The Wellness Compass Podcast

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What follows is the weekly column we email every Friday that is a companion to this weekly podcast. This podcast episode expands on the content of the column. You can subscribe to the weekly column HERE.

Our Need for Different Kinds of Rest

Our Wellness Compass Initiative is a holistic approach to wellness. With that in mind, we offer four "Compass Points" that speak to multiple dimensions of rest, as well as help us become aware of our inner attitudes about the role of rest in our lives. Let's all be counter-cultural and prioritize the many kinds of rest you need for your overall well-being.

1. Physical Rest: It's not just about enough sleep

There are numerous studies on the connection between various diseases and chronic sleep deprivation. "I'll sleep when I'm dead" takes on a new meaning when we fool ourselves into thinking we can ignore the biological basis of needing adequate sleep. Not getting enough sleep affects our mental health and our relationships, too. Irritability is just one symptom of low sleep. Beyond sleep, we will also benefit from restorative practices that nurture our physical well-being, such as walks (when possible), stretching, and yoga. We only get one body to live in. Being sure it gets enough rest and renewal is essential to our overall well-being.

2. Mental Rest: Reducing Cognitive Overload

Our minds process thousands of thoughts daily, and the constant demands of decision-making, problem-solving, and listening to or scrolling through the news of the day can create excessive mental fatigue. Restorative practices for mental exhaustion can include taking a break from the news for a while, making time for meditation, spending time outdoors in nature, or listening to music. When our mind feels foggy or we struggle to concentrate, we are not being lazy—we are experiencing mental exhaustion that requires rest and renewal.

3. Emotional Rest: Permission to Be Authentic

Two primary causes of emotional exhaustion are caregiving for others and being constantly "on" for others, where we don't feel safe expressing our true feelings; instead, we present a facade. Emotional rest can be found when we can balance caregiving with self-care, recognizing that self-care is not selfish. Rest also comes when we have safe spaces—whether it's with trusted friends or family, or perhaps a therapist — where we can drop our masks and authentically share all our emotions.

4. Become Aware of Our Mindset Regarding the Importance of Rest

We live in a culture obsessed with busyness, where we are more like human doings than human beings. It hasn't always been so. Ancient cultures prioritized the importance of sabbath time. At Wellness Compass, we often discuss becoming more aware of the many compasses that guide our habits and behavior—often outside of our conscious awareness. Busyness and an over-identification with achievement and action are inner compasses that sometimes minimize or even ridicule the importance of rest. Being tired much of the time can even be seen as a badge of honor in many circles. Therefore, it is essential that we surface our own deeper attitudes about rest and recognize that in our fast-paced world, prioritizing rest and self-care may feel counter-cultural. Making this counter-cultural choice, though, is essential to our overall well-being.

Making it Personal:

1. As you read points 1-3, is there an area of rest that could benefit from your attention at this time?
2. If so, what's one thing you can do in the day or week to experience some rest in that area of wellness?
3. Reading point 4, are you aware of any attitudes or biases you have about the importance of rest?

What follows is the Weekly Wellness Column that we email out each Friday morning. Our weekly podcast is an expansion for the column. You can sign up for the Weekly Wellness Column HERE.

Transcending the Limits of Either-Or Thinking

In our counseling practices, we often hear clients express their struggles in absolute terms. "I'm either a complete success or a total failure." "My relationship is either perfect or it's over." "I'm either productive or I'm lazy." This pattern, known as either-or thinking, can significantly impact our emotional, relational, and spiritual well-being. Here are four Wellness Compass points about this cognitive trap and how to move beyond it.

1. Either-Or Thinking Creates Unnecessary Distress

When we force ourselves, others, and situations into rigid categories, we set ourselves up for suffering. A single mistake can become evidence of complete incompetence. One disagreement with a partner can signal doom for the relationship. A rest day means we've lost all discipline. This binary lens intensifies anxiety and depression, creating a constant state of evaluation where we're perpetually sorting experiences into "good" or "bad" boxes. The most significant problem with this thinking is that it creates little room for the messy, complicated middle ground where most of life actually happens.

2. Notice Absolute Language

We often talk with our clients about the importance of awareness and intention. The first step toward change is awareness. When we catch ourselves thinking in extremes, we can pause and ask: "What else might be true here?" A disappointing work presentation doesn't make us incompetent; it makes us someone who had an off day and is still learning. We can be frustrated with someone we love, and still love them deeply. We can allow ourselves to remain open to learning about a key issue, and not view it as a weakness if we change our minds as we gain more knowledge and experience.

