The intentional leader podcast

Messianism is the belief in the advent of a Messiah who acts as a savior of a group of people. It is at the core of Christianity, the Messiah being Jesus Christ.

You may say that this idea does not apply to you because you are not religious but if the dominant culture of the country you were born in rests on Messianism, then it is likely that it forms part of your core beliefs, albeit unconscious. It's likely to have seeped into books, films and songs and having shaped your thinking, even if you are not aware of it.

In the episode I share an example of how my mother, even though she is an atheist, believed that I would go to hell because she has internalized one of those beliefs.

Why is Messianism problematic? First, because it usually claims that only the people who adhere to that religion will be saved by their Messiah, which is problematic in itself. But also because it relies on the principle that humans need to be saved and personally I think it strips them of personal responsibility. It also carries the idea that there is something intrinsically wrong with us, and I find that toxic. Don't get me wrong, living in the illusion that we are perfect is equally as toxic. What's wrong with just being human and radically accepting ourselves as we are?

Messianism is present in most traditional religions. We have already talked about Christianity, but it can also be found in Judaism, Islam, Buddhism and even Taoism.

Look around and you can also see, if you live in the Western world that our culture has a cult for superheroes, and yet these superheroes often carry a message of toxic masculinity, a justification for violence and a binary vision of the world where there are the good and the bad people. Or good or bad things happening, and of course the person who defines good or bad is usually from the dominant culture.

Modern psychologists have recognized the unhealthy pattern at play, so much so that they have coined a complex around it: the Messiah complex. In a milder form, it presents as the White Knight Complex, but not less toxic. The reason I feel we need to be very careful around these ideas is that they pave the way for both authoritarianism and domestic abuse.

To join the discussion in my group, click here https://www.facebook.com/groups/461328731985193

I have been a big fan of Feng Shui since the year 2000, due to a mind blowing personal experience with it. For this reason, I wanted to do an episode about it on the show. The reason I am doing it now is because I followed the signs and it seemed to be popping up a lot in my world. I do a form of space clearing, but I no longer call it Feng Shui for many reasons that will become apparent in the episode but that has to do with the fact I have never trained in it. I was tempted, but didn't.

What is Feng Shui? It's an ancient Chinese art that combines astronomical, astrological, architectural, cosmological, geographical and topological dimensions and that guides the placement of buildings, objects and spaces to achieve harmony and balance. I have known Japanese and Vietnamese Feng Shui Masters too. It makes sense as it roots into early Taoism.

The signs I mentioned above started with Nick Stokes, in the TV series CSI commenting on room 114 being "the unluckiest room ever". Then me doing some research on how to support my house move and coming across a great article on how Feng Shui could support that.

The mind blowing experience I lived happened at a time where every aspect of my life felt like a sh*t show: my work, my health and my marriage. It felt like I won the bad luck lottery. I hired a Vietnamese Feng Shui master who was recommended to me and in one session, he not only assessed what was wrong with my life without me saying a word to him, but gave me remedies that allowed me to put things right in only a few months. I love trying out things. If they work, I try again. If they don't, I drop them like a hot potato. This is how I have informed most of what I talk about when it comes to spirituality and religion.

In the episode, I talk about how important it is to honour the culture where Feng Shui has originated and not white wash it or massively culture appropriate it. I mention a woman who has not only done that but gone to the trouble of writing an infamous article where she recommends not to use a Chinese Feng Shui master if you live in the West. You can read it here. I hope it gives you the creeps as much as it has me. I rarely expose people but this women went out of her way to express her toxic beliefs, so she needs to be exposed. My podcast is here to shine a light on these practices.

I also go through the three areas of your life that would benefit from decluttering, a big part of the Feng Shui process, because there is no point using remedies if your home's energy is completely clogged up. I do, however, refer to a podcast episode from the Thriving Between The Lines by Leslie V and Meka where they highlight the toxicity of some aspects of the self development around decluttering towards marginalised groups. Scroll down to the ones they did about Marie Kondon. You won't be disappointed.

