October 20, 2025

The Good Daughter Trap: Guilt, Family & Freedom with Sahaj Kohli

49 minutes

Bicultural identity, authenticity, boundaries, and belonging — this week on Sisters in Sobriety, Sonia sits down with award-winning therapist, author, and Washington Post columnist Sahaj Kaur Kohli, founder of Brown Girl Therapy (@browngirltherapy). Sahaj is the author of But What Will People Say: Navigating Mental Health, Identity, Love, and Family Between Cultures and host of So We’ve Been Told. Together, Sonia and Sahaj explore how culture shapes our emotional lives and what it really means to honor your identity while protecting your mental health.

This conversation unpacks what happens when cultural expectations collide with personal truth. Sonia and Sahaj discuss why “just be yourself” can be harmful advice for children of immigrants, how boundaries sound different across cultures, and why guilt and shame can linger even in healing. They dive into the nuances of bicultural identity, family dynamics, and how recovery and self-discovery intersect when you grow up between worlds.

You’ll gain a deeper understanding of bicultural identity, intergenerational trauma, authenticity, and decolonizing mental health. Sahaj explains how Western therapy often misses cultural context and why redefining concepts like boundaries, self-care, and recovery through a collectivist lens can change everything. She shares practical frameworks for discernment, emotional safety, and reclaiming ancestral wisdom in modern mental-health practices.

Sonia also shares her personal story of navigating no contact, cultural shame, and the grief that comes with estrangement. Together, she and Sahaj reflect on how to hold compassion for parents shaped by survival, while creating space for your own healing. It’s a candid and heartfelt conversation about identity, duty, and the freedom to choose what wholeness means to you.

This is Sisters in Sobriety — the support community that helps women change their relationship with alcohol. Check out our Substack for extra tips, tricks, and resources.

Episode Highlights

[00:00:00] Introduction to Sahaj Kaur Kohli and her work bridging mental health and culture

[00:02:00] The origins of Brown Girl Therapy and how identity crises inspired it

[00:04:00] Why “boundaries” can feel unnatural in collectivist families

[00:05:30] Reframing boundaries as compromise, connection, and care

[00:06:30] The myth of authenticity when you live between cultures

[00:08:00] Adapting between cultural spaces without losing yourself

[00:09:30] The difference between hiding and lying in family systems

[00:12:00] When immigrant parents surprise you with growth and empathy

[00:13:30] Narrative therapy and rewriting generational family stories

[00:16:00] “What will people say?” and the survival logic behind shame

[00:18:00] Intergenerational trauma and assimilation through an immigrant lens

[00:20:00] Drinking culture, gender, and coping in Punjabi families

[00:23:30] How recovery language often excludes cultural context

[00:26:00] What culturally responsive recovery could look like

[00:29:00] The role of shame across cultures and its impact on healing

[00:31:00] What it means to decolonize mental-health practices

[00:33:00] When duty is love — and when it becomes control

[00:36:00] Setting boundaries and practicing discernment with family

[00:39:00] Grieving family estrangement and re-parenting yourself

[00:44:00] Redefining self-care as collective and cultural care

[00:47:00] What’s next for Sahaj and Brown Girl Therapy

SIS Links

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By Sonia Kahlon and Kathleen Killen

4.8

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