The Frustration Factor

You might suppose that losing your temper is something you shouldn’t do but really can’t help. It’s just one of those things. How wrong you would be.

Since you are a person who values doing whatever you do with style, on purpose, every time, losing your temper would be a totally no class thing to do. You just wouldn’t do it.

That’s why I have made this tutorial on getting angry for you. Get angry if you must, but at least do it with style. Press play and learn how.

Do you know about Hogfare? That’s welfare of sorts for hogs and those who spend their time raising hogs. It’s a generic kind of welfare program that includes other crops and farmers but is nonetheless free money. Please hit play and hear my personal point of view on Hogfare.

Chapter 4 - The Assessment Set

Crises are not always what they seem to be. For example, Michelle is in what might be considered a suicidal crisis, that is, she might kill herself if something is not done. To the casual observer, it may seem that the “possible suicide” is the crisis. Of course, Michelle’s killing herself is the “potential” of the crisis. But it is not the crisis itself. The crisis exists in the temporary and serious interaction problem between Michelle and her situation.

Wanda’s anger is almost rage like. “That bastard—my husband—can’t think that he can treat me that way and that I’ll just sit around and do nothing. He’ll find out that I’m not just that quiet little mouse he thinks he married. I’m going to do it this time. I won’t stand for it. He can’t do that and get away with it.”

What did Wanda’s husband do? What is she going to do? From her initial angry comments, we are unable to answer either question. Nonetheless, considering how angry she is, we get a sense that her actions may not work out very well. Within those actions lies the now potential of the crisis. Whatever her husband did seems to have precipitated the crisis. We can see, then, that Wanda is between the precipitating event and acting out the now potential. For her, though, the crisis is now. Her present interaction (with you) is the first focal point. Your assessment of her crisis will expand to include both the precipitating event and the now potential. You will look at possible causes and possible cumulative effects. Gradually, you can develop a picture of her crisis in a careful and caring way. Nonetheless, starting where Wanda is now and expanding your understanding from there allows you to assess her crisis effectively, gives emphasis to your “now” relationship with her, avoids the possibility of oversimplifying the crisis, on the one hand, or seeing it as more complex than it really is, on the other. You can help Wanda both understand and deal with her crisis as it really is. …

CRISIS FOCUS

Thus far, we have located the conflict within the interaction between the individual and his total situation. We have determined that it has a high now potential and a low self-resolution factor, justifying our intervention. We have asked, “What happened,” and are developing an understanding of the precipitating event. Our picture of the crisis is taking on form and content. We are ready to consider the assessment set. From this point on, crisis intervention is unlike more traditional forms of counseling and therapy. Traditionally, we want to know as much as possible about the person; his total situation; his “now,” “then,” and “when”; and as many other related factors, situations, conditions, circumstances, and events that possibly concern the individual and his situation now. Our “picture” needs to be as complete and as detailed as possible. To achieve this level of understanding requires long-term interaction between therapist and “patient” as well as a high level of skill and training on the part of the “therapist.”

In crisis intervention, our focus is considerably more narrow, centering sharply and clearly on the crisis itself. This point can hardly be overemphasized, and as a test of crisis focus, we should always consider these questions.

1. Specifically, what is likely to get worse?

2. How bad might it get?

3. If things get worse, what is the potential effect and on whom?

4. Why do we think the individual or someone else in the crisis will not be able to deal with it?

If we can adequately and clearly answer these four questions, we may conclude that we have clear crisis focus. Crucial to effective intervention, then, is maintaining that clear focus throughout the crisis intervention process. Establishing and maintaining this crisis focus enab...

For this episode of Audio Tidbits Podcast, I have nothing for the blog readers. The whole nine yards goes to the podcast listeners. Be patient if you are mainly a blog reader. Curiosity, fake news, snake oil may return, are likely to return; but just not this time. But if you are a podcast listener, hit play and enjoy.

