"Dying under Kevin Bacon. There's got to be worse ways to go."

This week’s scariest movie is... Friday the 13th. This film has everything: kitchen mugs getting burned, pregnant Purple mattresses, And Monopoly played in real time. If you love doom-prophet bike commutes, killer POV giveaways, and starting your hitchhiking journey at 5am, this episode’s for you!

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“He has the trigger discipline of someone who only got a $50,000 signing bonus"

This week’s scariest movie is... Him. This film has everything: NFL-wife Gwyneth Paltrow energy, Poop Math, And a football movie that isn't for people that like football. If you love culty QB training camps, pigskin symbolism, and weaponized sports logic, this episode’s for you!

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Up Next Scary Movie 2

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"It's like pre grave robbing. It's all the grave robbing. But no diggity"

This week’s scariest movie is... Tales from the Hood. This film has everything: a Ded Talk, tiny little footsteps, And a drug dealer who won’t stop telling stories while you’re trying to buy weed. If you love fighting 50 dolls, refried-beans logic, and crumpling up monster drawings, this episode's for you!

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Up Next: Him (2025)

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"I think you and I would get hosed down trying to walk up that fucking hill."

This week’s scariest movie is... The Long Walk. This film has everything: Stebbins sneezes, out of context Spotify comments, And dropping duces at 3 MPH. If you love walking off warnings, Three Musketeers math, and foxhole friendships, this episode's for you!

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Up Next: Tales from the Hood

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All you have to do is provide 90s rapper level bling and food."

This week's scariest movie is... 28 Years Later. This film has everything: Edgar Allan Poe boys, the freshest skulls you'll ever see, And how one famous podcast sees himself. If you love Diet Coke tattoos, castle envy, and showcase showdown swagger, this episode's for you!

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Up Next: The Long Walk (2025)

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“I just wish it wasn’t the grapefruit method"

This week's scariest movie is... Bring Her Back. This film has everything: a sexy and shirtless Jesus digging up the dead, a 10 year old that can't stop biting things, and just enough rules for Brian McKnight to write a hit about. If you love soul smoothie makers, evil bead curtains, and rain filled pools, this episode's for you!

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Up Next: 28 Years Later (2025)

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"We named the dog Indy."

This week's scariest movie is... Good Boy. This film has everything: Pausing for paws. WW1 pilots. And playing fetch till your arm falls off. If you love kibble noodle soup energy, top-billed dogs, and serious Courage the Cowardly Dog energy, this episode's for you!

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Up Next: Bring Her Back (2025)

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"Worst. Criss. Angel. Magic trick. Ever."

This week's scariest movie is... The Conjuring Last Rites. This film has everything: Egg Whites. Science Romeos. And Realty recommendations that you should not take. If you love Shakespeare-in-a-toolshed riffs, basement John Wayne portraits, and common-sense yelling at pitch-black rooms, this episode's for you!

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Up Next: Good Boy (2025)

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"Keep our hot cocoa hot and our ankles unclaimed."

The Horror Virgin: This week's scariest movie is... Krampus. This film has everything: Snow Huluds,. Mouths agape, and proof the cocaine must just be amazing. If you love snowy nonsense wordplay, deadpan anatomy burns, and holiday hijinks, this episode's for you!

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Up Next: The Conjuring: Last Rites

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“Olivia Colman, calm down.”

This week's scariest movie is... Hot Fuzz. This film has everything: Ocular patdowns. A loose swan. And a the most charming bond to walk the earth. If you love buddy-cop bromance, murder-murder-murder chants, and suggestive headlines, this episode's for you!

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Up Next: Krampus (2015)

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