The Hoss Lady

A continuation from last week of the Merging Households... 

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Transcript:

Becky: Hello. Welcome to the Haas Lady podcast, where I help you declutter your life and your home. Hello, everyone. It's Becky, the Haas Lady, and I am coming to you today from a cedar closet in the downstairs of a creepy old haunted mansion in somewhere in Kentucky. No, I'm not joking. I am literally in a cedar closet, the bottom floor of this crazy huge house that was built in, like, 1911, I think. And it's an airbnb, and we're surrounded by cows and fields of corn and beautiful scenery, and it's amazing, but the house is a little bit creepy. I'm not going to lie. Like, it's old, makes a lot of noises, but, man, are we having a great time. So, anyway, I am here today to bring all the tips and tricks you need when merging households, and you just have a **** ton of ****. And so, like last week, I gave you the most important step when it comes to merging households, and that, of course, was communication. So this week, I want to talk about how to make those decisions together. But first, again, I am Becky, a home organization professional, living a life of passion to help people get their homes organized. All the people, particularly the women, who struggle with just keeping up with the day to day tasks, much less trying to declutter and all that jazz. So if you found me here, welcome. And if this is your first listen, maybe run back to last week's episode to get caught up. It's not required, but you'll still get plenty out of this one. All right, so I do want to go back and highlight the things from last week. So if you are about to merge households, the most common mistake is to assume things about what other people want or what other people will be okay with. Sometimes we just jump in and start doing things the way we want to do it and give so little thought to speaking with the other humans involved. One of my biggest obstacles in my own way of doing things is to just jump in and start a project, because it is like a now or never mindset. And that all stems from my ADHD. But when I do this, I have become so aware of it now that I really see myself doing it, it's like an out of body experience, and I think, okay, whoa, this is what we've always done in the past, so let's slow down. Like, really slow down. And I see this mostly when I'm working with clients in person. So I'll get an idea, and I just want to jump in and do it immediately. But I have to take a step back. And remember, I am not the only person involved here. Other humans live here, and they need to be given a choice. Again, this is where communication is that biggest factor. So just taking out the expectations that I have for a space and getting input from the client is how those decisions are made. But what if it's a small human or a child? And again, this doesn't have to be like a newly married and blended family situation because it could also be, hey, grandma's moving in because she can't live alone anymore. And then suddenly that child is forced to give up their bedroom because grandmother needs to be on the lowest level of the house or maybe closest to the bathroom or whatever. So anytime you have a child involved, you really need to make them part of the process. And this is new to them and you need to make sure that they are on board with the changes even if you aren't able to give them a choice. But if it is a new blended family situation, you for sure want to make sure that the family is part of all the decision making. Just sit down, dinner table, ask everybody what they want, what would they like to see happen, what are their expectations, and just work through these one by one. And please don't just assume something about what a family member wants or what they might be okay with. Guys. Yes, I know I am still hammering the communication, but I can't emphasize how important it is when younger humans are involved. It's easy just to do it your way because you think you know best. You're the parent, right? You know how it's supposed to be and that's the end of it. But they are humans too, so include them. Don't assume. You always know what is right for them. Okay, rant over. Now let's get into the actual decision making process. All right, so you guys know that we have the three steps, right? We clear out a space, we commit to one function for that space and then we reset it. And just like those three steps, we're going to clear out the spaces in our home when we are actually merging households, okay? And that's basically just planning things out ahead of time, like assigning each room and space a new function. And that will help you determine how much stuff you actually need and how much stuff you don't need because it doesn't fit, right? And also it creates some ease with that transition. Very similar to how we decide if things in our closet should stay or go. We basically want to just ask ourselves a few questions, right? Number one, will I get by without owning this? And I say that and I want to share my own experience here. So I packed up a lot of my kitchen stuff from the apartment with the intention moving it to Joe's house. And I don't remember what happened, but I put it out in the garage and then I left it there. And now I didn't forget about them. I knew they were there. I missed them, I needed them, but I didn't have them but what I also didn't do is make an effort to go outside to the garage and put them in my car and carry them 2 hours away. So you could argue that I definitely could get by without owning these things, since I did get by without owning them for several months. However, when I finally did