I wanted to use today's episode as an opportunity to talk about some of the things I've learned about the divorce process in the past 15 years since I've become a divorce lawyer and then in the last 3 years as the founder and CEO of HelloDivorce and one of the questions, I always get especially from media platforms and journalist is what are the causes of divorce which I always find really interesting because that's not really my job.

Right?

I'm not really there to determine why someone is getting divorced but really how to help them manage the divorce process in the least painful way possible. But what I don't get asked a lot is what it is that I've learned about how people negotiate how they move through the process. What emotional triggers come up and that kind of thing.

So I thought I would use this short episode to share and I'd love to hear from you. If any of these ring true? If you've had similar experiences, if you're maybe an exception to the truth? Or any other feedback that you might have.

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"My spouse and I came to an agreement on support and property division that is based on what we think is fair – not what the law dictates. I’m concerned that because our  Marital Settlement Agreement doesn’t follow the child support state guidelines and our property agreement is ‘lopsided,’ that our judge won’t approve.  Will the judge still sign our divorce decree?"

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FREE 15 minute divorce planning and strategy consult, and instant access to ALL divorce info you need.

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Be in Control &Know the Process

FREE 15 minute divorce planning and strategy consult, and instant access to ALL divorce info you need.

https://hellodivorce.com/sign-up/

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So that means that you filed the initial paperwork to get your divorce started and some states, and that actually even breaks down further than that. Because some counties,  will automatically set a status conference or something of the like in your case, right from the beginning. So oftentimes what I tell people is if you really want to avoid that status conference, that court appearance, then maybe the best thing for you to do is to submit all your paperwork at once. So usually in most states, there are several steps that you have to take to get divorced. They include a petition or response or some sort of first paperwork. There's also usually financial disclosures. And then finally there's a judgment or a divorce decree or an affidavit or something that ends your divorce.

And in some cases you might want to try to submit all of those documents at once, if you really aim to avoid having to go to a court hearing. But I will say that in states that have waiting periods. So as an example, Colorado has 90 days, California has 6 months. These waiting periods usually begin after you have served your spouse with that initial paperwork that's been filed with the court. So if you want to get that waiting period going, then you might not want to wait to finish all of your paperwork before you submit it to the court. You might want to get started on that step one, so we can get that waiting period going. Additionally, even if you send in all your paperwork at once, it doesn't necessarily mean that you get to avoid a status conference, which is pretty ridiculous. I mean, talk about big brother. You have the courts saying to you, "Well, sure you have a full agreement or you're working on a full agreement, but we still want to check in with you."

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Hi guys. I wanted to tell you about today's topic which is, Should I Hire a Divorce Lawyer? And I think in the past, that was kind of a no brainer. If you had the money, you hire a lawyer. Divorce is the dissolving of one of the most complex contracts we will ever enter into; the marital contract. And so we want to be as informed as possible, and we want to negotiate and make decisions that are in our best interest and the best interest of our kids. That being said, we're balancing a lot of things. We don't necessarily want to lawyer up in the traditional sense if we think that it's going to spark a war, or it's going to lead to distrust, and then maybe our spouse will do something that's irrational or against our interests.  So, while we want to be informed and we want to know our legal rights, we also want to balance keeping our kids' health and safety in check, and keeping to the extent possible, the peace between our spouse. Because one thing we do know is not only is litigation expensive, but it doesn't always yield the best results and it certainly doesn't yield the most practical results.

For additional resources visit us at www.hellodivorce.com

It's great to be back on my podcast, I took a couple of weeks off. Things have been a little bit crazy around my house and I suspect the same for you - but I wanted to change the topic up a little bit today to discuss, “so you're getting a divorce during a global pandemic…” What we've talked about so far, either in the podcast or our blogs or our press outreach is how to navigate divorce if you're in it right now or you started just before the pandemic.

We also discussed co-parenting during a global pandemic. What I focused early on when we first sheltered in place were some of the crises that were coming up; whether you should do a child custody exchange, how do you manage a co-parent who is not taking shelter in place seriously or not following the CDC guidelines on being safe and trying not to get infected with the Coronavirus.

