The Hello Divorce Podcast

Welcome to the Hello Divorce Podcast. I'm your host, Erin Levine. I'm super excited to share with you my top insider tips for divorce, including actionable steps in bite-sized pieces to lowering the cost, conflict, and confusion surrounding your divorce so that you can confidently move on to that next awesome chapter. Today's topic, special considerations for gay and lesbian divorces. In 2016, the US Supreme Court affirmed marriage equality across the US. While same-sex couples can now finally get a license to marry, we spent so much time and energy advocating for gay and lesbian marriage that considerations around divorce took a backseat. If you are divorcing in California, and some other states for that matter, I want you to go through a few considerations that your lawyer or your Google search may not have thought up. In California, we don't recognize common law marriage. That means that if you and your partner live together in a relationship for 20 years but only recently married, the family law system recognizes your marriage as short term, with different property and support rights and responsibilities afforded to marriages of long duration.

There is an exception if you have a civil union, or a domestic partnership, or the equivalent, but I'm not talking that domestic partnership that many of us registered for a nurse city so that we could get something like a family gym membership. I'm talking about a state-sanctioned and registered domestic partnership. But what do you do if you find yourself getting divorced after let's say a 20-year relationship when you've only been married for a short time? Well, if you're the spouse who earned less or accumulated less property, and I want you to think not just real property but retirement benefits and financial accounts, then you are going to want to try and do what you can to negotiate outside of the legal system. Going to court won't help your plight. You also want to consider speaking with a lawyer about whether or not you have a property or support a legal claim for the period of time in which you were together but not married. But fair warning, in most states it's rare unless you had a cohabitation agreement or something of the like.

There is an exception if you have a civil union, or a domestic partnership, or the equivalent, but I'm not talking that domestic partnership that many of us registered for a nurse city so that we could get something like a family gym membership. I'm talking about a state-sanctioned and registered domestic partnership. But what do you do if you find yourself getting divorced after let's say a 20-year relationship when you've only been married for a short time? Well, if you're the spouse who earned less or accumulated less property, and I want you to think not just real property but retirement benefits and financial accounts, then you are going to want to try and do what you can to negotiate outside of the legal system. Going to court won't help your plight. You also want to consider speaking with a lawyer about whether or not you have a property or support a legal claim for the period of time in which you were together but not married. But fair warning, in most states it's rare unless you had a cohabitation agreement or something of the like.

Schedule a 15-minute strategy session from Hello Divorce's homepage or a legal coaching session to learn to learn more. Keep listening to this podcast for actionable tips to keep your divorce amicable and affordable, and of course to cover all your legal bases so you are ready for your fresh start.

So today's topic is why you need a strategy for your divorce and how to develop one. We view divorce as an event, as if one day you announce, "I'm getting a divorce," and the next day your marriage is over. The truth is, and many of you have heard me say it before, it's a journey. It's a process. It's a method by which you transition out of your marriage and reprioritize your relationships, especially your relationship with yourself.

In my 15 years of guiding people out of relationships, I've become really aware of the paradox of divorce. At a time when so much is at stake and you need to be on your game, you're likely struggling with hundreds of different emotions that are distracting you from the real and practical considerations that may have profound consequences for your future. So what I'd like to do today is give you the steps you need to get your divorce strategy on point.

One caveat, your strategy may and likely will change throughout your divorce, and that's okay. One of the big reasons why you're developing a strategy now is so that you feel more comfortable living in transition and facing the unknown. Let's get you started on the right foot.

Okay, step number one: Establish ground rules. Many separating couples choose to meet with each other or a third party to see if they can establish some ground rules for how they'll navigate their breakup and transition into divorced life. If you can make this happen, do it. Work together to answer questions like when, how, and where will we discuss divorce-related topics. Is our endgame to get to an agreement that we both can live with? What types of professionals will we hire to see us through? How and when will we tell the kids?

Separating couples who start with these basics before moving on to more complicated stuff often fare much better. And if the answer is your ex won't even sit with you in the same room to discuss these things, well, that will give you some information that you need, too, right? It will mean that you might need a lot more support and strategy - likely a lawyer who is experienced and successful at negotiating and litigating complex cases. Perhaps even a divorce coach too - a trained life coach who can help you navigate some of the challenges that come up in a prolonged divorce. Remember though - some divorces start out nasty and get much better along the way - as spouse's have time to process the breakup and get focused on making their next chapter better.