get that box of kitchen stuff moved to the house and unpacked, I had this new sense of connection with the kitchen. Because up until now, I had been using only Joe's Gadgets and things. And while they work and they're perfect and fine, I don't think I realized how much I wanted my own things that I was used to in order to cook meals. And I've actually been more inspired to cook now that my things are in the kitchen. Now, I didn't get rid of Joe's things. I merged my things with his. And so my point is this when you're merging households and something new enters the house or you're trying to decide what to keep and what you really don't need, just ask yourself if you could live without it. And if the answer is a truthful, yes, go ahead and get rid of it. So do we need two of these things? Do we need this thing? Do we not need this thing? Truthfully. That's how you answer these questions, right? Another question to ask is, do we already have one? And if the answer is yes, you just need to decide why you need more than one. Or you need to decide, do you even have room for more than one? A great example of this is a vacuum. For some reason, people get really weird about their vacuums. I mean, I get it. It's an expense and usually not a cheap one. You have gotten very intimate with this appliance. You have gotten in there with the scissors and the knife and clean out the hair from the brushes at the bottom. Don't tell me you've not done this, because I know you have. If you haven't, you probably need to look at the bottom of your vacuum. Anyway. You've had it. You've used it 100 times. You love this vacuum. So your kid comes home from college and they bring home their vacuum. Or maybe your parents had a vacuum. That super bougie. You have your own vacuum. Your husband has his vacuum. You have one. Maybe your roommate has one. So you have all these vacuums. What are you going to do now? You could keep one downstairs and one upstairs, which we have done before because who hates lugging that thing all the way up the stairs if you don't have room for it? Like in that upstairs downstairs situation, you just need to get rid of one. Sell it, donate it, whatever. And the best way to pick that is to pick the one that sucks the most. Like in a vacuum kind of suck, right? Sorry, bad joke. Moving on another question to ask. If I keep this, will the house feel cluttered? Is it just too much? Now, that is one thing that you can use to determine what stays and what needs to go very easily. You wouldn't keep two living room sets in one living room, right? So it's probably safe to say you don't need two blenders or two lawn mowers. Sometimes people get super anxious about letting go of their things because we can keep it in case the other one breaks. And that's fine if you have the storage for everything. And by storage, I mean like a ginormous garage on your property, not renting a unit down the road for $100 a month. Because after a year of storing your lawn mower in this storage unit, you could have used that money to buy a new mower when the one you keep breaks. So it's not a valid excuse, right? And speaking of storage, how much room do you have in your house? How many people will you have to accommodate and will rooms have to change? What are the needs of all the family members? Do you plan on moving to another location where all family members will have their own space, or will people have to share? These are all things to consider. And seriously, unless the people in your home are too young or too old to make any of these decisions, they really need to be included. Also, when you are merging households, you're going to need to agree on the vibe of the new combined spaces, right? This will help you decide what to keep and what to purge. In other words, if you have a super frilly flowery bedroom suit and your new husband is the least flowery frilly person in the world, maybe you can change the vibe to something you both agree on. It's funny, I was actually asking all my family members what were their thoughts and things about the merging of households this past month. And I asked my daughter, because she moved into her own apartment, right? I asked her what she would do if she was dating someone and they moved in with her into her apartment where she lives on her own. Now, what would she do if the dude was adamant about changing vibes from her super bright and colorful decor to something more manly and she says, make him pay more. Thought that was hilarious. But anyway, another thing about merging households is the moving parts. Now, last week I gave you guys the scoop on all the ways we had moving parts. We moved people from all over the place into new places, combined things, needed new things, and the whole bit. And if you want to go back and listen to all that, that would be great, but I'm not going to repeat it, all right? Now, I, up to this point, have talked about all the big things like the furniture and the lawn mowers and stuff. But what about some of the little things that you don't think about? Like the bathroom drawers, maybe your closet spaces? More than likely these areas that you are going to have to start sharing now. Right? So like my stepdaughter has had the hall bathroom all to herself for years and now she is sharing with her new stepsister, my daughter, right? So we asked if she would be willing to give up one of her bathroom drawers so that my daughter could have one. Y'all, not only did she clear out the drawer, but she also cleared out an entire cabinet to give to my daughter so that she could have her own space below the sink as well, which I loved about that. And it's like the closet situation with me and my Joe like I've