While certainly not an Armageddon/Deep Impact situation, 1998’s ‘The Last Broadcast’ is often lumped in, unfairly, as the mirror to The Blair Witch Project. This is much to its loss as it is certainly no Blair Witch, but also because it has a completely different flavor of “found footage” in its inclusion of cable access shows, MIRC logs, and true crime talking heads. That’s right folks, MIRC logs, we’re heading back to the mid-90’s!

On the one hand we have JR missing the twist of 2019’s ‘Body at Brighton Rock’ so hard that it would be like not realizing Bruce Willis was dead after watching The 6th Sense, and on the other we have Derek confusing the production story of Predator (the script for which was originally titled ‘Hunter’) with the 2003 film ‘The Hunted’. We both lose. Not to be outdone, you also lose. We don’t even warn you about the Natural Park Zone of Death, major failure.

Are you looking for a film about little monsters laying siege to an Irish manor with all the “fun” of Straw Dogs but none of the humor of Gremlins? 2022’s ‘Unwelcome’ might just be the film for you! Worst case scenario you get a 6 Degrees of Kevin Bacon crossover between The MCU, Game of Thrones, and Star Trek…

2022’s ‘Soft & Quiet’ may have hit theaters in exactly the way that its name implied, but that makes sense when its entire plot is best experienced knowing nothing about it ahead of time. It does introduce cinema’s third most provocative pie (American Pie, #1, The Help, #2) so don’t go in hungry. If you learn nothing from the marketing of ‘A Ghost Story’, you got to play up the pie to get the people in seats.

Not to be confused with the 2022 TV series, the 2000 James Spader/Keanu Reeves film, nor the 1987 psychic dog vs. monster dog novel by Dean Koontz, no, this is the 2022 film about Maika Monroe being followed by a malicious force, but not the 2014 film about Maika Monroe being followed by a malicious force. Makes sense? Plus, more stories from JR’s childhood that explain why he is like he is!

The boys wrap up children and evil holes month with a film that barely qualifies for having an evil hole, 2007’s ‘The Orphanage’. Not to be confused with ‘The Devil’s Backbone’, this was the other movie about a Spanish orphanage that came out in the mid-2000s and had involvement from Guillermo del Toro in an odd Antz/Bug’s Life, Dante’s Peak/Volcano, Deep Impact/Armageddon symmetry. It also stars the adopted child of Pennywise and the Babadook, if you’re up on that whole thing.

While mysterious holes are the #1 cause of evil children, #2 is mysterious pits, especially if they’re full of monsters. 1981’s horror-comedy ‘The Pit’ gives you the trifecta of troglodytes, evil teddy bears, and snotty Canadian children who can’t even be mean right. If you’re not sold already, as an added bonus there’s plenty of ‘The Littlest Hobo’ talk as well.

Did you know that mysterious holes are the #1 cause of children turning evil? Doesn’t matter if it was made by changelings, other Fae, aliens, bug monsters, or evil spirits, you have a kid, keep them clear of all mysterious holes. If only the adults in 2023’s ‘There’s Something Wrong With The Children’ had listened to Derek and JR’s parenting advice they might have learned a thing or two…

The Kevin Williamson series train reaches the end of the line with his newest film, the COVID horror movie ‘Sick’. Global pandemic not scary or personal enough? Throw in a little of that slasher magic to bring in on home for you. And of course a very special shout out to Aarman Touré as uncredited guy with pizza.

Another poster of just teenager’s faces without any information about the film? Must be another 90’s Kevin Williamson film! 1999’s ‘Killing Mrs. Tingle’, er, I mean ‘Teaching Mrs. Tingle’, because maybe in the immediate aftermath of Columbine a movie names after killing a teacher was not the way to go and changing it to be more “educational” was “better”. Good thing that was the last school shooting America ever had and now we can refer to it by its original name…