3. Recognize That Growth Happens in the Gray Zone

Chances are that we have all experienced a time when we made a change or decision and later changed our mind. If we are locked into either-or thinking, we might lose the flexibility to change our minds or admit that we were wrong. The "gray zone" is the space between polar opposites. The gray zone is often where we remain open to learning and growing, where we are neither wholly lost nor fully arrived. This is actually where the most meaningful growth occurs. Accepting this reality helps us remain patient and curious, rather than judgmental, during the learning process.

4. Embrace Paradox and "Both-And" Awareness

Life is full of contradictions, and holding multiple truths simultaneously is a sign of psychological maturity, not weakness. You can feel grateful for what you have while still wanting things to improve. You can be both anxious and hopeful, tired and committed, imperfect and amazing, confused and clear, vulnerable and strong. The goal is, of course, not to eliminate all either-or thinking but to recognize when that kind of thinking is limiting us. By expanding our perspective to include the vast spectrum between extremes, we create space for self-compassion, new insights, resilience, and a more authentic relationship with ourselves and others.

Questions for Making it Personal

1. Can you identify a recent time when you were caught up in either-or thinking that was limiting for you or your relationship with someone?

2. If you affirmatively answered question one, what steps can you take to soften that either-or thinking? What might you replace it with?

3. How comfortable are you with the concept of being in the gray zone—the place where you are still learning and growing? Are you willing to acknowledge when you don't know something or when you were wrong about something?

What follows is the Weekly Wellness Compass Column which is emailed each Friday morning-the content of our column and podcast are always related. You can find our columns at: https://www.wellnesscompass.org/column

A Few Things We Can Learn From Dr. Jane Goodall

Each of our four Wellness Compass Points this week is a quote from scientist Dr. Jane Goodall, who passed away this week at the age of ninety-one. She will be remembered for many things, but probably most often for the way her scientific curiosity and her work with chimpanzees in the forests of Gombe remind us of the interconnectedness of all life. As therapists who think and practice systemically, we are especially grateful for her teachings about how all of life is an interconnected web and that every action we take in the world has a profound impact on all beings.

1. "The greatest danger to our future is apathy."

"Am I really making a positive difference in the world?" is a question that any of us may ask ourselves from time to time. There is a lot that needs our attention in our personal and collective lives, and it is easy to feel overwhelmed. The opposite of apathy is hope—not naive optimism, but a disciplined choice to keep showing up as a force for good in the world.

2. "Lasting change is a series of compromises. And compromise is all right, as long as your values don't change."

Too often, compromise is viewed as a sign of weakness. Remembering that we are all interconnected with all other living organisms helps us realize that compromise is always necessary to achieve the greater good. There is almost always more that unites than divides us. Note that her quote does not ask us to compromise our core values, but to hold true to them with kindness, humility, and respect. None of us possesses all the wisdom.

3. "What you do makes a difference, and you have to decide what kind of difference you want to make."

During the pandemic, we wrote about how the question wasn't Are we contagious?" but rather "What are we contagious with?" Our emotional and spiritual energy is always contagious to those we interact with—either positively or negatively. We all make a difference —the question is, "What kind of difference do we want to make in the world?".

4. "You cannot get through a single day without having an impact on the world around you. What you do makes a difference."

Here, Dr. Goodall reminds us always to be aware of the impact our actions and words have on ourselves and those around us. This quote brings to mind two quotes from our Wellness Compass Initiative: "The grass is greener where you water it," and "Whatever we pay attention to, is what will grow."

Three Questions for Making It Personal

1. Does one of these quotes particularly speak to you? If so, why, and what might you do to put the wisdom of that quote into action?

2. Do you struggle with apathy? If so, what's one thing you can do to help you recover a sense of hope?

3. Is there a situation in your life right now where an openness to compromise might serve the greater good?

In recognition of September being National Recovery Month, we are pleased to share four Wellness Compass Points that offer wellness wisdom for everyone, drawing on the traditions of the Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous and other 12-Step recovery groups.

Wellness Wisdom for Everyone from the Twelve Steps: Celebrating Recovery Month

Four Wellness Compass Points & Three Questions

1. Whether dealing with addiction, excessive worrying, perfectionism, or any self-limiting set of behaviors, the wisdom of the Twelve Steps teaches us that some challenges cannot be solved alone. Actually, the first step towards making change is acknowledging our need for help from others and from our spirituality.

2. The practice of daily self-reflection and honest accountability, central to the Steps, can transform any area of life by helping us recognize harmful patterns, before they spiral, and then to celebrate progress as it happens.