talked about this before I think, but he has all his stuff on the top bar because I could literally never reach anything on the top bar unless I had a ladder. So obviously I took the bottom bar and we made that work. But what do you do with all of this stuff during this moving process? Right, so see like the bathroom example and the closet example, we cleared out space, we assigned that space a new function and we reset the space. Did Joe have to get rid of some clothes in order to make room for my clothes? Yeah, a few, but he was happy to because he knew he had too much stuff to begin with. Did I have to downsize my wardrobe in order for it to fit in this new closet? Yes. Did the girls have to make decisions about how to store their bathroom things? Yes. And during all of this we were able to do a lot of serious decluttering. We got rid of our own duplicates, we got rid of decorations that no longer fit the new vibe, we picked the best vacuum, we donated some extra towels, we sold the extra furniture and TVs, we created a space in our garage for our yard sale stuff. And as a new family we are going to hold a massive yard sale because whatever money we get from this yard sale will also be used for our family beach vacation this summer. So there's some incentive there for everyone to get rid of some of their things. And I know things will continue to come up for us, like holiday decorations and y'all know me and my love for holiday decorations. But now we have two families worth of decorations and a lot of that stuff can be super sentimental, so we need to make it as cohesive as possible. Like one thing I know is going to come up is that my kids were given a new ornament every year from their grandmother until she passed away and then I took over that role and I've been giving them a new ornament each year and it usually ties in with something that they're interested in from that year. But I know that my new stepdaughters do not have that tradition, but they will now. And I am sure things will not be used, and I will donate other things as we go along. But I will cross that bridge when the weather changes and I finally get to get out my happy stuff, and it will be a constant work in progress. Now, I want to go back real quick and say that if you are working through a process of merging households where family members no longer able to communicate their wishes, remember, you do not have to keep everything or even anything. You can work through things with your own needs in mind. Like when mom passed away and we had all of her things to go through, if it wasn't something we needed or would use, we sold it. Because remember, the person who passed away bought the things in their home with their own use in mind. They didn't buy these things thinking that one day you would take them on and use them. So to recap, just communicate. Talk things out. Get all the input. Treat all family members with value and respect. Keep your spaces in mind when deciding how much to keep your vibe in mind when deciding what to keep. Don't keep stuff just because it costs money. Don't keep duplicates just in case things don't work out. Don't keep more stuff than your house will hold. Be honest. Be willing to compromise. Be intentional. And again, I cannot say it enough. Communicate. All right, so that's it for now, guys. We are doing something really neat in the month of June. It's a 30 day challenge where you get to reset any room in your house. We are taking things super duper slow because I want us to build the muscle of a daily task that takes less than 30 minutes and sometimes as little as three minutes. Because this will teach us a new habit of doing a daily tidy task so that we can learn that being tidy does not have to take a lot of time out of our day. So join me on Facebook in my group. It's called Clutterfree and 23 with the Haas lady. You can follow me. I am Becky. B Hyman H-E-I-M-A-N thehaslady or. Follow me on Instagram at TheLady visit my [email protected]. And if you want to join our monthly challenge newsletter, it's www.thehouslady.com. Get started, sign up for my newsletter, and then by the end of the month, after we've done our 30 day challenge, you're going to have a functional and clutter free room again. And I have some big news to share. The next two episodes are a couple of interviews I have done with some amazing people in my life. Next week will be Corinne Crabtree, owner and founder and CEO of the no BS weight Loss Program and host of the losing 100 pounds with Corinne podcast, we'll be talking to me. I have been doing her home and I have been her home organizer for several months now, working with her one on one and her family and have really, really enjoyed the process. And the next week after that will be an interview I did with one of my life coaches, lori Adams, podcast host of The Fire, up at 55 with Lori podcast. Guys, if you are in that time of your life where you are about to become an empty nester or maybe you are entering a new chapter of your life, laurie brings all the fire by helping women live up to their fullest potential during their midlife years. So who said life was over when the kids leave home? Anyway, guys, that's it for today. Don't forget, tidy people do tiny things all day long. So until next time, let's get to it. Hey, guys. Thank you so much for listening to my Haas Lady podcast. My name is Becky, and I cannot wait to share more ideas with you to help you get your environment and your mind to a more organized space. If you are interested in working with me one on one, visit my [email protected]. If you enjoyed the podcast, leave me a review and share with your friends. Until next time, let's get to it.