That crisis, at least for the moment, for a lot of people, has been resolved either through communication with each other or an emergency order with the court or, in some cases, appointing a special master or parenting coordinator to help people navigate these uncertain times. What we haven't discussed is just how many people are coming to us, and not just us but the rest of the world, and announcing that they now want a divorce.

I just wanted to explore this a little bit and I'm hoping that this becomes a conversation that we ultimately have across social media or on our website. I think it's important to bring up the fact that I, first of all, taking off my lawyer and founder hat for a moment, have just heard from so many friends and people that I know and love that divorce is imminent, that they have decided that they now want a divorce.

Then, of course, on Hello Divorce, we've had far more leads than we ordinarily have. I'm not saying this or sharing that because I'm arrogant or I want to show off or anything like that, we haven't really changed much in terms of our marketing strategy, our advertising strategy, but what has changed is the number of leads, and so that's really telling.

One thing we learned from China, after they lifted the quarantine lockdown terms, is that the divorce rate there went up substantially. It skyrocketed. One of the first things that some people did when they were allowed to leave their home was file for divorce. I expect that we will see a pretty big increase in divorce here as well. I don't know that it will be as high as it is in China because we have different economic considerations here.

(Live Webinar Replay) Navigating Your Divorce Through Coronavirus with special guest Mark Flowers from CERTIFIED FINANCIAL PLANNER™

Description

Coronavirus / COVID-19 is upending all of our lives. It will impact your divorce as well, if it hasn’t already.

Join Hello Divorce Founder and CEO Erin Levine and Mark Flowers, CFP, CDFA and host of Second Saturday San Mateo, for a frank and interactive conversation on the ways you can still keep your divorce on track during these uncertain times.

We’ll discuss:

- Moving forward with your divorce paperwork, even with temporary court closures;

- Legal perspectives on co-parenting through school closures and shelter in place directives;

- Understanding options for adjusting child/spousal support payments if your job is at risk;

- The financial and legal reasons that now is is actually not the time to delay your divorce;

ABOUT THE HOSTS:

Erin Levine is a certified family law attorney who is reimagining how divorce is handled by using technology to make the process more efficient. She is the founder of Hello Divorce (www.hellodivorce.com) an incredibly powerful DIY divorce navigation tool that gives users the information and resources they need to divorce on their terms, with on-demand access to high-quality help at a flat-rate fee.

Mark Flowers is a CERTIFIED FINANCIAL PLANNER™ professional, a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst, an the leader of Second Saturday Divorce workshops in San Mateo County. Currently, with Private Portfolios, Mark has been in financial services in various roles including real estate finance, insurance planning, and wealth management for the past 15 years.

Hi, everyone. Today's topic is one that we've been getting so many requests for so I thought it was important to jump on with a bonus episode and talk about coronavirus and how it's impacting divorce, co-parenting, and child custody issues. I've got a ton of great information for you today and answers. Well, I mean with things changing so much, maybe it's not answers, but definitely some problem solving skills and some solutions that I hope will help you get through this time period.

It is March 18th at 1:00 PM Pacific time and I'm saying the date and time because things are changing so rapidly, I want you to be aware of it. I am recording from my bedroom because we are in Alameda, California and there is a shelter in place order. So I have told my kids that we are practicing “social distancing” which requires them to stay downstairs for the next 30 minutes so hopefully that will work. ;-)

I also have an incredible guest today. The one person that I absolutely wanted to have on the show and fortunately she's willing to record not just one podcast - but two. We actually recorded one a couple of days ago and unfortunately Zoom hasn't processed that recording so we are trying again. Anyhow, her name is Billie Tarascio and she is not only an award winning lawyer and author and sought after speaker, but she is the owner of three successful businesses.

You guys, she brings the Arizona perspective. I'm in California. We hope that everything we have to say will be relevant nationally, maybe even internationally to some people, but if you're looking for Arizona help or information, she is your go to person. Her firm is Modern Law. It's a family law firm that's servicing most, if not all of Arizona. She'll let us know.

She's also the cofounder of Modern Law Practice, which helps law firms scale, grow, reduce overhead, provide kick ass service to their clients and make more money. It's just a win-win solution for law firms to help their clients and to grow their practices.

