The Wellness Compass Podcast

What follows is the Weekly Wellness Compass Column for this week. Each podcast episode addresses the same theme as the column.

Wellness Begins with We

Passover and Easter overlap again this year, allowing us to reflect on the power of these celebrations for hundreds of millions of people worldwide. The celebrations connected to these holy days, as with the celebrations of all religious holy days, are grounded in bringing people together. While individual beliefs and practices are important, the gathering of community is primary, a practice as old as human civilization.

And it's not just true of religious celebrations. We see this same emphasis on community in all kinds of celebrations—graduations, funerals, weddings, and public holidays, to name a few. All of these various community gatherings are essential to our well-being

There is a clever way to remember the strong connection between community and well-being. Notice that the word "Wellness" begins with "We." Some have even noted that when the letter "I" in "Illness" is replaced with "We," the word becomes Wellness.

American culture has long celebrated the importance of individualism. Too often, though, this focus on a strong sense of "I" is presented as somehow separate or even in opposition to the importance of a strong "We." The fact is they are always interconnected. Healthy individuals are essential to healthy communities, and healthy communities are critical to strong individual well-being.

Many experts are writing today about a growing sense of isolation and loneliness in our culture and how this is becoming a public health issue. COVID contributed to this, but the problem began long before the pandemic. Robert Putnam was one of the first to bring this to our attention with his groundbreaking book, "Bowling Alone: The Collapse and Revitalization of American Community," written in 2000. Focusing on the trend of Americans who are bowling alone or just one or two others, rather than in leagues as was done in the past, he wrote that the erosion of communal life has seriously affected both public and individual health.

With this in mind, may we all remember that whatever our plans may include this week—whether it be celebrating Passover, Easter, or bowling— let's make sure to prioritize strengthening our bonds with others. Doing so will contribute to both our own well-being, and that of the people with whom we gather.

What follows is our Weekly Wellness Column, which is emailed every Friday morning and addresses the same topic as each week's podcast episode.

In-Between Times

Life is filled with clear beginnings and endings. As wonderful and/or sad as these times may be, the majority of life is filled with in-between times. These are the spaces where we are neither where we were, nor where we are going—just like spring here in Wisconsin, still cold and windy, yet sunny and the snow is gone, so it's neither fully winter nor spring. It's more of an in-between time. These in-between times can be uncertain, challenging, and even unsettling. Yet, they also hold immense potential for growth, reflection, and renewal.

In-between times take many forms. They may be the weeks between leaving one job and starting another, moving from one home to another, or the years between childhood and adulthood. These liminal spaces—where we exist between what was and what will be—are often overlooked and even undervalued because they can be difficult. However, they can be some of the most formative moments in our lives.

The world encourages us to hurry through these periods, to rush to the next milestone. But what if we embraced them instead? What if we saw these in-between moments not as obstacles or times we have to trudge through, but as essential parts of our journey?

It's natural to feel uncomfortable in these times. Most of us crave certainty, a clear direction, and tangible results. However, some of life's most profound lessons come not in the moments of achievement, but in the waiting.

Psychologist and author William Bridges describes transitions as three-stage processes: endings, neutral zones, and new beginnings. The neutral zone—the in-between time—can be where we grieve what we've left behind, wonder about what's next, and ultimately become the person ready to step into a new phase of life.

Instead of resisting these moments, we can choose to find meaning in them. Here's a few ideas of what helps:

1. Embrace Reflection

The in-between provides space to slow down and reflect. What lessons have you learned? What do you truly want to be moving toward? Journaling, meditation, or quiet walks can help bring clarity.

2. Practice Patience

It's tempting to want to rush toward the next chapter, but growth takes time. Trust that the waiting has a purpose. The caterpillar does not become a butterfly overnight—transformation happens in the cocoon.

3. Stay Open to Possibilities

Sometimes, the best opportunities arise in the spaces where we least expect them. An in-between time might seem like a pause, but it can also be a doorway to something better than you imagined.

4. Take Care of Yourself

Transitions can be draining, both emotionally and physically. Prioritize self-care, whether that means nourishing your body, leaning on a support system, or allowing yourself to rest.