For emotional decluttering, I mentioned Brad Yates' EFT videos on YouTube. And for mental decluttering, I mentioned Byron Katie's work. I can of course help you with all these processes, including doing a house cleanse, but before we discuss this, why not join my brand new community to have a conversation about this episode. Click here to join.

Emma Turton is a medical intuitive with a health professional background and the founder of the Medical Intuition School, a pioneer space where science meets spirituality. I have interviewed Emma Turton many times, in particular for the True Spirituality Summit in July 2023.

In this interview, however, she answered questions I had never asked her before. We started off with her spiritual beliefs, which she articulated in a great deal of nuance, all leaning towards inclusivity.

I asked her what propelled her on the path she is on and she shared the first experience that she could not explain with her scientific background: when she knew her fiance had cancer without knowing how she knew. She was brave enough to tell him and nag him until he had himself checked by a doctor. His form of cancer is not one that is usually detected until it is "too late", so even the medical community who supported their journey was surprised at what was happening. Emma, even though to humble to brag about, literally saved his life. Although not discussed in the interview itself, I also know that she saved her father's life too.

And yet, after such a glorious example of medical intuition in action, she worked very hard to forget as much about it as she could because she did not have the framework to work around it. I can relate to that, as I experienced the same thing. As a lawyer, I was not equipped to deal with the power of intuition and resisted it for many years.

I asked Emma what would she say to someone who has been told that their illness is a punishment for something they have done in this life or a past life. Her answer was exactly what I expected: reassuring yet shining a light on the toxicity of some spiritual beliefs such as karma, when misunderstood.

We discussed which is more important on our healing journey: nutrition or emotion, which Emma is qualified to discuss as her background is in physiotherapy and nutrition. We also discussed the illnesses that spiritual people are more likely to face. Along the way, we also touched upon the very real belief that old age means illness and how that can set expectations that work against our health and wellbeing.

We, of course, also discussed how her Medical Intuition School can support you either in your personal health journey or if you want to become a medical intuitive, which can be done regardless of whether you have a medical background or not, or if you are psychic or not. To find out more about Emma, check her Instagram account, her Facebook page, her YouTube channel and her website.

You may say right away, of course it's the right thing to do to help. And you would not be alone in thinking this. I am here to share with you that things are a lot more nuanced than that.

Of course selfishness is to be discouraged, if we are to have a kind society.

There are countless articles that list the benefits to you in helping others. There is a part of me that wonders why do they have to list benefits for you to want to help others, but I am not going to make a huge issue out of this.

What I have issues with is people helping others for the wrong reasons OR in the wrong way. And this week's podcast episode is about that, but also about giving you guidelines and pointers as to what non-toxic help can look like. Having myself been both on the giving and and the receiving end of help, I want to highlight that it is a lot easier to give help than to receive it. This may sound counterintuitive but we, in the Western world live in a society where we are raised to be independent, so actually needing help is already coated in shame. And that is why most people don't ask for help. But that could be a topic for an entire separate episode.

I have issues with people who help others to make themselves feel better or look better. And there a lot more people who do this than you might actually realise. Or they help with a sense of superiority that fills a need in them to appear better.

Help needs to come from a place of authenticity and needs to come without strings attached. It's not a bank transaction. If it's done for the wrong reason it can be incredibly toxic, especially if the helper then believes that the person they have helped owes them something, or they see their help as validation to give unsolicited advice or maybe even impose conditions on the help. It can then become incredibly manipulative. And then it can even become an act of disempowerment.

But even if you did none of that, it's not enough. Your intentions, even though they might be good, are not enough. You need to make sure your help is appropriate. If you want to help marginalised groups, then you need to do better than that. You need to become a better ally. In order to do that, you need to question your motives, unpack your privilege and prejudices, take responsibility for your mistakes and be proactive in your own education. Help can also be disempowering when you are assuming that a person is not capable to do something for themselves. Here is a link to the video from the Down syndrome association that I mention in the podcast.

Last but not least, learn about the Drama Triangle and always check where you stand on that triangle when you are faced with a situation where you need help or you are asked to help. You can find out more about it here.