3. Making direct amends for our mistakes reminds us that true healing comes through changed actions and the rebuilding of trust, not just good intentions or words.

4. The principle of service to others who face similar struggles (Step #12) reveals a fundamental truth about human nature – that we often find our deepest sense of purpose and most successful recovery when we focus on lifting up those who are facing similar challenges.

3 Questions to Make This Personal

If you or someone you know is in recovery, what broader life lessons have you learned form them or have they modeled for you?

Is there a change you want to make that would benefit from the support of others?

If so, how will you find this support?

Emotional Flooding: Four Wellness Compass Points and Three Questions

Psychologist and author John Gottman describes emotional flooding as "a sensation of feeling psychologically and physically overwhelmed during conflict, making it virtually impossible to have a productive, problem-solving discussion."

Here are Four Compass Points to help guide us when this happens.

1. Everyone gets emotionally flooded from time to time, so it's essential to recognize the warning signs when this is happening to us. Pay attention to physical cues like rapid heartbeat, shallow breathing, muscle tension, or feeling hot. Notice emotional signs like racing thoughts, difficulty concentrating, or the urge to react, retaliate, or get even. When you catch these early signals, you can intervene before reaching full emotional overwhelm. Remember that emotional flooding is a natural response to powerful feelings, stress, or trauma—it's not a sign of weakness.

2. Hit the pause button. While we can't always control when our emotions take over, we do have the choice to pause rather than react. When we feel intensity building, we can stop and slow down. We don't have to immediately say what we are thinking or feeling—or send that email, or create that social media post. We can pause by taking a walk, sleeping on it, talking with others, or spending time doing whatever helps us to calm down.

3. Take responsibility for yourself, rather than blaming others. A classic response of a young child when they have done something they regret is, "but they did it first!" Let's be more mature than that. If someone throws a lit match at us, we are responsible for any gasoline inside of us that leads to an explosion. While someone else may have done something that triggers our emotional flooding, we are responsible for how we handle ourselves at that moment.

4. Saying, "I'm sorry," can be an expression of strength. Impulsive reactions while we are flooded do not come from a place of strength, and yet they happen. Apologizing and making amends when we have said or done things we regret is a sign of strength and a commitment to our ongoing emotional growth.

Making This Personal: 3 Questions

Just as a compass helps us to check our bearings and see if we are on the course we intend, these questions invite us to make these thoughts about emotional flooding personal for each of us.

1. Have you recently experienced emotional flooding?

2. If so, how satisfied are you with how you handled it?

3. Is there anything you learned from your recent experience, or from these four Compass Points, that you want to put into practice going forward?

Leave a comment for our podcast at www.wellnesscompass.org

Welcome back to season five of the Wellness Compass Column and Podcast. We are glad to be back with you.

Fall is a time of transitions, and we have one of our own to share with you regarding the structure of this column. Just as a compass has four points, our new format will feature four essential points of wisdom each week on a different wellness or mental health topic. We think you will find this new structure easier to remember and more practical for application in your life. What remains the same is our mission of our overall non-profit Wellness Compass Initiative, now in its eighteenth year: to enhance mental health and resilience in individuals, families, schools, organizations, and communities. As always, we welcome your feedback and suggestions for future topics you would like to see addressed.

And speaking of transitions, our first column and podcast for this season offers four points for navigating transitions with greater awareness and intention. Whether you or someone else is navigating the start of school transition, or any of a myriad of other changes —such as a job change, coping with loss or a death, adjusting to a new health reality, or a change in a relationship —we hope you find these four points helpful.

Four Points for Navigating a Transition

1. Normalize and accept the feelings of vulnerability and uncertainty that come with transitions--our own and others. The bigger the change, the deeper the feelings, and the longer the adjustment will take. Don't rush the process of adapting to the change or loss.

2. Relationships can be quite tender during transitions. Resist acting out or projecting your feelings onto others when you are in the midst of change.

3. Small daily practices, such as morning routines, regular exercise, mindfulness/meditation, and consistent sleep schedules, can provide stability and comfort when life feels uncertain or in flux.

4. Seeking support from friends, family, and professionals during transitions is an expression of wisdom and strength, helping you process emotions and gain perspective.

Making It Personal:

Do any of these points speak to you regarding a transition you are navigating? If so, how might you put that into practice?

Do you know someone who is in the midst of a transition that could use your support?

