Are you looking for a group of like-minded women to do this messy, beautiful work with? Come and join us for 30 days free at The Breaking Free Studio: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://shop.thegoodgirlgamechangers.com/the-breaking-free-studio⁠⁠⁠⁠

And a special for our wonderful listeners, you can get 25% off The Nervous System Advantage Toolbox using code GGGC25 at checkout. ⁠⁠Simply click here to discover more.

Who's behind the wheel of your life this morning — you, or whichever part of you got there first? Two years into learning Internal Family Systems with Dr. Tori Olds, this aha episode unpacks three ideas that keep proving themselves true, and the tools that help put them into practice.

2:23 — Chelle recaps the IFS framework from episodes eight and nine: Self energy, managers, firefighters, and exiles — what they are and why they all have good intentions

5:18 — Aha number one: IFS doesn't work when the nervous system is still in the red or blue zone — you have to soothe the body before parts work becomes possible

10:26 — Tool one, find your Self: a guided practice to locate and anchor Self energy through memory, breath, and the 8Cs

14:11 — On building Self energy proactively, not just reaching for it in crisis

15:22 — Aha number two: the difference between genuine Self energy and a self-like part — one shows up with no agenda, the other is quietly trying to manage the outcome

20:31 — Tool two, move towards your parts: a guided practice using three steps — notice the part, get to know it, ask what it needs

27:39 — Aha number three: parts don't disappear, they evolve

29:12 — What it looks like when a part genuinely trusts Self enough to shift

35:23 — Tool three, check in on your parts: a short practice for regular part check-ins

38:00 — Chelle summarises all three ahas and tools

41:04 — Post-episode debrief

Are you looking for a group of like-minded women to do this messy, beautiful work with? Come and join us for 30 days free at The Breaking Free Studio: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://shop.thegoodgirlgamechangers.com/the-breaking-free-studio⁠⁠⁠⁠

And a special for our wonderful listeners, you can get 25% off The Nervous System Advantage Toolbox using code GGGC25 at checkout. ⁠⁠Simply click here to discover more.

You're not broken, and there are no bad parts of you — just a whole inner family that's been working overtime to keep you safe. In part two with Dr. Tori Olds, Chelle goes deeper into the IFS model: what managers and firefighters are actually doing for us, who the exiles are that they're protecting, and what becomes possible when the capital-S Self finally shows up to take over.

2:10 — Chelle shares part two: we've met Self, now we meet the parts — managers, firefighters, and what they're all protecting

4:07 — Chelle asks Tori to briefly re-ground listeners in the IFS framework from episode eight before going deeper

7:43 — Tori on why the word "part" matters

10:15 — The two types of protector parts explained: managers (proactive, preventative, keep things under control) and firefighters (reactive, desperate, break windows to get you out of the burning building)

13:48 — What firefighter parts look like: overspending, drinking, eating disorders, rage — and why they deserve compassion, not shame

15:35 — Chelle introduces the exiles: the wounded younger parts that managers and firefighters have been working so hard to protect us from ever feeling again

17:00 — Tori on what wounds us

19:22 — Chelle shares her own exile work

23:19 — Tori explains memory reconsolidation — how a real felt mismatch between an old knowing and a new experience can reorganise a neural network in seconds

30:52 — What happens to parts after unburdening

35:21 — Tori on doing IFS solo versus with a therapist or coach, and how to read your own system to know when you need more support

40:23 — Chelle summarises this episode

42:01 — Close and resources

43:07 — Post-episode debrief

Are you looking for a group of like-minded women to do this messy, beautiful work with? Come and join us for 30 days free at The Breaking Free Studio: ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://shop.thegoodgirlgamechangers.com/the-breaking-free-studio⁠⁠⁠

And a special for our wonderful listeners, you can get 25% off The Nervous System Advantage Toolbox using code GGGC25 at checkout. ⁠Simply click here to discover more.

What if the parts of you that people-please, perform perfectly, and protect everyone aren't the problem — they're just trying to keep you safe? In this episode, Dr. Tori Olds introduces the idea that you have a capital-S Self that was never broken to begin with.

0:02 — Chelle introduces Dr. Tori Olds, co-founder of Deep Eddy Psychotherapy.

