What follows is the Weekly Wellness Column which we send out by email each Friday on the same topic as our weekly podcast.

ASAP: As Slow As Possible

As we prepare to transition to summer, many people look forward to two things: more time outdoors and a slower rhythm of life. If you are a regular reader/listener of our weekly column and podcast, you know we take a break from producing this content between Memorial Day and Labor Day. We do this so that we, too, can spend more time outdoors and live our lives at a slower pace.

When we recently came across several creative versions of the well-known phrase ASAP (see box above), we posted them on our refrigerator to serve as a compass for how we intend to enjoy this coming summer. All of these are a reminder to us that there is more to life than hurrying. And we have been fun creating our own versions, too. 

In our fast-paced, always "on" world, hurrying is seen by some as a badge of honor. Many of us rush from task to task, conversation to conversation, rarely pausing to breathe, let alone reflect. While we may equate speed with productivity and importance, this culture of constant motion comes at a cost—one that takes a toll on our mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual well-being.

There is an excellent quote that also appears on our refrigerator door.  "Nature does not hurry, yet everything is accomplished." The quote is often attributed to Lao-tzu's ancient book Tao Te Ching, or Book of the Way,  but we have seen it attributed to other sources, too. No matter the source, the wisdom is a good reminder for us all as we transition to the rhythms of summer.

And let's not confuse slowness with laziness. Slowing down is an intentional choice in the midst of a culture addicted to urgency. It's one thing we can do to reclaim our wellness, our spirit, and our lives.

We invite you to consider alternatives to the familiar ASAP that might guide your rhythm this summer as we have been doing. One idea we came up with is to make this summer a time to"Allow Space And Pause," which is precisely what we will be doing with pausing our column and podcast over the coming months. And as we take a break until September, we wish you all a wonderful summer, a summer where you might…

Align Summer Aspirations Purposefully

Adjust Slowly Allowing Peace

Admire Summer’s Awesomeness Plentifully

Anchor Summer Adventures Peacefully

Appreciate Summer Abundance Playfully

Awaken Summer Adventure Passion

Activate Summer Aliveness Practices

….."And Similarly Add Phrases" to our list. In other words, feel free to play with and create your own wisdom version of ASAP.

What follows is the Weekly Wellness Column which we send out by email each Friday on the same topic as our weekly podcast.

Let’s Normalize Conversations with One Another 

about Our Mental Health

You may have heard that May is Mental Health Awareness Month. In honor of that, we thought it would be helpful to offer two simple yet powerful ways we can all help reduce the stigma of talking about mental health.

Suggestion One: Let’s normalize talking about our emotional pain, just like we do with physical pain.

Feeling sad or anxious during a difficult time in life is as natural as feeling pain in our back or knee due to aging or injury. And yet, for many people, it’s much easier to talk about physical pain. 

Do you often apologize when you break down crying when talking with someone? That might be because you internalized a message that it’s not okay to share sadness and vulnerability with others.  

When we share emotional pain with others, it becomes a little easier to bear—just like we might feel relief when we talk about a physical ailment.

Suggestion Two: Let’s normalize listening when someone opens up about an emotional challenge.

When someone shares that they’re feeling down or on edge, and we respond with silence or quickly change the subject, they may end up feeling even more isolated. Instead, we can show care by staying present, asking gentle questions, and offering our full attention. Listening deeply helps others feel seen and supported.

It wasn’t that long ago that people avoided talking about cancer. The “C word” was often spoken in whispers, adding shame and loneliness to an already difficult experience. Thankfully, that has changed—talking openly about cancer is now common, and support is readily available.

This May, let’s take another step forward. Let’s all do our part to normalize open conversations about mental health—starting by talking honestly about our own experiences and by listening compassionately to others.

What follows is the Weekly Wellness Column which we send out by email each Friday on the same topic as our weekly podcast.

THE WISDOM OF MOMISMS

It's been a few years since we shared some of the wise advice that mothers, grandmothers, aunts, and other women we have all been blessed to know have shared with us throughout our lives. We call these wise, pithy sayings Momisms. 

Here are a few of our favorites, and because this is a wellness column, we also share ways these words of advice apply to various aspects of well-being.