And please remember to subscribe to this podcast to get updates regarding new episodes. We would also appreciate you reviews and ratings in your app, as well as helping us to grow this nonprofit podcast by sharing it with others. Thank you!

There is a weekly Wellness Compass Column that is emailed each Friday morning that corresponds with this podcast. You can sign up to receive this free weekly email at www.WellnessCompass.org

What follows is the Weekly Wellness Column which we send out by email each Friday on the same topic as our weekly podcast.

ASAP: As Slow As Possible

As we prepare to transition to summer, many people look forward to two things: more time outdoors and a slower rhythm of life. If you are a regular reader/listener of our weekly column and podcast, you know we take a break from producing this content between Memorial Day and Labor Day. We do this so that we, too, can spend more time outdoors and live our lives at a slower pace.

When we recently came across several creative versions of the well-known phrase ASAP (see box above), we posted them on our refrigerator to serve as a compass for how we intend to enjoy this coming summer. All of these are a reminder to us that there is more to life than hurrying. And we have been fun creating our own versions, too.

In our fast-paced, always "on" world, hurrying is seen by some as a badge of honor. Many of us rush from task to task, conversation to conversation, rarely pausing to breathe, let alone reflect. While we may equate speed with productivity and importance, this culture of constant motion comes at a cost—one that takes a toll on our mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual well-being.

There is an excellent quote that also appears on our refrigerator door. "Nature does not hurry, yet everything is accomplished." The quote is often attributed to Lao-tzu's ancient book Tao Te Ching, or Book of the Way, but we have seen it attributed to other sources, too. No matter the source, the wisdom is a good reminder for us all as we transition to the rhythms of summer.

And let's not confuse slowness with laziness. Slowing down is an intentional choice in the midst of a culture addicted to urgency. It's one thing we can do to reclaim our wellness, our spirit, and our lives.

We invite you to consider alternatives to the familiar ASAP that might guide your rhythm this summer as we have been doing. One idea we came up with is to make this summer a time to"Allow Space And Pause," which is precisely what we will be doing with pausing our column and podcast over the coming months. And as we take a break until September, we wish you all a wonderful summer, a summer where you might…

Align Summer Aspirations Purposefully

Adjust Slowly Allowing Peace

Admire Summer's Awesomeness Plentifully

Anchor Summer Adventures Peacefully

Appreciate Summer Abundance Playfully

Awaken Summer Adventure Passion

Activate Summer Aliveness Practices

….."And Similarly Add Phrases" to our list. In other words, feel free to play with and create your own wisdom version of ASAP.

What follows is the Weekly Wellness Column which we send out by email each Friday on the same topic as our weekly podcast.

Let's Normalize Conversations with One Another

about Our Mental Health

You may have heard that May is Mental Health Awareness Month. In honor of that, we thought it would be helpful to offer two simple yet powerful ways we can all help reduce the stigma of talking about mental health.

Suggestion One: Let's normalize talking about our emotional pain, just like we do with physical pain.

Feeling sad or anxious during a difficult time in life is as natural as feeling pain in our back or knee due to aging or injury. And yet, for many people, it's much easier to talk about physical pain.

Do you often apologize when you break down crying when talking with someone? That might be because you internalized a message that it's not okay to share sadness and vulnerability with others.

When we share emotional pain with others, it becomes a little easier to bear—just like we might feel relief when we talk about a physical ailment.

Suggestion Two: Let's normalize listening when someone opens up about an emotional challenge.

When someone shares that they're feeling down or on edge, and we respond with silence or quickly change the subject, they may end up feeling even more isolated. Instead, we can show care by staying present, asking gentle questions, and offering our full attention. Listening deeply helps others feel seen and supported.

It wasn't that long ago that people avoided talking about cancer. The "C word" was often spoken in whispers, adding shame and loneliness to an already difficult experience. Thankfully, that has changed—talking openly about cancer is now common, and support is readily available.

This May, let's take another step forward. Let's all do our part to normalize open conversations about mental health—starting by talking honestly about our own experiences and by listening compassionately to others.

What follows is the Weekly Wellness Column which we send out by email each Friday on the same topic as our weekly podcast.

THE WISDOM OF MOMISMS

It's been a few years since we shared some of the wise advice that mothers, grandmothers, aunts, and other women we have all been blessed to know have shared with us throughout our lives. We call these wise, pithy sayings Momisms.

Here are a few of our favorites, and because this is a wellness column, we also share ways these words of advice apply to various aspects of well-being.