The Month of May was all about transitioning from houses to apartments to houses... lots and lots of moving parts. So, I got to learn a LOT about the importance of communication and how to talk out issues when it comes to merging households.

Also, join me in the Month of June for a daily challenge where we take one room and work on it a few minutes every day. I give you the task, and you do it. It's going to show you that we can do these things consistently and build the muscle of being a super tidy person!!

Transcript:

Becky, The Hoss Lady: You. Hello. Welcome to the Haas Lady podcast, where I help you declutter your life and your home. Hello, everyone. It's Becky, the Haas Lady Hoss Home organization. Simplifications specialist. I hope everyone had an amazing month of May. I took a little month off from podcasting so that I could do some crazy stuff. And I will admit my month of May was a bit chaotic. And I'll explain, because it does tie in perfectly with our topic today. But real quick, for those who are just now joining us, let me introduce myself. I am Becky, a newlywed no longer single mom of three amazing people, and now a new step mom to two more amazing people. So I quit my nine to five career in order to help people everywhere get organized and have a better quality of life. I consult with individuals and groups online. I do in person decluttering and organization services. So I have made it my goal to help people, particularly busy women, professionals, moms, empty nesters to declutter their lives by letting go of things and organizing their homes, by making intentional plans and create long lasting habits. In a nutshell, I want to help you. So I'm happy you're here today, listening, and I hope you can take from this episode at least one thing that will get you started on the path to living your best life. So welcome. So why was my month of light, why was my month of May totally chaotic? Well, it has become a major transitional period for me, my three children, my two stepchildren, my ex husband, my new husband, and everyone in between. See, I got married in March. And for those of you who haven't really followed my story, I was dating my now husband for a couple of years long distance. And by long distance, I mean a super beautiful two hour drive down a winding country road. And so, in order to get our lives less separate, we married, and I moved to a new state, and there was a lot of dispersing that needed to happen. Where would the kids go? What will we do with my apartment? What furniture will we take? How are we going to turn a three bedroom house into a four bedroom house? Whose dishes will we use? What do we do with two vacuums? All those questions, and so you have waited for this episode, and I'm glad I waited to make it, because let me tell you, I learned so much in this process, and I am so happy to share that with you today. So, without further ado, how to Merge Households, part one, because, yes, there is enough to do two whole episodes. Do you live in the Nashville, Tennessee, or Huntsville, Alabama area and would really love to have someone come in and help you get your house organized. Declutter those closets. Clean out those garages and attics. Guys, I am so excited to say that I, Becky the host Lady Am, now offering in person and virtual decluttering sessions. And you can find all the information on my website www.thehouslady.com or forward slash. Not sure which. You know what I mean, declutter. Check it out. Hope to see you soon. Okay, so real quick to clarify this merging of households does not have to mean getting married with children, that kind of scenario. This could be for empty nesters maybe whose children move back in for adult children who may have lost a parent and now they have inherited all the things. Maybe it's friends who take on a roommate or maybe even taking in a parent who now needs to be living with other people so they move in with you. And basically what it all comes down to is communication, plain and simple. You got to talk. You got to ask questions. You got to be honest. And you have to compromise. You have to be willing to bend and support other people's wishes because change is hard. It's hard for everybody. But it will be even harder if you bottle up how you truly feel and let things fester. Okay? So for some context, our situation was like this. I lived in my apartment half the time with my basically adult children half the time, and then I would live with my Joe the other half of the time while my basically adult children lived on their own or stayed with their father. So I would drive back and forth multiple times a week on that glorious two hour country road trip. And I did that for two years. It was killing me financially and mentally, but I was doing it because I knew that my son needed me to do it. My apartment was zoned for a completely different school from where his dad lived. And as long as I kept my apartment, my son could go to the school he really wanted to. And my Joe lived in a house that was in the school zone that his daughter needed to go to. And he was basically a full time dad, so he didn't have the luxury of coming back and forth and back and forth. And that was the sacrifice I was willing to make so that my kids could go to the schools they wanted to, that his daughter could go to the schools she wanted to. Anyway, we got married and my husband lived 2 hours away, right? So I could not keep up that commute and the expenses of that apartment and everything else. So I had to make the decision about leaving that apartment and what I was going to do. So it came time to do the most important thing, communicate the most important thing and the hardest thing. So I sat down with my ex husband and my son, who is 15, and we told him straightforward that he got to choose. He could choose any option he wanted and there would be no hard feelings or anger, and that there was not a wrong decision. The right decision was whatever he wanted. So we gave him three choices. He could move in with his dad, go to a completely different high school across town. He could move with me to Alabama and go to a completely different high school in a whole new town in a whole new state. Or he could stay with his dad, and his dad would look for a house in the school zone he wanted, and he could stay at the school he liked. So obviously, he chose number three. No brainer. I mean, did it hurt? Well, **** yeah. It was kind of a gut punch. I had been the sole caregiver of that young man for his whole life. But I also knew the past year was tough. And having a bedroom at his dad's, having a bedroom at the apartment, and having a bedroom at Joe's, it was the opposite of stability. And was it an easy option for his dad? No. His dad had to put the house up for sale and then deal with all the drama that came with that. So what about my apartment and my two adult daughters and my roommate who lived there? Well, the roommate had already voiced her option to move up north after she lost her job. So my daughters, well, they were ready for a change as well. But again, we had to sit down and have that conversation in person, like real people. What do you want to do? What can you afford? What do you want to take with you? What can we sell and donate? And all the details were starting to sort themselves out as my oldest decided to move into her own apartment so she could finish college. And my middle daughter decided to move with me to Alabama and move in with me and Joe for a fresh start. So let's do some math. One apartment equals my junk, my two daughter's junk, my roommate's junk, and some of my son's junk. Right? One house that I used to live in, all of my ex husband's junk, some of which was still things I was hoping to get after the divorce but couldn't take with me to my apartment, but whatever. And some of the kids drunk and some of his roommates junk. Yes, there's another person in this equation. One new house in Alabama equals all of my Joe's stuff, some of his ex wife stuff, because he bought the house from his ex wife. And most of my stuff that I had been slowly moving in to merge with his stuff over the past few months. One new apartment that my oldest daughter got to live in when we leave the apartment. One new house my ex is buying for his stuff, my son's stuff and his roommate stuff. One house up north that my roommate is moving into whilst my