Are you a leader or striving to become a leader? If so, it is important to identify your leadership style and to be aware of why you prefer a particular style. As becomes clear, there are alternative and distinct styles and each has its strengths and limitations. The better you understand your style, the more effective you are as you exploit the strengths of your style while compensating for its limitations.

Top dog leadership: If this is your style, you value a high level of personal control over and direct management of your followers. You work best with very cooperative followers and have low tolerance for non-compliance. You run a tight ship. Your followers typically defer to your perspective and are eager to do things your way. They tend to compete for your approval and may prioritize getting your blessing over getting the job done.

Lead dog leadership: You are a visionary who sets the organizational course. You reject use of power and control, placing your faith in the good will and principled behavior of your followers. You favor followers who function well with minimal supervision and direction and who naturally see the validity of and value in following your vision. Your style is an excellent fit for kindred spirits but is less compatible for those who may occasionally question your vision or who desire more structure and guidance. Your followers may tend to separate into the consonant majority and the small but dissonant minority.

Task leadership: Your strength is in getting the job done and depends on having qualified followers who are ready to work. Your followers are expected to bring the necessary expertise to each task and efficiently handle their piece of the project. This works especially well for followers who are expert at what they do and neither need or want direct supervision or involvement beyond their immediate tasks. It works less well for followers whose expertise may not be an exact fit with the current requirement, who value understanding how what they do fits in with the success of the larger organization, or who value social contact and interaction. It also may be less effective in the event the various elements of the enterprise experience minor to major disruption or variance from expectation. …

Technical leadership: You know what needs done and how to do it. As the resident expert, your followers need only follow your instruction and direction. Your style is a particularly good fit for inexperienced followers who are eager to improve their skills and demonstrate their value to the organization. It also works well for more experienced followers who are comfortable deferring to superior knowledge and expertise. It may work less well for followers who value more autonomy and want to become experts in their own right, for those who value independence.

Motivational leadership: Although you may not be especially charismatic, even a small measure of charisma adds to followers’ attraction to you and to their desire to align. Your verbal and interpersonal presence are compelling and interject energy and “want to” as your followers coordinate their energy, interests, and aspirations with yours. This works well for motivating less engaged followers but may pull weaker and less centered followers into blindly following, with a minimal sense of consequences or personal responsibility.

Values leadership: Your strength is in showing followers why what they and you do is important, why it matters. This works well for followers whose personal views and priorities are already near alignment with yours. You have a knack for encouraging followers deeper into the fold. Alternatively, followers who are more diverse shy away from your leadership and over time, your organization tends to become more and more homogenized.

THE QUIZ:

Although a few leaders may be restricted to one or more of the six ...

Jackson, Brad and Ken Parry. A Very Short, Fairly Interesting and Reasonably Cheap Book About Studying Leadership. Los Angeles: SAGE Publications, Ltd., 2008.

You have some clear convictions about what you think constitutes the right and the wrong way to lead someone or to be led by someone.

While the importance of the role of individual leaders tends to be overestimated, the significance of leadership itself should never be underestimated.

If you do not aspire to change something and you don't have a good reason for changing it, you cannot and should not lead.

In summary, the trait approach to leadership has had problems, has been discredited, and is really not valid now.

If you strike the right balance between concern for people and concern for production, you will be the most effective leader.

The behavioural approach to leadership has also gone out of favour in recent years, with the exception that transformational leadership has been criticized as another behavioural theory under a different guise.

The trait approach to leadership seemed to say that men were better leaders than women. The behavioural approach now seems to suggest that women demonstrate better leadership than men do, on average. Actually, there is no consensus in the literature about gender differences in leadership styles. For example, only weak evidence exists suggesting that women display more transformational leadership than men. …

The bottom line is that gender differences with regard to leadership, even if significant, are slight. There seems to be little mileage in pursuing this as a specific research direction, unless gender is couched as a social identity rather than as a biological binary relationship.

…a conception of the leader as someone who defines organizational reality through the articulation of a vision, and the generation of strategies to realize that vision.

Charismatic leadership really is a function of the whole situation. It is leader identity, leader behaviour, follower identity, sociocultural context and organizational setting all working together concurrently.

