The Frustration Factor

It is important for you to actively and thoughtfully Participate on the management team. An important element of your participation is to assure that you See how your duties and responsibilities relate to other areas of your organization.

How are you and your child getting along with each other? For the following questions, is the answer almost always yes, usually yes, sometimes yes, seldom yes, or almost never yes?

As a guide, rate the question as "5" if your answer is almost always yes. Put 4 for usually, 3 for sometimes, 2 for seldom, and 1 for almost never. (If your child is too young for the question to apply to your relationship, just skip that question.)

Are you responsible and fair when disciplining your child?

Do you know what your child needs and what is important to him?

Can you get your child to cooperate with you without your getting frustrated or upset?

Do you spend time every day talking or playing with your child? …

How are you and your child getting along with each other? For the following questions, is the answer almost always yes, usually yes, sometimes yes, seldom yes, or almost never yes?

As a guide, rate the question as "5" if your answer is almost always yes. Put 4 for usually, 3 for sometimes, 2 for seldom, and 1 for almost never. (If your child is too young for the question to apply to your relationship, just skip that question.)

Are you responsible and fair when disciplining your child?

Do you know what your child needs and what is important to him?

Can you get your child to cooperate with you without your getting frustrated or upset?

Do you spend time every day talking or playing with your child? …

How can we better understand Outcome Drift?

On the surface, the Helping Triangle suggests a static model where the elements remain constant over time. Were this the case, containing outcome drift would be a very complex but less daunting process than it actually is. The reality is the elements of the model are not static and the interaction among the elements is also not static. They are, in fact, dynamic and more or less unstable.

If we focus on potential clients, at least two factors change over time. First, the coping difficulties potential clients are experiencing change. Their circumstances and situations change as does their ability to adequately cope. This combined change leads to minor to significant change in the problems needing supports and services. Additionally, the specific people in the potential client group change over time. This adds to the dynamic nature of the issues needing attention. The people being helped today are not the same people who will need help tomorrow. What they need today is not quite the same as what they will need tomorrow. Services appearing to be a good fit today may fit less well tomorrow. …

Welcome to Audio Tidbits Podcast. In this episode, James will be narrating Positive Interpersonal Programming.

Positive Interpersonal Programming (PIP) helps you look at yourself and at your marriage and family relationships. It is not a test. Rather, PIP enables you to see your stronger and less strong areas, those things that you do better and those things that you do less well, those things within which you should find pride and satisfaction and those things deserving a little more time and attention from you.

Each section focuses on an important area of marriage and family life. Within each section are several statements about the most important interpersonal elements for that area. Going through all of the sections and statements will help you look at your strengths area by area and specifically at your strengths and less strong points within each area.

PIP helps you understand yourself and others in your home in many areas such as self management at home, managing conflict, managing the children, being sensitive to what others want for themselves, understanding the special ways you and others want people in your family to show love and caring, visiting back and forth with relatives and friends of others in the family, avoiding unnecessary financial difficulties or obligations, dealing effectively with the financial difficulties that arise from time to time, making sure that there are enough sexual opportunities, and much more.

Positive Interpersonal Programming also includes PIP for teachers and managers. PIP for Teachers is intended specifically for classroom teachers, but may be useful to anyone who is in a student/teacher relationship with someone else. The traits, qualities, and principles reflect “good teaching” regardless of the setting or situation.

PIP For Managers is a continuation of the PIP approach. The manager’s inventory is divided into sections, with statements included in each section. As is true for other sections, you may use it for yourself or to evaluate the behavior, approaches, and effectiveness of others with whom you are associated.

Listening to the podcast will give you a lot to think about and specific ideas about how to improve your relationships at home and in other settings. You may find that having a print copy of the guide will work better for you as you get serious about doing the best you can to do the best you can.

If so, the guide is available as a Kindle eBook and as a Kindle paperback on Amazon.com in the Kindle store. If you click on the book’s cover in the sidebar of www.GaryCrow.net, you will be taken directly to the book’s page on Amazon.com.

Thank you for stopping by. I hope you find Positive Interpersonal Programming (PIP) is a useful tool as you live and love with your family and work with others who have a direct influence on you and yours.

Please stop back soon.

Rose hangs around when others are talking, always lingers a little after meetings, and just starts talking when people are working. Her game is to get people talking whether they want to talk or not.