"I'm not interested in who started it!" The wisdom here is that a lot of time and energy is often wasted in trying to figure out "who started it." Who hasn't spent more time arguing with someone about who started a problem than they have spent on resolving it? Focusing on "who started it" is one way of playing the "blame game," and is rarely helpful. You don't need to figure out who started a problem at work or home to be part of the solution.

"If you keep making that face, one of these days it will freeze that way!" This Momism contains some great wellness insights. The first is that the behaviors we choose, over time, become habits, and habits always have consequences. It is important, then, to carefully observe the habits we are forming. The second insight of this Momism has to do with the way we treat others. If I am regularly in a hurry and don't take time to be kind to people, at some point their opinion of me will "freeze." They may well come to believe that I am a person who is self-absorbed or unkind. We all form opinions of others based on their behaviors, and it is easy for those opinions to become frozen and difficult to change, even if the person's behaviors actually do change at some point.

"This moment is fleeting in the overall scheme of things." Our emotional and spiritual wellness is enhanced when we remember two things. First, it is wise to seek to live in the present moment, and second, any current struggle we may have is more bearable when we place it in the context of life's larger time frame.

"Take care of a goldfish, and then you can get a dog." It's important to start small when taking on any new challenge or responsibility. New habits and big goals are realized in small steps. For example, develop a regular habit of walking before you try to run your first 5K, or take a class on a subject before deciding on that major.

"I don't care what everybody else is doing; you are not everybody else!" Another version of this is "just because everyone else is jumping off a cliff, doesn't mean that you should, too." Both ideas are meant to encourage us to dare to think for ourselves and to remember that going along with the crowd is not always the best decision.

"The best way to have a friend is to be one." All relationships are important and must be cared for and nurtured to stay strong and healthy. We reap what we sow in relationships. This reminds us of the importance of sharing our appreciation and gratitude with others, as that is what builds and strengthens relationships.

"Please call me when you get there, so I will know you have arrived safely." This statement is a sweet expression of love and concern, although when we were young, we might have rolled our eyes, thinking that our mom was annoying and trying to control us. The wellness principle here is that it makes a positive difference to have others around us who are concerned for our well-being and to care for others as well.

As we pause to celebrate all mothers this weekend, may we also give thanks for the wisdom they, along with other influential women in our lives, have taught us over the years.

Feel free to share your favorite Momism on our Wellness Compass Facebook Page which you find HERE. 

What follows is the Weekly Wellness Column which we send out by email each Friday on the same topic as our weekly podcast.

Lessons Learned From a Mindfulness Jar

We both have mindfulness jars on our desks and use them regularly in our coaching practices. And Holly used to use hers in her previous career as a grade school teacher. They are helpful in so many situations. And you can easily make one for yourself—do a quick online search, and you will find many suggestions. 

If the concept of a mindfulness jar is new to you, here's a short description. A mindfulness jar is a clear jar (like a Ball jar, for example) that is filled with water, a small amount of clear glue, and glitter. The glue is added to create enough viscosity so that when the jar is shaken, the glitter stays suspended in the liquid for a short time. Then, gradually, within a minute or so, the glitter slowly settles back to the bottom of the jar. 

If you want to see one in action, watch this 90-second video demonstration by clicking https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1MefB0P8ptA

We find ourselves using our mindfulness jars frequently to make some important points. Here are five of the lessons we teach.

1.  It is normal for all of us to find our "jars" shaken up. Life has a way of doing that to us. It could be the news of the day, a harsh word from a friend, colleague, or family member, or even a curt text or email. 

2.  The jars are like our minds. When our minds are settled, we can see and think much more clearly. When our jars are shaken up, just the opposite is true. It is impossible to see, think, or act clearly.  And it is best to wait until things settle. 

3.  Learning to pause and not react when our jars are jostled gives us the time and space we need to calm down. When we are calm, we can choose a much more helpful response rather than a churned-up reaction.

4.  Learn not to judge your jar or mind when it is stirred up. It happens to everyone. Simply observe and accept it as normal and give it the space and time it needs to calm down.

5.  The benefit of learning a few mindfulness practices (meditation, journaling, prayer practices, contemplative walking, yoga, breathing exercises, etc.) is that we will have the practiced tools on hand to calm and recenter ourselves more quickly.  In fact, doing these practices proactively will help us every day be less vulnerable to getting hijacked by our emotions. 