If and when you find yourself in an in-between time, remember that it is not wasted time. It is a time of becoming, of preparing, of evolving. Though it may feel uncertain, remember that this time is also full of potential. The next step will reveal itself when you are ready—but for the moment, honor the space you are in.

What follows is our Weekly Wellness Column which is emailed every Friday morning and addresses the same topic as each week's podcast episode.

Well Connected

We recently came across an extended quote from Albert Einstein that we would like to share with you today.

"A human being is a part of the whole, called by us the 'Universe,' a part limited in time and space. We experience ourselves, our thoughts and feelings as something separated from the rest — a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness.

This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and affection for a few persons nearest to us. Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole nature in its beauty.

Nobody is able to achieve this completely, but the striving for such achievement is in itself a part of the liberation and a foundation for inner security."

As we reflect on the connection of Einstein's words to wellness, the focus of this column, we are aware that a foundation of our wellness is acknowledging our deep inter-dependency with all people, and with all of creation. Certainly, the contagion of the COVID virus was a clear reminder of just how interconnected we all are.

Imagine a mobile hanging from a ceiling over a baby's crib. If someone were to jiggle one piece of the mobile all the other pieces would also jiggle, even though you weren't directly moving them. Why? Because they are all interconnected.

As family therapists, we often observe this when a family member faces a crisis or challenge. The person facing the challenge is clearly distressed, but soon, those who are closely connected to the person will also feel distressed. It also works the other way. When one person in a family, team, or group feels centered and joyous, that can also radiate out to those with whom they are connected.

Our deep inter-connectedness, as the intellectual icon Albert Einstein so eloquently explained, is a gift. When we remember it and nourish it regularly, not only do we benefit, but so does everyone with whom we are connected.

Turning Over the Soil

Wisconsin is known for it many Rails to Trails bike paths. Converting former rail lines to bike trails gives a safe (and flat) way to explore the countryside on two wheels. We ride these trails regularly and were delighted to get out for our first ride of the year this week.

Wisconsin is also known for its abundant and fertile farmland. On our ride, we saw many farmers on their tractors plowing and turning over their soil as they prepared for planting season.

And because we love to think in metaphors, we both agreed that turning over the soil from time to time is a great practice in relationships, too. All relationships—couples, families, and friendships can benefit from turning over the soil to prepare for new growth.

Just as soil can become compacted, making it difficult for seeds to take root and thrive, in the same way, relationships can settle into patterns that, while familiar, may not always be healthy or life-giving. Unspoken resentments, unresolved conflicts, or simply the busyness of life can harden the ground between two people. Turning over the soil of a relationship means being willing to address these hardened areas, having open conversations, and being intentional about creating space for both honesty and vulnerability.

One way to do this is through regular check-ins. Just as a farmer regularly inspects the soil for signs of dryness or depletion, couples, friends, or family members can do the same. Are there areas of tension that need attention? Are there needs that have going unspoken or unmet? Asking these questions and listening with an open heart can help break up the hard ground and make room for renewal.

At other times, the soil of our lives and our relationships get turned over not by choice, but because some kind of storm occurs. These are scary times, and the times people most often reach out to us as therapists. But while these unbidden storms can create turmoil in the short run, they can also be opportunities for new growth.

We have a saying about relationships that captures how important they are to our wellbeing: "Few things affect the quality of our lives more than the quality of our relationships." While we are not farmers, we imagine that the same can be said about the role of preparing and tending the soil in determining the quality of crops. And it would seem that in both, turning over the soil from time to time keeps things healthy and growing.

What follows is our Weekly Wellness Column which is emailed every Friday morning and addresses the same topic as each week's podcast episode.

Hope Springs Eternal

Yesterday marked the first day of spring. In Wisconsin, where we live, it was more a day of hope than one of actual warmth. As we watched two determined golfers tee off on a course still dusted with snow, we couldn't help but think of the timeless words of English poet Alexander Pope, written in 1733: "Hope springs eternal in the human breast." His words capture the enduring optimism that keeps us looking ahead, whether to the promise of blooming flowers or simply a snow-free round of golf.

