The Horror Virgin

“Shut the fuck up and dress like an Easter bunny.”

This week’s scariest movie is... Critters 2. This film has everything: reptile piercings at Claire's, Soviet critter espionage, And Mickey Mouse kink protocols. If you love Grandma's intergalactic TV remote, Civil War burger demolition, and CritCon 27's guest list, this episode’s for you!

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Up Next: Psycho 2

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“Every place I have sex automatically becomes historical.”

This week’s scariest movie is... Phantasm IV: Oblivion (With Mikey Randolph). This film has everything: hybrid Beast dick taxonomy, brown-note embalming science, And bar-certified sex bots. If you love Jawa protection rackets, hydraulic boob engineering, and combat ice-cream uniforms, this episode’s for you!

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What did you think of our episode on Phantasm IV: Oblivion? Tell us on social media @HorrorVirgin on Facebook and Instagram, or @HorrorVirginPod on Twitter.

Up Next: Critters 2

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“I can't wait for you to read the Google AI summary about the Beast's dick.”

This week’s scariest movie is... Scooby-Doo on Zombie Island. This film has everything: TSA charcuterie seizures, Latin-speaking exorcist Scooby, And cat-clock moon dials. If you love Ken-doll devil frogs, second-location kidney retention, and Free Willy fish arcs, this episode’s for you!

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What did you think of our episode on Scooby-Doo on Zombie Island? Tell us on social media @HorrorVirgin on Facebook and Instagram, or @HorrorVirginPod on Twitter.

Up Next: Phantasm Four

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“If you don't snap out of this, I will kill us both.”

This week’s scariest movie is... IT Part Two. This film has everything: infomercial-grade bicycle cards, dead-light spider abs, And face-massage intimacy audits. If you love Cocoon-to-Cancun tourism, David-and-Goliath weapons upgrades, and production-mat pratfalls, this episode’s for you!

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What did you think of our episode on IT Part Two? Tell us on social media @HorrorVirgin on Facebook and Instagram, or @HorrorVirginPod on Twitter.

Up Next: Scooby Doo on Zombie Island

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“We're living at the end of an empire, and we're just going to have to get through it. And thank God A24 is here to help.”

This week’s scariest movie is... It Part One. This film has everything: trademarked clown faces, forehead-stabbing greaser bangs, And French hair bikinis. If you love pre-sewer inhaler bumps, ass-first spider snacks, and HPV friendship pacts, this episode’s for you!

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What did you think of our episode on It Part One? Tell us on social media @HorrorVirgin on Facebook and Instagram, or @HorrorVirginPod on Twitter.

Up Next: It Part Two (1990)

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“Dracula is the Ted Kaczynski of this movie. I'm sick of not saying it.”

This week’s scariest movie is... The Monster Squad.

This film has everything: vampire-based church outreach, Frenchie-wolf breathing problems, And copyright-compliant forehead bolts. If you love Swiper-grade bow theft, Town Hall swamp frontage, and preteen monster-hunting LLCs, this episode’s for you!

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What did you think of our episode on The Monster Squad? Tell us on social media @HorrorVirgin on Facebook and Instagram, or @HorrorVirginPod on Twitter.

Up Next: Stephen King's IT (Part One)

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“The problem is, there are too many pussies in the glory hole.”

This week’s scariest movie is... Ghost Watch. This film has everything: manosphere bedroom logic, haunted throats, And infallible police witnesses. If you love cat-insulated council houses, Chekhov’s thermal cameras, and 1992 haunted-house AI, this episode’s for you!

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Up Next: Monster Squad (1987)

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“This should be a PSA for make weird shit with your friends.”

This week’s scariest movie is... One Cut of the Dead. This film has everything: emergency houseplant compost, slap-induced awakenings, And Kubrick-level lunar commitment. If you love second-act title cards, vomit continuity, and human-pyramid cinematography, this episode’s for you!

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Up Next: Ghostwatch (1992)

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“Murderers can't be choosers.”

This week's scariest movie is... Creep 2. This film has everything: erotic wolf cosplay, one-legged worm shaking, And trolley-problem morality. If you love serial-killer fridge art, wrong-face lockets, and nine-view existential crises, this episode's for you!

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Up Next: One Cut of the Dead

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“Ma'am, what do you think your daughter looked like?”

This week’s scariest movie is... Lake Mungo. This film has everything: paranormal water features, quarterly backyard photo reviews, And the world’s most committed dam enthusiast. If you love Jurassic Park forensics, July 6th conspiracies, and Nokia found footage, this episode’s for you!

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What did you think of our episode on Lake Mungo? Tell us on social media @HorrorVirgin on Facebook and Instagram, or @HorrorVirginPod on Twitter.

Up Next: Creep 2 (2017)

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