"If you want it to be less formal, you’re gonna have to take off the fucks-edo."

This weeks scariest movie is... Night of the Comet. This movie has everything. A retail uprising led by Stockboy Willie, the patron saint of mall trauma, Survivors who were clearly chosen by Zordon for their teenage attitude and excellent hair, and a sexy comet that turns everyone into glittery Himalayan sea salt. If you love post-apocalyptic mall chaos, Power Rangers logic, and sparkly extinction events, this episode’s for you!

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Up Next: Slither (2006)

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"What if we turn on the death machine that gives us boners?"

This week’s horniest horror movie is... From Beyond. This film has everything: a scientist who accidentally builds a machine that unlocks the horny dimension, a sentient nut sack villain with a brain-dick, and Ken Foree fighting interdimensional monsters… in nothing but a Speedo. If you love cosmic horror, body horror, and movies that make you say, "Wait, does this need more sex or less?", this episode’s for you!

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Up Next: Night of the Comet (1984)

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"Climb, girl, climb!"

This weeks scariest movie is.... Night of the Demons. This movie has everything, A funeral home with a terrible backstory, a Spooky Strobe light Burlesque, and a hidden compartment you never saw coming. So grab your boombox, avoid mirrors, and for the love of God—CLIMB, GIRL, CLIMB!

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Up Next: From Beyond (1986)

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"I do declare, your smoked meats are superior."

This weeks Scariest movie is.... Motel Hell. This movie has everything. A motel that may or may not double as a swingers' paradise. A meat-smoking entrepreneur whose meats get way too many sexual compliments. 50 Cent’s lost Halloween album, Rump Scare. A philosophical debate on whether vegans would eat people if they were planted like vegetables. It's Texas Chainsaw Massacre meets Top Chef meets the world’s most unsettling farm-to-table experience. So grab a Slim Jim (or maybe don’t), because it takes all kinds of critters to make Farmer Vincent’s fritters.

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Up Next: Night of the Demons (1988)

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"Never follow a billionaire to a second location unless they don’t know you’re following them."

This week’s scariest movie is Blink Twice. This movie has everything: sinister billionaires, mind-wiping perfume, and Channing Tatum’s suspicious new teeth.

If you’ve ever wondered, “Is this CEO trying to kill everyone… OR just me?” while staring longingly out a rainy window—this film is for you.

We break down the Rules for Dealing with Billionaires, admire Tanning Chatham’s commitment to rich guy menace, and pitch the greatest reality show never made: Hot Survivor Bitches.

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Up Next: Motel Hell (1980)

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"I got dick'ed down so bad that I moved."

This weeks scariest movie was... Vampire in Brooklyn.  This movie has everything: a toothy prince looking for his queen, an ancient supernatural bachelor patiently waiting for his best friend's kid to grow up so he can shoot his immortal shot, and a Scream connections you'll never see coming. Will Todd survive this bizarre Coming to America meets Dracula fever dream? Will Paige convince us that this movie is secretly amazing? And most importantly, how does one get dick down so bad they have to relocate? Tune in and find out!

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Up Next: Vampire in Brooklyn (1995)

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"Arguably a better ending than Scream!"

This film has everything: ghostface killers, a group of teens so clueless they make actual horror protagonists look like geniuses, and pop culture references so 2000s they should come with a dial-up modem. If you love slashers, satire, and comedy that hits way harder than it should, this episode’s for you!

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Up Next: Vampire in Brooklyn (1995)

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"Going Super Saiyan, for Jesus"

This week’s hottest movie is... The Deliverance. This film has everything: a struggling single mother, children befriending demonic music producers, and Glenn Close delivering lines that will haunt your dreams. You’ve got the demonization of the social safety net, possessions, and an exorcism featuring Holy gibberish. If you're into supernatural thrillers that blend family drama with a side of 'Did that just happen?', this episode's for you!

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Up Next: Scary Movie (2000)

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“More like Orphan: 5th Kill.”

This week’s hottest movie is... Orphan: First Kill. This film has everything: Isabelle Fuhrman in the “role of a lifetime”, a rich family with deeply questionable instincts, and Julia Stiles going absolutely feral. You’ve got identity theft, murder cover-ups that escalate at record speed, and a twist so insane it makes the original movie look like a PBS special. If you love horror that takes a hard left turn into chaos, this episode’s for you!

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Up Next: The Deliverance (2024)

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"It's like the story of the Phoenix had a baby with Persephone"

This week’s hottest movie is... Revenge (2017). This film has everything: a luxury desert getaway, a fearless heroine, and revenge so brutal it it features a blood slip and slide. If you’re into neon-drenched vengeance, stomach-churning gore, and men learning the hard way not to underestimate a woman, this episode’s for you!

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Up Next: Orphan: First Kill (2022)

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