I am going to say it upfront: the spiritual mantra that you need to meditate in order to be spiritual or progress is rehashed ad nauseam to the point that it tastes like gum you have chewed all the flavour out of. It is also incredibly elitist and it can be an ego trap.

So, yes it can be beneficial to meditate, for some.

And yes, it can help you progress on your spiritual path.

But no, it's not the only way. And for some people, especially those of us who suffer from anxiety, depression or PTSD, it can actually be harmful.

In this episode, I talk about the dark side of meditation: yes there are some risks, both for the mind but also for your physical health. So I want to call out all those meditation teachers who rave about the benefits of meditation and ask them to be a little more nuanced about meditation. Nothing is only positive and beneficial.

Also, for someone who works two jobs to pay their bills, when will they have the time or space to meditate? Elitist much? Plus, it's a mega ego trap. So beware.

I am not against meditation. I started off my spiritual journey taking a zazen meditation class in 1999. I am just saying there is not just one way to calm the mind and connect to your inner self. And in this episode, I list twelve activities you can engage in that will bring similar benefits. But before you do any of these, if your goal is to quiet the mind, then your first need to understand the mind. You need to know that you are not your thoughts. You need to know that the quality of your thoughts has a direct impact on your emotions and thus behaviour but also your health. And you need to know that you can choose which thoughts you want to give mileage to. It can take practice to get there, but it's entirely worth the effort.

People who tell you to meditate without educating you as to how your mind works are dangerous. And given how many narcissists cruise in the spiritual waters (yes, like sharks), I want you to enter the meditation waters with eyes wide open. Meditation classes have also been known grooming grounds for cults. And it's not that I want you to be paranoid. Just prepared.

This week marked the tenth anniversary of my father's death. Some of you might consider this morbid, but actually to me, it's very special. I asked my dad if he wanted me to mark the event with some sort of celebration and he said yes and asked if I could run my treasure hunt, which I am. He has given me so many signs, it's unbelievable almost. And my treasure hunt is here to help people understand signs, their power and their meaning. We have been having so much fun, in the FB pop up group and it's not too late to join. If you want to do so, click this link. If you are reading these show notes after the 14th of March 2024, don't worry. I should be running the treasure hunt again in June, so you will be informed of the new dates when they are available, if you do.

The purpose of the treasure hunt is to bring fun into your life. There will be three chances for you to win a half hour session with me. As long as you complete the tasks before the 14th of March. My dad was a devout Catholic man who did not believe into any of my nonsense when he walked the earth. When he was diagnosed with a brain tumour, he put 100% of his faith into his doctors. And when they gave him the all clear in the summer 2013, he gave them credit exclusively and even went out of his way to have my mum send me an email to tell me it had nothing to do with the reiki I sent him.

When he was first diagnosed in 2008, I didn't know if my belief in the afterlife would help the grieving process. I had trained in reiki the year before as well as mediumship. When I realised that he wasn't interesting in support through his illness, I signed up to train with the Penny Brohn Cancer Care, who are Bristol based. It turned out to be an incredible blessing for me and I was able to support two ladies through their cancer journeys.

In September 2013, the tumour returned with a vengeance and the chemotherapy wasn't able to treat it. It was inoperable so the inevitable happened. Dad declined. He started needing a wheelchair. He eventually died on the 6th of March 2014. On the day of his death, I saw him ascend, happy and content. He later communicated with me through a medium and shared how angry he was with the Catholic Church for perpetuating so many lies of what true spirituality is, so I guess he is now very happy with the work that I do.

Our joint memoir is available for sale in my online shop. Click here to purchase it.

"When I find myself in trouble, Mother Mary comes to me, speaking words of wisdom, let it be..."

Famous lines. I certainly heard them over and over again and yet, it is only when I fully embraced my spiritual journey that I started to understand their true meaning. I guess the first way that this was put in motion is when I learnt about karma. If the Big U was in charge of keeping scores, then it was no longer my job. What a relief! I no longer had to get outraged every time I thought someone did something wrong.