3:48 — Tori's good girl moment: sitting her dad down in high school, feet on the floor, open posture, to tell him he'd hurt her feelings — and making her mum watch

6:16 — Tori explains what "Self" actually means in IFS: not ego to be dissolved, but our fully-online, liberated adult self — the one that acts from wisdom rather than rules

7:30 — What parts are, why they form, and why they're never the villain — just early survival strategies that haven't had a chance to update

10:21 — Chelle's aha: learning she wasn't supposed to judge or banish her parts, but love them — and how disorienting that felt at first

12:42 — How Dick Schwartz discovered the Self wasn't a theory he invented — it was what kept showing up when he asked parts to step back, including in people with serious trauma

17:47 — The 8 Cs of Self: curiosity, compassion, courage, clarity, calm, creativity, confidence, and connectedness

18:38 — How IFS parts connect to Sue Marriott's zones: when Self is online, the connection circuit is on; when parts take over, protection kicks in

20:10 — Tori on why our parts aren't wrong — they just learned their rules in a reality that no longer exists, and the brain holds on

31:17 — What unblending actually means: becoming mindful of a part rather than being swept away by it, like stepping back to observe without numbing out

38:49 — Tori on the difference between managing parts and healing them

43:00 — Post-episode debrief

Are you looking for a group of like-minded women to do this messy, beautiful work with? Come and join us for 30 days free at The Breaking Free Studio: ⁠⁠⁠https://shop.thegoodgirlgamechangers.com/the-breaking-free-studio⁠⁠

And a special for our wonderful listeners, you can get 25% off The Nervous System Advantage Toolbox using code GGGC25 at checkout. Simply click here to discover more.

Your nervous system isn't broken — it's doing exactly what it learned to do. In this episode, Evie and Chelle unpack two years of living with Sue Marriott's secure relating work, and what shifts when you stop trying to think your way back to calm and start listening to your body first.

2:30 — Context on Sue Marriott's work and why Secure Relating became the book Chelle couldn't put down

4:07 — Aha number one: you can feel securely attached to yourself, not just your parents or your partner

12:30 — Tool one: Stay With Me: a guided reflection on noticing the urge to abandon yourself and asking what it would look like to stay

18:21 — Aha number two: you can't think your way out of your protection circuit

21:17 — Tool two: Take A Slow Gaze: a guided practice that widens peripheral vision to signal safety to the nervous system

26:23 — Aha number three: seeing and soothing isn't always one and done

32:06 — Tool three: The Safety Check Chat: four questions to settle the brain

38:00 — Chelle wraps up all three ahas and tools

40:27 — Post-episode debrief: Evie and Chelle note this was one of the recordings where both their nervous systems were actually in the green zone the whole time

In this episode Sue shares the practical side of secure relating: how to move back toward connection from the red and blue zones, what rewiring actually requires, and why "safe enough" might be the most honest and liberating goal any of us can reach for.

0:01 — Evie and Chelle welcome listeners back and recap the three zones from episode five: green, red, and blue

3:33 — Evie and Chelle share what the zones have given them personally — more agency, curiosity, and compassion for themselves and others

5:51 — Sue returns and clarifies that the zones model is built on decades of others' research, brought together through her and Anne's clinical experience

8:05 — Chelle asks the practical question: how do we warm up out of the blue zone and back toward connection?

9:46 — Sue explains why people lean blue and what it actually looks like, including why a simple text can be a relational bid that blue-zone people miss entirely

13:20 — Sue introduces the idea of "expressed delight" as a way to warm up the nervous system and signal connection to others

15:22 — How to cool down from the red zone — turning attention back inward, expanding your sense of time, and "skipping to the end" rather than over-explaining

18:49 — Sue introduces "right channel, wrong volume" — recognising when your reaction is bigger than the situation actually calls for

20:01 — Chelle shares her own red zone pattern: the belief that if you have to ask, it doesn't count — and the shift of learning to ask anyway

20:57 — The 3 Rs framework: recognising, reflecting, and rewiring — and why insight alone isn't enough without embodied, repeated experience

24:40 — Sue on what rewiring actually looks like: safe relationships, pets, nature, and learning to let love in rather than just give it out

28:09 — The tie-dye puddle explained — what happens when our nervous system loses its organised strategy altogether, and how to find your way back to the spectrum

31:15 — Sue and Chelle on why the tie-dye puddle carries so much shame — and why it's simply a human biological state, not a moral failing

31:57 — "Safe enough" as the real goal — not perfect security, but enough safety to stay curious and keep going

34:35 — Sue on navigating an insecure world: understanding how fear is used to manipulate us, and how knowing your own nervous system keeps you from being swept along

37:09 — Sue closes with a quietly hopeful message.

