The Imperfect Pod

On this episode, my guest is Joshua Shea and we talk about the ease of pornography consumption and production, pornography addiction, no fap, red flags, it’s affect on relationships and partners, having honest conversations about pornography as a whole, Only Fans, and how the pandemic is changing the landscape of addiction. Joshua Shea is a former pornography addict-turned-expert on a mission to get the world talking about pornography addiction, and the potential ramifications being a porn addict can cause. You can find out more about the work Joshua is doing on his website and can follow his work on Twitter and Instagram where his handle are @paddictrecovery. Also, his first TEDx Talk is happening this Sunday, December 6th. You can sign up here.

Lastly, as I mentioned in the intro and outro, I've recently started a Facebook group for my podcast to continue the discussion and build a community of people interested in talking about masculinity and manhood. You can find out more and request to join the group on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/groups/229891395146974 (The Imperfect Group). I would love to have you join!

On‌ ‌this‌ ‌episode,‌ ‌my‌ guest‌ ‌is‌ Lois Wagner and‌ ‌we‌ ‌talk‌ ‌about‌‌ ‌her goal to eradicate sexual violence, her BRAVE model, her rape story, and more‌.‌ Lois helps rape victims move from victim to survivor to thriver. She guides people to build their resilience and grit, to develop a growth mindset, to energize their mojo, and learn to forgive. She does this via one-on-one coaching, group masterminds, and keynote presentations Her work is based on her personal major adversities and life experiences. Lois was attacked, raped, and left for dead, she was forced into retirement, and experienced many other challenges. Lois learned to forgive (she forgave the rapist, which we talk about on this episode) and to move on to a more rewarding and fulfilling life. Lois has written a book – Walking Without Skin: A Journey of Healing – From Fear to Forgiveness to Freedom. She has developed a program – B.R.A.V.E (which we also discuss) which is designed to fight toxic masculinity and eradicate gender-based and domestic violence.

You can find out more about Lois on her website, walkingwithoutskin.com, her Facebook, https://www.facebook.com/www.walkingwithoutskin/ (Walking Without Skin - All About Forgiveness), her Twitter, @https://twitter.com/loiswag (loiswag), her Instagram, @https://www.instagram.com/lois_wagner_/ (lois_wagner_) and YouTube, https://www.youtube.com/c/LoisWagnerCoachingConversationsforChange (Lois Wagner - Coaching Conversations for Change).

As it’s currently the last week of Movember, a month about men’s mental health, I thought this would be an important episode to share with you during this time. Here is a link to my friend Gautham’s https://ca.movember.com/mospace/13453409?mc=1andutm_medium=shareandutm_source=dynamicandutm_campaign=copy-clipboard (Movember fundraiser link) should you be interested in donating. You can also check out Gautham’s episode which is literally episode number one of this podcast! He's raised a lot of money so far. Let's get him even further!

On this episode, my guest is Johnny Crowder and we talk about mental health in men, breaking masculine stereotypes, how he defines manhood and what his journey in the arts taught him about masculinity. Johnny is a 28-year-old suicide/abuse survivor, TEDx speaker, touring musician, mental health and sobriety advocate, and the Founder and CEO of Cope Notes, a text-based mental health platform that provides daily support to users in nearly 100 countries across the globe. With 10 years of clinical treatment, a psychology degree from UCF, and a full decade of peer support and advocacy through the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) under his belt, Johnny’s youthful vigor for the topic of mental health is unmatched. Whether speaking at events or touring with his band (Prison), Johnny’s infectious positivity and firsthand experience with mental illness (ranging from bipolar disorder and OCD to schizophrenia) uniquely equip him to provide realistic, yet hopeful insight into the pains of hardship with authenticity, levity, and wit.

If you are interested in trying out cope notes, please use this link and use the code imperfect for 10% off of ANY subscription for LIFE!

