My publication is called The Healer’s Art. I love that title. It’s a phrase that came to me via personal revelation one day in the shower many months ago.

It has caused me to think about what healing really is, and what art is. As I was journaling about this, “the art of being whole in a fallen world” came to my mind. Because it seems to sum up everything I like to talk about.

Art.

Art is messy. Art is creative by nature. Art requires experience. Art is not a science, thank goodness!

I am a recovering perfectionist. One part of perfectionism, for me at least, is wanting things to be efficient. I want to make just enough food, but not too much. I want to write just enough words, but not be too wordy. Enough without being too much. It’s such a fine line to walk. In fact, I think most of the time, it’s impossible.

I remember many years ago realizing that God is a God of abundance, and perhaps even over-abundance. When we plant one seed, that seed theoretically will bear multiple fruit, each with dozens of seeds. Have you ever grown tomatoes? There is absolutely no way to eat them all! This realization helped me loosen up about the idea of just enough.

Relatedly, somewhere along the way, I realized that art requires waste. In my culture, waste seems to be a bad word, so I’ve always avoided waste as much as possible. But art requires waste. When you paint, you squeeze out more paint than you need. Inevitably, you are throwing away some paint. You shave clay away from the sculpture. It could be considered a waste, but it can also just be considered part of the process.

When I think of art, I think of feeling. Art seems to require us to feel and then express that feeling. Are there ways of expression that we wouldn’t consider art in some way? I can’t think of any. Music is expression and art. Writing is expression and art. The spoken word is both expression and in many cases would be considered art. Painting, sculpting, drawing, dance, cooking, baking, architecture, quilting, sewing… I could go on and on, but my point is that expression is necessarily a felt experience and art.

Art is a unique, messy, expression of a person.

Art is also work. It requires thought and energy most of the time. Art is not created by following the path of least resistance.

Being.

The word “being” evokes the ideas of identity, embodiment, and energy to me.

Identity is who you are. It’s the unique set of characteristics, values, traits and expressions that make you who you are. I think identity is only who YOU think you are, but often times we hear what other people think we are, and we live up to those ideas. Identity is essentially an idea.

Being is also embodiment. Beyond the idea of who you are, embodiment is the expression, feeling, and experience of what it’s like to be you in the world. If you have a chronic illness, for example, that is going to inform how you feel, how you move, how you express yourself, who you are being.

Being-ness creates a certain kind of energy. “She’s shy.” “He’s forceful.” “They’re funny.” These are examples of descriptions of energy or ways of being.

“Being” is an abstract concept, so my definitions may not be the same as yours.

Whole.

I always associate the word “whole” with the spiritual and God. Jesus, Heavenly Father, The Spirit, Heavenly Mother— whatever your choice is, that thing that is beyond us and connects us all. In some ways I think wholeness is also beyond us. Wholeness is like the horizon, by definition always in front of us. In a way I think it’s not possible to truly be whole in this fallen world, but we can practice at it, we can move toward it. I love the idea that we are never fully formed and we always have more to become.

“Whole” means complete or total. In the scriptures Christ says “Be ye perfect,” but the translation for perfect does not mean without flaw, but whole or complete. Think of a whole loaf of bread. The loaf of bread may not be perfect, per se, but it can be whole, uncut, fully formed and baked.

“Whole” also invokes the feeling of unity. Oneness. To me, “whole” insinuates connection between all the parts of ourselves. We can think of this as connection within one person, or connection between each of us individually. As a body, together we can be whole. This brings up working together toward a common goal. In this way, whole does not mean sameness, but perhaps more of a singular focus.

Fallen.

Based on my study of scripture, I think of “fallen” as the opposite of whole. Disconnected, fractured, incomplete. I also associate “fallen” with fear and shame. Adam and Eve “fell,” meaning they were severed from the presence of God. Why? Because they transgressed God’s instruction. They went against God. In this process they felt shame and fear.

A fallen world insinuates mortality, or the opposite of the glory of God. We could think of this as mundane. Fear, shame, sin, contention— these are all contrary, or opposite, to who God is. Part of our work in this world is to overcome these things, which we cannot do without a Savior. But we can work to become more holy, and less fallen.

World.

The place we live. Where we are. The context of our being-ness.

I think it’s interesting that God created the earth, or the world, as a beautiful place. He could have made it ugly or basic. I think he wanted us to think of Heaven as we navigate the fallen world. The earth itself contains a hope we can all attain.

The context of our lives is important. We each live in a slightly, or not so slightly, different world. Your world is informed by climate, weather, geography, but also by media, culture, and so many other factors. We are not all working with the same variables. Which means, each of us has a different path or journey.

Bringing it all together.

So— The Healer’s Art to me means the messy, unique work of overcoming trauma, fear and shame to understand and become a more powerful version of ourselves. It’s a journey we are all on whether we know it or not. We can make it a conscious journey, or not.

In my coaching, I think deeply about motherhood and the role mothers play in this work. I think mothers have a special place in helping individuals heal and become. Not to say that nobody else does this work, but mothers are my focus. If you’re a mom and want to learn the Healer’s Art, I hope you’ll stick around!

xo, Denita

I am an oldest daughter and an oldest grandchild on one side of my family. My mother was barely seventeen years old when I was born. I have two sisters; one not quite two years younger than me, and the other almost twelve years younger. I also have four cousins who grew up next door to me, all younger than myself.

It might go without saying, but I was born to be a mother. From a very young age, there was never a doubt in my mind that I would have children. My patriarchal blessing also reinforced the idea that I would be a mother, and that I would be challenged by motherhood.

Even so, it came as a great surprise when I had my first baby that motherhood felt like frustration and anger so much. I hated the mother I was, especially because that first baby of mine was literally the best baby.

She had clear as a whistle cues when she was hungry, tired, and wet. She was such a happy baby and wicked-smart. She was using sign language at six months old. Sleeping through the night was a little difficult, but after sleep training her at six months she slept twelve hours a night from 7 pm to 7 am. And a 3 hour nap during the day!

She should have given me an easy transition to motherhood, but I’m pretty sure I had undiagnosed postpartum depression, so I was always upset about something. I hated myself for not being the mother I thought I would be: patient, loving, delighting over my child.

The truth is, my most salient models of motherhood acted exactly as I did: yelled, spanked, and withdrew when they were overwhelmed. It wasn’t until a decade later that I learned about the nervous system and trauma and realized those models were acting out of their own trauma, and I was following in their footsteps.

I learned about coaching because I wanted to be a better mother. I wanted to stop trying to control my children. I wanted to stop yelling at them, and my husband also joined me in that desire. I wanted to ENJOY my children. I wanted to love them better.

In order for me to do these things, I had to heal a lot within myself. It felt like a long, complicated path, but looking back it wasn’t so complicated. It was basically learning to truly feel. Of course there are things I learned about shame and about my nervous system that supported me in that journey.

But really, it’s simple. Learn to really feel, and lean on the Lord. That’s what healing is to me.

Thank you for being here. For reading or listening. I hope to tell you more about this journey I’ve been on, and maybe what I share will help others to become the mom they want to be.

xo,

Denita