39:39 — Post-episode debrief

Are you looking for a group of like-minded women to do this messy, beautiful work with? Come and join us for 30 days free at The Breaking Free Studio: ⁠⁠https://shop.thegoodgirlgamechangers.com/the-breaking-free-studio⁠⁠

What if the reason you keep shrinking yourself, over-explaining, or shutting down emotionally has nothing to do with a character flaw — and everything to do with your nervous system doing exactly what it learned to do? In this episode, Chelle sits down with clinical social worker and author Sue Marriott to unpack the science of secure relating and what it means to finally hold your own in an insecure world.

0:02 — Evie and Chelle introduce Sue Marriott, co-host of Therapist Uncensored and co-author of Secure Relating, and share how this conversation changed the way they understand themselves

4:01 — Sue shares her own "good girl" moment

5:38 — Sue defines secure attachment and why it matters, starting with the idea that for many of us, learning to feel securely attached to ourselves comes before anything else

9:33 — Sue introduces secure relating as a shift away from fixed attachment categories toward something more fluid and hopeful, no matter your history

12:20 — The connection and protection circuits explained — what they are, why neither is shameful, and how "good girl" conditioning can quietly push us toward protection when we don't need to be there

20:11 — Sue on "clean pain" versus "dirty pain" — why expressing your true self can hurt, and why that pain is worth it

22:41 — The zone map introduced: green, red, and blue as a way to understand where your nervous system is at any given moment

24:31 — What the green zone actually feels like — not perfect calm, but being your right size, with your full mind available

27:24 — The red zone: urgency, over-explaining, people-pleasing as a way of losing yourself while trying to hold on to others

36:14 — The blue zone: withdrawal, stoicism, dismissing your own feelings — and why this one is harder to catch

46:05 — Chelle wraps up and teases part two with Sue, coming soon

47:38 — Post-episode debrief

Are you looking for a group of like-minded women to do this messy, beautiful work with? Come and join us for 30 days free at The Breaking Free Studio: ⁠⁠https://shop.thegoodgirlgamechangers.com/the-breaking-free-studio⁠⁠

What if your inner critic isn't the enemy and the real work isn't silencing it, but learning to be in a healthier relationship with it? In this episode, Evie and Chelle dig into the moments that have stayed with them since their conversations with Dr. Kristin Neff and Dr. Carol Dweck two years on — unpacking what self-compassion and growth mindset actually look like in the messy middle of real life, and sharing practices you can reach for anywhere, any time.

3:30: Aha number one: the self-compassion and self-criticism seesaw, and the surprising "backdraft" effect, where practicing self-compassion can actually make the inner critic louder before it gets quieter

8:10: Chelle shares what research with nearly 1,000 workers confirmed, and what Dr. Neff herself validated.

10:23: Tool one, soothe with touch: Evie introduces the science behind physical self-touch and leads a guided practice.

15:51: Chelle and Evie reflect on why the inner critic sounds the way it does, and how over two years of practice it has become genuinely more constructive

18:12: Aha number two: redefining success through Dr. Carol Dweck's growth mindset research, and how "good girl" conditioning locks us into fixed, pass-or-fail definitions of our worth

24:39: Tool two, the success checklist: five questions to redefine success in real time.

30:31: Aha number three: two years on, Chelle's unexpected insight — self-compassion works best not as a one-way rescue operation, but as a mutual relationship where the inner critic also learns to show appreciation and care

33:50: Tool three, the ho'oponopono prayer: Evie introduces this ancient Hawaiian reconciliation practice and leads a guided exercise.

37:13: Chelle wraps up all three ahas and tools

40:59: Post-episode debrief

Are you looking for a group of like-minded women to do this messy, beautiful work with? Come and join us for 30 days free at The Breaking Free Studio: ⁠https://shop.thegoodgirlgamechangers.com/the-breaking-free-studio⁠

What if failing didn't mean you were fundamentally flawed but simply that you were human? In this episode, Chelle revisits her favourite conversation with Stanford professor and world-leading mindset researcher Dr. Carol Dweck, and unpacks the insight that finally gave her permission to let go of perfectionism.

0:32: Chelle shares the a-ha moment from her conversation with Carol Dweck that shifted her relationship with failure and perfectionism
4:39: Dr. Carol Dweck shares what her research reveals about mindsets and success
5:41: How fixed vs. growth mindsets affect confidence — and why setbacks hit differently depending on which lens you're using
7:12: Why women are particularly vulnerable to fixed mindset fragility (and what the research says about why)
8:50: Where our mindsets come from: the surprising role of parental praise from as early as age one
10:54: What adults can do to start shifting fixed mindset beliefs — including noticing the voice in your head
14:10: Carol's story: a graduate student who invited senior faculty to critique her teaching — and what happened next
16:02: Carol's Silicon Valley experiment: what happened when a team made "struggle" a daily conversation
16:52 : The mastery curve — white-knuckling your way up, and how understanding the process creates self-compassion
17:49: Navigating growth mindset inside a fixed mindset organisation
20:40: Chelle's "screw up of the week" leadership practice — and why she always had to go first
22:26: Growth mindset and wellbeing: why the brain literally rewires as we learn, and why it sometimes hurts
23:30: Closing reflections and resources: Carol's book Mindset, the Breaking Free Studio, and the GGGC website
25:37: Evie and Chelle debrief: the cringe factor of listening back to your own voice — and finding grace for past-you

