I gotta go watch bad girls club, just to find that comedian that looks straight like a Boov.
I was almost entirely sure they had to have based that animated cartoon off of that guy.
I knew what i was looking at, I just couldn't think of the name.
I took one look at that dude and thought.
“Oh dude, you must be a comedian.”
You couldn't be anything else.
JLo is literally the most beautiful person ive ever seen in my life–
You would think its just camera magic, and all that.
She really looks like that.
I used to do background work;
You know, like a paid audience
I hated it, but it was work.
Those studios are always cold,
They pay you to fake smile,
I thought I was going to clap my hands off.
So I took this job not knowing what it was–
They don't tell you what it is, because
some failing, out-of-work actors
And they're going to go tell all their friends about it,
And it's a conflict of interest,
But also, there are people there who PAY to see the show,
Cause they're like die-hard fans;
And you're not supposed to ruin it for them, or whatever–
So the whole thing is just
And the highlight, I guess, of this particular job,
Is that I get to be front and center
To Jennifer Lopez, who I find out,
I'm like all the other out-of-work actors
In this paid audience gig, like,
“JLO” was what I was initially aiming for
They have to ‘bring her out'
and in all my life I could not have guessed
She just looks like that.
Everybody talks about JLo
And the whole damn thing about JLo
But i'm not worried about that–
Because this is Hollywood, California
On some fucking backlot somewhere
And I can't get over the fact
That she might be the only celebrity
How in the fuck do you look like that?
I'm mad as hell at my parents, and they did *alright*.
But the older I realize, and the less time I have,
I have realized, I give a fuck about selective breeding.
“shit , i could have been alright without the trauma and homogonized corn syrup packed into everything and shoved down my throat!”
I could have done without that.
That did not sit well with me,
But now, i'm thinking about my future kids like,
“yo...I got no business wasting my time with these scraggly ass motherfuckers…”
“...no more broke motherfuckers…”
“No more lazy, sleeping through the alarm ten times, always whining motherfuckers…”
I have to think about the dynamics of the world having become so visual that it will highly impact the livelihood of my children if they don't look right.
I might adopt some ugly ass kids.
–but i'm not gonna be responsible for supplying them!
I will not be held liable for manufacturing the motherfuckers!
I'll raise them, and know, having grown up ugly myself, I can teach them to cope with their shortcomings.
I will know from experience how to handle the world with less love and satisfaction than your average barbie or ken doll. Yes.
Don't get me wrong. My parents did *alright*
They were some good looking people.
But the fact is, that good looking people, with bad fucking habits–
That doesn't always mean you got a fucked up face.
A bad environment can fuck up your thought processes,
your vibrational patterns,
Long before you're even well aware of yourself at all
Smoking too much with the windows rolled all the way up
Not paying so much attention when you needed to
Relying on your child for emotional support
From the early age of birth
can offset a child's entire world
Perception becomes reality
Not knowing what the fuck is going on
always seeking security and attention
Developing the bad habits
You thought were normal facets
Whether its too late, or not
For years in your upbringing
I realized, I got no business fucking around with other trauma cases,
because most of the time, instead of it leading to understanding and empowerment,
It becomes a powerstrugle within a relationship
two broken people competing for the need to feed and fuel the emptiness
That a life of being in such a way
I realize i've put in the work and the effort
To release myself from this ugliness
To find the truth that one day,
My inner beauty, will shine an outer light
Bright enough for some one worthy and capable of loving my scars–
the still-ugliness left over,
Seeking not someone who can fill in the emptiness
But can realize that on my own,
I have become whole enough
To create the beauty I had once lost
And cherish the filling-in
As my own responsibility to myself.
The rest is alright, I guess.
The Complex Collective. ©
COPYRIGHT © THE FESTIVAL PROJECT 2019
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