The Frustration Factor

Ray Vinham stands up to a light round of applause and delivers his campaign speech to the Westover Leadership Coalition. It is the evening he has waited for since the day he joined the civic group. From that first meeting, he had known that his being president was critical if the club were to get out of its rut. He revels in the knowledge that his day has finally come.

The I-Players of the world are alive and about to drive their associates up the wall. It’s always about me is their theme song and they sing it loudly and enthusiastically. Sit back, relax, listen and learn. You are about to be the next unwitting victim driven up that wall, if you are not very careful.

Ray Vinham stands up to a light round of applause and delivers his campaign speech to the Westover Leadership Coalition. It is the evening he has waited for since the day he joined the civic group. From that first meeting, he had known that his being president was critical if the club were to get out of its rut. He revels in the knowledge that his day has finally come.

The I-Players of the world are alive and about to drive their associates up the wall. It’s always about me is their theme song and they sing it loudly and enthusiastically. Sit back, relax, listen and learn. You are about to be the next unwitting victim driven up that wall, if you are not very careful.

George, Bill with Peter Sims. True North: Discover Your Authentic Leadership. San Francisco: Jossey-Bass, 2007.

True North is the internal compass that guides you successfully through life. It represents who you are as a human being at your deepest level. It is your orienting point--your fixed point in a spinning world--that helps you stay on track as a leader. Your True North is based on what is most important to you, your most cherished values, your passions and motivations, the sources of satisfaction in your life.

There is no such thing as the instant leader. Your journey to authentic leadership will take you through many peaks and valleys as you encounter the world's trials, rewards, and seductions. Becoming an authentic leader takes dedication to your development and growth, as there will be many temptations to pull you off the course of your True North. Maintaining your authenticity along the way may be the greatest challenge you ever face. …

To become authentic leaders, we must discard the myth that leadership means having legions of supporters following our direction as we ascend to the pinnacles of power. Only then can we realize that authentic leadership is about empowering others on their journeys.

This shift is the transformation from "I" to "We." It is the most important process leaders go through in becoming authentic. How else can they unleash the power of their organizations unless they motivate people to reach their full potential? If our supporters are merely following our lead, then their efforts are limited to our vision and our directions about what needs to be done.

First, dieting is never a good idea for your child under twelve or thirteen, unless directly supervised by a physician. Even a day or so of eating little to nothing is dangerous for pre- adolescent children. While your child's food is severely restricted, he does not grow. Even worse, he may never make up for the time he was not growing. This is very serious. A young child should never diet unless medically supervised. It is as simple as that.

For a teenager, watching his weight is usually not a problem, although checking with a physician is a good idea. Your adolescent's eating little to nothing for a day or two once in a while usually does not hurt anything; but be sure the dieting is not extreme. Further, be sure it does not go on for more than a couple days at a time and does not happen more than once in a while. If your child has a weight problem, arranging for him to talk with his physician is the place to start.

This sign is part of an eating disorder called anorexia and has little to do with dieting or normal weight control. Your child exhibiting this sign is starving himself. The first thing you notice is his losing weight. Next, you notice his getting thin and eating little to nothing. He might tell you he is watching his weight, is not hungry, or does not feel well. Whatever his reason is, he is not eating enough.

Even though your child is already thin, he thinks he is fat or at least thinks he is overweight. How he looks to you does not fit with his perception of himself. His self-perception is distorted or does not fit with how he really is. He has lost his ability to judge himself and feels fat no matter what the truth is.

If you see this sign in your child, his need for specialized help is urgent. You nor your child can handle the problem without help. Your child can die from the behavior. It does have to do with depression and low self-esteem; but it is much more complicated. Specialized care is always necessary.

First, dieting is never a good idea for your child under twelve or thirteen, unless directly supervised by a physician. Even a day or so of eating little to nothing is dangerous for pre- adolescent children. While your child's food is severely restricted, he does not grow. Even worse, he may never make up for the time he was not growing. This is very serious. A young child should never diet unless medically supervised. It is as simple as that.

For a teenager, watching his weight is usually not a problem, although checking with a physician is a good idea. Your adolescent's eating little to nothing for a day or two once in a while usually does not hurt anything; but be sure the dieting is not extreme. Further, be sure it does not go on for more than a couple days at a time and does not happen more than once in a while. If your child has a weight problem, arranging for him to talk with his physician is the place to start.

This sign is part of an eating disorder called anorexia and has little to do with dieting or normal weight control. Your child exhibiting this sign is starving himself. The first thing you notice is his losing weight. Next, you notice his getting thin and eating little to nothing. He might tell you he is watching his weight, is not hungry, or does not feel well. Whatever his reason is, he is not eating enough.