niece is moving out of and into her own house with her mom. Oh, my God. Guys, I don't math. That's what I do. What I do. But all of this was happening in the month of May, so you can see why I've been kind of out of sorts all this to say, the number of moving parts in this life transition is enough to make even the most even killed person a little bonkers. So communication was the most essential role in this whole thing. I constantly asked questions about what everybody wanted, what they liked about the situation, what they didn't like about the situation, what were they comfortable with, what were they not comfortable with, and so forth. And since I was moving into Joe's home, which used to be his ex wives, at first I felt weird about changing anything because I didn't want to insert myself like that. After all, this was the home that Joe's daughter grew up in. But then we just had to have those conversations. So when I'm sitting up the kitchen, I asked them what changes I could make and what changes were off limits. And they were kind enough to point out the few things that they wanted to remain the same, and then the rest was kind of fair game. And Joe already had all his furniture already, so I didn't have to move much or bring much with me. So I did ask about bringing a couple of pieces that I knew I wanted to keep, like my mom's dresser, my grandmother's rocking chair and sewing table and things like that. And he was cool with it. So I asked him about his knife set. I was like, do you want to keep your knife set? Like, do you love your knife set? And he was basically, I don't really have an opinion about my knife set, so I took that as, hey, I can bring my knife set instead of use his. However, when I brought mine in, I realized I actually liked his better. So I'm putting mine in the yard sale. And that's just kind of how it was. I was a little anxious to ask him about things because I didn't want to remove his items and replace them with mine. I wanted to make sure that he was still represented in his house and that the things that he bought that were important to him were still there. And in my mind, he was going to go crazy angry over the knives or get offended that I wanted to ask him about the knives. Obviously, he doesn't get angry about stuff like this. So I was, in my mind, creating a really stupid story. And then when I asked him, and he's like, I don't have an opinion about the knives, it was like, okay, so I'm going to use my knives. But then his were better. Blah, blah, blah. You get the idea. So when I first moved in, joe had a lot of nerdy decorations around the house. So I asked him if we could make one room in the house, the nerd room, and move everything into that office. And I think at first he was hesitant, but once he saw how I had everything displayed, he really liked it. Plus, as a compromise, I bought him a set of Star Wars paintings that actually looked like a mountain scene until you look closely and see that there's ships and stuff in the background, which is hilarious. And those I put in the living room because they're the perfect balance between the artsy that I like and the nerdy that he likes. That was our compromise. So those are two examples of don't be scared to ask because you're imagining they're going to react completely different than they will. And two, it's okay to compromise. My point is this talk about it. You may be super attached to an appliance or gadget or decoration and so is the person you're talking about to merging households with. If you have room to keep both, keep both. If not, make the decision to talk it out. What stuff are we going to use? What are we going to do with the others? What are we going to do with the duplicates? You're not going to be able to assume anything. If you're willing to take the chance to assume someone is okay with you throwing out their coffee table so that you can bring in your coffee table, then you should also be willing to let them throw out something of yours without being asked as well. So a few things to really consider when sitting down to have these conversations. You're going to be scared. You're going to feel anxious or worried about hurting their feelings or you're worried and scared that they will not like your ideas or not like your stuff and only want to keep theirs. Remember, these are stories in your head. None of this is true because it hasn't happened. You're creating this scenario in your mind, so just talk about it. You won't know if you hurt their feelings or if they get upset until you talk about it. And I guarantee you most of the time it's not even a problem or issue and you're going to have to make compromises. Listen to the other person. Put yourself in their shoes. If you can't compromise and get rid of your Twilight painting of team Jacob and team Edward with you in the middle that's hanging over the couch, then do not get upset when they hang their Bud Light neon sign right beside it. It's going to be a crazy vibe. But you know what? If you can't compromise, you got to live with those choices. But really, if you can't compromise, this is when you really need to dig deep into what's going on in the actual situation. Are you being stubborn? Are you being petty? Do you feel like you need to keep things just because you paid good money for it. Do you feel like you might be afraid of getting rid of something? Because what if this living situation doesn't work out and you have to start over and you have no belongings to your name anymore? These are all very good questions and the best way to answer them is to just answer them on paper. I love to journal, I love to get things out of my head and onto paper. So this is the best time that you can literally just sit down and communicate with your own inner voice? Why are you having a hard time sharing space in the kitchen with your roommate? Why are you worried about the future and your belongings? What's the worst thing that could happen? And how do you really see yourself coming out of it? Because if you're worried that this situation won't last and you won't have all of your stuff that you once had because you gave it up in order to move in and merge households, you have to remind yourself that there was actually a time when you didn't even own these things and somehow you did manage to acquire them anyway, right? So, yeah, I didn't even get to the good stuff about how to actually decide what to keep and what to store and what to do and all the duplicate things you're going to have to do when you merge households because that is what's going to happen next week. And I just wanted to make sure you understood that the most important thing you have to do before you make any decisions is to talk things through. Talk with the people involved. Journal about your own hangups and your own concerns. Talk to your inner voice, write about what could be the worst possible solution and then give yourself room to create better solutions because nothing is as bad as we make it out sometimes. And don't be afraid to talk to those that are involved. If you don't speak up because you have issues, you get to either get over it and think nothing more about it or you can talk about it and come up with a better solution. Remember, no one can read minds, not even Team Edward on that painting in your living room. No, seriously, don't ever assume an answer. Just ask and work it out. The more you ask questions about those trivial things that you're getting yourself all worked up about, like, which vacuum are we going to use? The easier it will be to talk about the big issues in your life. This is just the practice, guys. This is the little stuff. Don't make it into a big stuff kind of ordeal. So that's it for now. Next week, come back and let's talk about the actual how to make those decisions together. Because now that you've talked it out, now we can start taking action. So have a great week and don't forget, we don't put things down. We put things away. So let's get to it. Hey, guys. Thank you so much for listening to my Host Lady podcast. My name is Becky, and I cannot wait to share more ideas with you to help you get your environment and your mind to a more organized space. If you are interested in working with me one on one, visit my [email protected]. If you enjoyed the podcast, leave me a review and share with your friends. Until next time, let's get to it.