While equilibrium is achieved between followers and leaders, leadership will be sustained. When it begins to become unbalanced, that is, leaders and followers are providing too little and/or taking too much, then the relationship ultimately has to be renegotiated.

It's important to recognize that you cannot train leaders. You can, however, help to develop certain behaviours and skills that can assist individuals in leading others. Training in interpersonal communication skills, presentation skills, decision-making skills and facilitation skills can be very helpful. But these are merely means to an end. Many leaders have got by without fully developing these skills. What's really important is the ability continually to learn from your experiences.

Chapter 3 – The Crisis State

Initially, it may be difficult to make the conceptual transition from “conflict” to “crisis.” If so, the difficulty probably lies in a tendency to think about crisis and then trying to understand the crisis state. If someone is extremely upset, angry, or depressed, we are first aware of the intensity of his emotional state. In late chapters, we will talk about crisis communication, and we will see that crisis intervention responds first to these intense emotions. Nonetheless, our ability to help the individual in crisis depends on our sensitivity to and awareness of crisis itself. Just as conflict exists within the interaction between the individual and his situation, crisis is also a product of that same interaction. The individual is in crisis; the crisis is not in the individual. He is caught up in “the crisis state.” What is the crisis state? It is nothing more or less than a limited and special instance of the conflict state. As we will see, the interaction between the individual and his total situation has become so conflicted that it has temporarily gotten out of hand. Why did the conflict get out of hand? What happened that intervention is now required? …

THE PRECIPITATING EVENT

In Figure 3, the individual has shifted from the conflict state to the crisis state. What happened? Either suddenly or gradually a new conflict within his interaction developed or an already existing conflict worsened. We will call the causes of such a crisis state the “precipitating event.” Whatever happened, an existing conflict worsened or a serious new conflict developed. We will say that the precipitating event “set off” or caused the crisis. When we are dealing with people in crisis, then, one of our first questions will be: “What happened?” Our effort here is to move gradually toward crisis reduction.

When seeking precipitating events, the tendency is to look for complex psychological or social causes. This leads to very complicated notions of cause and to considering factors, situations, conditions, and circumstances substantially removed in time from the crisis. In the social interaction model, emphasis is place on a precipitating event immediately preceding the present crisis. The individual in crisis is a complex human being; his total situation is similarly complex. Moreover, the conflict between the individual and his situation may be complex. However, the precipitating event tends to have the quality of the “straw that broke the camel’s back.” Something relatively definable brought the interaction to a crisis point.

Aaron, age twenty-two, comes in to the twenty-four-hour drop-in service at 3:30 a.m. He tells a rather confused and disconnected story, indicating that he could not sleep and had to talk to someone. His wife is five months’ pregnant and has worked at a Laundromat for two years. She is twenty-three. He has lived in this area for five years but has no close relatives or friends. Until a few months ago, she was fine. They talked about what they would name the baby and how things would be after the baby arrived. He pays her support, the rent on her apartment, doctor bills, and so on. She always wanted a baby, but she also seemed to want everything else: a new car, furniture, clothes, vacations, and so on. She has left him before. Last February, she was gone but sent him a beautiful card expressing her love and telling him how much she cared for him. They have been married for almost four years and have a beautiful house. His father-in-law does not like him and will not have anything to do with him. His mother-in-law says she is sorry but there is nothing she can do. They do everything for his brothers-in-law and their families but never seem to help him and his wife when they need help. They always tell her she’s better off without him. This hurts him,

Where and When are Leadership Connections Initiated

As Figure 3 in Ecological Human Services Management shows, leadership connections can be planned or unplanned, as represented in the left column of the figure. Additionally, they can be Leadership Team member initiated or stakeholder initiated, as represented in the middle and right columns of the figure. The result is leadership connections that are planned and member initiated, planned and stakeholder initiated, unplanned and member initiated, and unplanned and stakeholder initiated. If the Leadership Team restricts its membership to people who do well on the earlier Leadership Team membership assessment, the four types of connection initiations shown in Figure Three are manageable for the members. They are comfortable with all four types.