And then finally her third business is I Do Over, which is a company that's very similar to Hello Divorce. They provide DIY services, courses, help from legal assistants, videos, access to amazing lawyers. It's a great resource. So I am thrilled to have her with me here today.

Why You Should Stop Delaying Your Divorce and Get on With It Already

Hi everyone, this is Erin and today's topic is, “Why You Should Stop Delaying Your Divorce and Get on With It Already.” If I sound a little off it's because I have a cold and so I'm hoping that I will still speak clearly enough that you can understand what I'm saying and not be too annoyed by my nasally voice. I literally never get a cold, so this has been beyond annoying and I'm really having a hard time accepting the fact that I actually have one, but I do and so there it is, let's get on with our topic. So I bring up this topic because the last, let's see, maybe eight or nine calls we've got on Hello Divorce, have been from really nice folks who tell me that they'd been separated from their spouse for a really long time. They know divorce is inevitable, but they liken it to going to the dentist or other things that you might want to put off. Because let's face it, divorce is not that fun and there's so many excuses, many of which seem really fair in the moment, right?

Like, my kids are too busy, divorce will cost too much, everything's going smooth right now, I don't want us to start fighting. Will this mess up the kids? The divorce process will take forever won't it? Will I have to go to court? Will I have to hire a lawyer? And so on and so on. And while these are all really valid questions, I do want you to understand that in many cases it actually makes sense for you to move through your divorce now, for financial reasons and legal reasons, but emotionally too. You know if you look back on your life, emotional baggage gets really heavy and the stress of staying in a marriage that isn't working or not getting divorced, but knowing that you need to, it does take a toll on your mental and physical health. I've read so much research, especially from John Gottman about how couples that are enduring marital stress are more likely to experience psychiatric disorders, like depression and even increase the risk of heart problems.

So financial and legal issues aside, I don't want you to discount the fact that not getting a divorce, but knowing that you need to, can really weigh heavily on you, transition is hard. And so if for that reason alone, I just want you to think about it and now I'll move on to the more obvious stuff like the legal and financial stuff...

If you have any questions please reach out to us at hellodivorce.com

Today's topic is, how and where to find the exact legal help that you need for your divorce. Whether you are thinking about divorce, about to embark on one or maybe you're already in your divorce, but you aren't happy with the strategy that's been employed. This is the episode to listen to if you want to figure out how to best get legal help without going further into debt and with having the best results possible.

Now I expect that this will be a series over time because I can't possibly go over every type of legal help there is. So as an example - today, we won't be talking too much about mediation. But remember, mediation is a method by which you can resolve disputes. It is not legal advice and it is not legal coaching. So even if you choose that route, you're going to want to seek outside legal help. And that is the topic of today's episode.

So the first thing that I usually tell people is that you want to figure out what your goals are. And while those goals might change a little bit over time, what I've seen over the last 15 years is that they generally stay very close to what you initially determined. So maybe your goal is to get out of your marriage as quickly as possible. You're willing to waive some of the things that maybe you would be entitled to in exchange for having a peaceful divorce. Maybe your goal is to get exactly what it is you are entitled to by whatever means necessary. Or maybe it's a little bit of both. You're willing to make some compromises, however, you have needs. Those needs are must haves and you also have some wants and those wants would be nice to have. So you're willing to give up on some of the wants in exchange for others so long as your main needs are met.

And for me it's really easy to talk about that because that is generally what people tell they want in our Hello Divorce calls, or even Levine Family Law Group for that matter. Often times what they tell me is, "I want to know what my legal rights are. I want to understand what likely would happen if I were to go to court and then from there I'd like to either negotiate on my own with my spouse or I'd like to hire a lawyer who can do that for me."

If your decision is the latter, meaning you would like a lawyer to negotiate on your behalf, then what I want you to do is really seek out lawyers who are focused on, not only educating consumers, but on problem-solving and finding new and innovative ways to help you through your divorce. When I was just getting started 15 years ago as a young lawyer, I had a boss who I idolized. He was a good man, but what he told me was, as I think now, completely wrong. He said, "Consumers want finality by whatever means necessary. That's how you move on. That's how you get closure. So that means we take everything to court, get a judge to make a ruling. Whatever that ruling is, the client can then take it and move on."

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