 

Once people are talking, she jumps in or says something like, "I could not help hearing what you were talking about." Of course, she could help it. She makes a point to hear. Nonetheless, she now expresses her opinion. Whatever the topic, she has an opinion.

 

Her opinion is that things are a mess. She thinks things should be handled better. In fact, the company is going to the dogs. Why? Everyone - except her - is incompetent and does not know what he/she is doing. Adding, "I have said this before but. . .." is a master touch.

 

Here is the key to the technique. If someone asks Rose for her opinion on something, she says, "I have some strong opinions on this, but I want to hear your ideas first." Notice she is clear about her having opinions - more than one - on the topic. No matter what the other person says, Rose is ready. She has managed to move back to a position from which to react to what others are saying. She is not one to let anyone get her out of position. The thorn of Rose works best as a weapon with which to stick someone, anyone.

 

Management Tips:

 

Understanding the motivations of agitators is not too difficult if you look at their behavior and then ask yourself why they are behaving that way. More to the point, what do they get out of it? Their motivations are in the payoff or what they get.

 

The agitator will say anything no matter who gets hurt or feels badly. What does the player get? He/she gets a cheap moment in the spotlight, even if it is at the expense of a co-worker. Just keep in mind that the player will say anything about anyone, including you.Agitators also get their kicks from complaining. They are again in the spotlight. Of course, there is always a little more power in that position.

 

The player makes things seem bad, people seem incompetent, and everything appears worse than it is. The player gets attention, gets a little more power for a little while, and is seen as someone who is in the know and on top of things. Experienced players do this in a way that is additive over time. They also take care not to overdo it. They are very good at not giving away their game.

 

Given the behavior, its varieties and its motivations, what does counter play look like? Listen to what the agitator has to say and then say, "You are a trip. You can find more ways to look at things negatively than anyone I know." The strategy is to call the player on the behavior and make it clear that you have no interest in what he/she says. There is no power reinforcement for the behavior.

 

In another example, a player is agitating. She says something negative about someone. The classy response is, "I am surprised to hear you say that. I do not think it is true." The player will almost always press on with, "It is true! I . . .." She goes on to say some more negative things.

 

Your response is, "You probably would describe the tooth fairy as a thief." Now comes the real trick. No matter what the player says next, do not respond. The game is over.

 

As with most people who drive you up the wall, the trick to counter play with agitators is to do what needs to be done and then quit. Players of any type or variety can only play with people who will play. For agitators, just be sure they get minimal attention and no additional power or status from you. Quietly and calmly call them on their behavior and then let it go. When others do not play,

Brent Miller's dog-and-pony show takes twelve minutes. When the lights are back up, Brent confidently asks if there are any questions.  This is his big mistake.

 

Ronda Simpson breaks the ice. "That was good, Brent. I at least understand your data better than I did in January."

 

Brent smiles and says, "Given your twenty years as a manager, Ronda, I will take that as a compliment."

 

Harold Stiner, Production manager, jumps in, "I know you have only been with us for a year, Brent. There are a few things you seem to be still struggling with. You want $150,000 to - what did you call it? - place two machines. Production keeps getting pushed to cut costs, and your boys in R&D want a hundred here and a hundred there."

 

More interrupting than responding to Harold, Brent asks, "How much can we handle for this test installation?"

 

Harold imperceptibly tenses as he responds, "As far as I'm concerned, R&D wants to push up the cost unnecessarily. This will get the price up so high we may get stuck with the lot of them."

 

Ronda smiles at Harold as he handles the new kid on the block and is quick to join sides against Brent. Ronda looks at Brent and fixes him with her famous stare. She delivers her equally famous admonition as if to one of her subordinates. "It may be back to the drawing board, Brent."

 

Do you recognize the warriors in the conference room or does this sound like business as usual? Are the players productive and oriented to the goals of their company or are they pursuing their own agendas?

 

There are warriors at work.

 

Warriors are overly aggressive, insensitive, rigid, and have an unusual need to control people and situations. Understanding these characteristics is the key to effective counter play. Never giving an inch over anything, never letting anyone take advantage of them, and trying to take charge of everything are the essence of their play.

 

Next, warriors create a negative and emotionally charged environment for their game. Stepping on the feelings of others and being harsh and abrasive keep others off balance and preclude any personal involvements that might weaken or interfere with their game. It is important for them never to be in a situation where they have to deal with people as people.