Let's expand on the four initiation types. Planned initiations are those where either the member or the stakeholder decides ahead of time to initiate a connection and then pursues the connection. This may start with a letter or phone call, but may as commonly start with either the member or stakeholder planning ahead of time to introduce himself or herself at a meeting or other gathering.

A few cautions are in order when considering planned connections. The Leadership Team member should initiate the connection personally. If possible, do not have someone else make the arrangements. For example, do not have a secretary, co-worker, or another stakeholder arrange for the first meeting. If initiating the connection by letter or phone, do not ask the stakeholder to contact you. For example, if you leave a message on voice mail, let the person know who you are, briefly why you are calling, and that you will try again at another time. You can leave your number at the end, letting the person know returning the call is fine if they prefer. Just do not give any hint you expect them to call you. €“ When calling anyone, take a minute to decide before you place the call exactly what you will say, if you need to leave a voice message. Do not wait until you hear the beep to think about what you want to say.

Additionally, never initiate a connection by email. In general, avoid emails with stakeholders all together, unless the other person sends an email to you. Even then, a phone call is better and a face-to-face contact is better yet. Email is just too impersonal for leadership connections. Also, do not stop by someone's home or office without an appointment, expecting the person to meet with you. This is both rude and inconsiderate. …

Further, do not call a stakeholder on his or her cell phone or send him a text message, unless he has given you the number personally and asked you to use the number. Do not send text messages to stakeholders unless you are replying to a text message the stakeholder sent to you.

For both planned and unplanned connection initiations, there is one exception to the above caution about personally initiating a connection. When at a meeting or other gathering, asking someone you already know to introduce you to someone they already know is usually acceptable to the potential stakeholder. You can then say as part of the introduction you were hoping you would get a chance to talk with him or her. This lets him know you have an agenda beyond the social pleasantry and starts your relationship on an open and honest basis and clarifies the role of the person making the introductions. If it is not awkward under the circumstances, ask the potential stakeholder if you can call him later to arrange a time to talk more. Do not try to pursue your agenda then unless the potential stakeholder specifically asks you to do so. Just give him your card and call later, if he agrees. As we saw earlier, good Team members are never pushy.

Have you ever wondered how frustrated people manage to be so frustrating? Well, it requires a set of skills that most people don't have but can develop, with practice. If you aspire to be among the frustrating elite, here is a full dozen of the most useful techniques for totally frustrating people. With time and concentration, even amateurs can become proficient at frustrating most anyone. The only requirement is to creatively expand these techniques to numerous relationships and to add new and innovative techniques as you go along. Read and judge for yourself.

1. Always play it safe; and above all, don't take any chances. If it is not in writing, either get it in writing or refuse to do it until it is in writing. If it is already in writing, ask for clarification. Once you have gotten clarification, check with a few other people to see what their understanding is and then ask for a meeting to discuss the confusion everyone is experiencing.

2. Put most of your time and energy into worrying and hoping nothing changes. When things do change, ask for written procedures and clarification. Once you get clarification, suggest that the changes be put off until everyone has had an opportunity to provide input and to discuss the long-term implications of the changes. After everything has been discussed at least twice, take your sweet old time getting with the new program, letting everyone you talk to know that the changes are causing things to back up and nothing is getting done.

3. Avoid taking responsibility for anything. Certainly don't volunteer and be reluctant even if asked. If you can't avoid it, ask for written instructions and check back often for additional instructions and clarification. If someone tells you, "If you can't handle this, I will find someone who can," you should say, "That's an excellent idea. I really have too many other responsibilities to handle this right now anyway."

4. Don't put up with the quirks and idiosyncrasies of other people. You know how to behave and they should too. If there is anything about them or the way they do things that you know isn't the way people should act, mention it to a few people. Say something like, "I suppose you have heard what people are saying about so-and-so." Not one person in a hundred will resist saying, "No, what?" Now just lay it out, being careful to emphasize that, although you don't feel that way personally, other people are getting pretty fed up with it and that you just want to give everyone a head's up about the problems that are brewing out there.

