I'm 47, I've lived through 17 years of alcohol misuse with my ex husband.4 years in with my new partner, and I'm reliving it all over again. But much worse.I never thought this would be my life again....

I'm 47, I've lived through 17 years of alcohol misuse with my ex husband. 4 years in with my new partner, and I'm reliving it all over again. But much worse. I never thought this would be my life again....

My life at 47 - I never thought my life would be like this

The truth about living with a partner who struggles with Alcoholism who also is on the spectrum( even though undiagnosed ) .Hi, my names Anya, alcoholism has consumed half of my adult life.It's been hell on Earth.It's crippled me, its destroyed my very core. It’s broken this strong woman that I am, I was.....into a million pieces that I try and put back together every single day.It's like living 'Ground Hog' day every day, and every lonley night.You can't get away from it. As much as you try. It consumes you. It follows you wherever you go.This is your dysfunctional messed up life now.I'm open, honest and brutally transparent about the day to day life, and what it's really like to live with someone who can't and won't stop drinking.I share my deepest darket most thoughts and feelings in the hope that you don't feel alone. And I don't feel so alone also. This after all, is one hell of a lonley journey.I use my Mental Health knowledge from when I was a Volunteer Mental Health Support worker, to try and delve into the Mental health side of addiction also. I try to understand, sympathise and explain it the best that I can.I am also the Mum to a 21 year old son who is Autisic. Which brings about it's own issues in my life. And a 19 year old undiagnosed daughter.Your not crazy - I'm sure you've heard that punchline many times before.Your not the problem. The problem was there way before you. And even if it wasn't, you are not to blame for this OK. And don't let anyone tell you otherwise.Life shouldn't be like this, you deserve better, and so much more than the breadcrumbs your receiving.Your everybody's rock, and the addicts emotional punching bag too.But whos your rock? Who's your safe space?it's a lonely place to be, I've got your back if no one else has. I hear you, I understand your pain, trauma and despair.The chaos, the drama, the roller coaster of emotions. The absolute feeling of sadness &amp; anger all at the same time.The mixed emotions. The feeling of helplessness, the gaslighting, the master manipulation that is addiction.The put downs, the always being in the wrong, you'll alway be wrong. Get use to it. Be at peace with that. The Jekyll and Hyde character that not everyone sees. But you see and live with it's ugliness, day after day.The walking on egg shells, the feeling of loneliness is overwhelming.You might as well be single, you do 100% of the work and them some.You carry them though life, you have the weight of your world and someone else's world on your shoulders.You are Alpha female now, that soft feminine energy has been knocked out of you. You have to be self reliant, otherwise nothing would get done and bills would go unpaid.You can't rely on an addict to love and support you. They can't love or support themselves.Coupled with Autism and ADD thrown in for good measure. Makes for a life even more chaotic and challenging.I talk about codependency, trauma bonding, boundaries ( Or lack of them in my case ).Lifes fucking hard, and we are just trying to keep our heads above water, whilst trying not to drown and go down with them.Let's do this together, let's support eachother.....We don't have them to support us, they lost themselves a long while ago..Lots of loveAnya xP.SIt's hard, and it's going to get a lot harder, before it gets any better. Can it even get any better? Can THEY even get better? Maybe not sadly.But you can.Lots of love x

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The truth about living with a partner who struggles with Alcoholism who also is on the spectrum ( even though undiagnosed ) . Hi, my names Anya, alcoholism has consumed half of my adult life. It's been hell on Earth. It's crippled me, its destroyed my very core. It’s broken this strong woman that I am, I was.....into a million pieces that I try and put back together every single day. It's like living 'Ground Hog' day every day, and every lonley night. You can't get away from it. As much as you try. It consumes you. It follows you wherever you go. This is your dysfunctional messed up life now. I'm open, honest and brutally transparent about the day to day life, and what it's really like to live with someone who can't and won't stop drinking. I share my deepest darket most thoughts and feelings in the hope that you don't feel alone. And I don't feel so alone also. This after all, is one hell of a lonley journey. I use my Mental Health knowledge from when I was a Volunteer Mental Health Support worker, to try and delve into the Mental health side of addiction also. I try to understand, sympathise and explain it the best that I can. I am also the Mum to a 21 year old son who is Autisic. Which brings about it's own issues in my life. And a 19 year old undiagnosed daughter. Your not crazy - I'm sure you've heard that punchline many times before. Your not the problem. The problem was there way before you. And even if it wasn't, you are not to blame for this OK. And don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Life shouldn't be like this, you deserve better, and so much more than the breadcrumbs your receiving. Your everybody's rock, and the addicts emotional punching bag too. But whos your rock? Who's your safe space? it's a lonely place to be, I've got your back if no one else has. I hear you, I understand your pain, trauma and despair. The chaos, the drama, the roller coaster of emotions. The absolute feeling of sadness & anger all at the same time. The mixed emotions. The feeling of helplessness, the gaslighting, the master manipulation that is addiction. The put downs, the always being in the wrong, you'll alway be wrong. Get use to it. Be at peace with that. The Jekyll and Hyde character that not everyone sees. But you see and live with it's ugliness, day after day. The walking on egg shells, the feeling of loneliness is overwhelming. You might as well be single, you do 100% of the work and them some. You carry them though life, you have the weight of your world and someone else's world on your shoulders. You are Alpha female now, that soft feminine energy has been knocked out of you. You have to be self reliant, otherwise nothing would get done and bills would go unpaid. You can't rely on an addict to love and support you. They can't love or support themselves. Coupled with Autism and ADD thrown in for good measure. Makes for a life even more chaotic and challenging. I talk about codependency, trauma bonding, boundaries ( Or lack of them in my case ). Lifes fucking hard, and we are just trying to keep our heads above water, whilst trying not to drown and go down with them. Let's do this together, let's support eachother.....We don't have them to support us, they lost themselves a long while ago.. Lots of love Anya x P.S It's hard, and it's going to get a lot harder, before it gets any better. Can it even get any better? Can THEY even get better? Maybe not sadly. But you can. Lots of love x

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