of the answers.

Plus!

It’s all here, and it’s all for you.

While the rest of the planet was watching Lupita Nyong'o get robbed on the Golden Globes, I was busy putting together a fresh podcast for you. Among the topics this week: Why you maybe shouldn’t watch the Golden Globes either. And the reason has nothing to do with the fact that Lupita was so completely robbed. 

What else have I got for you this episode? How about:

It’s all right here, waiting to burrow into your ear like that adorable mind-altering bug from Wrath of Khan. 

You’re welcome.

It’s January! Have you started your Christmas shopping yet? If you’re a celebrity personal assistant, that question actually isn’t all that crazy. As I recently learned, stars like their assistants to think like an elf all year ‘round, starting right...about...now.

I offer you proof of this in my first podcast of the New Year, courtesy of an interview with a woman who served as the assistant for an Oscar-winning actress for more than 25 years. (My VIP also offers up a blind item about a star who loves to give prezzies so much that she… well, I’ll let you discover that tidbit on your own. Also: Stars like to wrap their presents with silk ribbons that cost $80 a yard. Happy New Year!)

What else have I got for you in my latest episode? How’s about:

All this, plus, of course, just for you, a brand-new Cage Match. Have a listen.

I love Kanye West. Newswise, he’s the gift who keeps on giving—a living, breathing savior in Givenchy boots and layered flannel. If I wake up in the morning and he hasn’t waxed poetical in the media, I simply assume he’s off turning water into moscato somewhere.

Uh huh, honey.

This week, the rapper insisted that his career is just like that of a solider in country. So, being a lover of knowledge, I called up a friendly Iraq war veteran to explain, in my latest podcast episode, exactly how correct Kanye is. Longtime fans of this show will be delighted to hear that my chosen expert is... well, I’ll let you discover for yourself.

Also this week!

You’re welcome.

Now that Thanksgiving is over and I’ve returned to my regularly scheduled overeating, I have the time to start answering your questions again. And, really, why spend all that holiday time yakking with your family about Pappy’s goiter when you can listen to me hold forth about how celebrities really live? It’s a no brainer, people.

This week, one of you wrote in asking what the deal is with celebrity money. You know: How stars spend it, how they hoard it. So I got you Irwin Feinberg, a real fancy celebrity attorney who knows of such things. (Apparently art is a big thing with the famouses these days; if you need proof beyond this week’s episode, I recommend Nick Paumgarten’s recent New Yorker piece about the Art Basel show that happens every year in Switzerland; the fair is essentially the Davos of art, with all the smug self-importance and ridiculously sized cash transfers that such a description entails. For example, at the last Art Basel fair, one famous painting sold for a “cheap” 3.5 million; Leo DiCaprio and Cate Blanchett were among the VIP guests.)

Also in this episode: A loyal listener has a wee bit of a bedbug problem and wonders whether any celebrities have shared his pain. The answer: Yes. Just ask Howard Stern.

And! What will become of the Fast and Furious franchise without its key star? You asked. I answered.

So Miley Cyrus has chosen her opening act for her way-feminist, super-nekkid all-twerking world tour, y’all! But the question remains: Will they even get paid? After all, as I’ve reported before, some acts get nothing for hitting the road, even with a famous act. Some baby performers even have to pay to open for a main attraction.

You had questions about what it’s really like to open for a major hit maker on tour. So I found you an opening act: Meet Brynn Marie, a country-rock powerhouse who’s about to tell y’all how it really is.

Plus! Does anyone own Slenderman (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Slender_Man)? Would anyone want to own Slenderman?

And! Guess who’s back in the little chair: It’s fan-favorite co-host Ande, and she’s here by your request. That is, it’s your request, if your name is Cocaine Sex Dream (https://twitter.com/cocainesexdream/status/401648802467422208) on Twitter. 

It’s all here for you in Episode No. 33. Have a listen!