Becky: You. Hello. Welcome to the Hoss Lady podcast, where I help you declutter your life and your home. Hey friends. It's Becky, the Hoss lady. How is everybody doing today? I am sitting in my office with my puppy in my lap who is snoring extremely loud. Hopefully, you can't hear it. If you can, I apologize. Or maybe it'll give you a good laugh, I don't know. So I wanted to talk today about a very, very simple thing, and it's actually what we're going to be focusing on in the month of May for our monthly challenge. Now, if you do not get my monthly challenge newsletters, you need to go out to www.thehosslady.com getstarted , and you will get on my email list, where you will get a monthly email newsletter talking about our monthly challenges. And this month of May, we are going to be doing the bedroom. So I don't know, and I think I've shared this, but I was diagnosed with ADHD about two years ago, and I have taught myself over the years, way before I was diagnosed, that having a good system in place is what's going to get me into productivity and perform at a higher level, right? So one of the systems that I started a few years ago is the bedroom. And I know a lot of people don't make their bed. And just hear me out for a second. I just decided one day that I was somebody who would make the bed every morning. And again, this might seem a little pointless, but guys, it changed my whole life because I used to be somebody who would snooze the alarm like 13 times before rolling out of bed, like, throwing on whatever outfit was clean. I would run a brush through my hair. If I was lucky, I'd have time to get together a lunch. And if I was even more lucky, I'd have actually time to sit down and have a cup of coffee. Very rarely, though. So I was either like, flying into the parking lot of work on two wheels, or I was beating myself up halfway down the road because I actually left on time but forgot something. And that happened a lot. But I started to realize that all of these things were choices. I was making these choices. I was doing this to myself. It wasn't the world against me. It wasn't that I had too much to do. It was that I was choosing to make my life complicated. And so I didn't really see the benefit of having a morning routine back then. I just didn't see it. And I just chose not to create one. But then I started listening to a lot of, like, self help, self development, future self work, and almost everybody, all the mentors out there talk about their morning routine and how important it is. So I was like, okay, let me give it a little bit of a try. Maybe I will create a good morning routine. So I thought, okay, if they can get up at 05:00 in the morning and have all this time to do everything they need to do and have a productive and amazing day, let's try it. So, hey, I set my alarm for 05:00 A.m. Next morning. I was like, what the ****? I hit snooze. The rest was history. So, okay, first time didn't go. So maybe second time. So I tried it again. Let's just try it again. Becky again. Next morning, 05:00 comes. I'm like, this is bull ****. So I hit snooze and then just repeat, repeat, over and over. And then I realized it's not me, it's my system. I have been so used to just reaching my arm across onto my nightstand and slapping this news button on my phone that I was not giving myself a chance to break that habit. I needed a pattern interrupt. Okay, so I needed a new system. So I had an idea. All right, I am going to put my phone on the other side of the room for when the alarm goes off. I will be forced to get out of bed to turn it off. Okay? So I did that. The first day I heard that alarm, I woke up, I was kind of like, Where's my phone? In a frantic search. And I jump out of bed. I was like, oh, yeah, it's across the room. I go over to the other side of the room, I turn off the alarm, I turn around, and I look back at my bed. And for a half a second I thought, I'm going to get back in. It's so warm. It's so cozy. But then I thought, no, I'm up. I'm going to make the bed right now. All it took was that one tiny moment of standing up and looking at that bed to completely change my trajectory for the rest of my life. I said no. Not anymore. I walked over to the bed, I made that bed, and it took less than 90 seconds to just pull the covers back, straighten the pillows, and my bed was clean. And the thought of getting back into it seemed destructive, not just to the beautifully made bed, but to my goals of being a productive person. So this month in May, I want to challenge you to make your bedroom your focus. And I'm not saying you have to wake up at 05:00 a.m. Or you have to have a morning routine. Nothing like that. What I want you to do is find a new habit somehow related to your bedroom, be it pick up your laundry off the floor every day, hang up your clothes every day, make your bed every day, hang up your jacket and your bags, clean out one drawer a night, whatever it is. Let's find one little thing that we can create a habit for in the entire month of May. Other suggestions? Are you could put a box in the corner. And every day this month, pull out one thing from your bedroom that you want to donate. I think a lot of people put off their bedroom till last. Like, if you're doing a home remodel or if you've moved into a new home, you go and you set up everybody else's rooms first or you decorate everyone else's rooms first and you leave your bedroom for last, because that's like the room nobody goes in. That's your room. Nobody goes in there. But just because your room is private, that's no reason to leave it off the list of spaces that you need to take care of. In fact, I would argue the bedroom is the one space in your whole house that you should be concerned above all. Because remember, guys, our bedrooms are the first thing we see every morning and the last thing we see every night. Do you want to wake up in chaos or do you want to wake up to productivity? Calm a clean slate, a let's do it attitude. These are the things that we need to talk about. So focus on one little bitty thing that you can do for the entire month of May. Share your journey with us on Facebook, clutter-free in 23 with the Hoss Lady is the name of the group if you want to get on my newsletter. Again. It's thehouslady.com get started. And that's it, guys. I will leave this short and sweet for today, especially because I'm very sure you can still hear my dog Snoring and bless him. All right, you guys have an amazing, amazing day. I will be back next week. We will be talking about how we are merging households. What? Yes. All right, guys, don't forget, we don't put things down, we put things away. So let's get to it. Hey, guys, thank you so much for listening to my Host Lady podcast. My name is Becky, and I cannot wait to share more ideas with you to help you get your environment and your mind to a more organized space. If you are interested in working with me one on one, visit my [email protected]. If you enjoyed the podcast, leave me a review and share with your friends. Until next time, let's get to it.