 

Finally, warriors use arguing and a reputation for going to war over everything as a technique to keep others on guard and at an arm's length. This fighting posture enables the player to defend his turf and to keep the game away from emotional or "feeling level" tricks. The game is and will remain a matter of who has the most muscle and the greatest willingness to go to the mat over everything.

 

What can you do?

 

Counter play is not complex. The key is to stay away from the usual technique of trying to get cooperation by showing the other person how cooperation will work to his advantage. With warriors, that is not an incentive to go along. Instead, the skilled counter player says, "If you don't want to go along with me on this, I respect your choice. I thought I might be able to help you avoid the problems you are going to have over this. If they are not of concern to you, I have other things to do."

 

For example, in the illustration Brent would do better using this technique with Harold than he does by getting into an argument. He can say, "Harold, I see your point about the price and appreciate your concern. Nonetheless, it may be better to test things out now instead of running the risk of your having to deal with irat...

Brent Miller's dog-and-pony show takes twelve minutes. When the lights are back up, Brent confidently asks if there are any questions.  This is his big mistake.

 

Ronda Simpson breaks the ice. "That was good, Brent. I at least understand your data better than I did in January."

 

Brent smiles and says, "Given your twenty years as a manager, Ronda, I will take that as a compliment."

 

Harold Stiner, Production manager, jumps in, "I know you have only been with us for a year, Brent. There are a few things you seem to be still struggling with. You want $150,000 to - what did you call it? - place two machines. Production keeps getting pushed to cut costs, and your boys in R&D want a hundred here and a hundred there."

 

More interrupting than responding to Harold, Brent asks, "How much can we handle for this test installation?"

 

Harold imperceptibly tenses as he responds, "As far as I'm concerned, R&D wants to push up the cost unnecessarily. This will get the price up so high we may get stuck with the lot of them."

 

Ronda smiles at Harold as he handles the new kid on the block and is quick to join sides against Brent. Ronda looks at Brent and fixes him with her famous stare. She delivers her equally famous admonition as if to one of her subordinates. "It may be back to the drawing board, Brent."

 

Do you recognize the warriors in the conference room or does this sound like business as usual? Are the players productive and oriented to the goals of their company or are they pursuing their own agendas?

 

There are warriors at work.

 

Warriors are overly aggressive, insensitive, rigid, and have an unusual need to control people and situations. Understanding these characteristics is the key to effective counter play. Never giving an inch over anything, never letting anyone take advantage of them, and trying to take charge of everything are the essence of their play.

 

Next, warriors create a negative and emotionally charged environment for their game. Stepping on the feelings of others and being harsh and abrasive keep others off balance and preclude any personal involvements that might weaken or interfere with their game. It is important for them never to be in a situation where they have to deal with people as people.

 

Finally, warriors use arguing and a reputation for going to war over everything as a technique to keep others on guard and at an arm's length. This fighting posture enables the player to defend his turf and to keep the game away from emotional or "feeling level" tricks. The game is and will remain a matter of who has the most muscle and the greatest willingness to go to the mat over everything.

 

What can you do?

 

Counter play is not complex. The key is to stay away from the usual technique of trying to get cooperation by showing the other person how cooperation will work to his advantage. With warriors, that is not an incentive to go along. Instead, the skilled counter player says, "If you don't want to go along with me on this, I respect your choice. I thought I might be able to help you avoid the problems you are going to have over this. If they are not of concern to you, I have other things to do."

 

For example, in the illustration Brent would do better using this technique with Harold than he does by getting into an argument. He can say, "Harold, I see your point about the price and appreciate your concern. Nonetheless, it may be better to test things out now instead of running the risk of your having to deal with irat...

It is important for you to actively and thoughtfully Participate on the management team. An important element of your participation is to assure that you Follow Organization policies and procedures.

They say that opposites attract. They are also the people who say that there is no accounting for taste. Who knows? That may be the same bunch that observed that if you spend enough time with most anyone, you will figure out some way to get along. Whatever the attraction, "values" are at the heart of it. For you and your significant other, there is something that keeps each of you in the relationship. Whatever it is, that is the attraction, what you value.

Although these points of attraction certainly represent values, They are not the value compatibility I am talking about. I am referring to those old fashioned values that preachers and politicians are so fond of discussing. What is right and what is wrong? What is good and what is evil? What do ethical people condone and what do they abhor? My simple point is that value compatibility is important and value incompatibility forecasts serious problems for anyone in a serious relationship. …