In this episode of the Secret MENS Business podcast we speak to Jad Patrick about losing a good friend to suicide. Jad shares the emotions, grief process and the big changes in his life after the experience.
When you’re coping with the suicide of a loved one, it’s normal to feel a wide range of emotions, such as:
Shock
“This can’t be happening.” Right after loss, it can be hard to accept what’s happened. You may feel numb or want to deny the truth. Shock can have a purpose: it protects you from the initial pain of the loss, helping you get through things.
Anger
“How could they do this to me?” You may feel angry with your loved one, yourself, or medical professionals who couldn’t help. It’s normal to feel angry. Try to talk it though and understand your feelings.
Confusion
“Why is this happening?” You may not understand why something so tragic has happened, and that’s okay. It's hard, sometimes impossible, to comprehend why someone would choose to take their own life. It may be better to accept that you'll never fully understand, instead of forcing yourself to come up with an answer that makes sense to you. Focus your energy on accepting and coping with your feelings.
Guilt
“Why didn’t I notice something was wrong?” Try not to criticise yourself about what you did or didn’t do – it’s not your fault. Feeling guilty is completely normal, because we often blame ourselves when things go wrong, but it's not something to carry around with you. Talk to someone you trust about how you feel.
Despair
“I’m too sad to do anything” Loss from suicide is traumatic; allow yourself time to grieve. If you’re feeling especially down, your reaction is normal. Remember that there isn’t a typical response to loss; grieving is as individual as the people we’ve loved.
There are things you can do to make dealing with death easier:
Accept your feelings
People experience all kinds of emotions after a death, some you might not be able to predict, but they're all valid. It’s okay to feel the things that you do.
Take care of yourself and your family
Eating well, exercising, and sleeping will help you get through each day and move forward. Taking it one day at a time and focusing on small tasks will make things easier to deal with. What may feel like an impossible situation now, will get better.
Reach out and help others deal with this loss
Sharing stories can help everyone cope, and helping others will have the benefit of making you feel better as well. Speak to the people in your life who are also grieving, or whom you can trust. Sharing your thoughts and feelings will help you feel less alone, and remind you that there are people out there who support you.
Remember and celebrate the life of your loved one
Honour your relationship in a way that feels right to you – perhaps you can plant a garden in their memory, donate to their favourite charity, or frame photos of fun times. Try and remember the best moments you shared together.
LIFE LINE:
https://www.lifeline.org.au
BEYOND BLUE:
https://www.lifeline.org.au
Jad Patrick
https://www.facebook.com/jadpatricknaturaltherapies
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