Even though your child is already thin, he thinks he is fat or at least thinks he is overweight. How he looks to you does not fit with his perception of himself. His self-perception is distorted or does not fit with how he really is. He has lost his ability to judge himself and feels fat no matter what the truth is.

If you see this sign in your child, his need for specialized help is urgent. You nor your child can handle the problem without help. Your child can die from the behavior. It does have to do with depression and low self-esteem; but it is much more complicated. Specialized care is always necessary.

The following Internal Transactions activity is adapted from Leadership In Child Protection; Schneider, Crow, & Burtnett, 2000, page 56-57 and is one you may want to add to your management tools when working with employees and especially when working with Leadership Team members. It is a quick way of assessing the quality of employees' interactions at a specific point in time. More importantly, it is a strategy to improve their interactions with each other over time. This serves not only to improve their interactions with each other but serves to improve their interactions with other agency stakeholders. Additionally, it clearly lets employees know what you value and what you expect from them as they interact with each other and with agency stakeholders.

Interpersonal excellence starts inside your agency. The success of your Leadership Team depends, in part, on relationships, people interacting with people. Think about a single transaction, one person interacting with another. This elementary transaction is the smallest unit or building block from which connections with stakeholders develop.

Your agency's Leadership Connections can be no stronger than the cumulative strength of the thousands and thousands of transactions in which your staff participate over time. What's more, you should assume the quality of your staff's external transactions, interactions with stakeholders, is the same as you see in their internal transactions, interactions with each other. Assume they relate to stakeholders as well or as badly as they relate to each other.

Below is a list of transaction elements you can use to assess your agency's internal, interpersonal environment. You do this by rating your staff's typical functioning on each of the ten elements. Rate your staff "5" on the element if it is most always present in your staff members' transactions with each other. Use "4" for usually, "3" for much of the time, "2" for sometimes, and "1" for usually not. …

Staff:

Are friendly and positive with each other.

Listen calmly and respectfully when others are talking.

Are sensitive to and accepting of cultural, ethnic, and lifestyle differences.

Are where they are expected, when they are expected.

Are consistent and predictable, not on-again off-again, do not run hot and cold.

Are interested in each other's issues and concerns, problems and difficulties.

Have a helpful and cooperative approach with each other.

Keep commitments and follow through with agreements.

Return phone calls, respond to messages, and get back to others when expected.

Treat each other as well as you expect them to treat all agency stakeholders.

Add your ten ratings together and divide by 10. This gives you an internal transaction score for your agency. An important goal for your Leadership Team is increasing the internal transaction score over time.

Here is an effective strategy to increase your agency's internal transaction score. Monthly, randomly select 10% of your staff to do the above rating for the agency. If your total staff is under fifty, select five staff members each month to be the raters.

Have the raters spend no more than five minutes doing the ratings and be sure they do not consult with each other while completing the ratings. Simply have each rater complete an Internal Transaction Rating Form you develop using the ten elements above.

When the month's forms are returned, calculate the internal transaction score on each form by adding the ratings on each item together and dividing by 10. Then, total the internal transaction scores from the forms. Suppose you have 30 forms. You total the 30 individual internal transaction scores and then divide by 30.

Gardner, John W. On Leadership. First Free Press Paperback Edition. New York: The Free Press, 1993.

Leadership is the process of persuasion or example by which an individual induces a group to pursue objectives held by the leader or shared by the leader and his or her followers.

In any established group, individuals fill different roles, and one of the roles is that of leader.

Leaders are almost never as much in charge as they are pictured to be, followers almost never as submissive as one might imagine.

The ablest and most effective leaders do not hold to a single style; they may be highly supportive in personal relations when that is needed, yet capable of a quick, authoritative decision when the situation requires it.

Among other things, a leader must recognize the needs of followers or constituents, help them see how those needs can be met, and give them confidence that they can accomplish that result through their own efforts. Sometimes the leader helps to remove constraints or inhibitions that had been impeding the full play of motivation. …

Leaders must instill in their people a hard-bitten morale that mixes our natural American optimism with a measure of realism.

Leaders must help us see failure and frustration not as reason to doubt ourselves but as reason to strengthen resolve.

Leaders must help people believe that they can be effective, that their goals are possible of accomplishment, that there is a better future that they can move toward through their own efforts.

You have been experiencing Simon’s guidance on success a bit here and a piece there. Simon does not think that is the best way to learn and grow from his tutoring. He has thus insisted that I share the full story with you in this episode of the Audio Tidbits Podcast. I am certainly not one to resist Simon’s advice, especially since I think you will find this to be one of the most useful hours you have spent for a while. Please enjoy and as Simon says, Focus, Focus, Focus.

Greetings Earth Humans,

We have again captured this broadcast source to bring an important message to you from the High Council back on our home planet.

