The rangers discuss their cover story in Bad Publicity magazine, Ranger Bonnie's funeral reviews, and Ranger Chris's unfortunate casting decision for Alfred Hitchcock's The Birds: The Musical: The Birds are in the Right This Time. Then, Australian fashion designer Sebastian Lockheed-Martin stops by to share his fashion principles and some information on how people who fake Australian accents are perverts.

The rangers talk about the hard work they've done on Birds: The Musical and their goal of winning a RockyTony award. Then, RockyTony committee member Caroline Kettlebell joins to share how she met her husband, discuss draconian musical-themed laws, and run down the five main things she looks for in a "theater in the park" production. 

The rangers discuss the various things you could squeeze out of clusters of tiny holes before welcoming Jimmy Jackwell (Zack Mast), a former actor turned bear enthusiast. Jimmy counts down the top five problems facing bears, tells the story of his attempts to cure polar bears of their chapped noses in the Arctic, and delivers his stirring Two and a Half Men audition monologue.

Ranger Alex and Ranger Chris discuss the disturbing possibility that Ranger Bonnie was kidnapped by the Moose Mafia. Then, German survival expert Wolfe Barbeques (Jon Mackey) stops by to give some tips on surviving in Gunkhole, but not before telling the rangers about the German version of Home Improvement, his various parking disputes, and the real story of Julius Caesar's death.

The rangers get inspiring news about Fred Jones, listen to a voicemail from Brian Urlacher, and argue about color-coded sex wristbands. Then, Women of the Woods leader Labiana Wilkerson (Ryan Asher) joins to discuss Tom Hanks, Barry Bonds, and other feminism-related topics. 

The rangers get bad news about Liam Jordache, learn about Ranger Alex's latest video game, and find a disturbing clue about the Country Bear Jamboree. Then, bayou-born park visitor Fred Jones (Corey Martin) takes a seat in the burnt out school bus to chat about fishing, faith, and his intimate relationship with water.

The rangers get bad news about Madison Flip, discuss the bats' state funeral, and find a new place to relieve themselves. Then, extreme rock climber Liam Jordache (Jamison Webb) stops by to talk about his various sponsors, his climbing style, and his history with the Wahlberg family.

The rangers get bad news about Rick Plates, discuss Robert DeNiro's most intimidating role, and try to learn more about the insidious Country Bear Jamboree. Then, aspiring teen vampire Madison Flip (Maggie Winters) tells the rangers about her parents' divorce, the unique services offered at Hot Topic, and how she managed to make her skin so translucent.