This same spirit of hope is evident in another beloved springtime tradition: the NCAA College Basketball Tournaments for Men and Women. March Madness is in full swing, bringing with it the excitement of one hundred thirty-six teams (sixty-eight Men's teams and sixty-eight Women's teams) battling for a national championship. Players and fans alike embrace the exhilarating uncertainty, filling out their brackets in the hopes of predicting the tournament's twists and turns. Millions take part in this annual ritual, eagerly guessing the outcomes of each of the games.

The odds of completing a perfect bracket—accurately predicting every single game—are an astonishing 9.2 quintillion to one. To put that into perspective, do you know how long 9.2 quintillion seconds adds up to? 100 years? 1,000 years? The correct answer is 292 billion years! And yet, in spite of those odds, hopeful fans enter the fray, trusting their instincts, crunching statistics, and making bold predictions—or if you are like the two of us, wild guesses. But just as quickly as hope rises, reality sets in. Unexpected upsets—known as "bracket busters"—shatter expectations, leaving participants to wonder what went wrong. With each surprising outcome, we are reminded that hope, though resilient, often requires renewal.

In many ways, sports serve as a mirror for life. Just as we faithfully fill out our brackets with expectations of success, we also approach life's adventures—new jobs, relationships, and personal goals—hoping for clear paths and predictable outcomes. But life, like basketball, is full of surprises. Our "brackets" of carefully laid plans don't always hold up. Unexpected challenges arise, and our best predictions fall apart. Yet, just as the teams continue to play, giving their all despite the knowledge that only one will ultimately emerge victorious, we, too, carry on.

Sixty-seven of the sixty-eight teams in both tournaments will end their season with a loss. But does that stop them from playing with heart, determination, and the belief that anything is possible? Of course not. Their love of the game and the belief that hope springs eternal keep them pushing forward. And in that, we find a powerful lesson: life isn't about perfect predictions or avoiding failure—it's about showing up, playing with passion, and embracing each moment, regardless of the outcome.

So as we navigate both the unpredictability of March Madness and the uncertainties of life, we take inspiration from the athletes who give their all, even when the odds are against them. Let's keep showing up, not because we can predict or control the future, but because we love participating in the journey. And because, no matter what, hope will always spring eternal.

What follows is our weekly Wellness Compass column. This column is sent out by email each Friday, and our podcast each week addresses the same topic as the column.

Making Time for Joy

We both started music lessons a few weeks ago for instruments that are new for each of us. Holly is taking ukulesle lessons, and Scott is taking bluegrass fiddle lessons. We had been saying we were going to do this for a long time, and now that we are enjoying it so much, we wonder why we waited so long. Making time for the lessons and practicing has reminded us how much fun making music is and how much joy it is bringing us.

The semi-annual practice of having just changed our clocks has once again offered all of us an excellent opportunity to reflect on how we use our time. As we shifted our clocks forward, it reminded us to also consider other shifts we might want to make regarding our time.

Much like evaluating our finances—deciding how to spend, save, or share our money—considering how we spend our time can also be a meaningful practice. Taking a moment to assess how we are using our time need not be a negative experience; instead, it's a chance to recognize what's working well and where we might want to shift. That's what we did when we realized we wanted to spend less time doing passive activities and instead prioritize time learning to play new instruments. We shifted our attention and how we spend part of our time each day and week.

Sometimes, life can feel unacceptably busy, leaving little room for relaxation and peace. Other times, we may feel like we have an abundance of time on our hands but struggle to use it meaningfully. In either case, pausing to reflect on how we choose to spend our time can be valuable.

Instead of judging ourselves, we find that one simple question can be particularly helpful: "What is one thing that you could shift by spending more or less time doing this week, something that would bring you joy?"

Take a moment to ask yourself this question with kindness and curiosity. If an answer comes to mind, embrace it and take a step toward realigning your time with what truly matters to you. For us, that means making more time for the fun of music in our lives. What might it be for you?

What follows are the words from our Wellness Compass Weekly column. This free column is sent to email subscribers each Friday morning and addresses the same topic as our weekly podcast.

Are We There Yet?

Everyone who has traveled on a long-distance road trip with children will get the same question at some point, as a tired voice from the backseat asks, "Are we there yet?"

