The sound of the water in a river in Wissahickon, Philadelphia. An episode in honour of organizers. Greg aka my dad learns that most of the time we call "activism" "organizing" now. We listen to an episode made by Yowei Shaw, the investigative journalist of emotion. Nicole is an organizer who’s afraid to stop being angry. At the same time she is afraid NOT to stop being angry. Yowei connects Nicole with what she calls a "proxy"; someone who has experienced something similar. Lucky for us, this proxy is Deborah Gould, a member emeritus of the ICONIC gay rights organization: ACT UP. Happy pride month beautiesssss xoxo

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Is done still better than perfect? Is the Canada goose a swan in less glamourous clothing? Are people who need people lucky or unlucky? The Queen of the Ducks (my bff Bekky) advises not to appear to be chasing the geese. The definition of sloth I printed out ends up being a diversion at the dinner table. "At least you're honest with yourself" says my Aunt Patti. The favorite podcast is not a podcast at all. It is: a VM from Yowei Shaw. 

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A driveway moment. Time travel back to October 2020; the lover that Aliya Pabani once joked I was doing "straight womanhood" fetish play with; to everyone else it was just a conventional relationship wherein we performed traditional gender roles. We called him "the patriarch". A recording from the day of a breakup. Laurie Anderson inspired stasis. 

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Typewriter ribbons, shutters, jays, french, dusty, periwinkle, the desk of a currently abandoned short film, a door that isn’t really blue. A non-practicing coven, a shack full of runner ducks, and a massive malamute dog named Maple. A World Series weekend at the Chantecleer and the Fox Flower farm and Studio, where KP spends most of her time when she is not in Suburban Paradise.

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Parenthood vs Adulthood. Birds singing. Pen on paper. Play first work later. Admin avalanche. The customer is always right on hold. Daddy (age 68) saves the day with the anti-to do list. KP (age 38) gets a refund for a yearly subscription. Royal typewriter on loan from new bestie Bekky. The cement garden table after work. 

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A series of episodes quietly created from her parents' garage in the sleepy government city of Ottawa. In an era of well-crafted tightly edited, lushly designed and rigorously vetted (either by the network execs that hold the purse strings, by the powers of the algorithm, or by the monster of our own digital footprint-fueled perfectionism), these new episodes do more than just show the hand of the maker, they extend open palms, bow, kneel and lay foreheads to the ground. 

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[Ep 4 of 4 and more to come] We were all left with burning questions after the first three episodes. In the final installment of the original ‘NO’ series from 2017, KP and the team play VMs and read letters from the audience and have a big 'ol processing party with Samara Breger, former Heart producer, sex educator and more recently: queer romance novelist. 

What do I tell my kids? What if my no DOES mean yes? How bad DOES he have to feel? How are racial dynamics similar? How do I not be depressed about humanity? 

This is an extended version of the original episode from 2017, including more questions and more grappling. SEND KP YOUR THOUGHTS in VM form for the update-isode!

DONATE to support the creation of a final episode telling the story of all that happened after this famed series aired; friendships rekindled, apologies made, mistakes repeated, lessons learned and unlearned and never learned and will she ever learn. 

THANK YOU to all who have donated 100+ dollars! Look out for an email soon where you will receive unreleased writing and the story of what happened to KP and Jay after she made the series. 

[Ep 3 of 4] Answers: Kaitlin’s search asking why coercion is so omnipresent lands her in one obvious place. Straight, cis-gendered men. In this episode, Kaitlin consults the men in her life that she loves, her friends, her father, her exes to see if they had ever pressured someone into having unwanted intimacy. But she knows she cannot end her search here. She must reach out to the men who have transgressed her to get their side of the story.

Updates: we hear about the men who interviewed in the series and notable developments since 2017 in their journeys navigating gender, power and consent.

DONATE to support the creation of a final episode telling the story of all that happened after this famed series aired; friendships rekindled, apologies made, mistakes repeated, lessons learned and unlearned and never learned and will she ever learn. 

"Tending the Garden" is a new healing resource, launched by the Trauma Queen Jimanekia Eborn. FOLLOW THIS WOMAN.

[Ep 2 of 4] Why listen to this series now? KP's schpiel. And then: we catch up with our shero in her mid-twenties, waiting to fall in love. Over the years she has become an expert at advocating for her own pleasure. She has learned how to say no to the sex that she doesn’t want to have with tact and grace. Just as she thinks she has figured out the art of sexual negotiations, another unsettling experience becomes a catalyst for a search for answers.

In the "reality check" section: we hear a 37 year old echoing the words of a 27 year old. An attempt at reconciliation gone wrong, the precursor for what we will hear in the next episode. 

DONATE to support the creation of a final episode telling the story of all that happened after this famed series aired; friendships rekindled, apologies made, mistakes repeated, lessons learned and unlearned and never learned and will she ever learn.

[Ep 1 of 4] Inside a locked diary are the hopes and dreams of a little girl who wants one thing more than everything else: this little girl wants to be wanted.  [TW: SA]

When the little girl becomes a teenager and her deepest want comes to pass, it turns out she doesn't want it. She wanted. . . something else. Something more?  Something less? Something sweeter. She doesn't know exactly what she wants, but she learns the hard way what she does not want. 

"Advance" a non-psychedelic trip into my girlhood was originally produced in May 2017. It was named after the type of advance that is made flirtatiously (or threateningly or shyly and on and on).  In this 2025 update we lean into the double meaning: 

HAVE WE ADVANCED ON THESE ISSUES SINCE 2017? OR HAVE WE...RETREATED? ['retreat' is listed as the opposite of the word 'advance' on dictionary dot com. Not a word we generally use in reference to this topic, and yet it feels like an interesting way to look at what we usually call "regression"]. Listen to decide for yourself, and then send us a voicememo with your thoughts to [email protected]. 

2025 UPDATE FROM KP: Drove by North Dundas the other day on a joyride. The smoking tree is not small anymore. 

DONATE to support the creation of a final episode detailing all that happened after this famed series aired; friendships rekindled, apologies made, mistakes repeated, lessons learned and unlearned and never learned and will we ever learn.