If you want it done, but want it done YOUR way... you need to listen to this one. 

The website to order the Total Home Reset Audio Course mentioned in this episode is www.thehosslady.com/declutter 

Here is the transcript for today's episode:

Becky: It. Hello. Welcome to the Haas Lady podcast where I help you declutter your life and your home. Hello, my amazing Haas listeners. It's Becky, the Haas lady. I am so happy today. It's a beautiful spring day and you're probably going to hear some nature sounds as I am sitting here with my door open with the frogs and the ducks and the birds and the pond and the beautiful spring day. I am living a life that I always wanted. I have the freedom to go places and do things on my own schedule and helping people every single day. It's just a great day and I just wanted to share that with you. So if you're new to the podcast, let me introduce myself. I am Becky, the Haas lady, which is home organization simplification specialist. And really to simplify that even more, I'm basically just saying that I am a Home Organization specialist. So it's my passion to help women get their environment cleaned up so that they can create systems of organization that are sustainable. So here we are. Thank you for being here. I would love for you to leave a review and share this podcast with your friends and family. I know even the most productive people in life that still need a little help with organization. So this is for everyone. Okay, so today I wanted to talk about something that came up in a text exchange with one of my clients. She's an avid listener and a dear friend. She recently ordered my audio course called The Total Home Reset and has been listening to the first module about decluttering and organizing the kitchen. So this message was during the kitchen lessons and she sends me a picture of her husband who is not helping her. And now to disclose, she loves this man dearly and she was obviously teasing when she sent this, but it was a picture of him sitting in a chair and it said something like, this is how he helps me in the kitchen. Obviously not helping her in the kitchen. Now, to be fair, they are moving in the next few weeks and there is a lot that needs to be done. And sometimes she feels like most of it falls on her. So what was my response? Well, I could have consoled her and said things like, oh, girlfriend, let's rise up against the man, let's take him down or whatever. But no, I simply said, well good, now you get to do it your way. She laughed and was like, well, good point. I do like my way better. So here's the deal, guys. You can either have help and be content with the way they help, or you can have it done your way, but you can't have both. How many times have you asked for help? Then the person helping does it wrong. So you complain and you fuss. Now, how is that person supposed to ever want to help you again. And I have heard and do not completely disagree with the concept that sometimes people purposefully help out with minimal effort in order to not be asked again. But we are not here to deep dive into why people do this. Because if I had the answer to that, I'd probably be making millions of dollars a day coaching struggling couples. But as it is, I don't know that answer. But what I do know is that it doesn't matter because you can't control what other people do or think or how they behave. So to put your energy into trying to figure it all out, it's not only a waste of time, but it's such a waste of mind power. The day I realized this was the day I found a completely new level of peace. And from that day forward, I could have chosen to be constantly disappointed in the person I loved. Not helping me because I assumed they didn't love me. Or I could have chosen to complete the task I wanted done in a way that I wanted and done it because I loved myself. I know, I know that when I'm surrounded by clutter and junk and trash and mess, my mental health struggles.