We live in Wisconsin and are known to ask similar questions related to the coming of spring. One day the sun is out and gradually melts all the snow left on the ground. A few days later, the temperatures drop twenty-five degrees, and a fresh arrival of new snow comes down, covering the ground again. When it comes to spring, we become impatient and want to know, "Are we there yet?

We just concluded another round of Wellness Circles online. Wellness Circles are our core six-week small group program that we created many years ago to bring people together to identify an area of wellness they want to enhance, and then support one another in making the desired changes that have been identified.

A few of the kinds of things people want to work in a wellness circle include:

I want to reconnect with my child as we haven't been getting along.

I want to find a new job.

I want to be more physically active.

I want to have a difficult conversation that I have been avoiding with someone close to me.

I want to create a better work/life balance.

Inevitably, about halfway through the six-week Wellness Circle, participants commonly become impatient with the progress they are making. Like the children on the road trip, and with the weather here in Wisconsin, we want to know, "Are we there yet?" "Why is it taking soooooo long?!"

Change always takes longer than we wish. We get tired of waiting and quickly become impatient. And change, like the weather, is not a linear process.

No matter what our intentions are, we always learn in a Wellness Circle that it is important to be patient with ourselves and give ourselves grace. If we are not careful, we can turn our impatience in on ourselves or direct it out toward others. Wellness Circle participants often discover how much easier it is to extend compassion and patience to others than to themselves.

We were sharing our idea for this column with a friend, and she told us that whenever she and her brother would ask her parents the road trip question, "Are we there yet?" her parents would offer this response: "No, we are not there yet, but we will surely get there when we get there." She said that as a child, that answer always frustrated her, but now, as an adult, she has come to realize that this is the best answer of all—for children and any of us who are becoming impatient with change.

So, remember when you or someone else asks, "Are we there yet? or, "When will we get there?"--you can simply respond, "No, not yet, but we will surely get there when we get there."

What follows is the weekly column called the Wellness Compass that addreses the same topic each week as our weekly podcast.

The Stories We Tell Ourselves

Human beings are natural storytellers. This weekend, the Oscars will celebrate the gifted storytellers who have shared their stories through film this year. This column is about wellness, not movie reviews (although we both loved A Complete Unknown), so we would like to reflect on storytelling from a mental health perspective.

Have you ever found yourself convinced that someone was upset with you, only to later find out that they weren't? Or maybe you assumed that a situation would go terribly wrong, only for it to turn out just fine? These are examples of the stories we make up in our heads—stories that shape our emotions, decisions, and even our reality, even when they aren't actually true.

Our minds are meaning-making machines. This is especially true when we are dealing with uncertainty. That's when we are more likely to try to fill in the blanks, creating explanations that help us make sense of our experiences. The problem is that these explanations—the stories we create—are sometimes based on assumptions, past experiences, or fears rather than actual facts.

For example, a friend doesn't text us back right away, so we create a story that they are upset with us. We receive an email and ascribe a tone to it that we actually don't know is accurate or not. A friend or loved one is late to meet us for coffee and we create the assumption they don't really want to spend time with us. A colleague is distracted when talking with us, and we assume they are not interested in what we are saying.

The problem with creating stories that are not true is that we often start acting as if they are true. If we assume someone is angry with us, we may begin to act defensive, distant, or even resentful. In response, they may become confused or frustrated, reinforcing our belief that they are, in fact, upset. This is how our made-up stories can actually become self-fulfilling prophecies.

When I, Holly, was a high school teacher, I often heard students say, they would never be good at a certain subject. This sometimes caused them to not even try, which then re-enforced their beliefs.

I, Scott, was recently talking with a colleague who was yawning constantly. At one point I simply asked, "Is what I'm saying boring you?" They immediately apologized and said that they had been up most of the previous night with their sick child. If I hadn't checked out my assumption, I might have concluded that I needed to think twice about sharing my thoughts with this person.

The stories we tell ourselves shape our emotions, relationships, and overall wellbeing. The key is to first become more aware of them and reflect on whether they are actually true or not. It is always best to check out our assumptions.

