Host Kirty opens the show with how cats can help in politics, Phoum rides Joe Rogan's dick and Nick picks a fight with Rogan's fanny pack, the gang goes to a vaporizer shop to sample their juices, Nick gets a job in the janitorial arts and becomes the next Good Will Hunting, Phoum the fat-enabler buys everyone DQ Blizzards and Sushi the cat partakes of the leftovers, Nick the Truest picks apart the flaws of the others and throws them under the podcast short bus, everyone shares their plans on what they'd do if they were millionaires and Kirty enters a prize pig contest at the State Fair, Phoum's standards for dating women are too high while Nick's are too low yet somehow these two studs remain single, Kirty runs for governor (despite not wanting to be a politician) because he wants to represent the common people and is qualified by being completely full of shit, we discuss racism, social justice warriors, the Church of Scientology and Lord Xenu, Kirty and Phoum get into yet another argument over religion, and everyone gets a podcast participation trophy.

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Sushi the cat angrily opens episode three of The Human Experiment as Nick contemplates corn chips, Sean meets a fellow member of the Vape Nation outside of Walmart as Kirty coughs up a lung on his ecig, Phoum gets pinkeye after his phone gets crop dusted with a fart from Sean and recalls how he came to America as a Laos refugee sewn into the lining of a suitcase, Kirty and Nick discover they're long-lost twins, Kirty crashes on the couch after mistaking the trash can for a toilet, Nick recalls a fond childhood memory of discovering dildos in a creek and smacking his friend Tim in the face with a double-header, Sean grabs a ride on a train, ends up face-planting into the ground full rocks and now can't think good.

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On the car ride back from the hospital Phoum wakes from surgery with the taste of cock in his mouth, Sean gets tipsy on Chili's root beer, Kirty gives the guys the go-ahead to gang bang his MILF mother and argues with Phoum about the evolution of the medical industry, Nick weighs the pros and cons of a cash-free bartering system while Phoum and Kirty have a heated debate about the links between money, obesity and greed.

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In the very first installment of The Human Experiment podcast Phoum breaks his thumb MMA fighting and goes in for surgery to become more machine than man, Nick catches another hunter lying on his trail cams and spooking the local wildlife, Kirty gets fired for sleeping on the job and becomes a professional Paragon player, the gang talks about the Dakota Access pipeline, imminent domain abuse, corporate corruption, overpopulation and a mission to Mars, everyone reminisces about looking up porn at the public library, and Sean goes on a futt-bucking rampage.

This is what happens when you record a podcast via your cell phone. Don't worry; audio gets better in later episodes.

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