The Gift of Presence

One of the highlights of Christmas for me as a child was my grandmother coming to visit and staying with us for a week. She lived far away, so a visit from her was always a special occasion. All this was magnified when she visited over the holidays. My sister and I would gather on the couch with her for hours, watching all the classic holiday movies. As I write this now, I vividly remember the magic of watching Miracle on 34th Street with her every year. And we when were done watching movies, it was off to the kitchen to make cookies together.

It's enlightening that I have so many powerful memories of her visits, yet I cannot remember one Christmas present that she ever gave to me. I do not doubt that she gave us all presents, it's just that I have no recollection of them. What I remember instead is her presence. That was indeed the greatest gift she could have given us, and she shared that gift abundantly.

If you celebrate the holidays by exchanging gifts and find yourself stressing out about finding just the right present, perhaps my story will be enlightening for you, too. I'm no Scrooge when it comes to presents; I just know that one of the best gifts we can give to family and friends is, to paraphrase Ralph Waldo Emerson, "a portion of ourselves."

The gift of our presence does not require any money, but it may require some internal work on our part. I know I cannot be truly present to someone if internally I am distracted. I also cannot be present if I am holding on to some kind of judgment, anger, or regret.

Many things can block our ability to show up fully in the important relationships in our lives. The holidays seem like a perfect time of year to let go of those barriers. It could turn out to be the best present we give to both ourselves and the people we love.

Making It Personal

1. Can you think of someone who has given you the gift of presence, either when you were a child or in your adult life? How did/does that person make you feel?
2. To whom do you want to be sure you give the gift of presence this holiday season?
3. Are you aware of any internal barriers that might make it difficult for you to show up fully for those you love? If so, are you ready to let them go?