You can connect or follow Johnny on https://www.linkedin.com/in/johnnycrowder/ (LinkedIn), on IG at https://www.instagram.com/johnnycrowderlovesyou/ (JohnnyCrowderLovesYou), on https://www.facebook.com/johnnyxcrowder (Facebook) or visit his website copenotes.com. You can also watch Johnny's https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=56Zb_TLhPOwandt=174sandab_channel=TEDxTalks (powerful TEDx Talk) and email him directly at [email protected].

As it’s currently Movember and a month about men’s mental health, I thought this would be an important episode to share with you during this time. Here is a link to my friend Gautham’s https://ca.movember.com/mospace/13453409?mc=1andutm_medium=shareandutm_source=dynamicandutm_campaign=copy-clipboard (Movember fundraiser link) should you be interested in donating. You can also check out Gautham’s episode which is literally episode number one of this podcast!

How do you have conversations with your guy friends about mental health? How do you ask them if they're feeling suicidal? Do men even have mental health problems? These are questions that I've asked myself and others and a lot of the times it's the same answer... "I don't know". Well today, that changes! On this episode, my guest is Jay Shifman and we talk about substance abuse vs misuse, mental health in male communities, why it’s hard for men to open up, why we need to have conversations about suicide and what society can do to make it easier for men to have these conversations. It's a heavy conversation but it's really important.

As it’s currently Movember and a month about men’s mental health, I thought this would be an important episode to share with you during this time. Here is a link to my friend Gautham’s https://ca.movember.com/mospace/13453409?mc=1andutm_medium=shareandutm_source=dynamicandutm_campaign=copy-clipboard (Movember fundraiser link) should you be interested in donating. You can also check out Gautham’s episode which is literally episode number one of this podcast!

As for Jay, you can connect with him on FB at https://www.facebook.com/ChooseYourStruggle (ChooseYourStruggle), on IG at https://www.instagram.com/jayshifman/ (JayShifman), on LinkedIn at https://www.linkedin.com/in/jayshifman/ (Jay Shifman) and website https://www.jayshifman.com/ (jayshifman.com).

If you like the episode, make sure to press subscribe, follow, leave a review and message me on Instagram @theimperfectpod or email me at Luke@theimperfect pod. I always always want to hear from my listeners and continue the conversation!

The language and approach you take when you have conversations with men about masculinity is important. You have to be effective, you can't just try to be right. You may have to talk about the patriarchy vs feminism. You may need to ask them question to probe at their defense mechanism. But mostly important, you need to empathize with their pain.

As a reminder, you can sign up for Next Gen Men's next event on masculinity and substance abuse here: https://www.eventbrite.ca/e/next-gen-men-circle-talks-masculinity-substance-use-tickets-127390760193 (https://www.eventbrite.ca/e/next-gen-men-circle-talks-masculinity-substance-use-tickets-127390760193)

Also, it's Movember, and my buddy Gautham is raising money! I donated $50 and it would be great to have more of the Imperfect community work to raise money for his cause. Movember is an organization that raises money to change the narrative around mental health for men. You can https://movember.com/m/13453409?mc=1 (donate to his fund here).

Next Gen Men is redefining what ‘manhood’ means, so that boys and men experience less pain and cause less harm. That is their vision and their mission and it ties in really well to what I'm trying to do with this podcast. On this episode, we discuss the work he’s doing at Next Gen Men, how the patriarchy hurts men, the journey of a young boy, cancel culture vs consequence culture, unlearning, the importance of nuance in these conversations and much much more. You can learn more on their website linked above, and follow them on social media @nextgenmen on https://twitter.com/nextgenmen (Twitter), https://www.instagram.com/nextgenmen/ (Instagram) and https://www.facebook.com/nextgenmen (Facebook). You can also sign up for their next event for men and the connection to substance abuse here: https://www.eventbrite.ca/e/next-gen-men-circle-talks-masculinity-substance-use-tickets-127390760193 (https://www.eventbrite.ca/e/next-gen-men-circle-talks-masculinity-substance-use-tickets-127390760193)

More about Jake: As Next Gen Men's Executive Director, Jake is a passionate speaker and facilitator focused on gender-based issues related to the social and emotional development of young men, the health and well-being of men in communities, and gender equity in workplaces.