"I'm not interested in who started it!" The wisdom here is that a lot of time and energy is often wasted in trying to figure out "who started it." Who hasn't spent more time arguing with someone about who started a problem than they have spent on resolving it? Focusing on "who started it" is one way of playing the "blame game," and is rarely helpful. You don't need to figure out who started a problem at work or home to be part of the solution.

"If you keep making that face, one of these days it will freeze that way!" This Momism contains some great wellness insights. The first is that the behaviors we choose, over time, become habits, and habits always have consequences. It is important, then, to carefully observe the habits we are forming. The second insight of this Momism has to do with the way we treat others. If I am regularly in a hurry and don't take time to be kind to people, at some point their opinion of me will "freeze." They may well come to believe that I am a person who is self-absorbed or unkind. We all form opinions of others based on their behaviors, and it is easy for those opinions to become frozen and difficult to change, even if the person's behaviors actually do change at some point.

"This moment is fleeting in the overall scheme of things." Our emotional and spiritual wellness is enhanced when we remember two things. First, it is wise to seek to live in the present moment, and second, any current struggle we may have is more bearable when we place it in the context of life's larger time frame.

"Take care of a goldfish, and then you can get a dog." It's important to start small when taking on any new challenge or responsibility. New habits and big goals are realized in small steps. For example, develop a regular habit of walking before you try to run your first 5K, or take a class on a subject before deciding on that major.

"I don't care what everybody else is doing; you are not everybody else!" Another version of this is "just because everyone else is jumping off a cliff, doesn't mean that you should, too." Both ideas are meant to encourage us to dare to think for ourselves and to remember that going along with the crowd is not always the best decision.

"The best way to have a friend is to be one." All relationships are important and must be cared for and nurtured to stay strong and healthy. We reap what we sow in relationships. This reminds us of the importance of sharing our appreciation and gratitude with others, as that is what builds and strengthens relationships.

"Please call me when you get there, so I will know you have arrived safely." This statement is a sweet expression of love and concern, although when we were young, we might have rolled our eyes, thinking that our mom was annoying and trying to control us. The wellness principle here is that it makes a positive difference to have others around us who are concerned for our well-being and to care for others as well.

As we pause to celebrate all mothers this weekend, may we also give thanks for the wisdom they, along with other influential women in our lives, have taught us over the years.

Feel free to share your favorite Momism on our Wellness Compass Facebook Page which you find HERE.

What follows is the Weekly Wellness Column which we send out by email each Friday on the same topic as our weekly podcast.

Lessons Learned From a Mindfulness Jar

We both have mindfulness jars on our desks and use them regularly in our coaching practices. And Holly used to use hers in her previous career as a grade school teacher. They are helpful in so many situations. And you can easily make one for yourself—do a quick online search, and you will find many suggestions.

If the concept of a mindfulness jar is new to you, here's a short description. A mindfulness jar is a clear jar (like a Ball jar, for example) that is filled with water, a small amount of clear glue, and glitter. The glue is added to create enough viscosity so that when the jar is shaken, the glitter stays suspended in the liquid for a short time. Then, gradually, within a minute or so, the glitter slowly settles back to the bottom of the jar.

If you want to see one in action, watch this 90-second video demonstration by clicking https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1MefB0P8ptA

We find ourselves using our mindfulness jars frequently to make some important points. Here are five of the lessons we teach.

1. It is normal for all of us to find our "jars" shaken up. Life has a way of doing that to us. It could be the news of the day, a harsh word from a friend, colleague, or family member, or even a curt text or email.

2. The jars are like our minds. When our minds are settled, we can see and think much more clearly. When our jars are shaken up, just the opposite is true. It is impossible to see, think, or act clearly. And it is best to wait until things settle.

3. Learning to pause and not react when our jars are jostled gives us the time and space we need to calm down. When we are calm, we can choose a much more helpful response rather than a churned-up reaction.

4. Learn not to judge your jar or mind when it is stirred up. It happens to everyone. Simply observe and accept it as normal and give it the space and time it needs to calm down.

5. The benefit of learning a few mindfulness practices (meditation, journaling, prayer practices, contemplative walking, yoga, breathing exercises, etc.) is that we will have the practiced tools on hand to calm and recenter ourselves more quickly. In fact, doing these practices proactively will help us every day be less vulnerable to getting hijacked by our emotions.

Elvis Presley may have had great success with the number-one hit "I'm All Shook Up," but for the rest of us, it's something we will rarely, if ever, profit from. We will, however, benefit from learning and accepting the signs of when we are all shook up, and then using some centering practices, maybe even a mindfulness jar, to calm ourselves down before reacting.