5. Since someone is going to screw something up sooner or later, you might as well just assume that things are a mess. Even if they seem okay right now, all you need to do is wait around for a while. To be on the safe side, you can bring it up in casual conversations now and then. You need only pick a couple of things that could go wrong since they likely will; and if not, something equally bad will happen. As sincerely as you can, say something like this, "Have you thought about the consequences of this or that happening? Don't you think we better think this through more carefully and not be so quick to jump into things we don't thoroughly understand? We have done that before and it looks like we would learn. I would hate to see us end up with egg on our faces again." (If asked, you can mention most anything that didn't work out at anytime in the past.) Now, when something down-the-road does not work out as expected, and something will not work out, you then only need to say in your most concerned voice, "I was worried that this might happen. I will certainly pitch in and help you with your problem but I'm sure not optimistic. It's too bad things are such a mess around here."

6. Since most people are out for themselves, never take anyone on an "as is" basis. Just assume that what they are saying to you and what they are really thinking ar...

Have you ever wondered how frustrated people manage to be so frustrating? Well, it requires a set of skills that most people don't have but can develop, with practice. If you aspire to be among the frustrating elite, here is a full dozen of the most useful techniques for totally frustrating people. With time and concentration, even amateurs can become proficient at frustrating most anyone. The only requirement is to creatively expand these techniques to numerous relationships and to add new and innovative techniques as you go along. Read and judge for yourself.

1. Always play it safe; and above all, don't take any chances. If it is not in writing, either get it in writing or refuse to do it until it is in writing. If it is already in writing, ask for clarification. Once you have gotten clarification, check with a few other people to see what their understanding is and then ask for a meeting to discuss the confusion everyone is experiencing.

2. Put most of your time and energy into worrying and hoping nothing changes. When things do change, ask for written procedures and clarification. Once you get clarification, suggest that the changes be put off until everyone has had an opportunity to provide input and to discuss the long-term implications of the changes. After everything has been discussed at least twice, take your sweet old time getting with the new program, letting everyone you talk to know that the changes are causing things to back up and nothing is getting done.

3. Avoid taking responsibility for anything. Certainly don't volunteer and be reluctant even if asked. If you can't avoid it, ask for written instructions and check back often for additional instructions and clarification. If someone tells you, "If you can't handle this, I will find someone who can," you should say, "That's an excellent idea. I really have too many other responsibilities to handle this right now anyway."

4. Don't put up with the quirks and idiosyncrasies of other people. You know how to behave and they should too. If there is anything about them or the way they do things that you know isn't the way people should act, mention it to a few people. Say something like, "I suppose you have heard what people are saying about so-and-so." Not one person in a hundred will resist saying, "No, what?" Now just lay it out, being careful to emphasize that, although you don't feel that way personally, other people are getting pretty fed up with it and that you just want to give everyone a head's up about the problems that are brewing out there.

5. Since someone is going to screw something up sooner or later, you might as well just assume that things are a mess. Even if they seem okay right now, all you need to do is wait around for a while. To be on the safe side, you can bring it up in casual conversations now and then. You need only pick a couple of things that could go wrong since they likely will; and if not, something equally bad will happen. As sincerely as you can, say something like this, "Have you thought about the consequences of this or that happening? Don't you think we better think this through more carefully and not be so quick to jump into things we don't thoroughly understand? We have done that before and it looks like we would learn. I would hate to see us end up with egg on our faces again." (If asked, you can mention most anything that didn't work out at anytime in the past.) Now, when something down-the-road does not work out as expected, and something will not work out, you then only need to say in your most concerned voice, "I was worried that this might happen. I will certainly pitch in and help you with your problem but I'm sure not optimistic. It's too bad things are such a mess around here."

6. Since most people are out for themselves, never take anyone on an "as is" basis. Just assume that what they are saying to you and what they are really...