Elvis Presley may have had great success with the number-one hit  "I'm All Shook Up," but for the rest of us, it's something we will rarely, if ever, profit from. We will, however, benefit from learning and accepting the signs of when we are all shook up, and then using some centering practices, maybe even a mindfulness jar,  to calm ourselves down before reacting. 

What follows is the Weekly Wellness Compass Column for this week. Each podcast episode addresses the same theme as the column.  

Wellness Begins with We

Passover and Easter overlap again this year, allowing us to reflect on the power of these celebrations for hundreds of millions of people worldwide.  The celebrations connected to these holy days, as with the celebrations of all religious holy days, are grounded in bringing people together. While individual beliefs and practices are important, the gathering of community is primary, a practice as old as human civilization.

And it's not just true of religious celebrations. We see this same emphasis on community in all kinds of celebrations—graduations, funerals, weddings, and public holidays, to name a few. All of these various community gatherings are essential to our well-being

There is a clever way to remember the strong connection between community and well-being. Notice that the word "Wellness" begins with "We." Some have even noted that when the letter "I" in "Illness" is replaced with "We," the word becomes Wellness. 

American culture has long celebrated the importance of individualism. Too often, though, this focus on a strong sense of "I" is presented as somehow separate or even in opposition to the importance of a strong "We." The fact is they are always interconnected. Healthy individuals are essential to healthy communities, and healthy communities are critical to strong individual well-being. 

Many experts are writing today about a growing sense of isolation and loneliness in our culture and how this is becoming a public health issue.  COVID contributed to this, but the problem began long before the pandemic.  Robert Putnam was one of the first to bring this to our attention with his groundbreaking book, "Bowling Alone: The Collapse and Revitalization of American Community," written in 2000. Focusing on the trend of Americans who are bowling alone or just one or two others, rather than in leagues as was done in the past, he wrote that the erosion of communal life has seriously affected both public and individual health. 

With this in mind, may we all remember that whatever our plans may include this week—whether it be celebrating Passover, Easter, or bowling— let's make sure to prioritize strengthening our bonds with others. Doing so will contribute to both our own well-being, and that of the people with whom we gather.

What follows is our Weekly Wellness Column, which is emailed every Friday morning and addresses the same topic as each week's podcast episode.  

In-Between Times

Life is filled with clear beginnings and endings. As wonderful and/or sad as these times may be, the majority of life is filled with in-between times. These are the spaces where we are neither where we were, nor where we are going—just like spring here in Wisconsin, still cold and windy, yet sunny and the snow is gone, so it's neither fully winter nor spring. It's more of an in-between time. These in-between times can be uncertain, challenging, and even unsettling. Yet, they also hold immense potential for growth, reflection, and renewal.

In-between times take many forms. They may be the weeks between leaving one job and starting another, moving from one home to another, or the years between childhood and adulthood. These liminal spaces—where we exist between what was and what will be—are often overlooked and even undervalued because they can be difficult. However, they can be some of the most formative moments in our lives.

The world encourages us to hurry through these periods, to rush to the next milestone. But what if we embraced them instead? What if we saw these in-between moments not as obstacles or times we have to trudge through, but as essential parts of our journey?

It's natural to feel uncomfortable in these times. Most of us crave certainty, a clear direction, and tangible results. However, some of life's most profound lessons come not in the moments of achievement, but in the waiting.

Psychologist and author William Bridges describes transitions as three-stage processes: endings, neutral zones, and new beginnings. The neutral zone—the in-between time—can be where we grieve what we've left behind, wonder about what's next, and ultimately become the person ready to step into a new phase of life.

Instead of resisting these moments, we can choose to find meaning in them. Here's a few ideas of what helps: 

1. Embrace Reflection

The in-between provides space to slow down and reflect. What lessons have you learned? What do you truly want to be moving toward? Journaling, meditation, or quiet walks can help bring clarity.

2. Practice Patience

It's tempting to want to rush toward the next chapter, but growth takes time. Trust that the waiting has a purpose. The caterpillar does not become a butterfly overnight—transformation happens in the cocoon.

