“There are two chimps inside me.”

This week's scariest movie is... Primate. This film has everything: Mongoose Betrayals, capital-P prison sentences, And hero-chimp eulogies. If you love botched primate Googles, full-Congo speech pads, and Die Hard chimp energy, this episode's for you!

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Up Next: Anaconda (1997)

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“I am ashamed of me being a person.”

This week's scariest movie is... Tremors 2: Aftershocks. This film has everything: Precambrian nonsense, payroll-hole disappearances, And pre-dot-com theme-park scams. If you love Hot Topic hyenas, cheerleader-pyramid shriekers, and Andrea Bocelli Pegasus merch, this episode's for you!

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Up Next: Primate (2025)

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“They signed the waivers. Guys, I think we’re in the clear.”

This week's scariest movie is... Predators. This film has everything: chaos-goblin fight energy, thumb-biting mandible math, And body-trap upgrades. If you love Amazon-warehouse predator logistics, Kirkland-brand bone temples, and raining-machetes entrances, this episode's for you!

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Up Next: Tremors 2 (1996)

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“If you were a singing telegram giving this much, you’ll be promoted to manager immediately.”

This week’s scariest movie is... Clue. This film has everything: Mandela endings, dog-shit shoe checks, And body drops that only gets higher as the night progresses. If you love McCarthy-era blackmail, Tim Curry cardio exposition, and deeply committed dead-body slapstick, this episode's for you!

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Up Next: Predators (2010)

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“Don’t you want to be friends with Terry Apple?”

This week’s scariest movie is... Strange Harvest. This film has everything: bargain-bin Mario Kart Characters, Dunder Mifflin homicide energy, And aggressively unnecessary voice distortion. If you love blood-bucket logistics, donut-shop dread, and a mockumentary so convincing it breaks your true-crime brain, this episode’s for you!

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Up Next: Clue (1985)

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“You don’t eat critter veal, you monster.”

This week’s scariest movie is... Critters. This film has everything: plot-farming dads, after-hours church, And cozy Baron Harkonnen cosplay. If you love Johnny Steel world domination, interstellar leather jackets, and frat-boy space porcupines, this episode’s for you!

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Up Next: Strange Harvest (2024)

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“I can’t believe I’m about to say this. It’s a genius plan.”

This week’s scariest movie is... Snakes on a Plane. This film has everything: Mouth razors, reheated snake leftovers, and a sequel pitch that’s destined to make some $$$. If you love Samuel L. Jackson heroics, deeply stupid criminal logistics, and a movie that fully understands its own title is the whole pitch, this episode’s for you!

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Up next: Critters (1986)

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“Who produced this? The mob."

This week’s scariest movie is... The Final Destination (2009). This film has everything: Hubcapped halved hillbillies, 4th floor hot tubs, and struggling to pay attention when someone is trauma dumping. If you love late-2000s CGI chaos, racetrack carnage, and a franchise that keeps finding new ways to turn everyday errands into a homicide puzzle box, this episode’s for you!

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Up Next: Snakes on a Plane

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“This is like, if Ron Hubbard walked outside to an alien abduction"

This week’s scariest movie is... 28 Years Later: The Bone Temple. This film has everything: Wine Drunk Confessions, a clinical injection of Duran Duran, And a midnight appointment with the devil where nobody packed a fiddle. If you love DIY cult pageantry, a doctor who looks like he moonlights in a metal band, and zombie-on-zombie violence you weirdly start rooting for, this episode’s for you!

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Up Next: The Final Destination (2009)

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“Apparently a bunch of people make cock and ball necklaces now”

This week’s scariest movie is... Scary Movie 2. This film has everything: A horny ghost hookup, dirty talk confessions, And Tori Spelling just GETTING IT from a ghost. If you love Exorcist parody chaos, Tim Curry in full haunted-house professor mode, and a horror-comedy that sprints past good taste without looking back, this episode’s for you!

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Up Next: 28 Years Later: Bone Temple

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