The Inner Work Conversation

Book club link: https://www.theinnerwork.co.uk/bookclub

Episode 280: Powerful assumptions that I think on PURPOSE

Episode 307: The REAL cost of overthinking

Episode 326: stop trying to “action” your discomfort away

Related episodes:

271 - How I got better at handling uncertainty

319 - The Messy Middle: where most people quit, and what to do instead

181 - Learning how to trust yourself is a profitable skill

280 - Powerful assumptions that will help you win in business

124 - How your assumptions are holding you back

105 - HERE is how to build self assurance

If you’ve been questioning everything lately … your business, career, money, or direction… because you feel overwhelmed, uncertain, or emotionally rattled… this episode is for you.

In Episode 326 of The Inner Work Conversation, I talk about something I see constantly (in myself and in the people I work with):

Trying to action away uncomfortable feelings.

This is a short, honest listen about emotional dysregulation, fear-based decisions, and how to stop making big moves just to escape how you feel.

If you’ve ever thought:

* “I need to fix this NOW.”

* “I can’t cope with this feeling. I must do something.”

…this episode is for you

The pattern

You feel something uncomfortable:

Fear.Pressure.Uncertainty.Overwhelm.

And almost immediately your system goes:

I need to do something. NOW.

So you start:

* comparing your offers / CV / website

* redoing your strategy (again)

* questioning your direction… your future… your LIFE

You reshuffle. Reorganise. Make big decisions. Burn things down.

Not from clarity.From dysregulation. From trying to escape how you feel.

As I say in the episode: none of this action comes from strategy – it comes from trying to escape the inner experience.

That’s the real pattern.

Fear-based decisions feel different

They usually feel:

Urgent.Mentally loud.Heavy.Rushed.Pressured.

With thoughts like:

“I just need to fix / figure this out right now…”

That’s not intuition.That’s your nervous system in distress.

One of the biggest reminders I share:

Feeling unsafe does not mean something needs to be fixed (right now).

Grounded decisions don’t come from panic

They feel quieter.They don’t arrive with chaos.

They come after you’ve allowed yourself to feel what you’re feeling instead of trying to action it away.

Your inner dialogue starts to sound more like:

“I don’t need to solve this today.”“I’ve handled hard things before.”“I don’t need to dismantle everything right now.”

Getting yourself to that place?That’s self-leadership.

Here’s the rule I now live by:

I act when I’m calm.

I don’t make big decisions when I feel overwhelmed, scared, or desperate for certainty.

Because the thing you’re obsessing over is rarely the real problem.

Usually, it’s how you feel that needs tending to - not the external situation.

A few lines from the episode

“Please stop trying to action away your inner experience. Because when you do that, you are not making good decisions on behalf of yourself.” (05:21)

“The situation hasn’t changed. It’s just suddenly urgent because now I’m uncomfortable – and my nervous system wants out.” (08:19)

“I’ve learnt to recognise when I’m in that place because it feels like I’m scratching around to find a decision, not receiving one – forcing one.” (07:56)

“Although it feels like the end of the world if I don’t fix it right now, I’ve learnt I don’t need to solve this today. I’ve handled hard things before.” (10:29)

If you’ve been in “I must do something” mode lately, this episode might be exactly what helps you slow down, reconnect with yourself, and make decisions from clarity instead of fear.

…But the most damaging comparison isn’t external - it’s internal.

It’s you vs the version of you in your head who:

* Never struggles

* Always feels motivated

* Copes better

* Finds things easier

That version doesn’t ...even ...exist.

But we still use it as the benchmark.

And then we wonder why everything feels heavier than it needs to.

Why do you find it so hard? Ermmm maybe because it’s (objectively) hard...

One of the most important reminders from this episode:

When you’re wondering “what’s wrong with me ... .Why am I finding it so hard??”

Remember: Some things are hard because they are objectively hard.

Not because you’re weak.

Not because you’re behind.

Not because you’re incapable.

But when you’re in the messy middle - the discomfort, the part when you don’t know if it’s all working ... your brain will often turn struggle into a personal failing.