Mel Robbins reminded me of the importance of letting go as I was listening to her being interviewed on the Diary of a CEO. She shared that one of the pivotal moment for her was when her daughter had said those three simple words "let it be", as Mel was getting all worked up about the details of her son's prom.

This led me to remember the Serenity Prayer "God Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference". What a profound prayer.

In my experience, the only thing you can change is YOU. You can't change other people. You can't control the economy. You can't control the climate. You can't control outcomes. You can't control how people react to you and what you do. Lean into the wisdom that the only person you can change is yourself and start doing something about this now.

This, of course, has to be balanced with the fact that we need to get things done, so how do we do that? First by knowing that is down to you and what isn't. I have been listening to the audio of Annie Duke, Thinking in Bets and one thing that stayed with me from her book, is the idea that you cannot measure whether a decision is right or wrong by its outcome. It has to be measured by the process that led you to make that decision. For me, that was a revolution. I had beaten myself up with all my failures in life and in business, but if I used Annie's lens to analyse my decisions, I have a pretty sound decision making process. What I failed to understand is that I was never in control of the outcome. And that is my biggest learning curve right now.

Letting go of control was not easy for me. As a former lawyer, I guess I have been used to see an equation that went like this: I want A, so if I do B then C will happen - C being, I get what I want. It worked during my studies and for most of my career. It involved hard work. Once I was serious about embracing my spiritual path, it was like the whole system was put on its head. What I wanted no longer matter. I got what I needed. And believe me, there is a massive difference between the two.

I lose my job whilst pregnant from a boyfriend who did not want a child, and I was already a single mum of two. I had no chance of finding another job as a lawyer where I lived because I was pregnant (although apparently there are a few enlightened employers who do hire pregnant women) but more importantly I was not qualified to practice law in the country I lived in. I might have had a small chance in London but I had moved to Bristol, where there is not much international recruitment going on. In addition to that, I was going through a constructive dismissal process. If you don't know, don't bother finding out. It will stress you out. My entire family and my friends lived in another country and I had no friends in Bristol because I had recently moved there. I don't know about you, but that's a pretty serious stacking of odds against me. Call it a massive spiritual exam.

I had to let go. I had no other options. I had no answers. No certainty. I had to learn to control the only thing I could: my own thoughts. Talk about being thrown into the deep end of the pool. I love what my second spiritual mentor told me almost ten years later: "You were not tested. You were trusted." Which is another way to say that the Universe never presents you any challenge that you cannot deal with. Thank you for trusting me so much Universe.

Don't forget to join us for the Spiritual Treasure Hunt on the 4th of March (2024) by clicking on this link.

Chantal Vanderhaeghen is a Mind Body Spirit Therapist, who has been writing a memoir called Deep Dive for the past year, and who I wanted to interview on the show because she has much wisdom to share with the world when it comes to embodied spirituality.

Chantal and I have known each other for years and I admire her courage at sharing her story, which is something that took a long time for her to do, as sadly it was cloaked in shame. Now in her sixties, she is a beacon of wisdom and joy for all to listen to and she specialises in supporting people who have been Hurt, Not Heard.

Unlike a lot of people operating in the spiritual space, Chantal has solid training in counselling and goes through supervision, which means that she is a safer person to work with than most people, as she is trained in identifying what is hers and what is not. This is a critical aptitude for space holders.

In this episode, I ask Chantal if she considers herself spiritual and her answer is both delightful and informative. She did not consider herself spiritual for a long time, but aspired to be. However, by understanding what it truly means to be spiritual, she then changed her own understanding of what it meant for her. Yet, for years, she was seduced by the voices of spiritual teachers who claimed to operate from a higher level and almost promised to be freed from the heaviness of the body. She has come back from that journey with profound wisdom on how spirituality without embodiment is just a trap for the ego.

A pivotal moment on her journey was her car accident which followed her father's death by only a few years. She suffered from Complex PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) and only truly understood then the impact that her abusive childhood had on her. She wanted to badly to be out of her body, for multiple reasons, that she was seduced into the spiritual sirens of superiority, bypassing and toxic positivity.