In this episode, we're diving into micro-organizing, one of the key modules in the Total Home Reset Audio Course. Micro-organizing is all about taking organization to the next level by focusing on the details. It's not just about putting things in their place, it's about creating a system that makes sense for your daily life. One of the key principles of micro-organizing is to think about how you use your space and to create a system that makes it easy to find what you need when you need it.

What you are going to hear is a snippet from the actual course itself. It's just a few minutes of information that I pulled from the recording to share with you so you can hear what the audio course is like. 

If you like this and want hours more, you can get the Total Home Reset Audio Course here . Don't forget the price increases once pre-ordering is over on April 10th. 

In this episode, I am live on Facebook doing a little Q&A for the peeps who are still on the fence about ordering The Total Home Reset Audio Guide. 

So, if you aren't sure what this is... This is where I teach YOU to become your own Home Organizer and learn from the expert. I provide my method and walk you through all the rooms in your home. 

This is everything you will get with The Total Home Reset Audio Guide with The Hoss Lady:

Complete Privacy - you get to get your home decluttered without having anyone standing over your shoulder. You don't have to share your situation with anyone unless you want to. You get to be completely in control of everything that you own without any discussion with an outside person. 

Complete Freedom - you get to do the audio guide as many times as you want... for as long as you want... in whatever space you want... with whomever you want... With this audio guide, you are in complete control and there is no worry about having to reschedule or do something on a day when you aren't feeling you best. 

Complete Process and Method - you will be taught by an actual home organization expert how to become your own home organizer. I share my steps, my thought processes, my methods, all my tips and tricks, and even give you direct access to me when you need help. 

Complete Exclusivity - you will be invited to join an exclusive Facebook group including only people who are working through the Total Home Reset Guide. We share stories, help each other out, and celebrate the wins and encourage those who need help... you are not alone and you should not have to do this alone unless you really want to. 

Remember, after April 10th, the price of The Total Home Reset will increase to $250 so pre-order now!!  

Certified Life and Mindset Coach, Michelle Bourque interviews me, The Hoss lady, on how creating simple habits and systems of organization... clutter in the home can cause feelings of overwhelm and anxiety, leading to increased stress levels. Our conversation emphasized the importance of taking a mindful approach to decluttering, starting with small steps to avoid feeling overwhelmed.

Just a little story time about me and my power washer. lots of gold nuggets in here. (Also made this episode from my car☺️)

Today I am talking with Melissa Rohlfs, a Holistic and Health Coach. We really took a turn in our conversation but for such a great reason. We began discussing some of the most important impacts we can have on the younger generation. I admire her work so much because she is working with young women and empowering them to see their worth to live their best life. Man, this one was powerful. 

You can find her website here. And check out her podcast "Monday's with Melissa" 

If you would like to learn more about home organization and join our monthly free challenge, sign up for the newsletter so you're sure to never miss a beat. 

Love the podcast? Consider becoming a supporter.  

Today I sat down with Profit and Business Coach and my friend, Carla Moats. We talk about the retention of documents, how to handle the financial affairs of loved ones, and so much more. 

If you loved this and want to hear more about what Carla does, you can find her at carlamoats.com 

I am about to release my Audio Guide called Total Home Reset with The Hoss Lady. You need to check this out. I am offering a HUGE discount to the first 100 folks to pre-order. You can check it out here.  

If you are looking to join our free monthly challenge, you can do that here.  

Make sure to review and subscribe to the podcast. Also, you can become a sponsor of the podcast here.