Jake was named one of Avenue Magazine’s Top 40 Under 40, as well as having earned recognition from Ashoka, the British Council, and the Canadian Centre for Diversity and Inclusion. He has spoken at the United Nations as part of the Canadian Delegation, and participated in the UN Women Safe Cities Initiative Global Forum. He is also a proud advisor to the Calgary Immigrant Women's Association, Canadian Women and Sport, as well as the Calgary Women's Emergency Shelter.

Also, it's Movember, and my buddy Gautham is raising money! I donated $50 and it would be great to have more of the Imperfect community work to raise money for his cause. Movember is an organization that raises money to change the narrative around mental health for men. You can https://movember.com/m/13453409?mc=1 (donate to his fund here).

Just the TIP is back for the second time with my analysis of why men, and more specifically white men, vote for Trump in the election and how we need to have more useful conversations about the entire thing. Feel free to check out this https://www.nytimes.com/2020/10/23/opinion/sunday/gender-gap-2020-election.html (opinion article) about it from the New York Times too.

Have you ever wondered what it's like for a gay man to be in a straight marriage? Or what that would look like? If so, this is the conversation you need to hear. Jim was a proud gay man yet in a marriage with a woman for 24 years. What's the deal with that? Well, it was for a few reasons. One of them being survival and the second being not really sure of his journey as a gay man. Jim is now in a relationship with his partner, Michael, who he has been married to for 11 years. Listen to this week's episode to find out more!

More about Jim: Jim is the author of "Fear is a Choice: Unraveling the Illusion of Our Separation from Love". A powerful book that looks deep into the evolution of fear in the human experience. Jim has actually signed and sent to me 3 books that I would love to give away to my audience. If you screenshot yourself listening to the episode and tag my instagram, @theimperfectpod in your story, you will be entered to win! So make so to share this episode on IG to get a chance to win this amazing book that will change your relationship with fear.

Follow up Friday AKA Just the TIP is back! That's right, the name might have changed a bit folks. TIP being The Imperfect Pod. I know I know... there is The twice but just let it slide.

On this episode I wanted to discuss Amanda's quote about losing her virginity as well as some quotes from Chanel Miller's memoir "Know My Name". I think this 7 minute segment will open your eyes to understanding some of your privileges when it comes to being a man and why we need to do more in lifting up the system to make it safe for women.

Let me know what you think on Instagram @theimperfectpod or by email [email protected]

Trigger warning: Rape

This episode with Amanda gets heavy. Amanda is a former Playboy model who was raped at the age of 16. It took a long time and a lot of healing to take back her story and feel empowered again. Part of that healing includes why she went into Playboy in the first place - to once again own her body and power which had been stolen from her.

On this episode, we discuss the legacy of Hugh Hefner, her journey with Playboy, the assumptions that come with being a Playboy model, her parent's deaths impact on her, and how she overcame the grief that came as a result of that traumas she faced. With the rape came the loss of power, low self-esteem and a lot of self-hate. This is the story of her healing and how she went from victim to survivor.

Here is more about Amanda: "I’m Amanda. After years of therapy, prescriptions, journaling, Yoga and self-help books still left me struggling with unmanageable clinical depression that I masked with drugs, alcohol and self-harm, I stood on the window ledge of a foreign hotel room, ready to end my life.

It took a careful and mindful combination of nutrition, fitness and lifestyle changes, but I overcame depression and suicide on my own terms. I have helped countless others make sustainable changes that have drastically improved their mental and physical health and, thus, their lives.

It is my personal mission to help as many people as possible whether you’ve tried everything else and you are feeling lost and defeated or you simply want to reach your highest potential of happiness and self-fulfillment."

You can connect with Amanda on her https://amandawebsterhealth.com/ (website), follow her Instagram @https://www.instagram.com/amandawebsterhealth/ (amandawebsterhealth) and https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC-_vo54D0yt2u508ZrqWq2Q (subscribe to her on Youtube)!

As always, feel free to message me on Instagram @theimperfectpod or email me at [email protected]!