Step number two for your strategy: learn the basics. We can usually imagine, at least a little bit - what life will look like after divorce. But that transitionary period, the step between marriage and divorce, is what causes a lot of us anxiety. Many of our fears around divorce involve not knowing what to expect. So if you live in California, head over to hellodivorce.com, where you can learn what the process will look like. It's not always a linear path, sorry to say, but you'll get an idea of what you'll have to deal with at each stage of the game. You'll also find information, tools, worksheets and curated resources on your legal rights and responsibilities, self-care, financial guidance, co-parenting, and so much more.

Don't want to limit yourself to lawyers to get the information you need. Many lawyers view law in a vacuum, and that's not going to best serve your complex life. Get answers from reliable sources. You may even choose to head over to https://divorceify.com/ for vetted resources and people to help you through divorce. Just remember, by getting educated, as you already know, you are giving yourself knowledge, and knowledge is power and makes us feel more in control about the process...

To read more please check out the full blog at hellodivorce.com

Today's topic is how to get your divorce unstuck. So you feel totally stuck. All you want is closure and yet your divorce is lingering on and on. You've tried everything. You've tried nothing. You don't have any clue what to do next. You have a list so long you don't know where to start. Relate to any of these.

Okay, so first things first. Are you really stuck? To know me is to know that it drives me crazy that everywhere we look, divorce is seen as an event. The truth is, it really is a process. It takes time, both emotionally and legally. In fact, if it's been a couple months since anything legal has moved forward with your case, you might actually be right on time. In most states, there's a waiting period between when you start the divorce and when it can be finalized. So moving quicker doesn't necessarily mean you'll finalize your divorce any faster.

Now I will say that many of our users and clients at Hello Divorce have really amicable divorces and so they finish the paperwork very quickly, turn it in, and put it behind them and then just wait for that six month waiting period to go by. But if you have any serious issues or issues that need to be resolved or if you've had complete and separate finances that need to be exchanged and documented, then it's probably going to take awhile. But if your divorce is truly stuck and you're not making any progress, here are some tips to make it move forward.

People is the most complex financial contract you will ever dissolve. Don't go at it alone and don't make decisions without seeing the goods. If your spouse has a retirement account, for example, don't just rely on him or her to tell you the amount or where it exists. You need to get the documents to see what it is that both of you have so that you can decide how you want to divide the stuff.

The next thing you can do is set a timeline. If possible, by email or in person, get on the same page with your ex about a realistic timeline for the major events related to your divorce. Chances are, not always, your spouse wants to progress too, but either is paralyzed by fear or maybe you've just always been the doer and so we can't expect that your spouse is now all of a sudden going to change personality traits.

Can you at least agree on dates for an exchange of proposals or offers or you can you agree that if you don't come to a resolution by a certain date that you'll get help from a mediator? At this time, you can also work on choosing a mediator, so if that happens where you can't come to agreements on all issues, you're ready to go.

Now, if you're really stuck, you've reached an impasse, your spouse won't go to mediation, won't work with a service like Hello Divorce or a neutral lawyer, you can request that the court help you sort out issues that keep you from moving toward a resolution. Now it's going to move slower because courts are very bogged down and you're going to have to go through what is pretty much an inefficient process. But the court can help you reach resolution. So if you're stuck and you really need some help, I suggest getting some legal coaching, spending a half hour or an hour with the lawyer to figure out what you can do to get help from the court...

If you need more advice please check us out at hellodivorce.com

For today's topic we're going to talk about how you can calm your divorce overwhelmed. So, virtually everyone who either decides to get a divorce or their spouse throws it on them has that moment of panic when they realize that they don't understand the legal system. They don't know how they are going to go about their divorce, and they want their legal bases covered. If they have children, they want to make sure they're protected, but really just feel paralyzed in fear. So, this podcast episode is really for the people that are just starting the process and need a little extra support along the way. I always tell people when you are trying to figure out where to start, start with you. Reach out to your support system or even build a new one. It could be as simple as joining a Facebook group for divorcing people or an online support group through DivorceForce or Meetup.

A couple of other things that seem to come up for our clients in terms of their overwhelm is whether or not you'll have to go to court, and my legal answer is it depends. Some States require you to go to court to actually formalize and finalize your divorce, but in those cases, assuming you have a full agreement, it's really more of a formality, and it's kind of a pain, in that you have to schedule it, show up for court, wait to be called, and have the judge ask you a bunch of questions, but fortunately it's not a contentious hearing....

Find out more infomation and schedule your free 15 min phone call at hellodivorce.com

Welcome to the Hello Divorce podcast. I'm your host, Erin Levine. I'm super excited to share with you my top insider tips for divorce, including actionable steps in bite-size pieces to lowering the cost, conflict, and confusion surrounding your divorce so that you can move on to that next awesome chapter with peace of mind and your financial and emotional wellness in check.