3. Stay Open to Possibilities

Sometimes, the best opportunities arise in the spaces where we least expect them. An in-between time might seem like a pause, but it can also be a doorway to something better than you imagined.

4. Take Care of Yourself

Transitions can be draining, both emotionally and physically. Prioritize self-care, whether that means nourishing your body, leaning on a support system, or allowing yourself to rest.

If and when you find yourself in an in-between time, remember that it is not wasted time. It is a time of becoming, of preparing, of evolving. Though it may feel uncertain, remember that this time is also full of potential. The next step will reveal itself when you are ready—but for the moment, honor the space you are in.

What follows is our Weekly Wellness Column which is emailed every Friday morning and addresses the same topic as each week's podcast episode.  

Well Connected 

We recently came across an extended quote from Albert Einstein that we would like to share with you today.

“A human being is a part of the whole, called by us the ‘Universe,’ a part limited in time and space. We experience ourselves, our thoughts and feelings as something separated from the rest — a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness. 

This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and affection for a few persons nearest to us. Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole nature in its beauty. 

Nobody is able to achieve this completely, but the striving for such achievement is in itself a part of the liberation and a foundation for inner security.”

As we reflect on the connection of Einstein’s words to wellness, the focus of this column, we are aware that a foundation of our wellness is acknowledging our deep inter-dependency with all people, and with all of creation. Certainly, the contagion of the COVID virus was a clear reminder of just how interconnected we all are.

Imagine a mobile hanging from a ceiling over a baby’s crib. If someone were to jiggle one piece of the mobile all the other pieces would also jiggle, even though you weren’t directly moving them. Why? Because they are all interconnected. 

As family therapists, we often observe this when a family member faces a crisis or challenge. The person facing the challenge is clearly distressed, but soon, those who are closely connected to the person will also feel distressed. It also works the other way. When one person in a family, team, or group feels centered and joyous, that can also radiate out to those with whom they are connected. 

Our deep inter-connectedness, as the intellectual icon Albert Einstein so eloquently explained, is a gift. When we remember it and nourish it regularly, not only do we benefit, but so does everyone with whom we are connected. 

Turning Over the Soil

Wisconsin is known for it many Rails to Trails bike paths. Converting former rail lines to bike trails gives a safe (and flat) way to explore the countryside on two wheels. We ride these trails regularly and were delighted to get out for our first ride of the year this week.  

Wisconsin is also known for its abundant and fertile farmland. On our ride, we saw many farmers on their tractors plowing and turning over their soil as they prepared for planting season. 

And because we love to think in metaphors, we both agreed that turning over the soil from time to time is a great practice in relationships, too. All relationships—couples, families, and friendships can benefit from turning over the soil to prepare for new growth.  

Just as soil can become compacted, making it difficult for seeds to take root and thrive, in the same way, relationships can settle into patterns that, while familiar, may not always be healthy or life-giving. Unspoken resentments, unresolved conflicts, or simply the busyness of life can harden the ground between two people. Turning over the soil of a relationship means being willing to address these hardened areas, having open conversations, and being intentional about creating space for both honesty and vulnerability.

One way to do this is through regular check-ins. Just as a farmer regularly inspects the soil for signs of dryness or depletion, couples, friends, or family members can do the same. Are there areas of tension that need attention? Are there needs that have going unspoken or unmet? Asking these questions and listening with an open heart can help break up the hard ground and make room for renewal.

At other times, the soil of our lives and our relationships get turned over not by choice, but because some kind of storm occurs. These are scary times, and the times people most often reach out to us as therapists.  But while these unbidden storms can create turmoil in the short run, they can also be opportunities for new growth.  

We have a saying about relationships that captures how important they are to our wellbeing: "Few things affect the quality of our lives more than the quality of our relationships." While we are not farmers, we imagine that the same can be said about the role of preparing and tending the soil in determining the quality of crops. And it would seem that in both, turning over the soil from time to time keeps things healthy and growing.  

What follows is our Weekly Wellness Column which is emailed every Friday morning and addresses the same topic as each week's podcast episode.  

