The Groow Zone with Shaunie and Keion Henderson

What do our relationship hangups and boundaries have in common? The Hendersons discuss how unhealthy relationship baggage has the potential to become healthy boundaries. Shaunie explains how establishing a clear marriage mission creates healthy boundaries, and shares how giving Keion the time and space to challenge her painful experiences helped her address relationship trauma. Shaunie also advises men to respect a partner's boundaries while working together towards emotional connection. Keion emphasizes the need for clear communication, consistency, and commitment to establish healthy boundaries. In this episode, we learn how to acknowledge the reasons for our baggage, why it’s important to own our hang-ups and work through them, and when it’s appropriate to present our baggage to a potential partner. Keion encourages us not to let our baggage keep us from growing, reminding us that there is safety in healthy boundaries. Ultimately, baggage only protects the individual while boundaries protect our relationships.

For further growth,  Check out 

Trust: Knowing When to Give It, When to Withhold It, How to Earn It, and How to Fix It When It Gets Broken

 by Dr. Henry Cloud!

Keion and Shaunie tackle the age-old question: “Can men and women be just friends?” Shaunie raises concerns about the potential for infidelity and the need for setting healthy boundaries. Keion emphasizes the importance of using wisdom: while it’s okay to have friends of the opposite sex, your partner should always be your “safe space” and the person you confide in. They also touch on the idea of remaining friends with exes and the importance of closure before entering a new relationship. In this episode learn why presentation matters when introducing a friend of the opposite sex to your partner, how to ward off potential threats to your relationship, and why respect and transparency are major keys to securing your relationship. Keion believes a healthy relationship requires both partners committing to growing past their insecurities, and dealing with the reality that no one can be everything to their partner. In short, they agree that our relational triggers and trauma will always be a bigger threat to our relationships than any friend of the opposite sex could ever be.

Keion and Shaunie learned everything they know about money the hard way. The Hendersons examine money’s role in the power dynamic of a committed relationship. Shaunie discusses moving from being provided an allowance in her previous marriage to learning the hard way how to be financially independent and save for a rainy day. Reflecting on a recent large expense, Keion emphasizes the importance of financial literacy and his desire to have a more balanced budget in the future. They also break down the politics of helping family members financially, and why open communication is needed between spouses in such situations. In this episode, we learn how to be “fabulous on a budget,” why it’s important to designate a line item in your finances for your spouse, and how to maintain open communication when financial priorities shift. Keion reminds us of scripture, "Where your heart is, your treasure will be also," and that you must ensure your money and your heart are always in the same place.

There’s a certain stigma that accompanies being single in church. Our dynamic hosts get into why presenting marriage as the gold standard for relationships might undermine the benefits of being “saved and single.” Keion reminds us that the consequences for not living a righteous life aren’t reserved for the single members of the church. Shaunie opens up about her experience in the dating pool after her divorce. And she cautions single christians against dating without a goal. In this episode, we learn why there’s a difference between loneliness and being alone, how both marriage and singleness are fulfilling paths, and why enjoying your alone time is crucial to a healthy and happy marriage (should you choose it!). Who you are as a single person has a profound impact on how you show up in marriage. As Keion says, “successful marriages aren't made up of two halves, but two whole people.” Above all else, Keion and Shaunie remind us that no matter your relationship status–single or married, satisfied or seeking–God sees you, values you, and loves you right where you are.

For further growth, check out: 

7 Myths About Singleness by Sam Allberry!

Keion believes we live in a time when people covet convenience and “are allergic to commitment.” With his wife, Shaunie, he discusses why devoting oneself to marriage is a blessing and not a burden. Shaunie questions whether we’ve moved away from true commitment because we’re more focused on what we can get out of a relationship instead of what we can contribute. Keion dispels the misconception that a wife being “a helper” in a marriage is a sign of weakness, highlighting that it is actually a position of strength. Challenging us to move away from viewing marriage as transactional, the Hendersons stress the significance of mutual growth and understanding within a marital union. In this episode, discover why partnership is about filling in each others’ deficits, what a wife’s role has to do with ranks in the military, and why commitment will never go out of style. Reminding us that “marriage is a joint inside job,” Keion and Shaunie caution against falling for the Hollywood definition of a successful marriage. They encourage us to commit to personal growth while building a mutually beneficial partnership.

Despite differing communication styles, Keion and Shaunie are committed to a relationship based on respect and mutual growth. She’s a self-described “winger” who is used to going at it alone. He’s a planner and delegator who usually has a clear vision. In this episode, they get into why men experience anxiety when they hear “We need to talk.” And why when men say “Let’s talk,” they tend to have a goal and solution in mind, while when women say it there’s often a deeper reason for the conversation. Guided by the first of Don Miguel Ruiz's four agreements – "be impeccable with your word" – "the faith guy" and "the culture lady" break down how to avoid having “jaded conversations” and honor your partner with the commitment and promise of healthy communication instead. 