If you have questions, challenges, or favorite tools of your own, ⁠⁠email us⁠⁠ — we'll feature them in the episodes ahead.

Are you looking for a group of like-minded women to do this messy, beautiful work with? Come and join us for 30 days freeat The Breaking Free Studio: ⁠https://shop.thegoodgirlgamechangers.com/the-breaking-free-studio⁠

Have you ever noticed how easy it is to say something warm and encouraging to a friend who's struggling and how quickly that same generosity disappears the moment you turn it on yourself? According to Dr. Kristin Neff, one of the world's leading researchers on self-compassion, there's a very good reason it happens. 

[00:02] Evie and Chelle introduce today's vault favorite — a conversation with Dr. Kristin Neff, a pioneer in self-compassion research.

[02:05] Evie connects Kristin's work to the research finding that 92% of women feel the pressure to be a good girl is now coming from within themselves

[03:25] Kristin unpacks why people raised as girls tend to be warm and caring toward others, yet often struggle to extend that same care to themselves

[06:26] Kristin walks through the three elements of self-criticism — self-judgment, isolation, and over-identification — and how we use them to try to protect ourselves from pain

[11:58] Kristin and Chelle explore why it's important not to beat ourselves up for beating ourselves up — and how the three positive components of self-compassion work like a seesaw to reduce self-criticism

[17:17] Kristin introduces the quintessential self-compassion question — What do I need right now? — and unpacks the two faces of self-compassion: tender acceptance and fierce action

[20:07] Kristin explores why drawing boundaries, feeling anger at injustice, and meeting our own needs are all acts of fierce self-compassion.

[23:26] Kristin shares her favourite three-step self-compassion practice.

[28:18] Kristin introduces the concept of "backdraft" — why opening to self-compassion can sometimes intensify pain, and how to slow the practice down so it feels safe

[30:33] Kristin wraps with a key takeaway — self-compassion is already in our back pocket, we just need to give ourselves permission to do the U-turn.

[32:12] Post-show reflection

If you have questions, challenges, or favorite tools of your own, ⁠email us⁠ — we'll feature them in the episodes ahead.

Are you looking for a group of like-minded women to do this messy, beautiful work with? Come and join us for 30 days freeat The Breaking Free Studio: https://shop.thegoodgirlgamechangers.com/the-breaking-free-studio⁠

When you remember a recent moment of tryingto be a ‘good girl" — performing perfectly, pleasing everyone, or protecting others at your own cost — who was really expecting you to behave that way?

In our latest research, two years on from our quantitative study of more than 1,000 Australian women, we went back and asked exactly that question. 92% named themselves. What began around age 11 as a set of external instructions — be quiet, be helpful, don't make a fuss — has gradually become our internal framework as grown women.

[03:00] Chelle takes us back to where theresearch began two years ago, and how good girl conditioning — performing perfectly, pleasing everyone, and protecting others — often takes hold by around age 11

[05:00] Chelle walks through the 2024 quantitative research with more than 1000 Australian women that uncovered the three tools to help break free of good girl beliefs — self compassion, secure attachment, and self-leadership

[06:37] Evie introduces the new 2026 qualitative focus group of 15 women that revisited the findings two years on.

[07:00] Evie shares research insight #1 — 92% of the women said the pressure to be a good girl is now coming most strongly from themselves, not from bosses, partners, or the outside world

[10:00] Chelle explores why understanding the systems that groomed us matters more than self-blame when we notice these internalised pressures.

[11:23] Chelle shares research insight #2 — self-compassion, secure attachment, and self-leadership are quietly building self-trust underneath it all

[13:30] Chelle shares her morning beachpractice of three reminders — "I am safe enough, I am loved enough, and I am resourced enough"

[17:00] Chelle reframes success around howwe show up to each moment — advocating for ourselves, asking for help, and choosing not to abandon ourselves

[19:24] Evie and Chelle look ahead to Season 4, and invite listeners to send in questions, tips, and favourite tools for future episodes

[23:32] Post-show reflection