So next time you catch yourself creating an internal storyline, pause, take a breath, and ask: Is this really true? Then, you might take the additional step of checking out any assumptions you are making. You might not get public recognition like the stars at the Oscars for doing this, but you will surely strengthen your relationships with others.

What follows is our Weekly Wellness Compass column on this same topic. The column is sent out every Friday morning by email.

Just Bring Yourself

Recently, someone invited us to dinner and, when we asked what we could bring, they replied, "Just bring yourself." That simple phrase stuck with us, not only because of its graciousness but also because of the deeper wisdom it holds.

In a world that often pressures us to do more, be more, and prove our worth through our achievements or contributions, it is nice to be reminded that our presence alone is enough. "Just bring yourself" is an invitation to show up authentically, without pretense, without the need to impress or perform. It's a reminder that who we are, at our core, is valuable and welcomed.

Authenticity is one of the greatest gifts we can offer in any relationship. When we show up as our true selves—vulnerabilities and all—we create deeper connections and invite others to do the same. Healthy relationships are built not on perfection but on presence. When we are real with one another, we cultivate trust and intimacy, creating spaces where we and others can feel seen and accepted.

Too often, we hesitate to show up fully as ourselves out of fear that we are not enough. We may feel pressure to hide our insecurities, or to present a polished version of our lives. But true connections happen not from what we do or bring, but from simply being who we are and allowing others to do the same.

In our work as marriage and family therapists, we have seen how transformational it can be when people allow themselves to be fully present. Whether in a marriage, a friendship, or a community, relationships thrive when we show up with honesty and openness rather than trying to curate a perfect image. We are all so much more than the images we see or even share on social media.

Likewise, when we offer this same kind of acceptance to others—welcoming them just as they are—we create a ripple effect of kindness and belonging. This kind of radical hospitality affirms that each person is enough, just as they are, without conditions or expectations.

Next time you receive an invitation—whether to a dinner, a conversation, or a new opportunity—remember that the most meaningful thing you can bring is yourself. You are enough. Just bring yourself.

What follows is our Weekly Wellness Compass column on this same topic. The column is sent out every Friday morning by email.

Some Advice Teens Gave Us About Mental Health, Love, and Valentine's Day

This Tuesday, I, Holly, had the privilege of spending my day in a combined Middle and High School (Turner MS/HS in Beloit, WI) for their annual Mental Health Awareness Day. During this Valentine's week, everyone school-wide had set the day aside to focus on supporting student mental health by engaging in several different relaxing activities, engaging in group discussions on related topics, listening to speakers, and getting acquainted with all kinds of resources and organizations that work to support mental health in their area, Rock County, WI. I was one of those people as I was there to represent our nonprofit Wellness Compass Initiative.

Throughout the day, I had the opportunity to speak with most of those young people (ages 12 -18) and had the honor of listening to their concerns and desires, and meeting their friends. I also told them about this column and the corresponding Wellness Compass podcast. As a bit of research for our column, I asked them this important question: "What kinds of things would you like me to tell the adults who listen to our podcast about what they can do to support teen mental health?"

Here are some of their answers:

Don't be so judgmental.

Share stories of the mistakes you made when you were young.

Consider how you sound to others. Bossy? Controlling?

Freaking Out? Supportive?

Don't force things on us, like clubs, activities, and beliefs. Feel free to share your beliefs, but don't force them on us.

Laugh and have fun with us.

Don't say it's just a phase. It is important to us now.

Encourage us.

You can say what you need to say without being mean about it.

Check in with us on a regular basis by asking "Are you OK?" And then really listen to what we are feeling.

Do things with us, like playing sports, hiking, and playing video games.

Honor our thoughts and opinions.

Don't jump to conclusions.

Give us hugs.

Don't make decisions for us.

Take interest in our interests.

Talk with us, not at us - fewer lectures and more listening, please.

As they spoke, I realized that what they were sharing with me could be applied to any relationships that we value and care about. So on Tuesday, out of the mouths of our young people came their suggestions for staying connected and supporting the mental health of all those we love. How appropriate for right before Valentine's Day.

Their honest words are a good reminder for each of us as we consider how to express our love to all the important people in our lives this Valentine's Day.

Which of their suggestions could you give as a gift to someone on this special day?