This message is for all Earth humans but we have been instructed to focus it particularly for the humans of the America Pod. The High Council is worried and disappointed.

You have failed to take nearly enough steps to protect your wonderful Earth Environment. You seem not to believe that you are doing real damage to the very air you breathe. When will you act to assure each of you and your descendants are able to continue breathing the Earth air?

When will you act to preserve your rivers and streams, your lakes and oceans?

When will you act to preserve your forests and grasslands?

When will you understand that you also have to protect and preserve each of your fellow Earth humans. That includes those of different colors and origins, those of different religions and faiths, those older and those younger, those who succeed economically and those for whom economic success is out of reach. Life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness is not just for some. When will you do your duty to all of your fellow Americans?

Now we come to the heart of the message from the High Council. Your crass disregard for the welfare and well-being of your children is appalling. Your neglect of the education needs of many of your children and lack of adequate support of your schools has been alarming and most un-American for many sun cycles. Your neglect of the health and nutrition needs of many of your children for many sun cycles is unconscionable. Now you have separated children from their parents just because the families have invested all in coming to the America pod for a better, safer life. Instead of welcoming them in a cautious but accepting manor, they are treated as criminals who have no rights, not even the right to humane and respectful treatment.

We are aware that this inhumane policy was short-lived but we are seeing little to no action to return the children to their parents, if you actually know who each child is and to whom he or she belongs.

The hundreds of children in the separation group must be added to the tens of thousands of youngsters who entered the America pod by themselves. There is little to no public accounting for those children, where they are and what will happen to them. We fear that their fate will be far worse than that for the separated children.

You need to know that the High Council is shaking its collective head and at a total loss to understand how badly you are treating so many children. They wonder why you are not ashamed of yourselves.

The High Council is contemplating the wisdom of continued association with a human group who can treat their children so inhumanely.

That concludes this transmission.

The clock is ticking.

Friedman, Edwin H. A Failure of Nerve: Leadership in the Age of the Quick Fix. New York: Seabury Books, 2007.

The more my perspective broadened, the more confirmed I became in my view that contemporary leadership dilemmas have less to do with the specificity of given problems, the nature of a particular technique, or the makeup of a given group than with the way everyone is framing the issues.

In any type of institution whatsoever, when a self-directed, imaginative, energetic, or creative member is being consistently frustrated and sabotaged rather than encouraged and supported, what will turn out to be true one hundred percent of the time, regardless of whether the disrupters are supervisors, subordinates, or peers, is that the person at the very top of that institution is a peace-monger. By that I mean a highly anxious risk-avoider, someone who is more concerned with good feelings than with progress, someone whose life revolves around the axis of consensus, a "middler," someone who is so incapable of taking well-defined stands that his "disability" seems to be genetic, someone who functions as if she had been filleted of her backbone, someone who treats conflict or anxiety like ## mustard gas--one whiff, on goes the emotional gas mask, and he flits. Such leaders are often "nice," if not charming.

What counts is the leader's presence and being, not technique and know-how. …

A leader must separate his or her own emotional being from that of his or her followers while still remaining connected. Vision is basically an emotional rather than a cerebral phenomenon, depending more on a leader's capacity to deal with anxiety than his or her professional training or degree.

For the endeavor to gain more regulation over one's own reactive mechanisms requires commitment to the lifetime project of being willing to be continually transformed by one's experience. Frankly, it is easier to focus on data and technique. Yet, at this point, I am convinced that to the extent leaders of any family or institution are willing to make a lifetime commitment to their own continual self-regulated growth, they can make any leadership theory or technique look brilliant.

To be a leader, one must both have and embody a vision of where one wants to go. It is not a matter of knowing or believing one is right; it is a matter of taking the first step.

One of the major limitations of imagination's fruits is the fear of standing out. It is more than a fear of criticism. It is anxiety at being alone, of being in a position where one can rely little on others, a position that puts one's own resources to the test, a position where one will have to take total responsibility for one's own response to the environment. Leaders must not only not be afraid of that position; they must come to love it.

The conventions through which we try to understand human relationships today may be as misoriented as was the medieval view of heaven and earth. Thus to suggest that gender, ethnicity, and psychological profiles are not the stuff of human relationships, or that the concentrated focus on data, method, feelings, and togetherness is misguided, can sound as counterintuitive today as it would have been in Columbus's time to say that the Earth revolves around the Sun. On the other hand, from the perspective of the emotional process view of reality that I shall develop here, the way most leadership programs understand the human phenomenon is tantamount to still assuming that the world is flat.

A leader's major effect on his or her followers has to do with the way his or her presence affects the emotional processes in the relationship system. A leader's major job is to understand his or her self. Communication depends on emotional variables such as direction, distance, and anxiety. Stress is due to becoming responsible for the relationship...