Hope Springs Eternal

Yesterday marked the first day of spring.  In Wisconsin, where we live, it was more a day of hope than one of actual warmth. As we watched two determined golfers tee off on a course still dusted with snow, we couldn’t help but think of the timeless words of English poet Alexander Pope, written in 1733: “Hope springs eternal in the human breast.” His words capture the enduring optimism that keeps us looking ahead, whether to the promise of blooming flowers or simply a snow-free round of golf.

This same spirit of hope is evident in another beloved springtime tradition: the NCAA College Basketball Tournaments for Men and Women. March Madness is in full swing, bringing with it the excitement of one hundred thirty-six teams (sixty-eight Men’s teams and sixty-eight Women’s teams) battling for a national championship. Players and fans alike embrace the exhilarating uncertainty, filling out their brackets in the hopes of predicting the tournament’s twists and turns. Millions take part in this annual ritual, eagerly guessing the outcomes of each of the games.

The odds of completing a perfect bracket—accurately predicting every single game—are an astonishing 9.2 quintillion to one. To put that into perspective, do you know how long 9.2 quintillion seconds adds up to? 100 years? 1,000 years? The correct answer is 292 billion years! And yet, in spite of those odds, hopeful fans enter the fray, trusting their instincts, crunching statistics, and making bold predictions—or if you are like the two of us, wild guesses. But just as quickly as hope rises, reality sets in. Unexpected upsets—known as “bracket busters”—shatter expectations, leaving participants to wonder what went wrong. With each surprising outcome, we are reminded that hope, though resilient, often requires renewal.

In many ways, sports serve as a mirror for life. Just as we faithfully fill out our brackets with expectations of success, we also approach life’s adventures—new jobs, relationships, and personal goals—hoping for clear paths and predictable outcomes. But life, like basketball, is full of surprises. Our “brackets” of carefully laid plans don’t always hold up. Unexpected challenges arise, and our best predictions fall apart. Yet, just as the teams continue to play, giving their all despite the knowledge that only one will ultimately emerge victorious, we, too, carry on.

Sixty-seven of the sixty-eight teams in both tournaments will end their season with a loss. But does that stop them from playing with heart, determination, and the belief that anything is possible? Of course not. Their love of the game and the belief that hope springs eternal keep them pushing forward. And in that, we find a powerful lesson: life isn’t about perfect predictions or avoiding failure—it’s about showing up, playing with passion, and embracing each moment, regardless of the outcome.

So as we navigate both the unpredictability of March Madness and the uncertainties of life, we take inspiration from the athletes who give their all, even when the odds are against them. Let’s keep showing up, not because we can predict or control the future, but because we love participating in the journey. And because, no matter what, hope will always spring eternal. 

What follows is our weekly Wellness Compass column. This column is sent out by email each Friday, and our podcast each week addresses the same topic as the column.  

Making Time for Joy

We both started music lessons a few weeks ago for instruments that are new for each of us. Holly is taking ukulesle lessons, and Scott is taking bluegrass fiddle lessons. We had been saying we were going to do this for a long time, and now that we are enjoying it so much, we wonder why we waited so long. Making time for the lessons and practicing has reminded us how much fun making music is and how much joy it is bringing us. 

The semi-annual practice of having just changed our clocks has once again offered all of us an excellent opportunity to reflect on how we use our time. As we shifted our clocks forward, it reminded us to also consider other shifts we might want to make regarding our time.

Much like evaluating our finances—deciding how to spend, save, or share our money—considering how we spend our time can also be a meaningful practice. Taking a moment to assess how we are using our time need not be a negative experience; instead, it's a chance to recognize what's working well and where we might want to shift. That's what we did when we realized we wanted to spend less time doing passive activities and instead prioritize time learning to play new instruments. We shifted our attention and how we spend part of our time each day and week.

Sometimes, life can feel unacceptably busy, leaving little room for relaxation and peace. Other times, we may feel like we have an abundance of time on our hands but struggle to use it meaningfully. In either case, pausing to reflect on how we choose to spend our time can be valuable.

Instead of judging ourselves, we find that one simple question can be particularly helpful: "What is one thing that you could shift by spending more or less time doing this week, something that would bring you joy?"

Take a moment to ask yourself this question with kindness and curiosity. If an answer comes to mind, embrace it and take a step toward realigning your time with what truly matters to you. For us, that means making more time for the fun of music in our lives. What might it be for you?