Now that she is back from the brink of that world, she enjoys debunking myths around what it means to be spiritual and supporting people on their journey of healing from trauma. Chantal is running a three day challenge called Own Your Story in her Facebook community on the 18th of March (2024) followed by a Masterclass on the 25th of March called Release the Shame to Shine. To sign up for these events, click here.

One of the things that helped me the most on my spiritual journey is signs. Signs are everywhere if we pay attention. In this week's podcast episode, I share with you the most common ways that the Universe helps guide you.

There seven main kinds of signs that you can receive:

1. Angel feathers
2. Sounds
3. The weather
4. Triple numbers
5. Car plates
6. Songs
7. Dreams

In the episode I share with you many examples from my own life but also how to understand the meaning of these signs by leaning into what is meaningful to you. A sign that will mean something to someone will probably not hit the mark with another person. You need to map out what I call your own symbology.

For example, three planes is a sign that is very significant to my sister and I because it is the sign Dad gave us on the day he died to say that he had arrived safely. Only a few years later, he guided me to a walk by the Bournemouth seafront to the Red Arrow sculpture, that has three planes. This showed me that he was there for me and gave me immense comfort.

Even as I wrote the notes for the episode, signs kept coming. I often use the shuffle option in my music player to get messages. So, I thought I would put that in action whilst I wrote the notes for the podcast and the song that came up was Connect, which has the following lyrics "If you make sure you are connected, the writing is on the wall". How clearer a sign that what I was writing about was right on the money can you get? Epic.

The more you are aligned and in flow, the more of these synchronicities happen so I also gave you my top tip to raise your vibration in order to keep the signs coming. And just as I finished and went on Facebook to check on my message, a FB friend has posted the following words "Universe, I am ready. Show me how good it can get" This stuff blows my mind. You cannot make this stuff up.

I will be running my signature seven day spiritual treasure hunt on the 4th of March in my community called True Spirituality with Ange on FB. To join, us click this link https://www.facebook.com/groups/1270150046502922

I know this is going to be a controversial one, but today's podcast answers the question why do spiritual people lack a sense of humour? And why they should embrace it more. I did find Christian comedians, for example, they call themselves "clean" but in the bout of research I did (I watched quite a few videos) they did makes jokes but not one of their jokes was about God or Jesus. Why?

Whilst researching, I found what I consider a pretty hilarious anthology of George Carlin on religion that you can watch here.

For me, the explanation comes from history. Here is where Sting's song History Will Teach Us Nothing might have been wrong. If you look into canon law, which is religious law. In case you don't know it, it is taught in universities. In the UK there is even a canon law society. There is also an ecclesiastic law society in the UK.

Anyway, looking back in time, blasphemy was an offence that was punishable by death. And even though this is no longer the case in the Western world, I am pretty sure it's a sin so you are told you will be going to hell for it. And for religious folks, that's serious. By the way, blasphemy also exist in Judaism and Islam and are taken equally as seriously if not worse.

The first person to be condemned to sorcery was Roman and was sentenced to death in 386. The last one to be executed as a heretic was in 1626. It's not that far back in time. So my theory is that religious people do not laugh about religious matters because of fear. A fear that was handed down by their ancestors.

And of course at the time, religious organisations established their power and control over their flock through fear. This is the sign of a cult, in my humble opinion, so something to ponder on.

This lead me to research the purpose and benefits of humour, but also to find out that laughter can only happen in a safe environment. This was concluded by research done at the very reputable University of California by Christopher Oveis.

What people who don't have a sense of humour are missing (my mother has no sense of humour whatsoever), is the power it has to free you from fear. Being able to see the funny side of things helps our resilience when facing what might otherwise be soul crushing challenges. The sadder the times in your life, the more important laughter is.

I conclude episode sharing about a way you can laugh without ever having to be funny or hurting someone else and the six areas where comedy and spirituality intersect inspired by an article I found on Chopra.com.