This episode is about catching that moment ...and choosing not to be another voice in your own head tearing you down.

A BETTER way to use comparison (that actually builds confidence)

Here’s the realisation that changed everything for me:

Instead of comparing yourself to the version of you who never struggles…compare yourself to the version of you who didn’t even show up.

The version who:

* Didn’t send the proposal in the first place

* Didn’t put themselves forward for that thing

* Didn’t go to the class / networking event / interview

* Didn’t try

Suddenly, everything you’re doing becomes bonus effort, not evidence that you’re failing.

That’s how comparison starts to build confidence instead of erode it.

Because let’s not forget - YOU HAVE A CHOICE...

Let your effort count

Your 100% won’t look the same every day.

Comparing yourself to fantasy standards disconnects you from reality ...and from your own progress. Episode 325 is about:

* How to stay grounded when you want to self-doubt-spiral

* How to use comparison in a healthier way

* How to stop the inner critic mid-effort

* How to let your effort count ... not in a ‘toxic positivity’ kind of way, but in a balanced way.

...Especially on days when you feel tired, hormonal, stretched, or off-form.

Quotes from episode 325:

“Most comparison isn’t to other people. It’s comparing yourself to the perfect version of you that doesn’t even exist.” (~16:20)

“There are enough people in the world who will put you down. I don’t need to be another voice in my own head doing that to myself.” (~17:42)

“Our brains naturally focus on where we’re behind. But every book I read comes back to the same thing: you’ve got to let your progress count.” (~27:24)

Loved this? Here’s more episodes linked to this topic:

* Episode 323 – Self Sabotage

* Episode 203 – The Costs of Dodging Disapproval in Business

* Episode 80 – Unhooking from Praise & Criticism

This episode is a direct follow up to episode 321 linked HERE.

Other linked episodes:

280: Powerful assumptions that’ll help you win in business

132: Let’s talk about visibility - are you hiding?

247: “they don’t like me” and other ideas that are screwing you over

212: Building the emotional capacity you need to do business well

Join the book club HERE : https://www.theinnerwork.co.uk/bookclub

Mentioned episodes:

Sarah Nolan’s “the Wellness Brief” podcast - episode 37 linked HERE

* Your brain is sabotaging you

* Are YOU secretly sabotaging?

* Why overcomplicating things is ACTUALLY self sabotage

* Self sabotaging? Fix: assume the opposite

* Grit, grace, adversity & acceptance

* I self sabotage, you self sabotage - we ALL self sabotage

JOIN HERE: https://www.theinnerwork.co.uk/theinnerworkclub - DOORS CLOSE 26th Jan.

Join the Inner Work Club here: https://www.theinnerwork.co.uk/theinnerworkclub

Linked episodes:

297 - Are you( ready for the Inner Work?

280 - Powerful assumptions that will help you win in business

320 - three things I do to keep myself on track

234 - when you just want to know it’ll all be ok, listen to this

271 - How I got better at handling uncertainty

Join the Inner Work Club here: https://www.theinnerwork.co.uk/theinnerworkclub

More episodes on doubt:

280 - Powerful assumptions that will help you win in business

320 - three things I do to keep myself on track

234 - when you just want to know it’ll all be ok, listen to this

271 - How I got better at handling uncertainty

Join the Inner Work Club HERE: https://www.theinnerwork.co.uk/theinnerworkclub

Episodes linked:

260 - the power of backing yourself in business

240 - the messy middle we need to normalise

264 - the reason you’re stuck & what to do about it

275 - Handling your inner critic

272 - about your self doubt

Doors open to the Inner Work Foundations Monday 12th Jan (doors close 26th Jan)

Mentioned in this episode:

* Why you avoid self reflection - ep 82

* Signs you need to get clear & unstuck - ep 300

* Feeling stuck? Here’s where to start - ep 294

* Are you building a business (or career) you’re actually happy in? - ep 274

* Are you ready for the Inner Work? Here’s what I look for in my clients - episode 297

* Three things I do to keep mySELF & my business on track - 286