Today's topic is, what do you do if you find out your partner was cheating on you in the middle of the divorce process? How can that help you, or does it even help you, with your divorce outcome?

Erin Levine:

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Are break ups tough? No doubt. Can they be fair and equitable? We think so. That’s why we started Hello Divorce. To take the drama out of divorce.

Need help with your divorce? schedule a 15 min consultation with us at here

Welcome to the Hello Divorce Podcast. I'm your host, Erin Levine. I'm super excited to share with you my top insider tips for divorce, including actionable steps in bite size pieces to lowering the cost, conflict, and confusion surrounding your divorce, so that you can move on to that next awesome chapter with peace of mind and your financial and emotional wellness in check. But before we get there, I'm going to share a bit about me, because after all, you have to trust that the person you are learning from actually has the knowhow to get you where you need to go.

I am the CEO and founder of the online divorce platform, Hello Divorce, and San Francisco Bay area boutique law firm, Levine Family Law Group. I have practiced family law exclusively for the past 15 years and am a certified family law specialist. My work in the industry has caught the attention of the legal industry, as well as the larger media, with features in such publications and platforms as Brit + Co, Forbes, OZY, mindbodygreen, Above The Law, and Entrepreneur. I have been voted Super Lawyer for the past six years, and in 2019, the American Bar Association named me to the prestigious list, Women In Legal Technology.

If you ask my work family or personal family about me, they'd probably also tell you I'm a survivor, warrior, impact design thinker, systems guru, optimism officer, client success champ, content creator, VP of miscellaneous stuff, chief tech crisis averter, finance miracle worker, product designer, and of course mommy to Zoe and Mia. Keep listening to this podcast for actionable tips to keep your divorce amicable and affordable and of course to cover all of your legal bases, so you are ready for your fresh start.

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Are break ups tough? No doubt. Can they be fair and equitable? We think so. That’s why we started Hello Divorce. To take the drama out of divorce.

Need help with your divorce? schedule a 15 min consultation with us at here

Welcome to the Hello Divorce podcast. I'm your host, Erin Levine. I'm super excited to share with you my top insider tips for divorce, including actionable steps in bite-sized pieces to lowering the cost, conflict, and confusion surrounding your divorce, so that you can move on to that next awesome chapter with peace of mind and your financial and emotional integrity in check.

But before we get there, I want to share with you the Hello Divorce origin story, why I pivoted away from my million dollar law firm to create an online divorce platform.

Hello Divorce was really born out of my desire to meet client needs and wants, and to create a new way to divorce. One that wasn't predicated on the archaic, inefficient, conflict producing legal system. I had my own experience with law when I was a teen, and it was victimizing, disempowering, confusing, and triggering. I felt like the victim when I definitely was not. I received justice in the traditional sense of the word, but it just never felt like enough, and it left me with a hole. I never wanted my clients to experience that again. So I always knew that my mission would take me somewhere different. Creating a legal services delivery model that turned the legal system on its head.

When I started researching what consumers wanted, I learned that the average cost of divorce is between $18,000 and $27,000 per person, depending on where you live and if you have kids. I also learned that 85% of people don't have access to meaningful legal help. That means that, despite the fact that this is the most profound breakup of our lives, we are dissolving the most complicated financial contract most of us will ever enter into, the marital contract, alone. But the thing is, most of divorce isn't brain surgery. It's procedural, it's paperwork.

And for that piece, we at Hello Divorce have leveraged technology to make it so much easier. So lawyers aren't preparing the procedural stuff at, say, $400 an hour. Now, the second part of divorce is substantive. It's how you're going to resolve all the big issues. Spousal support, child support, attorney or mediator fees, property division, debt division, and child custody. We noticed at Levine Family Law Group that for some cases, the mere act of lawyering up was causing some divorces to take an ugly turn. Their spouses would log on to the website of their attorney and see where it's aggressive, zealous advocate, and that scared the crap out of people. So we changed our tune over at Levine Family Law Group, focusing on conflict resolution and getting where you need to go, without increasing conflict where there doesn't need to be.

At Hello Divorce, we took it one step further. You don't actually have to have a lawyer to get the best legal help around. You can choose from one of our do it yourself or do it for your options for the procedural stuff, and pay as you go for the legal stuff. Meaning if you need some extra help along the way, sorting out conflict or understanding the law, or maybe even reviewing your final paperwork or getting tips for negotiation, you can pay as you go, accessing legal help directly from our website in increments as small as 30 minutes...

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Are break ups tough? No doubt. Can they be fair and equitable? We think so. That’s why we started Hello Divorce. To take the drama out of divorce.

Need help with your divorce? schedule a 15 min consultation with us at here