Tips and advice include how to “solve communication knots,” how to save your man from awkward moments, and how to talk things out when someone utters the dreaded phrase. Ultimately, because “Growth is an inside job,” it takes talking to truly “grow with each other in real time,” as Shaunie reminds us.

For further growth, check out: 

The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz and 

The Shift by Pastor Keion Henderson.

Growing up, Keion’s mother outlined clear family values: “Always tell the truth,” respectfully address people as “Sir” or “Ma’am,” and reserve judgment (lest you be judged yourself!). Shaunie’s mother taught her to be “ladylike” and “stay out of grown folks’ business,” while her father taught her to be “street smart” and “keep her head on a swivel.” Despite being raised states apart in two different families, the underlying expectation their parents had was the same: ”Don’t embarrass us!” In this episode, Keion and Shaunie deconstruct how the principles from their upbringing shaped them into the people they are today, and why they believe Black families in America are united by some core values. They trace the source back to the damage caused by generational racial trauma. From enslavement to Jim Crow segregation to redlining, pain has been passed down to the point where “African-Americans don’t recognize their own power,” Keion declares. The culture maker and spiritual leader dissect exactly why  family values protect Black Americans given that “to be Black in America is to be African with no home and American with no privilege,” as Keion believes. 

Key insights include why the Hendersons believe Black people often feel the need to “defend the entire race,” how a lack of unity in Black culture has led to a “communal search for identity”, and the surprising force they believe binds Black people together. Taking inventory of where you come from and the forces that drive your decisions requires growth on the inside. While African-Americans may always combat obstacles and cultural misconceptions, Keion and Shaunie believe there’s always an opportunity to create a lasting legacy of triumph and write a new narrative for the extended Black family.

Shaunie and Keion Henderson know firsthand that co-parenting isn’t an overnight success. From witnessing their parents’ unhealthy co-parenting as children to learning to co-parent as divorced adults, the Hendersons may not be experts but they are experienced. In this episode, they provide suggestions for how to sidestep pitfalls and offer a healthy alternative to blending a family. Shaunie recalls how her mother’s emotions put a strain on her relationship with her half-siblings. And Keion explains what it was like to be the child caught between parents in a blended family. 

The two talk about why “co-parenting isn’t about you,” how to “protect your child from the pressure to pick a side,” and why it's important as parents to deal with your trauma. Sharing candidly from their own experiences, Shaunie and Keion elaborate on how planting seeds of love requires growth on the inside. “The parents' decisions create the conditions for healthy or unhealthy co-parenting,” Keion says. He asserts that what you bring into a blended family (the seeds) “always survives the blend.”

Keion and Shaunie’s commitment to growth means that change is always on the horizon. The word ‘change’ often gets a bad wrap, but the Hendersons believe it’s both an inevitable process and a representation of growth. Keion insists that “Change ain’t change until you’ve changed,” while Shaunie reasons that people should receive credit for embarking on the path to change. In this episode, they describe the necessity of transformation and how embracing new circumstances during critical transitions has helped them upgrade their relationship. They also dig into why compassion is a key ingredient to evolving because “All change starts with having a better relationship with yourself.” 

Gain valuable insights on how to be patient with a loved ones’ growth journey, when it’s okay to outgrow people, and how to be a perpetual “student of life.” Everyday we’re presented with an opportunity to either settle for “the sea of the same” or welcome the changes meant to unleash the best version of ourselves, so choose wisely. It takes growth on the inside to develop “a mindset of change” and “nine times out of ten, we do ourselves a favor when we grant ourselves the freedom to evolve,” as Shaunie reminds us.

Shaunie Henderson breaks the mold of the traditional First Lady of a church. The television star’s transition from basketball wife to pastor’s wife came with many unexpected challenges, including excessive public scrutiny and unrealistic expectations. In this revealing episode, Lighthouse Church’s first couple explore the delicate balancing act Shaunie navigates daily –between assumption and authenticity. They also discuss why they believe some religious norms and expectations are more cultural “pageantry” than Biblical wisdom. As First Lady, Shaunie says she’s more committed to “embodying her role instead of explaining it.” Less concerned with “quoting Bible scriptures” and “being untouchable,” she’s dedicated to “showing more grace and being relatable.” As a highly visible pastor with his own challenges, Keion affirms that Shaunie “should have as much latitude” to express herself in her role as he does. 

Key episode insights include how authenticity makes you a stronger leader, why your character should always outrank your title, and how transparency sets you apart. For the Hendersons, “growing in your truth” means knowing your lane and being clear on what expectations you allow yourself to be influenced by.  After all, as Keion questions, “Who can lead anybody when you lose yourself?”